WOMEN PRISONERS
Jesus with Mary and Martha
HOME
How can Father God love me?
Jn 3:16 “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whosoever believes in Him shall never perish and have eternal life.”
Would you give up your life for your children?  In most cases, the women who are in prison for killing their abusive husbands or lovers killed them because of the fear that the abuser will abuse their children or keep abusing their children. 
God, gave up His Son, who was God incarnate, for us.  He therefore gave up Himself for us to protect us from eternal damnation and eternal abuse because of the work of Satan in this world.  It was His great love for us, His children, that he made this enormous sacrifice.   The abused one, is loved so much by God the Father, that He let nothing stand in the way of making a way for her to be saved.  The father role in the family is to love unconditionally and provide for his family.  Many of the women in prison did not have a loving, protecting father.  Instead they had either no father around at all or were badly abused by their fathers, physically, sexually and emotionally.  God not only offers a way of salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ, He gives us the faith and trust it takes to forgive ourselves and others for all wrongdoings.  To forgive it not to forget.  It is important that we remember the wrongs done to us so that we can learn from them.  With all of this love, we now know just how important we are to God and in God’s eyes, we are just as His Son Jesus, unblemished and pure.  Self esteem can be found in the reflection of us in God's eyes.
Self Defense is not a Crime
Some Facts on Domestic Violence
? Each day in the U.S., between 5 and 11 women are killed by a male intimate partner, between 1800 and 4000 per year.
? In the U.S. women are more likely to be killed by their male intimate partners than all other homicide categories combined.
? 90% of women murdered are killed by men, men who are most often a family member, spouse or ex-partner.
? There are hundreds of women in California prisons and thousands of women in prisons nationwide convicted of killing an abusive partner.
? Studies show that the vast majority of women who kill their abusers do so as a last resort in defense of their own lives and/or the lives of their children, and that many have stayed with abusive partners because they have been beaten trying to escape or because they rightly feared an attempt at escape would cause their partner to retaliate with violence.
? Battered women who defend themselves are being convicted or are accepting pleas at a rate of 75-83% nationwide.
? In about 85% of spouse assault and homicide cases, police have been called at least once before. In about 50% of those cases, police have responded five times to family violence incidents prior to the homicide.
? Women in the U.S. are much less likely to commit homicide than are men. During the years 1980-84, women perpetrated only 14% of all homicides committed by those 15 years or older, a homicide rate of 2.7. Men committed 86% of all these homicides, a homicide rate of 18.1.
? Between 2.1 and 8 million women are abused by their partners annually in the U.S. At least every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend.
? The Surgeon General has reported for at least 10 years that battering is the single largest cause of injury to U.S. women.
? In national surveys, approximately 25% of U.S. couples report at least one incident of physical aggression between them during the course of their relationship.
? Over 50% of all women will experience physical violence in intimate relationships. For about 25% of them, the battering will be regular and ongoing.
? Women of all class levels, educational backgrounds, and racial, ethnic, and religious groups are battered.
? Almost 90% of the hostage taking in the U.S. is domestic violence. Most hostages are the wives or female partners of hostage takers, although children are frequently taken hostage.
? Abusive husbands and lovers harass 74% of employed battered women at work either in person or over the telephone, causing 56% to be late for work at least 5 times per month, 28% to leave early at least 5 days per month, 54% to miss at least 3 full days of work per month and 20% to lose their jobs.
? 47% of the husbands who beat their wives do so three or more times per year.
? Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or neglected at a rate 1500% higher than the national average.
? Children are present in 41-44% of homes where police intervene in domestic violence.
? At least 53% of all battering husbands also batter their children.
? 75% of women surveyed in some studies report that their children had been physically and/or sexually abused by their batterers.
? 33% of teenage girls report physical violence from their date.
? 21-30% of college students report at least one occurrence of physical assault with a dating partner.
? Between 25-45% of all battered women are abused during pregnancy.
? In many U.S. cities, more than 50% of women and children seeking shelter are turned away due to lack of space.
? An estimated 10% of incidents of domestic violence are reported.
? The injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as injuries suffered in 90% of violent felony crimes, yet under state laws, they are almost always classified as misdemeanors.
? In some surveys, 90% of battered women who reported assault to the police actually did sign complaints, but fewer than 1% of the cases were ever prosecuted...
[facts compiled by the National Clearinghouse in Defense of Battered Women, Washington, D.C.]


