Talking to Parents about Discipline Issues
by Lynne Reeves Griffin RN, M.Ed.

Inevitably, child care providers run into the challenging task of having to report misbehaviors. If providers share this information with compassion and honesty, they are setting the stage for positive interactions in the future. If providers communicate abruptly and without compassion, families feel embarrassed and judged, affecting future interactions with the provider -- and possibly with the child.

Make Connections in Times of Peace

Nurturing relationships between parents and children in times of peace lays crucial groundwork, should issues arise later on. The way providers convey information has a direct effect on the ways families cope with a situation.

Strategies for Reporting Behavior

Child care providers should strive to do their best to deliver information about behavior, as well as offer strategies for working together toward a discipline plan for individual children.

Know the family.

It's easier to share criticism when you have a positive relationship with parents, and easier for them to hear it. Ensure privacy. Ask other staff to assist with getting children ready for pick-up time, so you can talk to the parent. Assure confidentiality. Always tell the parent with whom, if anyone, you will share information. Be careful to share information discreetly, not in front of the child. You never want a child to feel that he is "bad." Be empathetic and validate parents' feelings. It may be tough for them to receive unsatisfactory news at the end of the day.

Allow time to problem solve. If time is limited, offer to set up an additional appointment to discuss discipline issues, when your chances of being interrupted are slim. Offer to set up additional time to discuss discipline issues. Explain that many behaviors are developmentally expected even though they are unacceptable.

Provide clear information about how your child care setting deals with particular behaviors. Guide parents in working with you on changing the child's behavior. Give parents the information they need in written format; don't overload with extraneous details.

Summarize what was said and agree on a general plan for next steps. Give hope. Parents need to hear that by working together, behavior can be changed.

When you share information without judgment you can have a positive impact on parenting. Using a nonjudgmental tone will also make it easier for parents to support your discipline plan. Always follow up your conversation with information about what is working well and what are the goals you hope to accomplish.

*Submitted by Patrisha

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