1. IGNORE BEHAVIOR WHEN POSSIBLE:
Ignore behavior that will not harm your child--bad habits, whining, bad language, tantrums. It's hard to do nothing, however, this lack of attention takes away the very audience your child is seeking.
2. TAKE AWAY PRIVILEGES:
Match the removal of the privilege to the action as closely as possible, i.e., fighting over TV results in a loss of TV time. Take away the privilege for a short period; if it lasts too long,
resentment builds, the child forgets the infraction and the lesson is lost.
3. LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES:
Let the consequence make the point, e.g., misuse a toy--lose use of the toy for a period of time; write on the wall with crayons--wash it off; miss a curfew--lose same amount of time from next outing.
4. REARRANGE SPACE:
Try creative solutions. If clothes and toys are left lying about, have baskets and low hooks for easier cleanup; if school notes and homework are misplaced, assign a special table or counter for materials; if chores are forgotten, post a chart with who does what when.
5. REDIRECT BEHAVIOR:
Substitute a positive behavior for one that's a problem: e.g., drawing on walls, have paper available; throwing sand, use a ball for throwing; trouble taking turns, add another toy or have them help an adult (to satisfy this need for power).
6. GRANDMA'S RULE - WHEN/THEN:
Tie what you want to what they need: e.g. when you pick up the toys, then you can watch TV; when you come home from school on time, then you can have a friend over.
7. WORK DETAIL:
Post a list of jobs that need to be done, such as washing the car, weeding the garden, etc. Let the child choose a "work detail" as a way to "make up" for rule violations. This is especially effective for children 8 years and older.
8. "HIRING" A SUBSTITUTE:
A child may choose to "hire" someone to do his/her chore (e.g. by paying a wage of 25 cents) or mutually agree to trade chores.
9. MODEL CORRECT BEHAVIOR:
Patiently show the child the "right way" to behave or do a chore.
10. TIME OUT:
Use "time out" to respond to dangerous and harmful behaviors such as: biting, hitting and purposeful destruction. Have the child sit in a boring place. Explain what he/she did wrong and what the proper behavior is. Keep time out to one minute for every year of age (use a timer). After time out, acknowledge correct behavior as soon as it is displayed.
*Excerpt from "I Am A Parents Anonymous Parent" — a booklet given to parents when attending their initial Parents Anonymous group meeting.