"So many buts so little time..." Prissy puns

"Trap!" Cliff yells out finally "There was a trap." he shoots a blame look at Shelly.

"Don't look at me." She says defensively, hands in the air. "I reset that trap so that if anyone walks over it-"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." That guy groans. Prissy gives him a stage wink. He groans some more.

"Quiet you" Cliff says sternfully. "It's your fault the trap didn't work."

"No. Its not." he says dryly. "Prissy," he sighs "doesn't walk."

"Can we move on now?" an impatient Prissy asks. "The moon wont stay full forever"

"Shall we go with Plan B, Cliff?" Shelly asks

"Lets."

"Oh man." An annoyed Prissy says. "Why do bad guys always have a Plan B? Why cant they just plan once and then...hey wait a minute. Did she just say your name was Cliff?" A smirk comes over Prissy's face.

"Uh huh!" yells out that guy. "Cliff Hanger!"

"Damn it Shelly!"

"And Shelly Beach?" Prissy muses "Don't think I'm going to go easy on you, just because your names happen to suck."

"Wait a minute...." says a suspicious Cliff. "How did you know Shelly's last name...?"

"Look you" Prissy says defiantly changing the subject "You made two mistakes today. First you decide to come to my town. And then you decide to steal from my town. I think a good ass kicking is in order."

"We also held your friend hostage and tortured him." Cliff states motioning towards that guy in the cage

"Meh" Prissy waves her hand dismissing that fact.

"Talk is cheap" Shelly says impatiently.

"Right," Cliff says. "You see Prissy, you aren't the only moon warrior in existence"

"Is that what we're called? Odd. Yeah I knew that already"

"Well, did you know that you're not the only moon warrior in this room?"

"Are you sure we're called moon warriors?"

"Could you move away from that?! You're not the only one like you in this room"

"Don't make me laugh. You? You've got to be kidding."

"No. Not me." Cliff says dryly. A faint clatter is heard behind Prissy.

Prissy turns to see Shelly is no longer wearing glasses, Shelly reaches behind her head and pulls out the pin that kept it in a bun, her chestnut brown hair dropped sexily down to her shoulders as she shook her head. Finally she reaches into the collar of her business dress, and proceeds to rip off the dress revealing a leather bikini. "Me" she says in her sexy voice.

"Now that’s a battle outfit" That guy calls out trying to get a better look.

Prissy stared at he dumbfounded. "What the hell was that?"

"Plan B" Cliff says matter of factly. "Shelly's a moon warrior."

"If your plan was to turn me into a lesbian, hate to break it to you but, I don't think its working"

"Actually" Shelly says continuing to use her sexy voice "The plan was for me to fight you"

"Argh," Prissy throws her hands in the air in disgust. "Seriously?" she asks Cliff.

"What's the matter Prissy? Afraid?" Shelly sexily taunts

Prissy shudders "But you're so.....so..... so skanky" she says finally

"Come on Prissy" Shelly rubs her hand over her own ass. "Didn't you come to kick our asses?"

"Yes. Fine." Prissy reluctantly gets into her battle pose. "I'm gonna need a shower...."

Shelly swings a left punch at Prissy, but Prissy, with a disgusted look on her face, leans back on her heels and dodges the blow. Shelly follows up with a right punch but Prissy easily ducks under it. Shelly now starting up a rhythm throws more punches towards Prissy. Left, right, left, right, left, right. Unfortunately for Shelly, Prissy has also gotten into a rhythm and dodges each blow accordingly. Shelly throws a left punch and Prissy leans back to her left and the fist goes gliding past her face. Shelly throws a right punch and Prissy leans to her right, only this time when the fist goes past, Shelly grabs a handful of Prissy's hair and yanks back hard.

"Argh!" screams Prissy as her head is jerked towards Shelly.

