FEATHERS! Woah....

Mina: Good evening, Tokyo! Welcome to the First Annual Tokyo City Sailor Triathalon, in which random pairings of normal teenagers will compete in even more random events! I am your hostess, the totally beautiful and talented idol, Mina Aino. With me tonight are my fellow commentators and judges, the spectacular Guardian Felines, Artemis--
Artemis: Hello! Glad to be here.
Mina: Luna--
Luna: Good evening, all.
Mina: And Phoebe.
Phoebe: Why am I last? Is that an insult? *grrrr*
Mina: *ignoring her* The three events are as follows: the Escalator Sprint/Coast Dash, Freestyle Booth Stuffing, and the ever-popular City-Wide Bit Character Scavenger Hunt....
Phoebe: *aside to Luna* Why does Mina get to be the host?
Luna: *whispers* Because we needed Phelan's video equipment and filming expertise and that was his one condition: that Mina be within his sight at all times. This was the only way we could pull it off.
Phoebe: Oh.
Mina: ....Now, as you can see behind me, the contestants are preparing for the first event, the Escalator Sprint/Coast Dash.
           *cut briefly to Kira and Celeste, drinking Orange Julius-es. They are standing in front of a pair of escalators, one
              ascending, and one descending.*
           *cut back to Mina and Cats*
Mina: In this event--
Phoebe: *interrupts her; Mina glares at offending cat* In this event, both contestants are trying to reach the second florr of the Mall via the escalators. Simple, you say? Hardly.
Luna: While one contestant rides the ascending escalator, the other must try to run up the descending one, rather like trying to swim against the current. The first to reach the top wins.
Artemis: Let's take a moment to introduce the contestants. *rest of speech is a voice over the picture and basic stats of Kira*
The defending champion, Kira Pierce, is known as the Citrus Blur in the racing world for her speed and her love of anything orange. This 16-year-old beauty began racing at the tender age of 16, when she was discovered sprinting up the descending escalator because she had misread the signs. She loves anime and strawberry-rhubarb pie, and plans to be a spy when she grows up. As the defending champion, Pierce will be riding the ascending staircase.
Luna: *picture and stats switch to those of Celeste* The challenger tonight is the talented young Celeste Shields. Known as the Blue Demon to her fans in the Esca-racing circuit for her hair and ferocity, she began racing three days ago so Pierce would have someone to compete against.
Phoebe: *still a voiceover* Her hobbies include singing and dancing, both of which will help Shields in her run to defeat Pierce, the former giving her breath support, and the latter really strong dancer's legs. As the challenger, Shields will be attempting to ascend the descending staircase. *voiceover ends. Mina and Cats now visible onscreen*
Mina: It should be interesting to see who the victor is in this contest, for neither contestant has a clear upper hand.
Artemis: Well, Mina, my money's on Shields simply because she's allowed to move. Pierce has to stand still and go at the speed of the escalator, and while Shields is going against the grain, she can set her own pace. Besides, those dancer's thighs are really impressive.
Luna: I'd have to disagree with you, Artemis. Shields may be running, but she's running uphill while the hill's going down! I'm out of breath just thinking about it. I predict Pierce as the victor.
Phoebe: Luna! You are wrong, as always. Shields will win because she's the best and she deserves due credit and worldwide acclaim.        *Luna sighs*
Mina: I'm gonna bet Pierce, 'cause who knows: maybe she's tampered with her escalator to make it go faster? And so far, that's not against the rules.
Phoebe: *mutters* It should be.
Mina: *totally to the audience* Well, folks, it's time for a commercial break, but stay tuned to return to the edge-of-your-seat excitement of this first event in the First Annual Tokyo City Sailor Triathalon. This is your stunningly gorgeous hostess, Mina Aino, and we'll be back in a jiffy.
    *camera cuts*    *everything in following scene is "off-camera"*
Phelan: Mina, why are we even bothering to tape this? We can never air it. The cats are talking!
Mina: For posterity! Someday when we're ruling the world, we can look back on this and smile!
Phelan: At how silly we were?
Mina: Of course not! At how beautiful I am! *all roll eyes and sigh* *Mina ignores this* Hey, Phelan, why don't you get some shots of the contestants? We can use them later when we edit.
Phelan: *groans* I have to edit? *grumbling, he turns the camera on and films Celeste and Kira, who are now trying to buy ice cream with a huge pile of pennies*       *unbeknownst to Phelan, Mina was just looking for an opening, and now uses his distraction to escape*
Luna: *to Phoebe and Artemis* Now!    *they dash off to intercept Mina, and tackle her*
Mina: Hey! What was that for?
Phoebe: Do you think we'd let you get away? This is our big chance on camera, and if you're not there, the camera's not there!
Mina: I just wanted a soda....
Artemis: No! No soda for you!
    *the cats drag her back to Phelan, who, upon their arrival, turns off the camera*
Phelan: They're trying to buy Dippin' Dots with a pile of pennies. Are we ready to start?
Mina: *laughs* Yeah, I'll go get them. *the cats make threatening growly-noises* Don't worry, you can watch me the whole time. *she walks over to the ice cream stand*
Phelan: What'd I miss?
Phoebe: She tried to rob me of my spotlight!
Luna: She tried to escape. "To get soda."
Phelan: Oh.       *Mina returns with Kira and Celeste*
Kira: --But they hadn't given us our change yet!
Celeste: And we didn't get our ice cream. I can't do this without ice cream in my system!
