You Can Lead a Consumer to Water...

The azure blue labels confront you on aisle 10. They call for you from crystal clear bottles, chanting their tranquil names. Aquafina. Fiji. Crystal Geyser. Dasani. Ahh, just the sound quenches your thirst.

But then you're jolted back to reality, most likely by a shopping cart on your toe, and realize that water is water and you're just going to get the generic Alpha Beta brand.

Why was this such an ordeal? Why did you even hesitate in picking up the less expensive water when you knew it had the same molecular makeup as its pricier shelfmates?

It's because beverage manufacturers are now convincing you that not all water is the same.

There are many competing brands in the water market, trying to sell you something that is, in escence, the same as what another company offers. Despite claims of reverse osmosis or being bottled in the Swiss Alps, if you blindfolded me and had me do a taste test, I bet I wouldn't even be able to tell the difference between Evian and water from the in-door dispenser on my refridgerator.

Given this "water is water" attitude, bottlers face the dilemma of increasing their sales amid an apathetic consumer base. So to trump all the others and reign supreme over the water market, companies have turned to merchandising to attract buyers and gain water loyalty.

Just like with soda, advertising is the preeminent way of doing this.

Maybe it's just because it's summer, but I've noticed a deluge of water commercials lately.

Aquafina has a comercial campaign right now featuring celebrities like Michael J. Fox, Lisa Kudrow (though uncredited), and Kelly Ripa (who is apparently America's new sweethart). The rampant popularity of these spokespeople transposes onto the brand, boosting sales, no doubt.

The ad campaign says it "promises nothing", that's how pure Aquafina is. How do you sell nothing? Perhaps the ad agency also realized how asinine it is to sell water, something that has no calories, no vitamins, no protein, no fat content, and they downplayed the essential nothingness of water with a clever slogan.

Using the celebrity endorsements is just one of many appeals advertisers use. There's also associations made between water and athletic ability, water and feminity, and water and escapism. Water can make you a better athlete, make you more womanly, or make you drift off to some faraway tropical island (Fiji, perhaps?), if only in the mind.

Another way of merchandising is through packaging.

Just a tint of blue in the bottle or an appearance of condensation on the label says so much non-verbally to the consumer. It says "I am pure, cool, and satisfying." It can also say something about your appreciation of beauty. Put a curvy, blue piece of artwork like a Dasani bottle next to the frumpy ridges of a Crystal Geyser and you'll know what I'm talking about. Who wants to be seen at the gym with an ugly water bottle? Hey, I've even been suckered into buying Fiji water because the bottle was cute.

Still waters run deep, my friend, don't they? Are you beginning to see how you've been manipulated by something so innocuous as a bottle of water? The brand name is another such gimmick which aids in a water's image but is totally unrelated to quenching your thirst.

The website for Coca-Cola's water, reveals the origins of its name. "People are having a lot of fun guessing the origin of the name DASANI," it reads. "One Coca-Cola executive jokingly said it sounded like a 'Roman god of water.' Actually, the name DASANI is an original creation. Consumer testing showed that the name is relaxing and suggests pureness and replenishment." See! They intend for us to buy water based on the pleasing name slapped on the bottle.

Numerous other waters do the same thing: convince you that their water provides more than just a couple hydrogen and one oxygen atom. It provides tranquility, rejuvenation, serenity. They make hydration into an experience only delivered by the finest water. And anyone who is inhospitable to this idea must have the discerning palate of a dog.

The snooty and fastidious conoctations Evian has are definately testament to the water's sucessful branding in upscale markets. Now different waters are aligning themselves with other groups like women, sporty-types, urban dwellers, and health nuts.

So are you going to define yourself with a bottle of nothing? Come on, obey your thirst - drink tap if you have to. Don't pay premium prices for something that covers 80 percent of the globe.

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