Shelly then kicks Prissy with her left leg landing the spike of her high heel square in Prissy's chest causing her to stumble back. Before Prissy gets a chance to recover Shelly punches her in the face causing her to involuntary spit. Prissy struggles to regain her composure but Shelly just punches her again and again causing Prissy to stumble back each time.

"You don't care that your friend is losing?" Cliff asks that guy as the battle is going on.

"No. Why should I? You heard her, she couldn't care less that I was held hostage."

"Ooooh that gotta sting," mocks Cliff as Shelly connects her fist with Prissy's chin causing her head to snap back. Cliff turns his attention back towards that guy. "You do realise, that when Prissy is defeated we'll kill the both of you? But of course, not before we have a little fun." Cliff mimes scissors cutting "Snip snip."

Realisation dawns on that guys face as Cliff begins laughing manically. Meanwhile, Prissy has gotten pinned up against the far wall.

"Prissy!" That guy yells out in a panic. "You have to fight back! Now's the time to show me just how good your battle outfit is! Kick that skanks ass!!"

"Oh listen to that." Shelly whispers seductively into Prissy's ear. "You have your own cheerleader."

Prissy attempts to struggle free, but doesn't have enough energy. Hatred fills her eyes. She begins to speak but Shelly cuts her off"

"Shhh sweetie shhh. It's ok. I'm here, I'm here...." She says stroking Prissy's hair. "Oh honey, you have blood on your face..... Here let me get that for you." Shelly leans in close and licks some of the blood off Prissy's face. Prissy raises both her legs and kicks Shelly square in the chest, sending her flying.

Prissy wipes the rest of her blood off her face and spits on the ground. "Ok, now THAT was disgusting! You'll pay for that." She walks to where Shelly landed and gets back into her battle pose. "Lets go."

"Ah, now the fun begins" Cliff says pulling out the remote control from before. He aims it back up at the room again and pushes a couple of buttons. Suddenly booming battle music fills the warehouse.

That guy looks at him with disdain "Oh that is lame..."

"Not as lame as you'll be when we're done with you" Cliff counters.

"Prissy! Kick. Her. ASS!!!!"

"I'm way ahead of you," she says watching Shelly get to her feet. "Ok bitch. End of the line"

Shelly slowly, grudgingly gets to her feet. She shakes the attack off and winces when she moves her right arm, Prissy's attack seems to have dislocated her shoulder.

“Just a sec,” she mutters

“Well hurry it up,” Prissy says impatiently. “It feels like I've been waiting for you to get up for months.”

Shelly grabs her right arm. “Foolish girl, you have no idea how much pain you're gonna be in. This,” she snaps her shoulder back in, “is nothing.”

“Eww, gross.”

“You ready to die little girl?”

“Bla bla bla. You just love to hear yourself talk don't you? If-”

Shelly swings her fist at Prissy's face, it connects and Prissy stumbles back.

“Hey no fair, I wasn't finished yet!”

Shelly comes at her again with another punch. Prissy blocks and kicks her in the stomach. Shelly grabs Prissy's foot and flips her in the air. Prissy lands on her feet and ducks yet another one of Shelly's punches. Prissy returns the favour with a sweeping floor kick, knocking Shelly off her feet. Shelly quickly springs back to her feet and follows with a spinning roundhouse kick. Her high heels dig into Prissy's side causing her to scream out.

Shelly proceeds to punch prissy again, but Prissy blocks both punches knocking them aside. She then grabs Shelly's shoulders and knees her in the face, letting go at the same time.

Shelly stumbles back wiping the blood off her face. “You made me bleed?! No one has ever made me bleed. You'll pay.”

She charges at Prissy and jump kicks her in the chest. Prissy flies back and hits one of the speakers. She slumps to the ground, sparks crackle around her. Shelly begins charging at her again, thinking quickly Prissy rips the speaker off the wall and throws it at Shelly. Shelly punches it causing a shower of sparks to erupt as it makes contact with the skanky bitch and shatters.

“Hey! Easy with the merchandise!” a distressed Cliff calls out.

