Phronk's Stuff Review

Most people have pages full of movie reviews, CD reviews, book reviews, and other specific things. You know what I say to them? I say the following: "Why limit yourself to something specific? Be free. Like a bird." So I bring to you Phronk's Stuff Review: reviews all kinds of stuff. Basically it's just a place for me to express my meaningless opinions.

The stuff is in chronological order. That is, the stuff near the top was written more recently than the stuff at the bottom. If you're looking for something specific and are having trouble finding it, then screw off. You are not free like a bird, you are a slave to the media, and deserve to be shot. Enjoy.

More Stuff
Vanilla Sky: The less you know about this movie the better, so I'll just tell you to go see it. I definitely liked it. I don't think it's for everybody though. Oh and Penelope Cruze (or however you spell it) is actually pretty cute in it. Usually I think she's a repulsive she-goblin, but in Vanilla Sky she managed to act her way out of ugly town.
Red Lobster: Mmmmmmmmmmm. Drool. Eat eat eat. Ate too much! Puke. Hungry again. Eat eat. Eat.
Stuff
Moulin Rouge: Awesome.
Shadow of the Vampire: Awesome.
Playstation 2: Awesome.
Swordfish: OK.
Horses: OK.
Tomb Raider: OK.
Cancer: Sucks.
Ugly People: Suck.
Pain: Sucks.

Movies and Music
Dungeons and Dragons: This movie is worth seeing just to watch Jeremy Irons going apeshit. It's some of the best acting I've ever seen.
Tool - Lateralus: It's gonna take me a few more listens to make a fair judgement, but I do like this album. I like their previous albums more...but this one is still awesome, and maybe it'll grow on me like their others have.
Shrek: A funny movie, plus it looks really nice, with all that new "computer animation" technology they're using these days. I wish I was computer animated.
Ginger Snaps: Nobody's heard of this movie, but they should have. It's one of the best movies I've seen in a while. It's about a girl who becomes a werewolf. I love werewolf movies, and since this is the first werewolf movie to come out in years, and also happens to be a good movie (unlike American Werewolf in Paris), I'm in love. I'm also in love with the star of the movie. :P~
Pearl Harbor: I liked it. If you go in with low expectations, you'll probably enjoy it too. Just don't expect Titanic (yes, I still like Titanic. I don't automatically hate a movie as soon as it does well at the box office.)

Movies
The Mummy Returns: A family of tomb robbers travels around the world fighting bad special effects with the help of their wacky friends. If you liked the first one, then you'll like this one. It's a crappy hollow summer action movie, just like the first one, but at least it's better than any of the crap that came out last summer.
Josie and the Pussycats: Rachael Leigh Cook is in it, automatically making it a good movie. However, it's also a really fun movie on its own. But it's also kinda funny that this movie is against the media controlling our minds, but it actually has the most product placement I've ever seen in a movie.
Driven: Perpetually sweaty people who can't act drive around really fast in obviously CGI cars. Some of them may have died. I don't really remember, because I had no reason to care for any of the characters. There was some hot girl in it who liked to switch boyfriends very quickly, which pissed off the main character, who was a robot (or at least he seemed like it, since he had no personality). Anyway, this is probably the worst movie you could possibly see right now. I still enjoyed it, because I pretty much enjoy every movie I see, but it sucked...hard. Good soundtrack though.

Songs
Backstreet Boys - The Call: What a great song. Never have I heard someone say "my battery is low" with such passion.
Madonna - Don't Tell Me: Oh shit, my stereo is broken! Waaaait a minute...the radio isn't supposed to skip. Oh, the song is supposed to be like that. I get it.

Various Stuff
Delerium - Poem: This is a departure from previous Delerium albums, in that most of the songs have lyrics, sung by some famous and not-so-famous guest singers. This gives it a much more mainstream sound, but that's not a bad thing. It would be an average pop album, but Bill Leeb (the guy behind Delerium) is a genius, so it's much better than average. I also just got a Frontline Assembly CD, which is the same guy, but a different style of music. It's good too. Good good.
Finding Forrester: Like Good Will Hunting, but worse. Not bad, but not that good either.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: AWESOME. This movie manages to make beating the shit out of people look all elegant and beautiful. And aside from the action, it's got a pretty good plot. I hope this is nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars.
Survivor II: Mmm, yummy bugs. Mmm, yummy crocodiles. Mmm, yummy Elisabeth. I don't see how this could top the original Survivor, but it'll still be damn good TV. However, The Mole is also very good, so now there's some competition. Of course, you could just watch both.

Pop Music Math
Pink's "There You Go" + Toni Braxton's "He Wasn't Man Enough" = Jennifer Lopez's "Love Don't Cost a Thing"

This Picture of Drew Barrymore:

Wow. I think this should win some kind of "best picture ever taken of anybody" award. And I wish I had the magazine, so I could see what the 100 dumbest things Hollywood has done lately are. I bet "The Year 2000" is up there (see the next review).
Movies
Unbreakable: Rules.
Charlie's Angels: Rules.
Chicken Run: Rules.
Gladiator: Rules.
Just about every other movie this year: SUCKS. What's wrong with this year? They should just cancel the Oscars...nothing deserves to win. I've probably left out a few good movies above, but still...this year sucked (and no, The Exorcist doesn't count as coming out this year).

Music!
Radiohead - Kid A: It's weird...Radiohead has put together an album full of random sounds and distorted instruments, with no real structure, that's totally different than what they've done before. But somehow, it still sounds like Radiohead, and it still sounds really good. I don't know how they do it...but Radiohead has managed to tap into something. And I like it. I like it a lot.
Marilyn Manson - Holy Wood: In the Shadow of the Valley of Death: As many of you know, I love Marilyn Manson. They're my favourite group. I don't know why. I'm not a freaky goth person or anything, and although I do kinda like what he has to say, I'm not obsessed with the philosophy of Mr. Manson. It's just really good music. It's all about the music. This is good music. Go buy it.
Delerium - Poem: I don't have this yet, but I'm getting it soon, and it better be good.

Even More Movies (I guess I'm running out of ideas):
Pokemon 2000: Basically a two-hour long episode of the show. All my friends hated it, but I thought it was at least watchable. Little kids will probably like it.
X-Men: They've done a pretty good job of bringing the comic book into live action...much better than I expected. However, it reminded me of the Spawn movie from a few years ago; it wasn't boring, but not much really happened. It was like the whole movie was just setting things up for a kick-ass sequel. Like, at the end of the movie I was just like "I want to see the sequel NOW." So anyway, X-Men is good but not great, so go see it.
The Patriot: I learned some valuable lessons from this movie: the British are evil, and violence is really funny. I think every child should see The Patriot.

Want to see reviews of older stuff? Go to the archives.
Disclaimer: If you don't agree with any of the opinions expressed, get new opinions. Some of the reviews are fake and sarcastic, and have no bearing on reality. So don't take anything here too seriously. Questions/comments/marriage proposals can be send to me by email.


©Phronk, 1998