DOUG DOES BIRD
	HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN? HOW A POLICE PHOTO-FIT MIGHT LOOK
		The chips were certainly down for Doug last night, after being arrested and spending the night in the slammer. The incident happened on Washington Street following a Posse BNO. With Passions closed, Doug, Paul and Mark M retreated to the burger van where Doug purchased a portion of chips. It was these chips that would lead Mr Sheckley to go off the rails and embark on a life of crime. As they crossed the road to the taxi rank there was a fateful encounter with a policeman as drunk on power as Doug was on Budweiser. The normally mild-mannered Sheckley recklessly spilled chips and gravy all over the pavement. Sensing the most excitement the Workington PD had had all month, they swooped on this dangerous criminal. "I should have had a tennis ball ... something to throw against the wall while I was in the Hole... Steve Mcqueen style" Half-nelsoned and handcuffed from behind, Doug was in the joint for the night. He was charged with being drunk and disorderly and fined £80. He did his time like a man though, and never told the police who supplied the chips. "Take him away boys... from now on he'll be busting his moves in the state penitentiary." Released this morning, Sheckley refused the customary blanket over his head. When asked what he's going to do now he's a free man, Doug replied, "I'll have to do some home-made tattoos. Maybe get a swallow on my neck."