Hi, my name is Patricia. Well, I have finally decided to put my thoughts into words. The title of this page tells it all... For This Child I Prayed. In December 2002, I lost my newest and most likely my last baby. In 1991 about nine months after Tyler was born, I had my tubes tied. I knew that I loved being pregnant and I loved giving birth, but we have a small home and being logical, we had three children by then. At the time I had my tubes tied, I had said that if I ever became pregnant after that, it would be a blessing, because God would have to make that happen.

Well, life went on and our children were growing up. They were all in school, in the Spring of 1997 when I found out I was pregnant. I was so shocked. I couldn't believe it, but then again, what about that blessing I had always said it would be. When I miscarried a few days after finding out, I was devestated. I had not even told my husband that I was pregnant (planning on suprising him for Easter) and I was already miscarrying our blessing. I became pregnant again two more times in 1997 and lost both of those babies within days of finding I was pregnant.

I underwent numerous testing, poking, proding, to no avail. They could find no reason why I had lost three babies in such a short time. After three consecutive losses, you are considered 'infertile' by some standards. One test did reveal that I had one open tube! Both had been cut and burned in 1991. I was left with the option if I ever wanted another child, I would have to do IVF. I explained to the doctor that these children were not planned, but were blessings all the same. We did not have money for IVF, we weren't 'planning' another child. We did use protection for a few months, but soon gave up on that. Months and months and then years went by and I never got pregnant again.

The summer of 2002, shortly after our son graduated from high school, my husband and I were talking. A friend was pregnant with a second 'later in life baby' and my husband was commenting how it was 'better them than us'. That comment made me so sad. How my heart still ached for my babies. At that time though, I truly believed that God had closed my womb. I did not think that He would allow me to ever get pregnant again. We no longer used any protection (it had been years) and we didn't ever think about it. I tracked my cycle because of my migraines and I only started to do that in September of 2002.

In early December, I wasn't feeling 'right'. While sitting in the doctors office with my son, (December 2nd) I remember taking out my calendar. I looked at it, calculating when I was due, if I was pms-ing. I didn't have my period marked on my calendar for November. I went to my migraine calendar and I didn't have it marked on their either (and I didn't have a single migraine the entire month of November). I really didn't think I could have missed the whole month, so I didn't think about it as it 'appeared' that my cycle was starting. It just kept starting a tiny bit. By the end of the week, I was getting concerned because my cycle didn't start completely. I spotted on and off during the week and I was crampy. Well, I broke down. I bought one, actually I bought a two test kit. I truly did not expect a positive pregnancy test, it had been 11 years since my tubes were tied, five since my last miscarriage and I just figured my period was late and it would start as soon as I opened the test.

So, on December 7th, I broke down and tested. No sooner had I used the test, I turned it over and IT WAS POSITIVE!!!! I was so excited and so scared all at once. But I knew one thing for sure, I was telling my husband as soon as he came home. If anything happened to this baby, I was NOT going to go through this alone!

While I was at the mall during the day (before I took the test), I had bought my husband a Christmas present. I opted to give him the pregnancy test along with his gift when he came home from work. He had 'no clue' what the pregnancy test was (now remember, our youngest child is twelve, lol). So, after a bit of explaining, I cried to him explaining my fears that I would lose this baby too. He held me and at that very moment we were so excited for this precious life God had created.

Our excitement turned to grief on December 12th when I underwent surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. My precious baby never made it out of my tube! This was not the tube that was open five years ago, this was the other tube. The tube I had gotten pregnant through in 1997 was now sealed according to doctors reports and the camera that was used to 'see' inside.

This precious baby we named Susan in honor of my sister who went to be with the Lord earlier this year. My Precious Susan would have been due to be born on July 22, 2003.

So, For this Child I prayed, but God saw it fit to take this baby home to heaven also. I do not know why and I have learned to not question why. I know I will see my babies when I get to heaven. I have that assurance and I can only thank God for that. It is because of His Son that I know I will see my Babies.

I have God's assurance. If you would like to know about His assurance, please visit my next page. It will tell you how I looked toward Jesus during such a dark time in my life. No matter what you are going through, You can be certain that you too can have an eternal life in heaven.