"Do you wanna fucking cookie?"-Ashlee Brehm
"Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get the fuck over it!"-Ashlee Brehm
"I see you quiver with anti-ci-pation."-Dr. Frankenfurter
"Stories are the building blocks of life."-Sarah Williamson
"Womens rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it."-Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
"Communication is key."-Sarah Williamson
"Patience is a virtue."-Unkown
"You have to go through the bad to get to the good."-Sarah Williamson
"You can't have everything in life."-Unknown
"You never know when a picture perfect moment will come up."-Kodak
"Eat shit and die, BITCH!"-Dave and Adrian
"I'm scraight."-Dave and Adrian
"Shut the fuck up!"-Dave and Adrian
"Spooooge!"-Katie Bodden
"Super, thanks for asking."-Katie Bodden
"Nice!"-Katie Bodden
"Life's a bitch, and then you marry one."-The Dans
"Life's a dick and then you marry one."-Sarah Williamson
"Like is that a real parking lot?"-Stupid Girl in Astro Lab
"On Anderson's marriage to Tommy Lee-Their love as like their tattoos: painful, cheap, and skin-deep."-Jim Mullen
"On David Copperfield-The aesthetically challenged magician...shame he can't do a trick with his face."-London Evening Standard
"Hollywood is where the stars twinkle, then wrinkle."-Victor Mature
"The only way to get any feeling from a television set is to touch it when you're wet."-Larry Gelbart
"Public Broadcasting Service (PBS)-PBS=Paid for by Bored Spectators."-Anonymous
"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread."-Alexander Pope
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."-Burke
"The idea that a nation can tax itself into prosperity is one of the crudest delusions which has ever befuddled the human mind."-Churchill
"They hired the money, didn't they?"-President Coolidge
" Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad."-W.C. Fields
"I am very sorry that you felt it was too blood and thirsty."-Sam Goldwyn
"Where fraternities are not allowed, communism flourishes."-Barry M. Goldwater
"Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver."-Hermann Goering
"It rolls off my back like a duck."-George Oppenheimer
"Our comedies are not to be laughed at."-Alva Johnston
"The next time I send a damn fool for something, I go myself."-Michael Curtiz
"I can answer you in two words--im-possible!"-Alva Johnston
"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."-Goldwyn
"Never let that sonofabitch in this office again--unless we need him."-Goldwyn
"One of the finest things ever done by the mob was the crucifixtion of Christ. Intellectually it was a splendid gesture. But trust the mob to bungle. If I had charge of executing Christ, I would have handled it differently. You see what I would have done was had him shipped to Rome and fed to the lions. They never could have made a savior out of mince meat."-Ben Hecht
"The people are too damn dumb to understand!"-Harry Hopkins
"One man with courage makes a majority."-Andrew Jackson
"Corrupt the young people of a nation, and the battle is won."-Vladimir Ilyitch Lenin
"If I ever get a chance to hit that thing, I'll hit it hard."-Unknown
"You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time."-Lincoln
"Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!"-Captain William Maguire
"When I get through, there will not be five Bibles left in America."-James Otis
"All Americans are deaf, dumb, and blind."-George Bernard Shaw
"I rob banks because that's where the money is."-Willie Sutton
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics."-Mark Twain
"Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor."-Elizabeth I
"Anger as soon as fed is dead-
'Tis starving makes it fat."-Emily Dickinson
"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature."-Frank Lloyd Wright
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy people enough to make it worth your effort."-Herm Albright
"The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth."-Edith Sitwell
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."-Ellen Parr
"Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question."-Albert Camus
"People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children."-Bill Waterson
"Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing."-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Creativity is a drug I cannot live without."-Cecil B. DeMille
"To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."-Elbert Hubbard
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."-William Dement
"He hasn't an enemy in the world-but all his friends hate him."-Eddie Cantor
"It's the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter."-Marlene Dietrich
"Hold up wait a minute, let me put some pimping in it."-Adrian Strong
"If you got beef, let me cook it."-Dave Romstad
"If you're feelin froggy, leap."-Adrian Strong
"Holy penis!"-Sarah Williamson
"Monkeyfucker!"-Sarah Williamson
"Shit in my pants."-Sarah Williamson
"I like green jello."-Ashlee Brehm
"Homonkey"-Sarah Williamson
"I love everything about money. I love to eat it. Some people say you can't take it with you. I'm taking it with me."-Steve Martin
"A quarter goes a long way now. You can carry it around far days without finding a thing it will buy."-Anonymous
"Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself."-Steve Allen
"If you get dental floss caught in your teeth, what do you use to get it out? Popcorn?"-Brad Stine
"My wife says I never listen to her, at least I think that's what she said."-T-Shirt
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your hom before the police do."-Jeff Marder
"How many times have you commited suicide?"-Actual question from a court transcript
"Men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and have bought jewelery."-Rita Rudner
"Can a schizophrenic use the carpool lane?"-Robert G. Lee
