WOMEN DRIVERS

Women are nice,for them I'd travel afar

Till they get out of the house and into the car

They gaze at shop windows,do'nt look at the road

And drive till the motors about to explode

Say they cannot drive ,you dare not say that

As they swivel the mirror to look at their hat

They say to their friends"Do you think it suits me"

As they run some poor truckie right up a gum tree

They will squash you as flat as a poor little bug

Then turn up the wireless and give it a tug

They say to their friends "Did you feel a bump"

Whilst your chest is supporting a hot engine sump

They then drag you out though your feeling quite faint

And give you a beating for scratching the paint

And then give you a look that really spells hate

And accuse you of denting the front number plate

Now Doreen she must be right at the top

Has only two speeds,flat out and stop

When of to a dog show there's nobody around

The trailers in orbit,the cars on the ground

Doreen's lost more points than Shane’s got wickets

If there was a strike at work she'd run over the pickets

She won't look in the mirror and will never learn

Just got fined hundred bucks for an illegal right turn

She's forgot every thing that she's ever been taught

If there is one radar working she is sure to get caught

But she is ever so good when we go out to dine

She drives home,I'm not scared , I've had too much wine

After Melbourne's big show we headed for home

I connected the trailer,cleaned out my comb

I got into the car ,checked all was in order

And when I looked up we were over the border

We passed poor J.C. just north of Tarcutta

Went past him so fast we blew him in the gutter

Had lunch at Gundagai,then headed for Yass

Then Doreen decided to step on the gas

We zoomed over Goulburn then dive-bombed Tahmoor

We were going so fast we outdistanced the law

She screamed at one driver "Did you get your licence at Woolies"

He said "I give in ,I don't argue with bullies

We passed over Picton and Razerback hill

I marvelled and praised her good flying skill

We lost altitude just outside Bringelly

By that time my legs had turned into jelly

We came out of the clouds by the local dog pound

And I was so glad to be down on the ground

Allah be praised and I sang like a bird

As Doreen braked hard and changed down to third

But you know when you read this that it's only a joke

It's just I cannot resist having a poke

I'm embarrassed to say I've had more prangs than Dor

So she's one up on me with that little score

But I must warn you that when you drive to a match

If you see in your mirror a big dark blue patch

Pull over quick because to tell you the truth

She will leave dirty tyre marks all over your roof

Doreen read this last week so I said"Laugh at yourself"

So she picked me up and stuck me on the shelf

But my family motto is"You win or you lose"

So I'll just have to go out and buy bigger shoes

By Eddie The Pom