“Ow bitch, that actually hurt” growls Shelly as she pulls splinters out of her stomach. “You die now”

“You know its hard to take you seriously looking like that.” Prissy laughs.

“Huh?”

Prissy points at Shelly's head. Shelly gingerly feels her hair which is now standing on end.

“My hair!” she screams. “You did this! This is all your fault!”

“Shelly! Catch!” Shelly turns in time to see Cliff throw a sword to her. She catches it upside down with her left hand. She passes it over to her right hand and has a few practice swings. “Oh yeah, now we're talking”

“Eeep” a now worried Prissy nervously looks at Shelly and readies herself for the attack.

"YAAAAAAAAH!!!" Shelly screams charging at Prissy with the sword held like a baseball bat.

As Shelly swings the sword towards Prissy neck, Prissy ducks and then backhands Shelly in the face knocking her across the room.

"Why do they always scream when they attack me with swords?" She wonders aloud.

"HYAAAAAAAAH!!!" Moron's scream breaks the silence that was once Staudley park. He runs towards me chock full of manly arrogance.

Intimidated I stumble back a step and fall flat on my bottom. I stare helplessly up at this really plain looking man. He looms over me grinning. Thinking he's won. He raises the sword in his right hand over his head. Holding it like a spear. He thrusts it down towards my seemingly helpless body. Note the word seemingly? That scared little girl routine always works on the stupid.

I roll forward, he misses and now the sword gets stuck in the earth. Before my legs hit the ground I kicked him. In the crutch. Bad guys really should protect this area.

Forgetting about the sword he falls to his knees in agony. I quickly get to my feet and pull the sword out of the ground. Oooh I'm like King Arthur.

I look disdainfully at Moron writhing on the ground. He was easily defeated.

"Am I ever gonna get to sword fight?" I sigh.

Wait something wasn't right. Where did Boss go?

BANG!

Shelly gets to her feet and runs towards Prissy again. She thrusts the sword towards Prissy’s pap, aye the left pap, but Prissy gracefully twirls out of the way ending with a kick to Shelly’s side. Shelly swings the sword towards Prissy’s new location and narrowly misses Prissy rolling under it.

Prissy gets to her feet and turns to face Shelly, grinning. Just in time to see Shelly bringing the sword down upon her. Quick as lightening she slides down and through Shelly’s spread apart legs just before the sword makes contact.

“You know you really should close your legs once in a while” she muses.

Shelly spins around. “Shut up!” Swinging the sword with rage, which Prissy easily avoids.

“Oh now your just getting sloppy. Not even a cha-“ Prissy was cut short by Shelly driving the sword through her chest. For a second Prissy looks shocked and then just limp. Blood starts trickling from her mouth.

I’m sprawled out on the ground. Huh? What just happened? Why am I on my stomach on the ground? And why does my back hurt? Then it all came rushing back to me. Boss. Gun. Boss had shot me in the back. Bastard. Oh I’m going to be feeling that in the morning. How long have I been lying here?

“HAHAHA! Take that Chrissy!”

Ohhh about 10 seconds.... ok time to meet my public.

I get to my feet rubbing my sore back. “It’s Prissy” I say sternfully.

Boss almost starts choking on his own laughter.

“Huh?!” he stares stupidly. “You were dead! I shot you. In the back. You should be dead!”

“Well here's the thing...” I say walking slowly towards him. “I’m not.” I easily take the gun from his hand, he practically drops it into my hand, I unload the gun and chuck the pieces to the side. “Oops sorry, my bad. Did I ruin your plans?”

He stares at me some more, very annoying, the stupid look on his face has now been replaced with fear.

“Goodnight” I wave at him.

The look on his face went from fear to bruised and unconscious. Oh did I mention I punched him in the face?

Well only one thing left to do... I reach down towards my ankle where some people have those gun holster things. Well I have one too, no I don't carry a gun, that’s far too dangerous. I unzip the top of the holster thing and pull out my cellphone.

