Numb I'm sitting here
playing solitare
seems the title fits my mood
solitare
solitary
alone
thats how I feel
though I know I got you
and I know you care
so why is it my heart longs so
for the bittersweet good-bye
that we always read abt
in the romance novels
or in the movies
life doesn't work that way
there's much more to it then love
friendships, parents, places to go
you don't have time to risk everything
for that one true love
instead you just have to go about your life
longing for the dream world you can escape into
and forget all this pain
this numbness
forget what it feels like
when a line in a happy song
can make tears fall from your eyes
forget what it's like to stare at the phone
hoping it will ring
and he'll be on the other line
telling you hes sorry he was acting strange
and it's only because he loves you so much
but you know it won't ring
and the thought treatens to ruin
all the self control you pride yourself on
all the emotions you try not to use
and you're scared to death
not knowing what will happen
when you actually leave
when it comes down to the last goodbye
you don't even know if he'll care
and you want to kick yourself for feeling that way
because of course he'll care
but how do you know
when he won't show it
show his love for you
that he hasn't even noticed yet
and you're not even sure its there
you wish there was a way to get inside his head
and reassure eery fear that the both of you feel
You want him to know that anything he feels
he can tell you
and anything he worries about
you'd be happy to tell him otherwise
and that anything that's hurting him
you'd be glad to push away
you wish there was a way to show him all this
and assure that he knows it
and you wish there was a way
to find out how he feels about you
if he even thinks about you
or if it's just keeping him from caring about her
how can you tell what hes feeling?
You remember the bittersweet kiss
the feeling of his lips on yours
and remembering how long it will be
before you can feel like that again
till you can know with every ounce of your being
that he does care
and briefly lose the nagging doubt
it was so perfect today
the kiss you see in movies
the way you kiss
when your truly in love
but what if it's not love?
what if the pain u feel in your heart
isn't really it?
and all you want is to talk to him
let him know how much your'e thinking of him
and have him tell you that everything will be fine
and that he'll wait for you
because thats all you really want to hear
that when you get back, he'll still be here
waiting
ready to take you in his arms
and tell you he missed you as much as you missed him
if not more
and slowly lean his head towards yours
look into your eyes
and kiss you
that bittersweet kiss
slowly losing the bitterness
and it will be perfect
you'll be his again
and he'll never want to leave your side
and he won't have to tell you that he loves you
because you'll know
and it won't make a difference anymore.
It'll all be right again
the void gone
never to return
again.

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