CLINICAL EXPERIENCE WITH INCARCERATED WOMEN
The psychological models that emphasize the salience of relationships in women's lives are consistent with our clinical impressions. A striking feature about many of the women with whom we work is the degree to which their lives are shaped by their desperate need to be connected to another. That other may be a partner or even a child to whom they look for nurturance and affection, searching for an elusive unconditional love in order to feel safe and whole. As we began to develop gender-sensitive mental health programming for women, we consulted with a select group of inmates about what they considered the pressing needs of incarcerated women. While the women in this group are not necessarily representative of the larger inmate population, their views provide a testing ground for our ongoing planning.
The women in this group overwhelmingly confirmed the need to focus on relationships. While their relationships with their children were their primary focus, many talked about the need to develop healthy adult relationships.
A lot of people are here because they don't know how to deal with anger. They give you classes on anger and stress management and they teach you how to deal with yourself, but they don't go forward and help you learn how to have an actual confrontation. We have a lot of battered women and one of the biggest problems with us is having that confrontation. I've worked on it in group, and I've worked on it in one to one, but I've never been able to have a session with the person that I'm conflicting with. I've had people agree to go, but the institution squashes it. They get very concerned that you are having a "relationship."
Another woman said
When I came here I was very, very shy. I was very withdrawn. As I went through and tried to work on some assertiveness, the peer group around me didn't want me to change. They liked me shy and withdrawn. I had to tell them "You're just going to have to accept me the way I am." I am a battered woman and that was very hard for me to do.
One woman spoke positively about a group experience she had with six other women:
I was not used to being around a lot of women. I did not trust women because I thought they were after something. I have had closeness with these women. It helped me kind of change my opinion. There are people out there just like me--they're scared of me just like I'm scared of them. And then we all became friends. It was like home and we felt safe there. I think if women could experience that in greater magnitude--small groups but more people doing it--life around here could be more peaceful.

