For some people, any kind of child care is controversial. They
seem to feel that leaving a child with strangers is a moral evil,
tantamount to abandoning.
I get a lot of letters from women who shun the whole idea of day
care, preschool and any other kind of care outside the home.
These same people often have an attitude of superiority about
parenthood inside the home.
The letters indicate a painful smugness about parental doing
without so that Johnny can stay at home. I know what they're
thinking because I used to be one of those people -a very long
time ago.
The one thing I've learned about child care outside the home is
that the children in good situations, where there are lots of
activities and a wide range of toys and things to do, love it.
They learn what it means to socialize, and to play games with
others, as well as to listen and learn. They grow up
understanding the world of sharing ‹ things, ideas and people.
Interestingly enough, the parental fiction "I can do this better
than anyone" is often a shocking failure when kids go off to
grammar school. The children from good child care are way
ahead. They bound into the kindergarten with joy while their
counterparts cling to mom and scream.
Day care kids have made friends before the Velcro child has
been torn away from mother. Day care children have a wider
capacity to overlook differences in people and situations.
They eat a broader diet, are more open to climate and routine
changes, and are generally better behaved if the child care they
came from was disciplined.
The one thing I've gleaned from the letters and remember
myself is that one-parent incomes don't always work. Many very
well intended parents who stay home to rear their own children
must go constantly without basic, ordinary goods and services
because one income just didn't stretch far enough to
accommodate the home.
I remember just how tough it was to get to the end of a pay
period. I often watered down milk to make it last just one more
meal. And I wasn't alone: Lots of women did, and still do, this
and other things to stay at home.
But the task of rearing children was never meant to be the
me-by-myself life plan it's become today. For thousands of
years, families were large and extended. The children had mom
and dad, sisters and brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and
cousins. Everyone helped do everything.
When things were tough, families pitched in to help.
Today, a family might mean mom and child, or grandma and
child, or dad and child. There's no one to help or even stay
home if that were a choice.
That's where good child care adds to a parent's ability to rear a
child in the late 20th century; it's duplicating the idea of the
extended family idea. The crime of child care is not leaving the
child, but leaving the child without.
In a good day care home situation, where children have lots of
"brothers and sisters," or in a center or school where a program
is opening intellectual doors for the curious child, children who
are left a reasonable number of hours do well.
Child care is not a prison, but a place to explore and to grow.
And growth and exploration don't constitute abandoning.
*Submitted by Sherry