This article courtesy of Kay Lee, and her Making the Walls Transparent web site. Please visit Kay's site to see through the walls of Florida's prison system.
MAKING THE WALLS TRANSPARENT

Sunday, October 28, 2001 7:20 AM

Hi Kaylee,

Thanks for the message [about Taylor CI] and it sounds too familiar! All it takes for most of the officers to go off on an inmate is for them to be standing on their door or talking to someone in another cell, since the officer has already had a bad day because his wife or her husband made them mad first thing, they didn't want to go to work in the first place, or something as simple as what they are having to do is not "their job"! Sad isn't it?

I've not been to Taylor but the one I was at is no different. I never witnessed a lot, but know people that have or actually have done the abuse and talked about it. One of my jobs was to prepare the final reports for them. Usually I was told to "make it sound good" or "fix it up". I wrote exactly what was said. I could even tell they were lying but when I would question what was said on the report, someone else would all of a sudden need some training with them. After a while there, I could look at reports and tell you the true and accurate ones against the deceitful ones. You would think with all the education and ability that our superiors have that they would see it just like I did but ...

It is truly saddening to even witness such deceit, much less have to work in it daily. The worst thing is having to live it and no one will help you when you know you are the honest one.

I guess I have rambled on enough but this lady that is concerned about her son in Taylor needs to do all she can like special visits, pop-in visits if Taylor allows that, check on him as much as the "cover ups" will allow! Please let her know that I can feel her pain and should she need to talk she is welcome to contact me. I pray all the time that the "cover ups" never have to endure what they put these people and their families through on a daily basis. No one should ever have to be treated like the inmates are. Some officers are mistreated because they don't bow down to it all and I pray for them and their families that no harm comes to them for standing up for what is right and just.

[You can use] All of it!!!! Anything I say to you is the truth and it can't hurt anyone except the inmates, if you get my meaning. Wish you could use my name because I would feel better about it, but too many people would know and the inmates would suffer from it. I have a letter I wrote to myself the other day in hopes of getting the bad out of mind and I will share it with you and you can tell me what you think about putting it out. The thought of those people being treated like they are at times truly sickens me. Wish there was more that I could do. Talk to you soon.

Have you ever worked in a room about 8 X 10 or less? No one else comes in or goes out. You may get a phone call on occasion. Don’t get me wrong you have all the modern day conveniences in this room for immediate need only. Nothing to do, just sit or pace around for eight hours and wait for your relief to show up. Of course you need to clean up for them to relieve you so there is nothing for them to do for at least seven hours and fifty minutes and they are happy that you make it neat for them.

You should know I have worked in such a room many a day and night. I paced for the most part and waited for my time there to end. I continually told myself that the paycheck I received made it worth the effort to stick to this and play it out because it couldn’t get any worse. Day in and day out or night after night, week after week, month after month, and then it turned into years. It is an awful feeling to be locked in basically and not be able to venture out for a breath of fresh air on occasion. To let the night air hit you in the face to awaken your body to new life till you are able to leave this little space. I would really like for you to picture yourself locked in this little room so if it takes you closing your eyes for a few moments please do it. You really need to visualize and feel the loneliness, alienation, emotions, and pain that I lived for several years. Once you have this picture in your mind and in your heart, I mean truly feel the desperation - then continue on.

Now picture this happening to one of your children, brother, father, mother, sister, or even close friends. I could leave my little room when my shift was over but there are many people that can’t leave their torment unless it is their day for a two-hour break on the recreation yard. What is a recreation yard? It is several cages built together with a walk way down the middle with cement floors. They are handcuffed at their door inside the building and escorted to their wire door on the outside and after being locked in, are uncuffed for their time on the yard. All this is done as they are being cursed at, yelled at, sometimes slapped or punched, and if they dare to say one word their yard privilege is taken for the day and possibly for a month or more. It all depends on the one giving the punishment that day.

Some of you are thinking “well they deserve what they get’ or “they had to do something to get treated like that” or “I don’t see it so I don’t want to know about it” or “my tax dollars at work.” There’s a lot more I could mention that has been said to me but I won’t repeat them because it is disgusting but I do want to ask would people be so quick to say those things if their child sent them a letter home saying something like, “Mom and Dad, I won’t be able to write you for a few weeks because I broke my hand out on the rec yard yesterday.” That will be all he could say because if he should comment on what happened for his hand to get broke the letter would never make it out to the parents and since he values his other hand he won’t dare tell them what happened for real. Do I have your attention yet?