Mina: Deal with it, chickies, cuz it's time to start. *signals Phelan to begin filming, and he focuses the camera on her*   Welcome back to the First Annual Tokyo City Sailor Triathalon!   I'm your host, the lovely Mina Aino, with my cohosts Luna, Artemis, and Phoebe--
Phoebe: *mutters* Last again!
Mina: --and we'll be judging this first event, the Escalator Sprint/Coast Dash, in just a few moments. As you can see behind us, the contestants are taking their places. *Kira and Celeste get the hint and they can be seen on camera walking to the escalators*
      *camera switches to Luna*
Luna: Once again, Kira will be riding the ascending staircase, and Celeste will be racing up the descending staircase. Now, I believe we are ready to start.
      *camera zooms in to focus on Kira and Celeste*
Artemis: *on a megaphone* Racers, take your positions. On your mark!    *Kira and Celeste crouch*   Get set!   *Kira and Celeste tense*   GO!
      *Kira steps onto the bottom stair, and Celeste begins her arduous struggle against the downward motion of the escalator.*
Mina: What an intense start!
Phoebe: They're about even so far...
Luna: Wait! Celeste looks like she's pulling ahead!
Artemis: As I said, her dancer's thighs--
Phoebe: @*#%$&!!! She's slowing down!
Luna: *bites Phoebe* Watch your mouth!
Mina: They're dead even! Again!   *pause* No....no...   She's ahead!
       *suddenly, camera swings left; instead of the racers, a mall cop can be seen*
Mall Cop: Turn that off!
Mina: What?!
       *camera turns off--rest of scene is, therefore, off-camera*
Phelan: Is there a problem, sir?
Mall Cop: Yeah. First uv all, ya gotta havva permit to film in a public place. Clearly, this is a public place. Gotta permit, sonny?
Phelan: Um, well.....ah.....
Mall Cop: Didn't think so. Second! Ya got pets. *points to cats*   Yer not allowed ta have animals in the mall. Get 'em out; they might...defecate...on something.
Luna: Ew.   *Artemis nudges her* Ah. Ahem. Mew.
Mall Cop: Third! *points* What the heck were they doing on the escalators?
Mina: Racing?
Mall Cop: *glares at her* Frankly, yer disturbing the peace. Now get out! Before I ban you from the mall...forever!
Mina: *wide-eyed* F-f-forever? Phelan! Grab Phoebe! We're leaving! *scoops up Luna and Artemis and dashes for the door. Phelan picks up Phoebe and trudges after her.*
Mall Cop: *laughs maniacally*   Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! *turns into Ann* Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! *cough* Ha ha ha! Ha ha! Woo...
        *Kira and Celeste ride down the descending escalator together. Kira is rubbing Celeste's back, who is very tired. Very, very tired. They approach Ann.*
Kira: Where'd they go?
Celeste: *shaking her head, breathless* I don't know.
Kira: *to Ann* Who're you?
Ann: I am Ann.
Kira: Are you human?
Ann: No.
Kira: Cool! *Celeste grins* Wanna get ice cream with us?
Ann: *in shock* You want me to come with you? You're inviting me to get ice cream?
Celeste: Are you coming? *she and Kira start towards Dippin' Dots*
Ann: Of course! *muttering to herself as they walk* Kindness! I'm actually experiencing human kindness!
       *they reach the kiosk. The clerk groans when he recognizes them*
Kira: So, about our ice cream....
Celeste: I wanted chocolate.
Ann: *still to herself* Someone cares about me! THey don't hate me because I'm more beautiful than they are! Kindness!
Kira: ....and lots of whipped cream!
Clerk: That'll be 30 cents extra.
Kira: *pulls a changer purse ouf of her pocket and dumps more pennies on the counter* There you go.
Clerk: Aw, man!
Celeste: What do you want, Ann?
Ann: *still to herself* The really actually milk of human kindness! No---the ICE CREAM of human kindness!!!
Celeste: Ann?
Ann: *still to herself* Consideration! Love! Kindness! Oh, what rapture! I have to tell Allen! *she disappears*
Celeste: *pokes Kira* She disappeared.
Kira: Really? *takes ice cream from stunned Clerk* What's my change?
Celeste: He just saw someone disappear, Kira. I don't think he'll be any more use to us today.
Kira: Oh, right. *to Clerk* Keep the change.
       *They leave with their ice cream, and meet up with Phelan and Mina and the Guardians outside*
Mina: Quick! Phelan! Turn the camera on! *He does, and focuses on her* We're back, after some difficulties. As you remember, the camera cut out before the end of the race, so we don't know the results. However, I now have the contestants, Kira and Celeste, with me, so I'm sure they can fill us in on those last crucial moments.   *camera zooms out to include Kira and Celeste in the shot*   Kira, tell us about the final seconds of the race.
Kira: No.
Mina: *flashes a nervous smile to the camera* Ah...Celeste, fill us in.
Celeste: No.
Mina: WHAT?!
Celeste: We agreed not to reveal the winner.
Kira: You missed it; you'll just have to live with it.
Mina: You suck! *Luna bites her* Ow!
Luna: Don't swear.
Mina: I can't believe it! You won't tell me! YOU'RE RUINING MY CAREER!!!
Phoebe: *mutters* What career?
Celeste: Well, you shouldn't have left.
Mina: *screams in frustration* Well, if Phelan had just picked up a filming permit--
Phelan: *off-camera* Hey, you said you had it all set.
       *everything deteriorates into bickering, and the camera goes black*