| I look back today over the decades of my life with tired eyes that see all too clearly. My memories evoke shame, disgust and, darkest of all, regret. Yet I am also proud, delighted, fulfilled. I stand erect, I walk erect, I am erect. Today I truly know how to love, not because of the times I have loved, but because of those times I was unable to love. Then I was an assailant because I had been the victim, a predator where once the prey. The wounded faun had sprung forth a hunter, thirsting for blood, killing for the sake of killing, gorging upon the feast, then leaving the bulk of the carcass on the trail behind. One has wronged me – damn them all. One has loved me – forgive the other. Wronged again – damn myself. Deceived again – curse my love, bar the trust. Yet still hoping, daring. |
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