Let me share an experience some would call a pleasure to witness. It was a warm night and everything seemed very still and unmoving for some reason. Around 2:30am, man stepped to his door and revealed his cut wrist to the man on duty. The man on duty told the man at the door, “oh you did it again? I’ll go and get you some help.” So the man on duty proceeded to get help but on the way he finished his rounds, then talked to a few men that were behind doors, then after about five minutes he went to get help. At about 2:50am, two men on duty came and handcuffed this man on the door. This took some time because blood was all over the place and for obvious reasons the men on duty didn’t want it to get on them. After about ten minutes of getting the man on the door ready to go see a doctor, the task of handcuffing, and shackling was finished. The door was opened and the man on the door attempted to step out but lost his balance and nearly fell but one of the men on duty put a hand up to brace him. As these three men went by the room tears filled my eyes because but for the grace of God go I, or the ones I love.

That is one of my more pleasant viewings of the men behind doors and the men on duty. I will tell you another time that I didn’t actually witness myself but a very close friend told me what happened in the building and I saw what came from the building. It was very hot on this afternoon and the men behinds doors started to yell and beat on their doors to get the attention of someone. The lady in the room on the second floor ignored them then a man on duty came up the stairs because he could hear it down in the office on the first floor. He went down to where all the noise was coming from and all the men on doors was telling him there was a man down in a certain room. The man on duty proceeded to this room, looked in the tiny window, and observed a man on the floor with blood all around him that was apparently coming out of his mouth and nose. So the man on duty walked down stairs to inform his superior and they both walked back up stairs so the superior could see for himself that there was blood everywhere and this man apparently needed help. Not sure how long it took for the stretcher to get to this man that was down but he was loaded on it and taken out the door. I was in another room in another building and witnessed two men carrying this stretcher with someone on it covered with a wool blanket. When they neared the gate an arm fell from the stretcher and blood poured down it. All I could do was close my eyes and pray that he would be all right. I had no idea who it was. When they arrived at the vehicle to take him to the hospital the stretcher would not fit so they had to wait, in the sun, for another vehicle to be taken to them.

Later after a call to a friend I was told what happened to the man that was down. He had thrown feces at another man behind a door. The other man called for the man on duty so he could make him stop. The man on duty counseled with the man that was down for a few moments and left. The man on duty returned with a key, opened the door of the man that was down, and beat him in the face with his walkie talkie. The man on duty then turned, walked out, shut the door, and left. After about twenty minutes went by the man that was down went to the door and got the attention of the men on doors and that is when they started yelling for some help for the downed man.

When all was said and done the man on duty followed the rules to the tee. The man that was down was [reportedly] found to have jumped from his bed several times hitting his face and chest area on the sink and locker in his room. Let it be known that the blood trail told a very different story since the sink and locker were nearly blood free with only small drops or lines of blood on them. How sad!

Now think about these loved ones you had in mind earlier, I think of my nephew, can you imagine them or you being in this room twenty four hours a day seven days a week with only two hours a week being able to get fresh air on the outside. There are some men behind these doors that are lucky enough to have money in their account so they can go to medical for a stomach ache that is bogus just so they can see and smell the outside when they can’t take it anymore. There are others that cut themselves for the same reasons, just to get out of that room. There are some that stand on their door in hopes of seeing another person walk past to maybe hear a voice other than the normal yelling, crying, and kicking that goes on.

I say all of this to ask you when do we stop putting our families and friends in such danger. Danger because these people that are “on duty” come in with an attitude, leave their homes to go to work angry with their spouses, wear their feelings on their sleeve, and go to the extreme with human beings' lives all due to the way they are feeling at that moment. It has nothing to do with the job they agreed to do it, has to do with pride. It has to do with what they are told to do and it don’t matter they had better do it or be put on a late shift or mistreated themselves. These men on duty are at risk every single day they are at work because they and their superiors have an ego problem. Women are just as bad by getting these men behind doors in trouble for even glancing their way and why? Because these women don’t have anything better to do than set some of these men up. Same with men - most start in a lousy mood and go straight to one of the men behind doors that he knows will fight back and start something with him then the man behind the door gets the bad, not the man on duty that actually caused it to begin with. Supervisors will actually send the men on duty up to a certain cell and tell them don’t come back until you break him and make him go off so we can get the team on him. If the supervisor is asked why he generally says, “that was my orders this morning” or “ I owe him one” or “ I said so” or” I’m in a bad mood and I want to get one of them SOB’s today.” You name it I have heard it. A man on duty and I were talking one day and I asked what a man behind the door had gotten into trouble about and he told me that he wouldn’t go to work. I told the man on duty that didn’t sound like that particular man behind the door because he had been here a while and never got into any trouble at all. The man on duty replied, “that’s the kind that need trouble made for them.” Sad isn’t it? I knew the man behind the door very well from working around him many times and the trouble he was placed in was as bogus as a lot of the trouble that is placed on the men and women behind doors. Some are outright lies and set up to make the man behind the door look guilty. Some are true with a little added for drama, and some are exactly true but few. If you believe nothing else you should believe that. No the men behind doors are not innocent, they are doing time for a crime but do they need to be in torment for that crime? The punishment was given at trial by the Judges we elect, not once they are behind those doors and forgotten by society and most every one that ever cared for them in the first place. When they truly break the rules or do something wrong they need to be taught not to do that any more but do we need to beat them into submission? Beat them into admitting something they never did? Beat them into telling on someone just so they don’t have to get beaten more? It is sad!

