Afraid to cry.
Afraid not to cry.
Both sides tugging at each arm.
Tears stuck in the middle of my throat.
Guilt thrown upon me.
To blind to see if it fits.
My eyes clouded to reality.
No more need to reason if reason never fits.
Your feelings take over and leave you unable to reason.
With yourself or anyone for that matter.
Everyone blind to the truth.
As if there always is a truth.
A way to solve the problem with no bruised hearts or working hands.
Were each thing falls neatly into another.
Connected were it matters most.
This is what I want to be.
Neatly connected to everything.
No need to fumble around trying to find my way in.
I would just fit.
Into everything.
As if everything matters.
To me that is.
I would die to fit.
For a second in time to feel like I was what was loved most.
Not to a second character.
Third, fourth or fifth.
But first.
The ONLY one is the magic number.
But how can this be now??
I'm shielded behind hurt.
Plastered with happy faces and giggles.
Does it show???
Fairy tale happiness.
Fake but all to real to a dreamer like me.
I want that fairy tale life.
Were one will give their life for another.
I think this is what I speak of.
Confusion even in the eye of truth.
What does all of this mean???
Am I lonely???
I wonder but what an odd question.
I haven't been around lond enough to be lonely.
This is what I try to tell myself.
But I guess truth always is the thing to fit in.
I can't deny it
Or can I???
I want what I can't have but my dreams say I can.
If truth is what always fits then why should I be teased by all my dreams???
Torture is what a dreamer is really given.
Not hope.
But the pain when those dreams appear to be just that.
Just dreams.
It's not fair I could scream but I know tonight I'll lay to sleep.
And I'll dream.
I wonder if the dreamer really ruins the happiness of reality.
To many ideals to see the real idea.
To be happy with what you ahev and what you can make for yourself.
But a dreamer I am.
I can't deny that.
