THE GREAT WESTERN LINE

The alarm goes off,enough to waken the dead                   

You push down the button,jump straight out of bed

You have a quick shower,quick shave of the legs

Then sit down to breakfast of bacon and eggs

 

"The Great Western Line" visions unfold

Of great shiny engines of scarlet and gold

From Waterloo all the way down to Devon

In luxurious coaches that feel just like heaven

 

Running from London right down to the west

Your treated as though your a V.I.P. guest

Clickety clicking through towns and the farm

And treated with something called old-fashioned charm

 

But back to reality you get off the loo

The train your to catch is the 7-02

The weather looks nice,the forecast is fine

As you head down the road to the Great Western Line

 

You get to the station and run down the stairs

There's some in long trousers,some showing their hairs

They are all heading for town, including job seekers

When this melodious voice comes over the speakers

 

"One drivers not in, fell over his dog

Three very sick with a dose of the wog

They are in a bad way cannot get off the dunny"

The crowd start to laugh, they all think it funny

 

Their grins slowly turn into a big boo

"The first train cancelled is the 7-02

I've also to tell you  the next one is late

That's the one due from Penrith, the 7-08

 

The platform fills up, they are preparing to crush

The train pulls in and you prepare for the rush

You put yout head down and charge like wild bulls

It's better than watching the live Aussie rules

 

You kick peoples shins, tread right on their toes

The guard blows his whistle, the doors start to close

You jerk and you judder towards Seven Hills

Then you look in your purse for a couple of pills

 

This happens each station till you get to Redfern

Some lady in the middle has had a bit of a turn

You peer through the mist and the cigarette smoke

Not long to go and you think "What a joke

 

Then just as you think that your going allright

Your stopped outside Central by a bloody red light

The carraige gets stuffy,your feeling quite low

Because the girl next too you has a touch of B.O.

 

Every-ones moaning they are all late for work

Then all of a sudden the train gives a lurch

They all give a cheer and burst into song

But just down the track some-thing else has gone wrong

 

The train in front has blown an air line

You look at your watch and it's 20 past 9

You wait for 10 minutes, the train starts to move

But you know that your stuck in a perpetual groove

 

You are minding your own business looking out on the track

When you feel this finger massaging your back

Your heart beats faster, your stomach it curdles

As you feel a hand sliding under your girdle

 

The man next to you  you hit like a rocket

"It's not me" he cries "Me hands in  me pocket"

You apologise quickly and straighten his tie

As both of your breasts poke him right in the eye

 

At last you arrive at your destination

Pour out of the train and out of the station

Show your pass to the collector there by the gate

And run down the road your half an hour late

 

The boss gets out of his air-conditioned car

Thinking of his golf score which was two under par

He gives you a glare and he says "You look shocking"

"Your dress is all sweaty, a hole in your stocking"

 

Your hairs in a mess and your make-up has run"

And you feel like kicking him right up the bum

"I want you cleaner than this and straighten your back"

"Or I can see you ending up with the sack

 

Now the Minister's having a go at his job

But he inherited this trash from the previous mob

Some trains are dirty,smelly and dark

They look like they have come straight out the ark

 

The new trains are cleaner,quieter and light

The've an upstairs and downstairs and look very bright

Lets hope he can get them to all run on time

And this is the end of a very good rhyme

 

By Eddie The Pom