All of the women in the group agreed that a history of physical and sexual abuse was a significant part of most women's health problems. Their stories raised questions about the women's sexual selves, and how they are stunted by such experiences. As one woman put it: "About 90% of the women here have been physically and sexually abused at one time or another. From a mental health standpoint I think that is the first thing to be considered." Another woman pointed out the complexities of dealing with these issues:
In our battered women's group, they need to deal with the fact that when you start trying to break the abuse cycle, it's real common to become the abuser. Because you know both roles and since you don't have a victimizer anymore you start victimizing. I went through a period where I had to deal with that. I realized it was a real option There is a lot of anger built up from all of the abuse. I see a lot of women become abusive with their families on the phone, and get off of the phone and brag about it the same way they talked about their abuser bragging about them.
At the same time, the women were quick to emphasize their own responsibility for their actions, and their discomfort with the view of them as just victims of either abusive men or parents. They suggested we not take the statistics at face value, but treat each woman as an individual. "I think people make choices in their lives and we all have made choices. I have to stand accountable for my actions. Yes, I was abused and all kinds of things and I can blame it on the kids' father but he didn't pursue me and make me go out and do what I did to come here. I got myself here."
Another woman countered this with her own perspective: "How can you take responsibility for something you're not even aware of? You grow up in the norm. It's normal to us. We'll never seek any kind of help because we don't see anything wrong. One of the first things the counselor had to help me with is I didn't know what a healthy life is."
Their emphasis on accountability and responsibility echoed Flax's perspective of the autonomous self as part of women's psyche. The autonomous part of a person is the part that feels independent, powerful, and competent, but also at times angry and rebellious. There is little doubt that many of the female offenders we encounter do not possess an internal independent self, capable of autonomous functioning. That facet of their identity, essential to healthy development, has been severely stunted. For some women, the crime itself may have been their first independent exercise of autonomy, though not truly representative of the autonomous self that Flax describes. For example, a 55-year-old woman and mother of four shot and killed her husband of 35 years after he asked for a divorce. She conveyed a lifestyle of traditionally oppressive and stereotyped roles, including the role of martyr for herself. When she shot her husband, she demonstrated in graphic terms her refusal to continue her own suffering. Previously afraid to act independently in her own best interests for fear of abandonment, she finally acted in a way that expressed not only her years of rent up rage but could be viewed as an exercise of the autonomous self.
For other women, their crime was an expression of the denial of their autonomous self and reinforcement of their social self, as when they acted under coercion or out of fear of abandonment. For example, one woman, in prison for armed robbery, grew up having been physically abused by her mother over a period of several years. She felt good about herself when her boyfriend complimented her on "the cool and mellow" way she helped him shoplift and pull off petty thefts. In part to receive his approval, she went along with him in crimes, finally assisting him in an armed robbery for which she was arrested. This woman can be viewed as acting from that part of herself that needed a connection to someone. These are crimes of connection. Many female offenders, like many other women, have not had the support to build or nurture an autonomous sense of self.
Overall, these women inmates raised many of the theoretical points previously described. They reject being placed in the category of victim, emphasizing their own accountability for their actions. At the same time, they presented lives shaped by societal expectations of what it means to be a female, remaining in harmful relationships in deference to their social self, and in denial of their autonomous or sexual self. At times their crime seemed to be the first independent act they have taken for self. And beyond their mental health needs, they make it clear that other areas of their lives are interwoven with their ability to become more autonomous, including job and educational opportunities and parenting issues.
We are now in the early stages of developing a comprehensive mental health program. To date, our planning has included the design of an acute care setting and program, the further development of residential and outpatient programs and the planning of a day treatment program. Based on the identified needs we are now offering a number of issues-oriented groups using both psychoeducational and group therapy approaches. These include a group focused on grief and loss, and other groups dealing with issues of abuse and abusive relations, substance abuse, and interpersonal relationships. Group work specifically focused on the issues related to parenting and leaving dependent children is planned. This program will include the opportunity to involve children in the treatment process.
How do we create mental health programming for women that addresses women's needs without denying women's responsibility for their lives, their strength in making it thus far, and their ability to create their own futures that may not fit our or anyone else's pattern of what it means to be a "good" woman? We believe this requires continued reflection on our own beliefs about incarcerated women, placing those beliefs within an historic and sociocultural context, and continuing the dialogue about what we mean by gender-specific, gender-appropriate, and gender-sensitive mental health treatment in prisons. Our ultimate goal is to create mental health programming that does not reify stereotypes of womanhood, but allows for multiple identities among different women and within an individual
woman.

1. woman’s need to be the nurturing side of the “one”
Man and Woman were made in God’s own image.  This means that it took two humans, one male and one female, to be in the image of God.  All of God’s image is reflected in the image of the man and the image of the woman.  God’s nurturing side is in the woman.  If she is not allowed to show this nurturing side or is not balanced by the male side of the image of God, there is always trouble.  When the woman has to be both the male and female sides of the image of God, she can be spread to the point of not being able to either very well.  This can cause great guilt due to the fact that she is not doing the job that God meant her to do
2. Male not taking the role of provider and unconditionally loving their wives
3. Woman having to take matters in their own hands because of inaction by law inforcement
4. Women looked at as “second class” citizens by the courts.

