| Frozen Roses Civil Angel '03 { This never happened...but I hope it would’ve had. It’s about Angel’s thoughts if he had visited Buffy’s grave after her death... } Chilly winter air, blowing over the silent land. Quietly sighing of despair, I really try to understand. Why did she have to go? She, who had so much to give? So many things left to do, so many things what for to live. Suddenly I shiver. There’s something on my nose. Makes me remember, when for me it was close. My life back then was saved. Simply a miracle it had to be. More than anything I’ve ever wished, I wish she now could share this with me. I stand above her gravestone. Compared to others, so young and new. I cannot feel but so utterly alone. With her, away my spirit flew. Kneeling down beside her, a memory then flashes. Last time it was her mother, to whom they said 'to ashes'. Gently stroking the earth, thinking, I suddenly remember. How we sat there, she was grieving, her lost family member, It’s too much of an irony, that now it was she, blessed to her fate. I’m just lost in this agony, when loosing my one true mate. I wasn’t even there at the moment, the moment she lost her life. The world suddenly went silent, death was turning its ugly knife. She once herself told me, she couldn’t watch me die. What if it was her will to be? Then it really was not a lie... She didn’t have to watch my death. But why did she have to go before? What wouldn’t I give to feel her breath, against my skin once more? Oh God, how much I wish, I’ll only be missing her. But to think so is just childish, there’s not such an easy answer. My heart feels even colder, like ice on top of mountain. Why cannot I sleep here with her, let snow fall over me like fountain. I cannot even cry enough, to grieve my little lover. Only a way long and rough, can melt this ice back to water. She even did not know the day, the day that never was. That wasn’t just some Tuesday, that day was made for us. Tears are running freely now, dropping onto the ground. Like greeting her, I bow. My cries holding no sound. To her stone I lay a gentle kiss, like kissing her goodnight. Forever I’ll remember this, my farewell in moonlight. Gently touching stone’s engraving, memorizing it with my fingertips. Feather soft my fingers brushing, like they did on her lips. Good night my love, my dear. I wish you sweetest dreams. I wish you feel the touch of my tear, like caress of moonbeams. I cannot feel the wind's cold breeze, to here I just...freeze. I slowly rise from beside my lover, knowing, one door now closes. Laying down my last gift to her; winter frozen roses... |
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| A Golden Quill -award from Raven |