How to Win at Golf
Have you always wanted to win at golf? If so, now's your chance to finally win. Just follow these simple steps to success. These steps are easy to follow. You can be a winner in just a few days. Be sure to follow all the steps. You should always have confidence in yourself. Everyone will be so amazed at how much you've improved!
  1.    Training


    1.    Mental prep


      1.    Watch PGA on TV religiously
      2.    Get that Playstation game "Hot Shots Golf"
      3.    Rent "personal victory" subliminal tapes

    1.    Equipment


      1.    Make sure your putter has a pro autograph on it
      2.    Pick up a bargain bag of tees-n-balls at Costco

    1.    Diet


      1.    Avoid baseball or football food


        1.    No hotdogs
        2.    No pretzels
        3.    No peanuts and Crackerjacks

      1.    Drink diet Coke only, no Pepsi
  1.    Pre-game


    1.    Dress


      1.    Put on shorts, even if it's freezing
      2.    Buy a new hat if you lost last time

    1.    Location and Scheduling


      1.    Select a course where your spouse won't find you
      2.    To save on fees, play where your buddy works

    1.    Opponent


      1.    Look for: out-of-shape, inexperienced players
      2.    Shun: suntan, stethescope, strident walk, Florida accent
      3.    Buy opponent as many pre-game sodas as possible
  1.    On the Course


    1.    Tee first, then develop severe hayfever
    2.    Drive cart over opponent's ball to degrade aerodynamics
    3.    Say "fore" just before ball makes contact with opponent
    4.    Always replace divots when putting
    5.    Water cooler holes are a good time to correct any errors in ball placement
    6.    Never record strokes taken when opponent is visiting the "facilities"
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