Scriptures dealing with the marriage, and the duties of both
Husbands and Wives
(Matt.19v5) (1Cor.7v2-6)
(1Cor.7v10-14,16)
(1Cor.7v27-29)
(1Cor.7v32-34)
Wives
(1Cor.7v38-40)
(1Cor.11v3,7-9)
(1Cor.11v11-12)
(1Cor.14v34-35)
(Eph.5v22-25,28)
(Eph.5v31,33)
(Col.3v18-19)
(1Tim.3v11)
(1Tim.5v9-10,14)
(Tit.2v3-5)
(1Pet.3v1-7)
(Mk.10v7)

(1Cor.7v3,5)
(1Cor.7v14,16)
(1Cor.7v33)
(1Cor.11v3)
(Eph.5v22-33)
(Col.3v18-19)
(1Tim.5v8)
(1Pet.3v7)

Scriptures dealing with the trusting of men as well as God by bringing out the ways that men a supposed to be and the way fathers are supposed to be.

Scriptures dealing with being able to trust in God when bad things happen and why bad things happen to good people. 

Scriptures concerning why God allows trials

Scriptures dealing with the new life in Christ
Topic: REGENERATION
Category: CONCEPT
SubTopic: MORE - NT.

Text:
(Matt.12v33-35)
(Matt.12v43-44)
(Matt.13v23)
(Matt.13v33)
(Matt.18v3)
(Mk.4v20)
(Mk.4v26-29)
(Mk.5v19v20)
(Mk.10v15)
(Lk.1v16-17)
(Lk.8v35,38,39)
(Lk.13v21)
(Lk.18v17)
(Jn.1v4)
(Jn.1v13,16)
(Jn.3v3-8)
(Jn.4v10,14)
(Jn.5v24)
(Jn.6v44-45,47)
(Jn.6v50-51,57)
(Jn.8v12)
(Jn.8v32,36)
(Jn.10v9-10)
(Jn.13v8)
(Jn.15v1,3)
(Jn.17v2)
(Ac.2v38,47)
(Ac.3v26)
(Ac.11v17,21)
(Ac.15v9)
(Ac.16v14)
(Ac.21v19)
(Ac.26v18)
(Rom.2v28-29)
(Rom.6v3-23)
(Rom.7v6)
(Rom.7v24-25)
(Rom.8v2-6,9)
(Rom.8v13-16)
(Rom.12v2)
(Rom.15v16)
(1Cor.1v9)
(1Cor.1v24,30)
(1Cor.2v12,14-16)
(1Cor.3v6-7,9)
(1Cor.6v11)
(1Cor.12v6,13)
(1Cor.15v10)
(2Cor.1v21-22)
(2Cor.3v3)
(2Cor.3v18)
(2Cor.4v6)
(2Cor.5v5)
(2Cor.5v17)
(Gal.2v20)
(Gal.4v29)
(Gal.6v15)
(Eph.2v1,5,8,10)
(Eph.4v7-8,16)
(Eph.4v21-24)
(Eph.5v14)
(Php.1v6)
(Col.2v11-13)
(Col.3v9-10)
(2Th.2v13)
(Tit.3v5-6)
(Heb.4v1-12)
(Heb.8v10-11)
(Heb.10v16-17)
(Heb.10v22-23)
(Jas.1v18)
(Jas.5v19-20)
(1Pet.1v2-3)
(1Pet.1v22-23)
(1Pet.2v3)
(2Pet.1v3-4)
(1Jn.2v27,29)
(1Jn.3v9,14)
(1Jn.4v7)
(1Jn.5v1,4,5)
(1Jn.5v11-12,18)

How can a woman trust God the Father when the only father they have ever known was either abusive or gone, or both?
How can a woman trust Jesus the Man if the only men they have known have been trouble.
If half of the person “made in God’s image” is working on her own, how can she fully understand what is expected from her as far as being a mother, a wife, and one of God’s children?








