Imagine yourself in this situation: you're at the grocery store with your toddler. You're in the checkout line with people behind you. Your child wants a candy bar, one of those strategically placed confections within perfect grabbing range of little hands. You make the mistake of saying no and all hell breaks loose.

There are as many different types of temper tantrums as their are two-year-olds to throw them. Just ask Lori Wagner, director of Best Friends Daycare in the Rossmoyne Business Center, Mechanicsburg. There are about a dozen two-year-olds at her center on any given day, and yes, sometimes they lose their cool.

"A lot of toddlers, even younger than two...throw a lot of temper tantrums, basically because they can't tell us what they want," Wagner says.

But what can a parent do? There are different schools of thought on this: some say walk away; some say send the child to a "time-out," especially in a public situation; and still others say the best way to stop a tantrum is to intervene.

Wagner chooses the latter because she feels it's the adult's job to find out what's upsetting the child. "Do they need a drink? Are they throwing a tantrum because they're following you around with a little cup and you're not paying attention?"

Wagner says she'll try to calm the storm by talking in a soft voice, or by distracting the child with a book or toy they like. "Sometimes you have to remind them that you're not going to listen to them until they calm down," says Wagner. She won't give them what they want while they're throwing a fit. "When the tantrum is over we give them a big hug and remind them that there are ways other than having a tantrum to get what they want or need," she says.

There is one type of tantrum Wagner will ignore—the one thrown just for attention. And that's a good idea, according to Dr. Elizabeth Imboden, a general pediatrician with York Hospital. In fact, she thinks parents should turn their backs on all tantrum episodes, literally. "Simply turn your back and do something else while they scream and fuss."

But Imboden says be ready to hold out because some tantrums can last up to 30 minutes. "It's hard to focus the tantrum out, but try removing yourself from the room. Get away from the situation and focus on something else," she says. Just be sure the child is not in an atmosphere where she can hurt herself as she lets her anger loose. "The more attention you give to a child who's throwing a tantrum, the more you enforce that behavior, leading to more tantrums," says Imboden.

Imboden recommends the book SOS HELP FOR PARENTS by Lynn Clark, Ph.D., as a good source for dealing with tantrums and other behaviors in children of all ages.

Dr. Valentins Krecko, a child-and-adolescent psychologist with the Hershey Medical Center, agrees that ignoring a temper tantrum is the best way to handle it. "Children love attention," he says, "so you have this tremendous leverage in dealing with a tantrum." He says once children figure out that they are not going to have your attention if they're kicking and screaming on the floor, they'll stop.

But toddlers don't always throw their temper tantrums in the privacy of their own homes. Sometimes they get these little fits of rage at the mall or in the supermarket. What then? Krecko says give them a time-out away from public view. "The most effective thing to do, and it only has to be done a couple of times, is to remove the child from the building," he says. "Go to the car or someplace where there is no one else." Krecko knows this works because he's had do it with his own young daughters once or twice. "Once they realize that they're not going to get what they wanted because they threw a tantrum, that really takes the wind out of the tantrum."

Krecko says age two is a good time to start time-out. The amount of time spent in time-out should be a minute for each year. So, a two-year-old will spend two minutes simmering by herself; a three-year-old, three minutes; and so on. The child can be put in a corner, in a chair or in another room if its safe. This gives the child a chance to cool off. Krecko teaches parents the "1-2-3: Magic!" formula, a program developed by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D., a child psychologist. In this program, you count to three before sending the child to time-out. "It doesn't take the child long to learn that after three comes time out," says Krecko.

Krecko, Imboden and Wagner all agree that when it comes to dealing with a toddler's temper tantrum, it's best not to lose your cool.

"If just yelling 'no' worked, we wouldn't be having a discussion on temper tantrums," laughs Krecko.

If you feel you're about to lose it yourself, put your toddler in a safe environment and walk away for a few minutes. And when it's all said and done, a big hug and a little "I love you" will help everyone feel better.