I've been doing a very important job for a long time.

My job description is to acquire salad every time my fellow kittens and I pay a visit to the Pizza Hut.

It's not an easy job, I tell you. You have to have a sound, in depth knowledge of everyone's tastes (and no, Omi's dislike of celery is not in depth knowledge, it's a common one), achieve an equilibrium between all the pieces you pick out, and top the salad with the correct amount of thousand island. Of course, you will need to have a good sense of balance too, so that the food will stay there during the trip from the salad bar back to the table.

It is a job I am proud to do and will not hand over to anyone. My friends have demanding tastes and I'd rather not have them upset at their food. Getting the correct ratio of everything takes practice, and since training is on-the-job, I don't think anyone can keep Aya, Omi and Youji happy all the time, like I do. In the beginning, I did make the mistake of getting kidney beans, but I learnt from it. Things got a little difficult when Pizza Hut decided to change from using bowls to plates, but I adapted, too.

Aya is just getting the plate after Omi got his share of the salad. Seeing that Omi hasn't taken all the bacon bits and sweetcorn, he proceeds to make sure nobody else gets any. This gesture is of course not appreciated by Youji, who threatens to yank off Aya's eartails and put them in a food blender, pour the mixture into tequila, light it up and pour it down Aya's throat whilst it's still burning. Quietly, Aya promises to put pink, yellow and white gum into Youji's hair, stick chopsticks into the mess then set it with hairspray.

Gosh, I'm friends with such a disgustingly imaginative bunch.

'I'll just get more bacon bits next time.' I offer, swiftly taking the plate from Aya and giving it to Youji.

'KenKen,' Youji tips his head down slightly so that he looks at me without his shades being in the way. Even when indoors, he sometimes doesn't take them off. 'It's not your fault. Somebody was just being selfish there.'

Looking away and drinking my Pepsi Max, I pretend not to hear him calling me that. That name is embarrassing! I mean, KenKen, it just sounds… Oh I don't know!

'Ken-kun is just trying to be helpful.' Omi rolls his eyes as Youji tosses a smile at the waitress and asks her to check on the food. This way, we get our food quicker than the other tables - it works every time. 'Then again, Ken-kun is always trying to be helpful, but fails half the time.'

Yes, that comment just came from your sweet local ohanaya-san. Moral of the story: Never judge a book by its cover.

'Who was it that managed to put so much flower-food into the vase that the water turned algae green?' I quickly retort, finishing the last of the salad, shooting a don't-mess-with-me look at Omi. Naturally, I don't pull it off as well as Aya or Youji, but it doesn't matter.

Okay I admit that I'm clumsy and forgetful. I'm not as efficient as Aya, or sensitive and careful of details like Youji, or intellectual like Omi, but at least I try! I don't want to always depend on them. Hidaka Ken wants to live up to his name and be a soaring eagle. This sort of comment is definitely not considered to be an encouragement.

'Ken-kun, you don't need to tell everyone that!'

'"Let the one without sin cast the first stone", Omi.' Aya says, coming to my rescue.

'But - '

For the rest of the evening, I cannot take my mind off what Omi had said.

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That was such a goal! What a pass!

I hear my doorbell ringing, but don't want to get up. After half a minute, keys are inserted into the lock and Youji invites himself in. 'I can hear you yell from upstairs.' He is laughing.

'Ah, sorry.'

He sits down on the couch besides me, frowning at the TV. 'What's this?'

'Euro 2000, England versus Portugal.'

'Which side are you supporting?'

'Neither.'

'So who just scored?'

'Scholes for England. But Beckham's pass made it possible. It's magical.'

'Oh?' Youji leans forward, pushes the glasses back up his nose, looking more interested.

Half an hour passes and the game begins to get poor, then I realise I've left Youji wandering around, serving himself drinks. I've got a cooling mug of Horlicks on the coffee table in front of me, God knows how long it's been sitting there for. I take a gulp of it.

'Sorry Youji. What is it?'

'No hurry.' He waves the hand that is not supporting his chin on the armrest. 'I'll wait till the game finishes.'

'I'm taping it, so it doesn't matter.'

'Now, KenKen, even though I don't know much about soccer, I know watching it live is important.'

As I've said, Youji is a very sensitive man. I'm sure his charm over the ladies is not just because of his looks and what he says, but this attention and care to other people's feelings, too.

At the end of the game, around 5:30am, my doorbell ring again. This time I answer it. 'Uh, Aya?'

Half sprawled on the couch, Youji laughs. 'At least someone has the brains to wait for the game to finish before coming. Hi Aya.'

This is weird. Youji and Aya come to my apartment at strange times of the day, and they weren't expecting to see each other. What happens next, Omi trods here in his pyjamas? 'Wait, what's this, a pyjama party?'

Quietly, as usual, Aya walks in and closes the door. As I look at him in puzzlement, Youji sits back up and fixes his eyes on me. 'Say, Ken, were you upset tonight?'

That caught me offguard. 'Huh?' I knew the two of them are observant, but I thought I hid it pretty well too. It is silly to be upset at little things like this, and -

'Omi didn't mean it.' Youji tosses the cushions away to make room for Aya to sit. 'But it touched a nerve, no?'

He hit it right on the mark, but I don't want to sound so easily hurt. A guy should not be sad over one little, joke-meant comment. Yet, knowing that my friends have stayed up so late to talk to me, maybe I shouldn't pretend anymore.

