"Parents should know that when I provide care for their children, I am also earning a living" written by Beth Nieman-Newsweek November 11, 1996

I am a home daycare provider, The person who opens my home and family to other people's children 20 to 50 hours a week while they work. I provide food, toys, activities, companionship and encouragement to the youngsters in their parents' absence. I know from the smiles on the little ones' faces that they enjoy themselves while in my care and they've come to expect me to be kind and helpful. However, I'm not always sure what their parents expect from me.

I try hard to be professional. I'm accredited by the National Association for Family Child Care, and I attend seminars on everything from safety and nutrition to planning kids' crafts and summer activities. I encourage the children's efforts, no matter now small. I help junior to help himself, to take responsibility for his belongings, to learn counting and the alphabet, to feed himself and to share. In return, I am offered a small hand as we cross the street. I'm asked to tie a shoe, dress a doll or examine an invisible wound. We share a lunch, a story.....a childhood.

Parent should understand that I like themselves, need to earn a living. As a self-employed person, it's up to me to keep myself busy. I am legally permitted to have a certain number of children in my home and if I don't have the, I'll feel it in the wallet. Therefore, when a mother fails to arrive as scheduled or breezily calls two hours late on Monday morning and announces that little Arlene won't be coming to daycare this week because her great aunt from Rhode Island has just arrived and will be caring for her for (for free), I have two choices. I can swallow hard and say, "Oh, OK, Thanks for letting me know" (which is what I used to do), or I can have parents sign a contract at the beginning of our business relationship, stating they will pay me a fixed amount per week each Monday, weather they bring their child or not. This is what my son's preschool does, because they school doesn't have a paying customer temporarily to fill my son's slot if he can't go to school due to family vacation or illness.

That brings to mind another problem. It's just not reasonable for parents to expect me to care for a sick child. I don't have the facilities or an extra person to handle the job, and it starts and exhausting cycle among myself and the children or passing germs back and forth. When I call parents and say that they child is feverish or vomiting or has diarrhea, I expect the mother or father to come and get him, not ask, "Well what do you want me to do?" I realize that illness is unpleasant and inconvenient but it is for the other kids home when one child is sick. I would like to suggest to parents that they make some backup arrangements or a few vacation days should be held in reserve should someone need to stay home with a sick child.

I had to laugh the other day when a friend dropped by at lunch time. She looked around the table and smiled to see the little ones eating their nutritional balanced lunches, complete with milk to drink and fruit for dessert. "You've really got it made," she said. "I would love to be able to work from my home the way you do. I work with greedy, selfish people all day long and I hate it!" Just as I was about to respond, a fight broke out. That's my bunch of grapes." "I had it first! And then, "She hit me!"

"OK, OK" laughed my friend. "Point taken." Yes, work conditions are sometimes less than ideal. I vacuum two or three times, daily. I wipe noses and bottoms and repair broken toys and hurt feelings and occasionally I'm spit on by my clients (though usually not intentionally). It's surprising, though, what and odd idea parents sometimes have of what I do all day long, (though they are not most emphatic in saying that they, themselves, could never do it). I'm sure they don't mean to be hurtful when they remark with displeasure at a fresh bandage ("What happened? Weren't you watching him?"), a ketchup stain (This was a new outfit!") then why did she wear it to daycare? or glance around, silently disapproving of the scattered toys, cookie crumbs and books )or so I imagine). It is always delightful to hear a compliment or a word of thanks at the end of a 10-hour day instead of a complaint.

I bring these issues to light because I've had the distinct impression that I'm thought to be a nanny, "the help," if you will. I'm not! I am a provider and the child will receive excellent care and individual attention, will watch no television, will be served nutritious meals and have a variety of activities, both activate and quiet, that are appropriate to for his age. If I were a nanny, employed to want a child to exact specifications, that would be one thing, But working parents can't afford to spend that much money on daycare and bring their children to a group caregiver, instead. At my house, I make the rules, set the policies, decide what I will and will not do. I would like my clients to respect my needs and accept the fact that outside of hiring Alice from "THE BRADY BUNCH," they're going to have to meet me halfway. I'll try to be flexible, too. Otherwise, I'll be out of business! There are, after all, plenty of home daycare providers to choose from.

Sometimes I envy those mothers I see drive up to my home in a car much newer than the one I drive, (but is it paid for?) Their work clothes are fabulous compared with my home issue of sweats and tennis shoes (do you have to dry- clean that?) Most parents have a more upscale address than I do. But, I wonder who really does have it all? I am inclined to think it's me. The person who answers my child's questions is me: I have lots of time to hug him, tell him stories and listen to his naptime prayers.

I have thought of escaping to corporate America on days when yet another area on my rug absorbs a spill, yet another complaint is aimed by a picky- eater when a parent arrives or a parent who doesn't call me. But, I have earned one very important lesson as a daycare provider that prevents me from leaving my children with sitters while I work away from home: