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THIS PAGE IS ABOUT ABUSE
Sexual abuse, physical, emotional, verbal
and spousal abuse. It's also about
hope, strength, recovery and healing.
THIS PAGE MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME *
I REMEMBER
I remember the hands and the fingers that probed
I remember his breath and the smell of his clothes
I remember the threats and the lies that he told
To a little child that wasn't very old
I remember the room and the bed where I lay
I remember the sounds and grunts that he made
I remember the feeling inside of my chest
To a little child there was no rest
I remember the light that hung from the ceiling
I remember my head spinning and reeling
I remember the taste in my mouth that he made
To a little child that prayed and prayed
I remember the feeling of anger inside
I remember the closet and trying to hide
I remember the pain that he caused deep inside
To a little child that cried and cried
I remember the assaults to my body you made
I remember the legacy you gave
I remember and still ....... I forgave
I remember
Sand * * *
SILENT TEARS
Tears of pain so deep even when I sleep
I awaken to brush the wetness from my cheeks
Dreams that haunt my peace and leave me feeling weak
Sorrow in my heart that never finds real peace
You ask me why the silent tears , do you really want to know?
How little children suffer ....... when no one loves them so
They wake up in the morning with a smile to meet the day
And have their hopes crumbled when no one looks their way
Harsh words torment their mind and bruises you will find
If you should look beneath their clothes
and deep within their mind
Some are quite invisible faded with the time
Others are black and blue and some show a belt line
There is no safe place at home, no one that they can trust
Cause mommy doesn't care when daddy's mad at us
She listens to my crying and screams at me to stop
" Don't be a baby whining ...... you deserved it all ! "
And when I hear the footsteps coming down the hall
I know I can't tell mama because he'll kill us all
And so I cry my silent tears and turn my head against the wall
And turn off my emotions and curl up in a ball
Someday I'll grow up big and strong and then i'll tell the world
Listen to your children ........ love that little girl
Teach them about beauty and parents that are wise
Teach them they are beautiful so they feel good inside
Sand * * *
This poem is dedicated to Silent Tears Homepage
with much love to DovewingsT and GrnBeret7
for their labor of love and dedication.
STAINED WITH TEARDROPS
Teardrops flow against my skin, the memories so deep that never dim
My heart aches with remembering the little girl I was
I look at pictures now and then,
I see the sad eyes and remember when
That little girl was innocent and always trusted him
She didn't know what shame was, she didn't know a lie
She was told to listen to adults and never,ever cry
She hid her face against the wind, chaffed with memories even then
And learned to hide the truth ...... again and again
Little girl your face is stained but that can be washed clean
Your soul is cut to ribbons and the pain there can't be seen
You suffer through the memories and curl up in a ball
Hiding from the world when you should stand up tall
Birds that fly against the wind their wings battered and torn
Healing will come with patience and then you won't be sore
LIft your face up to the sky raise your wings as if to fly
Your face is stained with teardrops but they will wash you clean
Sand * * *
LITTLE GIRL
Little girl all alone, sitting by the window
Take my hand and hold it close, I will be here with you
Every tear that falls, slowly down your cheek
Is another step in erasing the memories
Little girl you're not alone, my arms are wrapped around you
Holding you with loving arms and wiping tears that flow
Gently like a flower, you're opening your bud
LIfting up your tear stained face and smiling like you should
The days will get much smoother, each one another step
The tears will get much lighter, each one so soft and wet
The voices that you're hearing, will somehow each let go
And every one a part of you, will let the real you show
You're growing every minute, your mind will be serene
A happiness eluded, that now is finally seen
The little girl that hides inside, afraid to see the sun
Can now come out and be herself, because you've finally won
Sand * * *
For Becky
EVERY TEARDROP GLISTENS
The sun shines through the clouds and drifts toward the earth
Every day a new beginning, never in the dark
If memories still linger and doubts darken your day