WHY DOES GOD ALLOW INNOCENT PEOPLE TO SUFFER?
This is one of the most difficult questions for Christians to answer.
The "problem of pain," as the well-known Christian scholar, C.S. Lewis, once called it, is atheism's most potent weapon against the Christian faith.
All true science and history, if rightly understood, support the fact of God. This evidence is so strong that, as the Bible says: "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God" (Psalm 14:1).
Most atheists, therefore, without any objective evidence on which to base their faith in "no God", must resort finally to philosophical objections. And this problem of suffering is the greatest of these.
That is, they say, how can a God of love permit such things in His world as war, sickness, pain, and death, especially when their effects often are felt most keenly by those who are apparently innocent? Either He is not a God of love and is indifferent to human suffering, or else He is not a God of power and is therefore helpless to do anything about it. In either case, the Biblical God who is supposedly one of both absolute power and perfect love becomes an impossible anachronism. Or so they claim!
This is a real difficulty, but atheism is certainly not the answer, and neither is agnosticism. While there is much evil in the world, there is even more that is good. This is proved by the mere fact that people normally try to hang on to life as long as they can. Furthermore, everyone instinctively recognizes that "good" is a higher order of truth than "bad".
We need also to recognize that our very minds were created by God. We can only use these minds to the extent that He allows, and it is, therefore, utterly presumptuous for us to use them to question Him and His motives.
"Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" (Genesis 18:25).
"Shall the thing formed say to Him that formed it, why hast Thou made me thus?" (Romans 9:20).
We ourselves do not establish the standards of what is right. Only the Creator of all reality can do that. We need to settle it, in our minds and hearts, whether we understand it or not, that whatever God does is, by definition, right.
Having settled this by faith, we are then free to seek for ways in which we can profit spiritually from the sufferings in life as well as the blessings. As we consider such matters, it is helpful to keep the following great truths continually in our minds.
There is really no such thing as the "innocent" suffering.
Since "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23), there is no one who has the right to freedom from God's wrath on the basis of his own innocence.
As far as babies are concerned, and others who may be incompetent mentally to distinguish right and wrong, it is clear from both Scripture and universal experience that they are sinners by nature and thus will inevitably become sinners by choice as soon as they are able to do so.


The world is now under God's Curse (Genesis 3:17) because of man's rebellion against God's Word.
This "bondage of corruption," with the "whole world groaning and travailing together in pain" (Romans 8:21, 22), is universal, affecting all men and women and children everywhere. God did not create the world this way, and one day will set all things right again. In that day, "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain" (Revelation 21:4).
The Lord Jesus Christ, who was the only truly "innocent" and "righteous" man in all history, nevertheless has suffered more than anyone else who ever lived.
And this He did for us! "Christ died for our sins" (I Corinthians 15:3). He suffered and died, in order that ultimately He might deliver the world from the Curse, and that, even now, He can deliver from sin and its bondage anyone who will receive Him in faith as personal Lord and Savior. This great deliverance from the penalty of inherent sin, as well as of overt sins, very possibly also assures the salvation of those who have died before reaching an age of conscious choice of wrong over right.
With our full faith in God's goodness and in Christ's redemption, we can recognize that our present sufferings can be turned to His glory and our good.
The sufferings of unsaved men are often used by the Holy Spirit to cause them to realize their needs of salvation and to turn to Christ in repentance and faith. The sufferings of Christians should always be the means of developing a stronger dependence on God and a more Christ-like character, if they are properly "exercised thereby" (Hebrews 12:11).
Thus, God is loving and merciful even when, "for the present," He allows trials and sufferings to come in our lives.
"For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

If a man is not prepared to defend his family, he is being negligent in his responsibilities before God. Christians must never go looking for a fight, but when it cannot be avoided, we should, as much as in our power, be ready to take a strong stand against the wicked. We are not to be vigilantes nor rebels against the government, but if we are ever in a situation where we must defend our families, then, yes, there is a time to kill.
Matt. 6:12, 14-15; 18:21-22 NLT; 5:23-24 LB; Eph. 4:32 NLT- "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us."  "If you forgive the people of their sins, your Father in heaven will forgive your sins also.  If you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive yours."  " Lord, how many times may my  brother sin against me and I forgive him, up to seven times? Jesus said to him, 'I tell you , not seven times but seventy times seven."  " If you are worshiping God and remember someone who has something against you, stop what you are doing. Go and make right what is wrong between you and him or her.  Then come back and finish your worship."  "Forgive other people just as God forgave you because of Christ's death on the cross."