'It's easy to say "it's all right". But eventually...' Aya turns his violet eyes onto me, his gaze gentle and knowing. 'When it isn't all right anymore, you won't know how to talk about it.'

Is he talking about himself, too?

How should I start?

'... Sometimes I think I'm so clumsy and stupid.' Things I've never told anyone. 'I try so hard but end up tripping over myself like an idiot. I mean, look at me.'

I stand up to walk to the glass door that leads to the balcony. My reflection stares back at me. 'I'm not quick in making decision like you, Aya, and I'm not witty like you, Youji. I'm just... I'm just boring ol' KenKen.'

Hidaka Ken in the glass shrugs, I turn my back to him and face my friends once more. 'I don't want to be dependant. I don't want to just fill in the blanks, I want to write essays, I want to tell everyone what I think!'

'Is that how you feel now, Ken, you're filling in the blanks?' Youji brings his feet up to sit cross-legged.

'I don't mean when I'm with you guys.' No, I didn't mean that. I feel relied upon when we work together in missions, I don't get left with the nitty gritty bits to do. 'But myself, in general. I used to be called stupid by my classmates, you know? But I didn't choose to be like that, being stupid isn't a sin. Idiots exist for smart people to stand out, that's all.

'Looking at you guys, it looks like you're always ready to take on the world! Youji you can just lie there in the couch and still look cool, together, know-what-you're-doing. But me... I don't know about me. I fumble everything I do.'

Aya studies me for a long, hard moment, as if choosing the right words to say. I wait for him. He isn't good with words.

'Sometimes we all feel small and unimportant.' He begins, uncrossing his arms. 'Inept, useless. I do too, Ken. I'm not always ready for anything. I just pretend to be to scare the 'anything' away.

'We're all only human. If you're the boring Ken you say you are, do you think we'll work with you?'

Aya…

'The way I see it.' Youji looks at Aya, then at me, his green eyes understanding. 'You're fine just the way you are.'

I find myself smiling.

'Omi goes to a school where being a nerd is cool.' Youji chuckles. 'But do you know about me? I was, well, what all the kids call the 'brain' in the class. You don't know something? Ask Youji. He's always paying attention in lessons and doing all his homework. He liked school. Youji had a handful of friends, but none of them are really his friends, because he's from a different planet. He's too smart.'

This is all new to me. However, I remember how we used to isolate the real smart-asses in school - we did talk, but we never became real friends. They were different, they couldn't be one of us.

'People made remarks about how I didn't need to work to get the grades. Sometimes it's unintentional and they meant it as praise, but it hurt, because it wasn't true. Sometimes, I wished I was just like everybody else, plain and not stand out so much.

'Perhaps you weren't all that good academically, Ken, but I bet you had lots of friends back in school. I had almost none.' Youji winks at me, but his smile is somewhat bitter. I feel guilty for making him relive his unhappy memories. 'Either way, we can't win, heh?'

I've never thought of things this way before.

'Do you feel like you're just a part of the common crowd, Ken?' Aya asks.

'Yeah.' I do. I don't have anything that defines 'me'. Studying my reflection once again, I don't feel special.

'Then you're already different.' My redhead friend tells me. 'Most people believe they're different from the common crowd - and because they all think that, it makes them the common ones. If you have the insight and know about yourself enough to say "yes, I'm only human, just like everyone else", then you're already one step ahead.'

I spend half a minute to digest Aya's philosophy. Geez, this is complicated, but it makes sense to me.

'I like Hidaka Ken.' Youji's statement makes me turn to him, embarrassed. He smiles broadly, then asks me, 'Do you?'

Do I?

'I like how he's aware of his flaws and works on them.' The corners of Aya's lips turn up by a few microscopic degrees that make up his smile. 'I admire that, because sometimes I can't face my own.'

Oh no. 'You two are buttering me up, aren't you?' My cheeks are heating up fast. Good grief! They're speaking as if I'm this nice, cool person even I want to be friends with!

'And how he can handle kids and ride a motorbike.'

'And how he always get the salad exactly right every time.'

I want to find somewhere to hide! This is more than I can handle already! 'Stop!'

'Uh, we're just speaking the truth.'

'Like hell you're not.' I grin at Youji, feeling all my earlier blues evaporating. 'You two were fighting over the bacon and sweetcorn.'

'Ah, but you learnt from it, didn't you. So like Aya said, you acknowledge your imperfections and work on them. However,' He raises one index finger warningly. 'We will not tolerate a repeat of this mistake.'

I laugh for the first time since the dinner. Aya's quiet support and Youji's playful yet warm words - just gotta love them.

'So do you like Hidaka Ken?'

Yes, I do. I love being me.

When Aya and Youji both look at me with that certain expression on their faces, I wipe my wet eyes with a finger. 'I just need sleep.'

Knowingly, my fellow kittens get up and stretch. 'Well, Aya's off today, I'll be opening the shop soon with Omi. You go catch some sleep - no excuses for you next time, even if it's another Euro 2000 match.'

'Nice sleep, KenKen.' A little smile dances across Aya's lips.

I watch them disappear out my door.

Outside, the sky has begun to brighten into a murky blue. Obeying Youji's instructions, I draw my curtains and flop into my bed.

'KenKen.' I try saying it as I close my eyes. It sounds like an alien language when I say it, but when it comes out from my friends, the name sounds okay.