Persiflage3

My three questions today come from the same person, the enigmatic Doom Cookie, whom I'm guessing is Fortune Cookie's less fortunate younger sibling. I'm sure there's an inside joke to this that I have not let been let in on, which I don't mind; however, for this installment I'm going to rearrange the words / letters of that appellation and see if anyone notices.

"Why do fools fall in love?"
         -Cookie of Doom
Fools fall in love for the same reason that birds sing so gay and lovers awake at the break of day, but you already knew that. (My readers like to ask me questions pertaining to Oldies music, it seems. Hmm. Trend? You decide.) Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers posed us that question in 1955, and I wonder if they knew the resounding impact it would have on America's psyche. Billions of dollars have been spent to find the answer to this eternally perplexing inquiry in the 45 years since the song's release, while all they had to do was ask me! The wondering can stop! Ha ha!
Okay, well, to make a long story short, the reason that fools fall in love is a very simple one: society thrives on idiots. Have you ever noticed how many idiots there are out there? They're so prevalent that sometimes I am left to wonder if any non-idiots are left in the nation, and indeed the world.
Society could not function if there were no idiots. If we were a world comprised entirely of intelligent people, we'd all get so haughty about human superiority that eventually our heads would swell beyond belief and eventually explode. However, since there are idiots out there (and a lot of them), we humans are constantly reminded of our weaknesses. Why are there so many idiots? Because fools fall in love! They breed! And because of this, our craniums stay intact. Good thing, too. At least in most cases.

"How much is too much?"
     -Moo Die Cook
Too much? Too much of what? Okay, okay, I'm supposed to be the one with all the answers, so let's look at a few examples.
"Too much time on my hands": This is a tough one to answer, because it varies from person to person. So let's rearrange the spelling: "Too much thyme on my hands." This also varies from person to person, but not quite so dramatically. If you were a cook, having thyme on your hands wouldn't be too big a deal. Probably wetting your hands and plunging them into a vat of thyme would be overkill. If you're not a cook, then even a little bit of thyme on your hands would more than likely be too much.
"Too much of a good thing": You can't really have too much of a good thing, that's the problem (unless that good thing is, say, foie gras. You can definitely have too much of that; in fact I'd venture to say that even a tablespoon of the stuff would be enough to send cement coursing through your arteries).

"Why can't we just be friends?"
     -eikooC mooD
Simple, Mr. Confectionery of Misfortune! I've never met you! We can't be friends if we've never met! Perhaps someday we shall remedy that situation!
If by "we" you mean "the general population", well, that's more complicated. We can't like everyone, because some people just grate on our nerves like a hand rake through patê. What can be made of this?
Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let's look at this logically. Let's say I don't like Person A. There is probably someone (Person B) that Person A is not fond of, while I might think that Person B is fine and dandy; after all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Over in the corner, there might be a Person C that neither Person A, Person B, nor I are too crazy about, but Person D is just nuts over. Nobody is going to be friends with everybody. It's a sad fact, but true. (Note: Persons A and D, I like you just fine! Really! Just as much as I like Person B!)
I hope I've answered your question, Dooméd Cookie. If I haven't, ah well, chalk it up to the fact that… er… well, think of a fact to chalk it up to.

"How much is a tan M&M worth these days?"
     -David
I went to that wonderful Internet auction site e-Bay to find the answer to your intriguing query and came to this conclusion: e-Bay stinks. Nowhere on that site was there a tan M&M up for auction. So I'll have to delve deep into the annals of my M&M knowledge to get an answer for you.
As we all know, much hoo-ha has been made about the year 2000 being the millenium (it isn't). However, it does bring up the interesting point that "MM" stands for "2000" in Roman numerals. Does this have anything to do with the question at hand? Of course not! I'm just trying to fill up space, as I really have no idea what to say to poor David!
But let's look at this logically. Obviously, a tan M&M must be worth an inordinate amount of money just to make, otherwise they'd still be around. And of course they have to have made some profit on them, so that would up the price still more. And their rarity would make them exorbitantly expensive. Conservative estimate: between two and fifteen thousand dollars.

"How much soup can a slotted spoon hold?"
     -David
Obviously you refer to that immortal line from the musical Into the Woods, in which Jack's mother laments, "Slotted spoons don't hold much soup." Honestly, it depends on the type of soup, and also what you count as part of said soup. If you think that "soup" only refers to "broth", then the answer is: a slotted spoon will not hold a hell of a lot of soup.
Recall, though, that later Jack's mother points out, "The slotted spoon can catch the potato." So if you count non-broth things, ie: chunks of potato or vegetables, or even dumplings, as part of the soup, then a slotted spoon could hold quite a lot of soup. And depending upon how large the spoon is, well, you could have incredible amounts of the darned soup!
In closing, I recall the words of that great Greek writer Menander: "???????????????????????????????????????Literally: "He who has a slotted spoon can hold untold amounts of soup."1

"Where has the real Strawberry Ice Cream of Justice gone?"
     -Jessica
I must admit that when I received this question I stared blankly at it for several hours. I don't even know where the fake Strawberry Ice Cream of Justice has gone. Why there is a fake SICOJ is a mystery to me. Indeed, why there is a real SICOJ is a mystery as well. Do we need the SICOJ? What does it do? Obviously, the asker has much more knowledge of worldly things than I do, which is a sobering thought.

1: The actual translation is: "Whom the gods love dies young." Isn't that wonderful?