To really love your enemies, you must forgive them.  Forgiveness is an act of love.  Jesus said on the cross, "Father forgive them."  He told us how to practice forgiveness. "Listen all of you, Love your enemies.  Do good to those who hate you. Pray for the happiness of those who hate you; Ask God's blessing on those who hurt you." (Lk 6:27)  God is willing to forgive all sins- wrong acts, wrong thoughts and the sin of not doing what you should do.  When you realize that God forgives you, can't you forgive others?
Sometimes the person who has come against you doesn't deserve forgiveness. What will you do?   Forgiveness is an act of love even when the person is unloveable.  We are unloveable compared to the lovliness of God.  He forgives us.  Everyone needs forgiveness at times.
Forgiveness cannot erase the past, but all of the anger, hate, and pain are gone when you forgive.   What if the wrong done to you is something so horrendous that it is impossible to forgive?  You can't do it on your own.  It takes God to give the strength you need to forgive.

One of the major jobs of forgiving you must do is to forgive yourself.  This also takes the power of God in order for you to do this.   Keep in mind that God has forgiven you to the point of giving you the salvation that comes from the blood of the crucified Christ.  You are given eternal life! 
Wisdom is primary!  "Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, not turn away from the words of my mouth.  Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her, and she will keep you.  Wisdom is the principle thing:  Therefore get wisdom.  And in all your getting, get understanding.  Exhalt her, and she will promote you; She will bring you honor, when you embrace her.   She will place on your head an ormament of grace; A crown of glory she will deliver you." (Prov. 4:5-9)
First of all we must recognize these women as survivors!  Second, they are re-abused and re-victimized by the criminal justice system.  Third, they must see themselves as survivors and that God has been working in their lives to make sure that they are survivors.  Why?  To the glory of His Name!

       "I can remember watching this show on TV where they interviewed a lady who was in jail for murdering her husband after a life time of being abused by him.  She said she liked being in prison.  It was a better life than she had had before, because prisoners have some basic rights and protectins that battered wives do not.  It's true!"
Battered Helpmate by Kathi Edwards, p28,  c. 1990, Daffodil Publications
Some Facts About Domestic Violence: 'Til Death Do Us Part?