Wipe the teardrops from your cheek,
kneel down on your knees and pray
Every teardrop glistens bright enough for Him to see
Every silent shutter He will hold you tenderly
His hands offer the healing that only He can free
He'll whisper in your ear and guide you patiently
Your hands were meant to glorify, your knees to bend and kneel
Your eyes to look toward heaven if its pain you feel
He'll stand beside you, hold your hand
Give you strength when you fall down again
Lift your hands to heaven, glorify His name
Whisper a silent prayer and wipe away the pain
He'll lift you way above the clouds and give you peace and joy
He'll take the dark clouds away and hold you in His arms
Sand* * *
LITTLE ONE
The little one sat crying with her knees upon the floor
She didn't want to do the things that she had done before
She tried real hard to hide her eyes, to stop the tears that fell
But deep inside the tears still hide and sometimes its like hell
She has a woman's body and a mind thats quick and bright
But in her mind she tries to hide the secret that she fights
The child that is a woman, that suffered through the pain
The child that was molested and made to play the game
The pain is deep, the scars she keeps that others cannot see
It isn't just the action, it isn't just the game
The mind is such a precious thing and thoughts always remain
She battles with an unseen enemy, one that hides within
It goes away on sunny days and then comes back again
Try to see the picture I paint with words I feel
Try to touch the little one, this little girl is real
Sand* * *
THE MAGIC WAND
Little girl I see you still, sitting on the window sill
Arms crossed over your chest, for you there is no rest
Tears that flow like raindrops down the riverbed
Tears that never should have been, tears that you have shed
Your face is like an angel, your wings are bruised and torn
The body that God gave to you is perfect in its form
The memories you suffer, the pain that you have felt
The pain that touched so many goes deep just like a well
I hand to you a magic wand that glows with love and peace
I wrap my arms around you and kiss you on the cheek
I lay a bouquet of roses tenderly at your feet
And hope that you can feel the love inside that runs so deep
Sand * * *
THE TEARS ARE ALL GONE
Sweet as a rosebud, you hold me with hands
That won't go away.....that help me to stand
You cover my skin with a glow from the stars
And hold me so close that the tears are all gone
Hold out your hands, feel the soft breeze
Feel with your fingers and feel with your knees
Don't try to struggle, just sit and pretend
Before long you'll feel it and then you'll begin
Your wings have been broken but now they will mend
I know you have spirit and you have a friend
The magic you speak of is all in your mind
But one day it'll happen and then you will find
The child that you were is still deep inside
The child that will grow and won't have to hide
You were born yesterday, you were born from my heart
I cover your body with big shining stars
Sand* * *
HOLDING ONTO YOU
Little one I hold you close, snuggled in my arms
Taking all the pain away thats kept you for so long
Filling you with rainbow colors, touching you with dew
Giving you the love you need and holding onto you
Touching you with gentleness just like a newborn child
Opening a flower thats buried deep inside
Smiles filled with the sunshine, kisses that are new
Giving you the love you need and holding onto you
Your spirit is a summer breeze, your heart a pot of gold
The smile i see like summer leaves with colors rich and bold
Eyes that have a twinkle, a soft mysterious blue
Giving you the love you need and holding onto you
Sand * * *
GIVE ME AN ANGEL
Where are the words? Stuffed deep inside
I can't get them out...they just seem to hide
The tongue that I speak with is tangled and tied
The spirit thats broken won't mend til I die
My heart speaks the words that my voice cannot say
It tells of the pain that just won't go away
It cries in the night and it cries in the day
It wanders alone in a valley so grey
Cover me with roses from my head to my toes
Fill me with fragrance as sweet as a rose
Take all the pain and gently dispose
Give me an angel to hold me so close
Whisper "I love you" so I can hear
Touch me with gentleness, wipe all my tears
Hold me with arms that don't go away
Keep me in your heart .......... every day
Sand * * *
I TOUCH YOUR CHEEK
I touch your cheek as you sleep, little one with thoughts so deep
A childhood that was full of pain, abuse that covered you with shame
A beautiful spirit still remains, the child inside is still the same