I want to share an eye opening experience that God gave me on Easter Sunday in 2000. Let me first say I always wondered how I would handle this situation if I was confronted with it and as you will see God made the path clear. I went to church that morning very happy in the Lord and knowing that I was able to show my love for Him made the place I was in seem less disturbing. When I walked in, the pastor was reading from the Bible and was starting to get the choir up for singing so I went and took a seat where I would be on the end of the bench and not interrupt anyone. The service went very well and I sang and clapped my hands and praised God like I do in my own church. During the break a man seated behind me leaned forward putting his hand on the bench I was sitting on and said good morning and had a pretty smile. I said good morning and ask how he was doing on such a fine day. He put his head down a bit and said the best he could under the circumstances. I told him, me too. This place kind of brings it out of you don’t it? He smiled and I smiled but he started telling me of his love for the Lord and that God had forgiven him for his sins. I told him the same and that we both needed to keep in mind that God is our light even in this place so let's pray for each other that we can see a better way and let our light shine for God so others will see it. He agreed whole-heartedly and again put his head down. I then wondered why he kept doing that but didn’t say a word about it thinking that if he wanted to tell me he would. When he started to talk the hair on the back of my neck stood out, my hands went into tight fists, my insides felt like they were on fire, and I was about as angry as I could get. He noticed this but continued to tell me his story.

He told me that most of his family had turned there backs on him because he had disrespected them in the worst way and he shouldn’t have to tell me the reason because he could see I already knew he had done a horrible thing. As he told his story those are the words I remember most and the way he looked so defeated and beaten, not from man but from the power of God. I listened to him and looked at him the entire time he spoke but don’t remember what he said after the initial part. God was dealing with me very strong! I wanted to punch him in his face and then step on him for a couple hours that is what my mind was telling me to do. God on the other hand made me see the true blessing in this. He made me see this man as one of His children, one of the ones that He loves, one of the ones that will have to live with this terrible thing he did to his own family, one that will have to forgive himself for molesting children.

God was with me during the entire time the man talked to me and when he had finished talking was when I noticed that my hands were laid in my lap, the hair on my neck was like it should be, and my insides felt a peace that wasn’t there earlier. As I looked at this man I thought of things that had happened to me or people that I know when we were younger and God gave me that very day great peace about it all. Through, what I would have called a wretched little man that had been humbled by God’s wonderful spirit so I reached out and shook his hand and told him that God loves us all no matter what we do but our job is to love him enough to not sin against him. I told him you have a lot to deal with but I don’t feel bad towards you like I have always thought I would should someone tell me what you have. God loves you and so do I. I told him it is hard for me to know what he had done but at the same time what he had done is between him and God and God is the best judge in my eyes. We talked for a few more minutes before the pastor was ready to begin. I haven’t seen that man since then and don’t know if I would know his face should I see him again but I know if God can love and forgive him of his wrong doings, I can. We all can if we give it all to God to handle.

There is so much that I could say and tell you about but until you have actually worked it or lived it, there is no way you can understand the reality of it. All I ask is for you and those you speak to keep an open heart with this subject because it could be your loved one, yourself, or me that is put behind the door. There are many behind that door that are innocent of the crime they have been convicted of, many that are as guilty as sin, many that are now guilty of crimes from the inside just to survive to be able to see that grandchild or Mother before they pass on to be with our Heavenly Father. Think about it! But for the grace of God go I! What you do to the least of mine you do to me!

Hope Faith Love! Love being the greatest of all!!!!!!!!! God loves us every single one. Big, fat, short, tall, ugly, pretty, moody, temper mental, criminal, good, bad, indifferent or even the ones that have turned their backs on him and chose another master for themselves. God loves us!!!! There is no greater joy or love in the entire universe that could ever match the love that God gives so freely. I for one am going to love those people mentioned all through this letter and I’m honored to have God as my savior and He is my reason I have such a big heart. No one can take what He has given me and I won’t give it away not for money, imprisonment, or even for the person on earth I love the most. God will always rule over us all and we need to love as good as we can and not let others dictate what we should or should not be. Only God is the correct one with that. Through Him we are blessed!

What I have been writing about is the prison I worked at for many years. I didn’t sway from my belief though at times I had to fight for how I felt. The good officers and the good inmates are mistreated for many different reasons so should we as “the people” chose to let it happen we are just as guilty as the ones doing it, having it done, or ordering it done. We are as guilty of murder, theft, sexual battery, and abuse as the ones that were found guilty by our court system. Think about it! Thanks for listening

Please pardon the mistakes! I left out a lot due to language or the terror of it but I do hope at some point the public will wake up and test the DOC for what it is doing to these people "behind the door" and the "men or women on duty" that really try to do a good job! -- Anonymous --

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