The National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) is a nationwide survey which is annually given to sample of approximately 50,000 households and 100,000 individuals in the United States. The NCVS is sponsored by the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) and it is a paper and pencil survey which asks respondents about crimes they have experienced within a certain past time frame. While there has been valid academic criticism about the design of the NCVS, it has recently been redesigned to address these criticisms. There is a newer method by which domestic violence data is gathered, and that is the National Violence Against Women Survey (NVAWS), sponsored by the joint effort of the National Institute of Justice (NIJ) and the Center for Disease Control (CDC). Another national method for determining crime information is through the Uniform Crime Reports (UCR), which is sponsored by the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI). While all methods are commonly used to address crime (and particularly domestic violence) on a national level, the NCVS is respected more than the UCR as an accurate reflection of the truth about domestic violence. This is because the UCR is a compilation of police reports from various police agencies throughout the country. It is a well known fact that domestic violence is a "hidden crime", and is grossly underreported to the police. We know this in part because 55 percent or less respondents to the NCVS claimed that they reported their assault to the police. That is approximately one-half. Thus, the UCR only reflects reports to the police, and does not reveal much detail about the crime, the circumstances of the crime, or until recently, the victim-offender relationship. In turn, the NCVS is a self-report measure of crime victimization. What this means is that it is not based on reports to the police, but attempts to capture the actual prevalence and circumstances of victimization in this country by directly asking victims about their experiences, regardless if they reported that experience to the police. In addition, the nature of the crime is more specifically addressed so that more details about domestic violence can be determined.
As of the writing of this book, the most recent completed and reported on NCVS was in 1992-1993 (Bachman & Saltzman, 1995). The NVAWS has been reported on more recently, occurring in 1995-1996 (Tjaden, 1997). While they are similar surveys, unless otherwise noted, all discussion will be in regards to the NCVS. Although the data is not recent, the 1992-1993 NCVS reveals a lot about domestic violence in this country. Broadly, the NCVS reveals that every year almost 5 million women age 12 and older sustain violent victimizations. Although the NCVS does not survey 5 million women, it?s respondents theoretically represent an "average" sample of the population in this country. Taking the prevalence rates from this large sample of individuals, researchers then explode them out into national rates based on the country?s entire population. What this research reveals is that nearly 75 percent of women who are violently victimized experienced lone-offender victimizations. In other words, there was only one perpetrator in the crime. And, of the 75 percent of female victims of single perpetrators, 29 percent reported that the perpetrator was an intimate. The NCVS defines an intimate as a husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend. That is a staggering amount. Nearly 30 percent of women who report violent victimization report that the victimization was perpetrated by someone they love. That is tragic on a national level, but when we bring it to the level of our neighborhoods, our schools, our churches, and our own homes, we should be very alarmed. You may think that your community, or your church is immune to the problem, but research estimates that two in every 25 persons has been physically abused by a spouse or other intimate partner. If you are one of those two people, you know all too well about the prevalence of domestic violence. Indeed, the NCVS is not merely a national victimization survey, but a painful reality in your own life.
So, now that we recognize the alarming prevalence of domestic violence, let us discuss more specific details about domestic violence. Let us start with the victim. The NCVS reveals that of the 29 percent of female victims of intimates, 9 percent reported the perpetrator to be a spouse, 4 percent an ex-spouse, and 16 percent a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. Because the research report does not separate the boyfriend and ex-boyfriend categories, we can not determine which relationship type occurs most frequently in violent victimizations. While this information may be important in terms of spiritual ramifications, ultimately the general point is that women are being violently victimized by men they love. What about male victims? Before we discuss male victimizations, we have to recognize that men rarely report their victimizations to the police. While the NCVS attempts to circumvent this dilemma, we have to acknowledge that men may even hesitate to self-report domestic violence because of the perception that victimization equates with weakness. And weakness is the socially forbidden characteristic for a man to demonstrate. So, when we learn that 4 percent of male victims report their perpetrator to be an intimate, we have to also consider that this may not be an accurate reflection of the true amount of male victimization by intimate partners. Even still, we have to acknowledge from these figures that women are almost six times more likely than men to experience violence by an intimate.
Of women who experience violence by men they love, 1 percent report that violence to be rape or sexual assault. Compare that to the finding that of 100 percent of all rapes and sexual assaults reported by women, 26 percent of them were committed by an intimate. So what that tells us is that rape is not the most common form of intimate abuse, but it constitutes more than a quarter of all rapes in this country. In 1992 there were 500,000 rapes and sexual assaults reported to NCVS interviewers. Over half of these rapes or sexual assaults were committed by a friend or acquaintance of the victim. That translates to over 250,000 rapes and sexual assaults perpetrated by a known assailant that were reported in 1992. Again, keep in mind that reported rates are just that. None of these figures speak to the "hidden" crimes which go unreported.
