Geisha was born on November 17, 1996, and passed away on October 7, 2001. In between the time of her birth, and her death, we were so very blessed to be owned by this wonderful, gentle girl.
Her passing has left an empty space within me that I cannot seem to fill, though I still have love for my other pugs, I believe this space will never be filled again. I hold in my mind the sweet memories I have of my girl, the times we shared together, and the love that we had.
I'm reading all that I have wrote so far, and it all seems so factual, so maybe I should go more in depth about how I feel, and felt about her, as it's only fair to her that I write down my true feelings. No, on second thought, I shall write her a letter, yes, I think she would like that.
Dearest Geisha,
Oh sweetface, I miss you so much. I just can't believe that every day from now on when I wake up, your little impish face won't be there to give me my morning kisses. I miss those so much! I miss everything about you...you bringing me your toy to play with you, the way you cocked your head, the way you listened to me talk to you about everything and nothing at all, and just the way you slept.
I'm not the only one here that misses you, my darling, not by far. Your daddy misses you terribly, and can hardly bring himself to talk about it. You were always his girl, and you know how much he adored you. Bubba also misses you, no one plays with him like you did, Baby just ignores him, but what else is new with that. Yesterday, he laid down in front of her on his back, like he used to with you, as if expecting her to lick his face and belly the way you used to do. He misses you so much, I can tell by the way he acts.
I love you still, even though you are not here, you are in so many ways. I was cleaning out the hats, and the toy chest the other day..and I found your hats and your toys, I want you to know, that they are still YOUR toys, I put them up, until I have a place to put them around your picture and your urn. It hurt me so much to see them, I for some reason just expected you to come around the corner when you heard the squeak and be ready to play with me one more time. How I'd love that, I would give anything to have that right now. I want you to know, that I'm so sorry if you ever didn't feel as if you were loved, because I did everything I could to show you that you were, because you were loved, more than you know, you are still loved deeply by us.
I want you to know, the day that we had to make that decision, we did it because we love you, and I could not bear to see you the way you were. If the vet would have said that you would have came out of the seizures, I would have done anything my love...anything at all, I would have given anything for him to say those words and mean it! Anything at all, the price would have been cheap to me no matter the cost. But he didn't say that, no..he said that he tried everything to get you to come out of them, and it failed. The girl that I was holding that day, it was not you, no not you at all. You were always so sweet, happy, ready to play, ready to go outside, so ready to give kisses...always so sunny and full of energy..you were not this girl, the girl that lay racked in seizures, screaming out, not registering anything I said to you...no that was not you. It killed me to see you that way, I could not bear for you to suffer so. I loved you, and so I set you free, though in my own selfish of hearts I wanted to keep you with me, I can admit it. I still want you here with me, I cannot help it. I miss you so much, I love you so much..I just want to hold you, play with you, take pictures of you one more time, get those sweet kisses one more time. It seems so much to bear, this pain of mine that I carry around. I see your pictures and they make me smile, but they also make me weep for you.
I've often tried to put my feelings to use, I wrote two poems about you, but neither seemed to do how I was feeling, or my feelings for you justice, I still hope that you know what I meant when I wrote them. I've never suffered such a loss so profoundly deep as this one that I have felt for you. I've never lost anyone or anything so close to my heart, someone that owned so much a part of me. It is astounding the amount of pain a person can feel and still go on day to day. I know that you would not want me to feel this way, not you with your sweet face, kisses for free, and that playful spirit. You'd want me to be happy, and maybe one day I will be able to be happy again, totally happy, but I think it's going to be a long time. You are just not something I can get over losing too gracefully or easily.
I also, want you to know, that in my heart, in my mind and in my soul, you shall never be replaced. No matter how many pugs, I may own, you will have your very own special place inside my heart, that no one could take away. I'll never forget anything about you, from the first moment I held you, til the last moment. Every memory I have of you I cherish, every single one of them. Do you know, that even now, I can still close my eyes, see you..the way you got fed up with me over not throwing your toy right away, the way you'd sigh or huff at me? I can hear you, I can see you...and sometimes I can even feel you. Yes, I can feel your soft fur, I can even smell your breath and feel your wonderful kisses upon my face. I don't think that I'll ever forget any of that, no I'm sure I won't.
I guess I should wrap this up, so you can go play, because I am sure that is what you are doing right now, because you loved it so much in life. I hope you know how much you touched my life, how much I loved you, how much I still love you, how much I miss you, and that one day, we will be together once again. I'm no longer scared of the day I have to take my walk to my final destination, because you will be there waiting for me with your toys, ready to play, ready to give me kisses. It may be many, many years before then, but I know you will not forget me, you'll be there, and I will once again get to do the things I so long to do with you now. Please wait for that day Sha Sha, and don't forget me, because I will be running towards you with my arms wide open, ready to love you once again.
With you in my heart, and on my mind always,
Momma
I can still remember the first time we met
Once again, sweet angel, come play with me,
Once again, sweet angel, bring me happiness.
Once again, sweet angel, bring light into my world.
On December 18th, 2001, for my Christmas present, I decided I wanted something special. I had been wanting to get a tattoo for a very, very long time, but was unsure of what to get exactly. A few weeks before the 18th, I had made up my mind I wanted it to be of Geisha. I was unsure of exactly WHAT picture to use, so I took a few with me so he could use them as a reference. I got it on my back right shoulder, and it is 5 inches by 4 inches. I went to Kingpin Tattoo's here in Kansas City, and I must say they did a wonderful job of catching her likeness. Now I really do have her with me, no matter where I am. I ended up using the middle picture of the first row of pictures on this page. I'm not a "tattoo" person really, but I'm very proud of this one, it looks so much like her, and she was so beautiful, how could I not be?
Find a place to rest your paws,
ALL images and text on this website are by Kelly McGuire, unless stated other wise, and are NOT to be used without my permission. Copyright © 1998-2004
All rights reserved.
Daddy's Girl
By Kelly McGuire
I stared at you and your litter,
Then said to your dad "Which should we get?"
All of you so tiny and cute, I could not choose,
Dad, on the other hand looked down,
Almost instantly he was drawn to you.
He picked you up, and you kissed his face and ears.
He laughed out loud, smiled and said "Her"
From that moment on, our fate was sealed.
Daddy's girl, from the first day together
Two lives forever intertwined,
Father and daughter.
Always sitting on his lap, or next to him in the chair,
There was no doubt, if he was in the room,
You too would be there.
Watching football or a movie on the tv,
Maybe playing fetch with your toys,
With him is where you always wanted to be.
Never any doubt of who loved more,
I know you loved me too,
But it was daddy you adored.
Once Again
By Kelly McGuire
Come, let me touch you,
Come and sit upon my knee.
Please, lay down in mommy's lap,
Give me some more time,
Before you take that final nap.
Come to momma, and bring me the toy.
Let me take your picture,
So that later I have it to enjoy.
Come, let me hug you,
So I can give you one more caress.
Mommy and daddy miss you so much,
Let me hold you,
I just want one last touch.
Come, let me give you a kiss.
What I wouldn't give to see your face
It is so sweet, no one could resist.
Come, let us play one more time
Come, come back to me and be my little girl.
then press the magic pug to take you there!
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