Oooh It’s so shiny and pretty. Its little blue light blinks out at me from the sparkling purple faceplate. I could just stand here and admire it all night. But I have a job to do. I dial the desired number and...

“It’s me” I say using my super heroine voice. “Staudley Park-”

“Prissy!!” that guy yells out panicking.

“Nice work, Shelly”

“It was noth-” Shelly stops short, and stares incredulously at Prissy. Who is now facing Shelly holding the sword that, was just a few seconds ago in her chest.

“What the hell happened!” Cliff yells furiously

“I- I- don’t know.” She stammers. “She just grabbed the sword all of a sudden and pulled it out of her chest.”

“Well actually...” Prissy says admiring the sword now in her possession. “It never was in my chest.”

“Huh?” Shelly stares dumbfoundedly.

“Oh I love this part.” Prissy says gleefully. “When I seemingly come back from the dead. It never gets tired.”

“Huh?”

“Shush now. Prissy’s talking. I never usually reveal my secrets to the bad guys but since your a whatever-we-are also, I’ll make an exception. Now see your sword, fine craftsmanship by the way. Whose your sword maker person? I never know what they are called but I digress. Your sword never ‘got’ me, nothing does.

"You see this battlegear that only I could ever pull off, is threaded with mythril fibres. So nothing can cut me. Much like that movie, I forget the name, something about cheap jewelry....

"Anyway, yeah I'm not dead. But you on the other hand...” Prissy motions towards the skankily clad Shelly. “You have a lot of places to stab and cut.” Prissy pokes Shelly teasingly in the belly to demonstrate her point. Drawing a little blood.

“Shelly catch!” Cliff tosses another sword to Shelly. It almost hits her, but she manages to catch it before it does.

“Oooh smooth.” Prissy laughs. “Now lets sword fight! You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do this.”

“This isn’t over bitch not by a long shot.”

“Let’s go then.”

They raise their swords in the air ready for the sword fight of the millennium when everything goes black.

“What the-” Prissy starts, and as suddenly as the lights went out, they come back on again.

Shelly and Cliff are nowhere to be seen.

“Damn it!” Prissy yells frustrated.

She walks over to the cage where that guy is being held prisoner. And using her sword breaks the lock off.

“It was Cliff” He says matter-of-factly. “He used a remote to turn out the lights.”

“This is what you get,” Prissy says angrily, throwing the sword away. “This is what happens when you try and join my life. Kidnapped and tortured and possibly death. It’s not a fun game of good buy beats bad guy. This is real life.”

“Prissy..”

“People are trying to kill me. And if you insist on tagging along with me then they’ll try to kill you too. They know you know me now, did you ever think about that? They could track you down and kill you as you sleep. And then they’d kill your mum, your dad and your little sister.”

“No they won’t. They can’t. They don’t even know my name. Never told them”

“Oh...ok...well, good.”

“Look Prissy, I’m aware of the risks. I want to help you.”

“You’ll die”

“You don’t get this do you. This isn’t your choice anymore. As you said before, they know I know you now. I’m already in this. And instead of just sitting around knowing what's going on. What you have to face every full moon. I can’t. You need me Prissy. No one can do this alone.”

Prissy sighs “Fine. Just do what I tell you to do next time ok? I don’t want to rescue every time”

“Ok. I promise” That guy says sincerely. They start walking towards the exit. “Hey Prissy? How did you get the blood to come out of your mouth when she ‘stabbed’ you?”

Prissy laughs “Well, I had to bite my tongue to keep me from laughing, I guess I bit a bit too hard. Hehe bit a bit.”

“Well it was very effective, we all thought you were dead.”

“Please? Me? Dead? I’m far too good to be killed by that skank.”

“Shelly Beach and Cliff Hanger...”

They both look at each other and burst out laughing. Just outside the sun is beginning to rise, painting the sky orange. The light hits Prissy's laughing face as they step outside into the new day.