One and a half percent of women who report violence by an intimate report that violence to be an aggravated assault, and over 6 percent report it to be simple assault. Even though these numbers seem low, consider that 52 percent of women reporting a violent victimization by an intimate reported that they sustained injuries as a result of the victimization, and 41 percent reported that they received injuries that required medical care. Imagine being intentionally physically injured by someone you love. Maybe you do not have to imagine. For some women, their worst imagination became reality. Because we are talking about a sub-group of victims within a larger group of victims, it may not seem like these statistics are impressive, but consider that female victims of violence by an intimate are more often injured by the violence than females victimized by a stranger.
Not only are women injured more often by men they love than by strangers, a large number of these men use weapons. Of those victims who reported that a weapon was involved in their victimization, 18 percent were perpetrators who were involved in an intimate relationship with their victim. In other words, 18 percent of violent crimes involving a weapon were committed on a victim who was intimately involved with the perpetrator.
Even scarier is the fact that these men not only use weapons, they kill their victims. According to the UCR, in 1992 28.3 percent of all female homicides (in which the relationship of the offender was identified) were committed by an intimate. In other words, almost 30 percent of all females murdered in this country are murdered by someone they love. Contrast that with the UCR findings that 3.6 percent of all male homicide victims are killed by an intimate. Also, keep in mind that in 31 percent of female homicides the victim-offender relationship was not identified. So, we may have a larger percentage than we are aware of. And, again, we?re talking about police reported homicides, not missing persons.
Through this picture painted by the NCVS, we are able to come to the conclusion that our fear of crime may be misdirected. It is not dark alleyways we need to be scared of as much as it is our own homes. Women all over this country are arming themselves, carrying pepper spray, learning defense tactics, and safety issues, but no one has told them that it is not when they leave their house that they need to be on guard, but when they come home. So, why don?t these women just leave their abusers? Good question! We will discuss that in more detail in the next chapter, but in terms of statistics, there is a lot of evidence that points to one major reason.
Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Relationships?
One of the major reasons women remain in abusive relationships is fear, whether founded or not, of further retaliation by the abuser. The NCVS reveals that the victimization rate of women separated from their husbands is about 3 times higher than that of divorced women, and 25 times higher than that of married women. From these statistics we can assume that it is when a woman attempts to separate herself from her abusive husband that she is at the most danger for physical violence.
The NVAWS is one survey that collected national-level data on the crime of stalking. Stalking includes such behavior as making overt threats, making death threats, spying on the victim, and vandalizing the victim's property. A report on the NVAWS reveals that about 1.4 million people a year are victims of stalking. Of all people surveyed by the NVAWS, 8 percent of women and 2 percent of men said they had been stalked in their lifetime. But, of all stalking victims in this survey, about 80 percent were women. The projected rate of total female stalking victims is 8.2 million. And furthermore, "the survey showed that stalking was strongly linked to the controlling behavior and physical, emotional, and sexual abuse perpetrated against women by intimate partners." Less than one-half of all female stalking victims surveyed by the NVAWS claimed they had reported their victimization to the police. Again, we see an under-reporting trend, meaning that stalking may be an even bigger problem than these statistics alone reveal.
In terms of the actual crime of stalking, episodes of stalking tend to last less than a year, but a few individuals reported that it continued for more than 5 years. Of all stalkers, only 21 percent of women reported their stalker to be a stranger, and in contrast, almost 80 percent of stalkers stalk women they know. Men, on the other hand, are significantly more likely to be stalked by a stranger. Furthermore, about 50 percent of female stalking victims were stalked by an intimate partner. And, of these women, almost 80 percent reported that at some point in their relationship with the perpetrator they had been physically assaulted by him. What this clearly tells us is that women who are abused by the men they love continue to suffer the abuse even after they flee the relationship. You may be asking yourself, why don't these women just get a restraining order against him? Again, the NVAWS revealed that 80 percent of women who received a restraining order reported that the order was violated. At that point, it is no longer an issue of what an abused woman can do to stop the abuse, but what the justice system will or will not do to protect her. Sadly, only 15 percent of female stalking victims reported that the stalking stopped because of police involvement.
Taken as a whole, these statistics imply that not only is domestic violence a huge problem in our country, it is a devastating and often deadly problem. While one may read these statistics and walk away in disbelief, we must keep it in the perspective of what constitutes domestic violence. Often times we assume that domestic violence only occurs when a woman receives a severe beating. Indeed, even the data from the UCR, NCVS, and the NVAWS tends to gravitate toward the mid to upper "range" of the violence spectrum. In the next chapter we will discuss the specifics of the varieties of abuse.
The Following Is Taken From Aimee K. Cassiday-Shaw's  Biblical Perspective On Family Abuse- an online Bible Based Book.  It is reproduced with written permission. See the entire book at:
www.abuseministries.com/book/