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NOTICE
- On this web page - spelling doesn't count.
The
lurker - I know you are there. I feel you just behind me, one step in
front of me, sometimes surrounding me. Why do you hide? I know you whisper
little secrets to me while I sleep. I know you think of me during the
day. But still you remain silent. Always in the shadows. Always lurking.
Dec/2000
Notes Jan&Feb/2001
Notes March/2001
Notes
April
27th/Midnight sometime...
PS
- Books I want:
The
Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God
Boy
meets Girl - Josh came out with another book! Wooohoo!
Reaching
for the Invisible God.
Wild
at Heart: Discovering Passionate Soul of a Man
Greatest
Salesman in the World
Greatest
Salesman in the World Part 2: The End of the Story
The
Twelfth Angel
April
27th/Evening sometime...
Ever
feel something very deep, share it, people privately support you but publicly
don't? It bothers me so. Yes, I feel let down. Yet - why does it bother
me if my view was rejected? Why does it bother me people do "take
backs?"
Was
told I am "dependent" today. I have to think about that. Since,
nothing rubs my pride worse then being told such things. They are right,
yet I do wonder. Is there a time when someone is not dependent on someone
else? I would like to hear of such a thing. Even Adam needed Eve. Maybe
a rededication on dependence is better suited. Depend on God rather then
people. Yet, even God gives us people for comfort. So - I ask, is being
dependent good or bad? OR is NOT being dependent good or bad?
May
4th - the day to remember! Mummy 2!!!! I want to see that!
OK
- this sappy post is going up!
April
25th/Afternoon sometime...
Well
- busy week, although - don't have the time right now to get into all
the happenings. Mainly 1 - I was sick. 2 - The "Lurker Phil"
finally asked me to be his girl. *big smile*
April
17th/Evening sometime...
I'm
sick again!!! *ugh!* - I swear, I give up!
A
friend sent this
to me. Very powerful stuff. Made me cry.
Another
friend, from CA, coming this weekend. Excited! But must be well before
then! Hence - crawling under the covers. Talk later.
April
14th/Early morning sometime...
I
wonder, if in our pain we are the "witness to the sorrow of God."
April
12th/Afternoon sometime...
The
following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering
midterm. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with
colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most
of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First,
we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to
know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are
entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the
world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member
of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one
of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives
two possibilities:
1.
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.
2.
Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over. So which is it?
If
we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Ashley Smith during
my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded
in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus
I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."
The
student received the only "A" given.
April
11th/Evening sometime...
Reading
James for the last 2 days. When I was a child I had to memorize the entire
thing. Amazing how much I forgot.. and how quickly I remember. Gathering
the true meanings is the goal now.
Spent
the day with a friend wandering around car lots.... awwww.. how I drool
over those big trucks and little sport cars. Saw a 90 Nissan 240sx.....
and it fit me like a glove! *grin* Even had leather! And we all know how
I adore that.
Speaking
of leather, been wearing the black leather skirts so much need to get
new ones. Well, don't "need" to - but do desire to. Yet, some
part of me thinks I should move past this look and try for something different.
Get some business suites or *gasp* pants! (Well - need pants to at least
rollerfall.)
"What
causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires
and battle within you? You want something but don't get it." - James
4:1,2a.
April
10th/Early Evening sometime...
Well
- added a new guest book *woohoo* and changed my pictures page layout.
Tell me what you think.
OK
- I'm grumpy. And I can't figure out why. I have spent most of the day
cleaning out other bathroom trying to get rid off all this pent up frustration.
*mmmm!* I wonder how much is grump... how much stress... how much these
drugs... how much other stuff. :) Ever been grumpy and not know why?
I
just have the urg to clean *shocker I know* and play on the computer.
Went
over to a friends "online" friends last night. Went over resume
and helped fancy it up a tad. What's sad is that I still need to fancy
it up more. It's like a never ending process.
Otherwise
- some interesting days... full of moody ponderings, joys and sadness.
Crying sucks - Laugher is beautiful.
I'm
off to clean bathroom some more. I'll try to post later.
April
7th/Afternoon sometime...
Mom
came over. She took my coffee pot and threw it out. *sigh* Hence, after
3 months, tomorrow morning I will not lay hands on it and pray for it
to "rise from the dead."
I'm
doped up on pain killers. Apparently I am sick. Very sick. Who knew? I
have so much Codone in me not sure if I'm flying the kite or the kite
is flying me. Regardless... I really like this stuff! Wooohooo! Soooo
tired, though. But trying to force myself to stay awake in order to sleep
full 8 hours tonight.
As
I mentioned before - mommy came over today to get me the drugs and "chat."
Yet, her form of chatting is cleaning my apartment. I LOVE her form of
chatting! I felt like an imbecile kind of just nodding in and out of conversations
while she took out my garbage and did the dishes and my laundry. Aren't
mom's wonderful? Except I miss my coffee pot!!! :)
April
5th/Late Evening sometime...
Ear
HURTS! Again. :( webmd.com is trying to help.
How
do you feel when you start to share your deepest darkest desires to someone?
Feel cleansed or embarrassed? I think I'm feeling both. But feel so good
too. Almost elated? Like "hope" has returned!
Absolutely
nothing exciting happened today except tons of showers (running hot water
over my ear) and mmmmm.... and? Well ...pondering oddities.