Her wounds are deep and painful but her smile lights up the day
Her mind is full of memories that she gently hides away
Her voice a whisper in the wind, a gentle touch she feels within
"Hold me when I'm lonely, hug me when I cry
Touch me like a friend, wipe the tears from my eyes
Cradle me with softness, listen when I speak
Cover me with love, hold me when I weep"
Each day a step is taken, each day she grows some more
Her strength is never-ending even when she feels unsure
Life is an adventure ........ she's opening the door
Holding deep the child within thats not scared anymore
Sand * * *
COVER YOUR EYES
A flickering candle in the night, it leaves a glow,
it shines so bright
The shadows dancing on the wall,
a little one that looks so small
The world is big and full of monsters,
cover your eyes and feel the darkness
Pretend you're on the beach at night,
feel the breeze and not the fright
Soft as powder on your feet,
the sand that reaches soft and deep
Whispers smooth against your cheek,
a gentle breeze, the ocean sleeps
Silent waves that dance about,
tortured memories leave you now
Peacefulness is what you seek,
the futures bright laid at your feet
Gazing quietly at the sky,
a falling star that makes you sigh
Fill your heart with moonbeams,
there's no more tears to cry
Sand * * *
SUCH A LITTLE GIRL
Tied with satin ribbons and hair in golden curls
She sat alone without a smile, her mind in such turmoil
Why am I so bad? Her thoughts are in a whirl
Her clothes are gone and she's alone ... such a little girl
Its not a pretty story, its not a fairy tale
Its not an actress in a movie pretending that she's real
Child pornography, pedophiles and rape
Something we don't think about because it makes us shake
We shake our heads and stammer and pretend it isn't real
But what about the children that we could help to heal?
Each drop of rain that falls from the sky,
helps to make a river rise
Every child that suffers is one that makes me cry
You think its tough to listen to.....you think it hurts too much
Think about the child that has to do this stuff
Help to make awareness of lives that we could change
Help to save the little ones that are in so much pain
Sand * * *
LAVENDER SILK AND BRUISES
My words convey my feelings, held so deep within
Of lavender silk and bruises and a life that shouldn't have been
I walked on eggshells every day and lost myself along the way
Afraid to take the step that would allow my life to change
My children hid in closets and and cried theirselves to sleep
Today when I think of them, it still makes me weep
Their lives were not of freedom but control and hypocracy
They lived a life of glamour to the world that couldn't see
A man so filled with anger that his children felt the sting
His words like a dagger to the little boy I gave to him
The church was not a shelter but a place for our display
The children were his target almost every day
Lavender silk and bruises could describe a normal day
It might start off with a dinner where everyone would pray
Sometimes the bruises didn't show because they were inside
And other times I wore a blouse with a high neckline
I wear the lavender silk today and the bruises still don't show
I've covered them with memories and try to let them go
Tomorrow as I walk ...... along the sandy shore
I'll give a smile of happiness ........ my freedom, my reward
Sand * * *
LISTEN TO THE WHISPERS
Little girl , so sad and distant, sitting all alone
Tears sliding down your cheeks and soft tearful moans
The story written in your eyes is such a mystery
The haunted, empty look of a child in misery
Your clothes are neat and pretty, you smell like fresh sunshine
You live inside a house that looks so clean and fine
Your mom attends the P.T.A. and Dad's a minister
But when I look into your eyes, I see a painful glimmer
Big blue eyes and long blonde curls paint a picture of success
But your heart is pounding wildly, inside your little chest
The man that came to dinner, the one you call Grandpa
He made you keep a secret and you don't like it at all
His hands reach out to touch you, he says it'll be okay
The things he does to you.........he calls it play
Your mind is in confusion, you try to push away
But Grandpa says," behave yourself or I will make you pay"
Listen to the whispers, I can hear them late at night
Lying in my bed, in the dark without a light
I wish I were a angel and I could fly away
Perhaps the angels that I hear, will come for me one day
Sand * * *
Special thanks to
Ki*mm*ie , Angel and Babette
for
the inspiration to write the words that fill
this page.
