The concept of sharing is foreign to a child until about the age of 30 to 36 months. Before this time the child's thought process is focused completely on her or himself. The child has been exhibiting independence by walking and beginning to do things without parental assistance-sometimes very insistently so. However, the child is still in a world where he or she is center stage. The child only has to cry and an adult will be on the spot to fix the problem.

Whatever objects are in the toddler's immediate surroundings are "mine" and convincing her or him otherwise is a process all unto its own. Consistency, firmness without harshness and patience are the keys to this important time of life. Sharing is a very important life skill and, if we teach it properly now, the child will learn important self-discipline skills that will last for a lifetime.

The first things that a child is usually expected to share with siblings or other children are toys. In a child's eyes, if someone takes a toy, that means that the toy is gone forever. The concept of borrowing for a little while does not compute! The best first step in the sharing process is substitution. If two or three children are together and one of them grabs a toy from another child, the toy should be given to the child who originally had it and a substitution should be given to the other child, who is told that he or she may have the toy in a few minutes. Then, after a set period of time, say five minutes, the first child should be reminded that it is now his or her friend's turn for the toy and this should be followed through. The first few times that you do this, there will be a general uproar but, if you are consistent and do exactly the same thing every time, your child will learn to wait and trust.

Another option when you are visiting someone else's home with your child is to bring along a couple of your child's toys, which can then be used as the substition. Eventually, the children will learn to trade off without problems. However, it is very important that parents monitor all play during the learning stages of sharing. The most common mistake that parents make is trying to teach sharing too early. A child needs to acquire a sense of self-the first loosening of the ties to Mom and Dad. Sharing comes later-and normally not before the age of three.