| SHARP & WITTY, FUNNY, INFORMATIVE, SOBERING...THERE IS SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE HERE. I WILL CHANGE THIS ONCE A MONTH, ALONG WITH THE CURRENT EVENTS. |
| WHY MEN STAND TO PEE Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very Handy thing."God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability." Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to! Please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It'd be so great! When I'm out working in the garden or naming the animals, could just stand there and let it fly! It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please"! On and on he went, like an excited little boy who....well...had to pee. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this. And so, Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his micturition while in a vertical position. He was so happy, he celebrated by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good. "Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left in here?" "Oh yes, he said, "Multiple orgasms..." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% |
| GIRLFRIENDS Young and newly married, I relaxed under a pecan tree on a hot Texas summer day, drinking iced tea and getting to know my new sister-in- law, Estelle. Not much older than I, but already the mother of three, Estelle seemed to be experienced and wise. "Get yourself some girlfriends, Lacretia," she advised, clinking the ice cubes in her glass. "You are going to need girlfriends. Go places with them; do things with them." What a funny piece of advice, I thought. Hadn't I just gotten married? Hadn't I just joined the couple-world? I was a married woman, for goodness sake, not a young girl who needed girlfriends. But I listened to this new sister-in-law. I got myself some girlfriends. As the years tumbled by, one after another, gradually I came to understand that Estelle knew what she was talking about. I remembered that she had said the word "girlfriends" with emphasis. As I went along, I discovered the subtle difference between friends and girlfriends. You go to work with friends, go to dinner with friends, go to church with friends, belong to clubs with friends. You send friends greeting cards. You need friends in your life; all girlfriends were once only friends. But a girlfriend is different. A girlfriend is not "just like a sister." Sisters have a distinct bond, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sisters flow from family attachment; girlfriends choose each other. A sister also can be a girlfriend. As a thank-you to my sister-in-law and to the other girlfriends in my life,I offer this praise of girlfriends. Here is what I know about girlfriends: Girlfriends don't compete. Girlfriends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you are sick. Girlfriends keep your children, keep your secrets. Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it sometimes you don't. Girlfriends don't always tell you that you are right. Girlfriends might send you a birthday card, but they might not. Does not matter in the least. Girlfriends laugh with you and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter. Girlfriends don't yammer about you behind your back. Girlfriends pull you out of jams. Girlfriends don't keep a calendar that lets them know who hosted the other last. Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby in whichever order that comes! Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and truly, when the hard times come. Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a husband or a boyfriend. Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart. Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail. My girlfriends bless my life. Once we were young, with no idea of the incredible joys or the incredible sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. I want to tell younger women to take my sister-in- law's advice. Get yourself some girlfriends. You are going to need them, as they will need you! |
| cool fact How much does a medium size cumulus cloud weigh? You won't believe this...think about it...a cloud..... Between 530 and 670 TONS! God help us if the sky ever really does fall! |
| A VANISHED FRIEND Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end, Yet the days go by, and the weeks rush on, And before I know it a year has gone. And I never see my old friends face, For life is a swift and terrible race, He knows I like him just as well, As in the days when I rang his bell, And he rang mine if, we were younger then, And now we are busy, tired men. Tired of playing a foolish game, Tired of trying to make a name. Tomorrow; I say, I will call on Jim Just to show I am thinking of him. But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes, And distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner! - yet miles away, Here's a telegram sir, Jim died today. And that's what we get and deserve in the end. Around the corner, a vanished friend. |