© 1998 Sand is the author of original poetry
and thoughts on this page.
NOTE: These original writings are copyrighted and
they may NOT be reproduced, distributed or
displayed in any way or form without
the author's expressed and written consent.
If you wish to share a poem
with other person(s), then please either
share the web page address (URL) or place
a link to this webpage.
Love
Sand * * *
This page is shared for the purpose of helping
victims (survivors) to deal with the pain they
experienced at the hands of people they trusted
that betrayed them and took away their innocence.
I would like to introduce a very dear friend
who has kindly allowed me to share some of his writings. David........thank you!
And Where is Love?
He hurled the sandstone spitting against the tree trunk,
leaving no mark the shattering, but fell in the red dirt
of the lonesome road. On hands and knees, he felt
the grit stinging, mixing with a scrape in muddy blood.
He picked himself up and staggered dusty to the trunk.
It bore no scratch, like his father, stood straight and tall
with heavy, heavy arms, hard wooden hands. He crossed
his arms tenderly to cover blue-black splotches spoilage.
Thoughts rained from glowering clouds, the drinking
and the shouting beat down his glooming face,a tear
cut a lonely track. He tasted salt, darkened with the
knowledge he had done nothing, absolutely nothing.
He sat against the tree, pushing unyielding strength
with his back, not giving as he had done last night.
He plucked a long grass stem jealous of its suppleness
to rebound when bent, he snapped off pieces like himself.
He slapped himself suddenly on the thighs repeatedly,
rebuking his slattern fear that shocked with the blows
landing in the hazy bluish glow of the television late news,
the empty beer cans shining against the man's chair.
He lifted a sore neck to wonder that the creamy white in
the sky drifted peacefully, like love was supposed to be,
but that sky would splinter with the coming of another night.
He had somehow stumbled in worthiness to fail unending.
He would find his father's belts and cut them into bits,
strip the closets of coat hangers, leaving wrinkled piles
of clothing as a sign that it must end. He would tell
his fourth grade teacher his parent was dead and gone.
He would live with the janitor in the basement of the school,
eating sardines and crackers, with whipped cheese on the
occasion that he cared to recall his ragged past. With a
groan he opened his eyes to the present sun blazing.
He had time, he had hours, he had told the nurse he had
fallen in a ravine choked with logs. She had sent him home
to an empty shack. He rocked himself, crooning nonsense
melodies. The shack would stay empty until the dusk.
He still loved in confusion his pa, bending to the blows
that must be needed to stem the raging tide. He could
pretend to understand, perhaps touch something deep.
He would try, cry out in the storm, he could not stop.
Copyright 2000 DPMcClellan
Dove Hold
He parted shuddering curtains and looked for lights
to billow his belly's sails with terror at his sights
of the coming home. He would listen for the slam
of the car door, then run to his room, the only plan.
The blue barge filled the driveway. The giant got out
and closed the door, just firmly. Oh, he could shout
a laugh as the tower man headed slowly toward
the house. He went to his bedroom, glad forward.
He squinted with his luck breathing. Count 3/3 times.
Wish up the good day. He might not feel sick lines
groping his throat. Lavender water massaged warm air
as he heard a chuckle from Dad's bedroom. To share.
He had done nothing for Mom to tell. Now concentrated.
His chest window opened a crack. Paid to what fated
with dummy's gold. 'Member, pay attention to details.
Never interrupt with excitement of missing his wails.
He painted happy carefully. It was an awful hard mask.
He gave hugs. No roars, no pain at him tonight. Task.
The sun peeked at his heart. God, he would get to love,
today, if he was pink. Carefully, he would hold the dove.
Copyright 2000 DPMcClellan
 1998-99-2000-01-02-03-04-05-06-07-08
Sand is the author of original poetry and thoughts on this page.
NOTE: These original writings are copyrighted and may NOT be
reproduced, distributed or displayed in any way or form
without the author's expressed and written consent.
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