Sorry
I have nothing to report...
April
4th/Evening sometime...
I
like to dream.... right between my sound machine. On a cloud of sound
I drift in the night. Any place it goes is right. Goes far, flies near,
to the stars away from here. ... come on.... - Sketchers, Go, and Steir
Spy
Kids are getting good reviews... who would have thunk?
Some
things in life are scary. Like being humbled. When one becomes prideful,
they really do fall. Admitting mistakes is a hard lesson to learn. Harder
still to accept the responsibility of them. Made a request from someone
this morning... A half hearted request, at that. Really didn't even want
to ask. Yet, as soon as I asked was given the request, almost on the spot.
Now, I'm dealing with opening my big mouth! And all the responsibility
that comes from it. Regardless - will be good in the end.. but sometimes,
I do wish I would keep my big mouth SHUT! :)
Shiny
White Knights are coming with a ball of fire behind them... I'm scared!...
But excited as well.
I
miss school. I think I'm getting dumber as the day's go by. I can actually
hear the cells dying.
Let
the sound take you a... Let the sound take you a... Let the sound take
you away... 1...2... 3. Come on! - Sketchers, Go, and Steir.
April
4th/Midnight sometime...
Ever
around someone that, somehow makes you feel self-conscious or not as "intelligent"
as they are? As if you are part of an interrogation? I have a few of them
in my life right now. Yet, I enjoy them! Do I enjoy this so called "grilling"
of who I am? Or is a hopeless quest for self worth? Awww - midnight questions
that boggle the little mind of us humans.
Saw
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon again tonight at the cinema grill. Woohoo!
LOVE that movie! *sigh* To find such love and passion in life. Movie fantasies
will continue to move me as long as I believe in "happy ever after."
What
moves you?
Put
me on my knees baby... it's where I long to be.
April
3rd/Afternoon sometime...
Well,
chocolate man and I hanging out tonight. Will be good, I believe. I bugged
people today... including one of the "people" at NBC king5.
And surprise, they emailed me back! Woohoo! Not sure what that means,
but apparently my powers of email communications are still up to par.
I
have discovered that if you stay up till 3:30am all channels will either
play "I Love Lucy" shows or "Pasta Maker" informercials.
Both, are highly entertaining!
I
spent 3 hours uping the resume this morning... then transferring it to
all the spiders working on it. It has been cut down to two pages.. *whew*
If you desire to see it, give a buzz - I'll pass the url.
So
- sent out the invites for the FC lunch next week. Already getting the
RSVP's. :) Always boosts my spirits to see those VP's say.. .save room
for me.. *wink* We are doing Italian this month. Will discuss motivation
techniques and what drives our decision making attitude. Basically, just
delivering deeper into last weeks meeting at Perkins.
I
have figured out how to have my webpage be my desktop!!! WOOOHOOO! Finally!
Was done quite by accident. But I must admit, it does give way to my creative
tendencies.... I feel the urge to change again.
April
2nd/Afternoon sometime...
Gotta
check this out! He lives in Seattle somewhere too! :) Be sure to "click
to continue!" - http://www.nonprofitabletech.com
April
1st/Evening sometime...
I
gotta get a new picture for the website - ideas? April showers?
I
HATE it when people lie to me! I hate being used! Ugh... going to have
to cut someone out of my life and it sucks so bad! Makes me desire to
just shut completely down and not trust anyone. Of course this totally
contradicts the new "me" that is starting to emerge. The "trusting/open"
me. What really hurts is that I thought of them as a close friend this
last year or so. Someone I could trust, shared my fears/joys with. Someone
I enjoy movies and go shopping sprees together etc... But it has happened
over and over again, and my emotions can't handle it right now... "Serenity
now!" - George's Father, Sinefield
I'm
so behind on my emails. Almost up to a week behind. I know it will come
as a shock to many of you.. *wink*... but have been reading the Bible
more and more lately. Haven't hit anything awe inspiring that I haven't
read before.. except Proverbs chapter one and two. So I guess I'll just
keep rereading those. *grin*
I
am a closet republican in Seattle. - My future bumper sticker *impish
grin*
Why
did God tell Hagar to return and serve Sarah? Some things I just don't
get.
Went
to the little party last night. Was good. Hotel was good. Company was
good. "Quills" was BAD! (Ok - it was a good movie.. but it was
sooooo dark!) C asked me why I waste my time on things that depress me
so? Her words "Why do I want to spend 8 bucks to be depressed? I
can do that to myself for free." HA! hehe - Good point! Hence, I
will go check out Heartbreakers again, soon. Anyone want to come? Heartbreakers
a GREAT movie. In my humble opinion. :) Very cute and funny. Plus, some
great cars! Mmmm - I love fast cars.
I
have just realized I have some really stupid friends with wacked out ideas.
I hate the "me" concept. The whole 'zen' thing is getting old,
ya know. Somehow the more I hang around them the more annoyed I get. I
think, ladies and gents - I am getting wiser in my old age. *grin*
Russ..I
want my rollerblades! (Yes, I know they are a gift - but I'm getting ancy
to do something! Especially since the sun has been showing up more and
more.) Actually, watching all these people rock climb has begun to hit
on me. I know I'm not "up to par" right now to do it. And who
knows if I ever could, because of my feet. Yet, still, I ponder the idea.
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