Looking Back

A time is for a season
at least that's what they say
When all things happen for a purpose
despite what comes our way ~
A chance for great renewal
wounds that heal in time
Forgive and forget what may have been
in days left far behind.

Confused emotions of denial
fingers point the blame
A shining spotlight on my faults
and mistakes I've made again ~
A feeling of betrayal
inflicted by the hand
Of one you loved and trusted
but now you don't understand.

One who was a confidant
on whom I could depend
Sharing my deepest darkest thoughts
with no need to pretend ~
Listening when I needed them
to let me "bend" their ear
I always thought they cared for me
for all of these past years.

So why is it when I take a stand
to relinquish any strings
It's all thrown back in my face
like it doesn't mean a thing?
Now whenever we share thoughts
no matter what we do,
Why does everything become a fight
over a simple point of view?

Doesn't my opinion matter
just as you expect yours to,
So why does it all begin and end
with what I say and do?
Are my thoughts and actions
now under scrutiny?
What is it now that you expect,
what do you want from me?

I can't be someone who'll stand by
and be a nice doormat
That just isn't me anymore
and now I'll stand up to that!
But look at where it's gotten me
when I tried to stand my ground
Blame was thrown back at me,
but why don't you take a look around?

Now I find myself questioning
what our friendship means,
Is it what we have now
or what it used to be?
Many memories I recall
in the seasons of our youth,
But where does that leave us now
in the spotlight of our truth?

Despondent feelings of regret
of things I should have done
Maybe I have myself to blame
for this to have begun ~
Hot and cold, up and down,
a rollercoaster ride
God knows that I'm not free of blame
but He also knows I've tried.

So where is it that we go from here
to overcome our pain,
And how did we come to make the choice
from acceptance to blame?
In this time of changing seasons
do we have room for regret?
Or do we move beyond the past
in a journey to forget?

Questions without answers
forgiveness without end
Moving on to look beyond
this friendship does depend ~
On accepting responsibility
for the things we are to blame
No more pointing fingers
I will not accept that again.

"I questioned myself as to whether to put this poem under the "Reflective Poetry" or "Friendship Poetry" categories....as in reality, it deals with both sides of the coin. Speaking openly and frankly about a situation which has inflicted me of late, I ask myself questions about a long-standing friendship which I feel, in some ways, has become destructive. I have grown from someone who let others walk all over me to a stronger woman not allowing this to happen to me anymore....unfortunately it has come up against some friction. And I find myself wondering where do I stand with someone whom I trusted, whom I confided my thoughts in, who I depended upon as a friend, who I grew to realise was hurting me in ways she may never have been aware of. I love this friend like a sister, but when I confronted her about what has happened between us over the years, she only denied it and shifted the blame once again to my shoulders. This leaves me wondering ~ where do I stand? What do I really mean to this person? Can we move beyond this and forgive and forget? But one thing is for sure, I don't accept blame for things that are not my fault anymore. As I look back over the years of our friendship....This poem is about looking back ~ looking back over what once was to what something has become. Till we look back no more."