  As every parent knows, the death of their child can be and usually is a nightmare. It was no different for us. It seemed like our lives had been spun like a top and that the craziness would not end. When Patrick went into surgery on Friday morning to have his tonsils removed, none of us would have believed that five days later we would be making decisions concerning his death.  Patrick had laid in a coma for five days, responding at first to painful stimuli and then to nothing. On Monday after surgery my husband and I were referred to a pediatric neurologist who was located within walking distance of the hospital. I really didn’t want Dan and I both to be gone from his bedside at the same time, but there were grandparents there...and this was important. The neurologist told Dan and I that Patrick had suffered a significant amount of oxygen loss to the brain and that if he {{survived}} he would need total care. I thought at that moment that the doctor was over exaggerating. I knew Patrick would require an additional amount of care, but we would work it out. On the walk back to the hospital I planned Dan’s and my whole life out before us. I would need to quit my job, that’s OK, because my kid’s were more important anyhow! Next, I would spend every day until 6pm with Patrick at the hospital. At that time, Dan would drive over with Nicholas and Emily so they could say “Hi” and then I would take them home. Early the next morning I would trade places with Dan and another day would begin - it would work, it just had to! As time came to pass, my elaborate scheme never came to pass. On Tuesday, after spending five days in CCU (critical care unit) holding Patrick’s hands, singing to him and praying for him the doctors performed an EKG on Patrick to check for brain activity. On Tuesday afternoon my husband and I along with our family was informed that the results were negative on the brain wave test and that the following morning the test would be repeated. If those test results were the same as the first then we would need to make some very important decisions concerning Patrick’s existence. We needed to be thinking about taking him off the respirator and letting him go. My husband and I spent that night, like all others, next to Patrick’s bedside. We paced the floor, we talked, I’m not really sure what we did. The following morning before the test was performed, Dan and I asked a nurse almost in unison, even though we had not discussed it amongst ourselves the night before, if Patrick could be an organ donor. I can’t say what my husband felt at that very second but I felt love and respect for my husband, I felt comforted, and most of all I knew this was the right decision. Things are so unclear about what came next except that the nurses were very sensitive and verified with us that we would be willing to donate some or any of Patrick’s organs if the doctors did find him to be brain dead. Next came the doctors who explained what they were about to do and again why. It didn’t seem like it could be time yet, but time had completely eluded me since this whole nightmare began five days ago. Dan and I waited in the hall along with our families. It didn’t seem like long when the doctors came in and asked to speak to us, Dan and I, alone. Patrick was deemed to be Dan and I had requested that the organ donation thing be kept confidential because we didn’t know what anyone would think of our decision and we were afraid to find out. There were so many details to be worked out. A surgeon by the name of Dr. Roberts spoke with us about the organ donation. He explained to us about a little girl from California who was in critical need of Patrick’s organs. He told us that the surgery would be like nothing ever done before. He explained the little girl had been sucked down on top of a swimming pool drain and although her heart was still healthy and she was semi conscience she was in urgent need of most of the bodies lower organs as well as tissues and graphs. He explained to us that six other donor families had been approached concerning the giving of the available organs to this little girl but that they had all declined because the survival chances were not very good. Dan and I looked at one another and knew we must do this. There was one more catch...Patrick would have to be flown from Peoria to the University of Pittsburgh Hospital where the little girl lay waiting for an organ donor. The transplant surgeon felt that the little girl would have a better chance if the donor and the recipient were in side-by-side operating suites. Dan and I had two requests: 1) that Dr. Roberts accompany Patrick to Pittsburgh, stay with him, and accompany him on the return flight which must all take place by midnight and 2) that Dr. Roberts call Dan and I to let us know that the surgery was completed. We also sent a stuffed lamb (a gift to Patrick) along with Dr. Roberts to give to the family of the little girl so that they would know we were praying for their child and was sending our love. We were given time to say our good byes, although I can hardly remember them now... I know it wasn’t long enough. They allowed me to hold Patrick for the first time since before his surgery. The nurses were so went to accommodate us. In order for me to be able to hold Patrick they had to move a lot of equipment and arrange things in such a way that Patrick would remain hooked up to all his monitors. I remember holding him...but not letting him go. I do remember feeling real overwhelmed by everything and everyone. I felt an urgency for Patrick to be on his way. As soon as we said our good-byes Dan and I asked our parents to go on back to our house and we would be along soon. Dan and I didn’t leave the hospital until they had Patrick placed on a gurney with all the equipment and was headed for the roof where he would be taken by a Life Flight helicopter to Pittsburgh. Dan and I stood in the hospital parking lot watching the sky, to see the helicopter take off and as it did something spiritual of sorts happened. The very moment I saw the helicopter leave the roof there came a single rain drop out of the sky. It landed on my face...just a single drop. Others can say what they want, but I choose to believe it was a tear drop sent down by God from Heaven to let us know how very sad this all made Jesus and that someday we would be reunited. One thing I want everyone to know is how kind and considerate everyone was to us at the hospital. Dan and I felt the love and support of every doctor and nurse on the floor. When we needed privacy, we were given it, when I had 101 questions about everything, they either had the answers or they found them out for us. Our experience could not have felt more right under the circumstances. Dan and I also had another request of Dr. Robert’s before he left with Patrick for Pittsburgh, we wanted Patrick’s body back in the state later that same evening if possible. I guess being a parent does not just stop even when that life does. It was important for Dan and I to know that Patrick was back from his journey before we could even consider the steps that were to be completed next. Dr. Roberts more than obliged our wishes. After the transplant surgery was complete he called us from Pittsburgh to tell us the operation was completed. He also told us the little girl had lost a lot of blood and that things didn’t look real good at the time, but he would keep bus up to date and that he would also call when he had Patrick back at the hospital. Dr. Roberts was true to his word, he phoned to tell us that he was back at the hospital with Patrick and that he would keep us up to date on the little girl. Sometime in the night we got his phone call, the little girl suffered from cardiac arrest shortly after the surgery while in the intensive care unit. Dr. Roberts said he was sorry and that he would be in touch soon. After Patrick’s body was returned to the hospital there was a mandatory autopsy to be performed. At that time, in the state of Illinois, the unexplained death of any child was required to be investigated. The autopsy and subsequently a coroners inquest was part of it. The autopsy was completed within 24 hours of Patrick’s pronouncement of death. Later that next morning my husband and I along with our parents met with funeral director and made all the necessary arrangements. I think it is important to tell you that even though there was an autopsy and that Patrick was an organ donor we were able to have an open casket. You could see no amount of disfigurement what so ever. We dressed Patrick in the exact same outfit you see him wearing in the picture on his opening page. Today I would like to emphasize the importance of Organ Donation. You are not automatically ruled out because of your age or due to the cause of death. All these factors and many more are taken into consideration before is determined whether you are an eligible candidate for organ donation. You must have signed the organ donation place on your drivers license, have an organ donor directive, and/or let your wished be known to family and friends. There are a lot of questions people have concerning organ donation. All these and more can be answered by logging onto: UNOS. You may also e-mail me and I will try to help you find those answers.        He is wearing the green organ donor ribbon.   on April 12, 2000  |