THE NEW IMPROVED DATING GUIDE
How to impress intelligent women with your command of excellent language skills and lead them into healthy debate about something you know nothing about and still come out looking like a brand new microwave (modern woman's best friend).

You might have heard that intelligent women are usually ugly.  WRONG WRONG WRONG.  Beautiful women have improved leaps and bounds since the days they were labelled stupid and flakey.  They were simply trying to build up your self esteem by feigning to be intellectually challenged.

"Oh no, so what must I do to get laid with a beautiful woman now?", you ask.  Easy.  Just follow our detailed lesson plan and you will be on your way out of those dreary days of masturbation and penis growth pills.  Welcome to your new life of commuting on the superhighway of having sex with an intel pussy.



Lesson 1

Build up a Strong and Well-defined body of vocabulary

Here are some new words you can use to bewitch the woman of your dreams.  Use them as prescribed.

Anti-sponge (noun)

meaning :
object that is the opposite of absorbent.  completely water resistant and mind baffling.

usage :
"you know... this one time I was having a bad day and I fell on my ass, I remembered that I forgot to take a shower after 2 days of mindblowing sex.  This crust was forming in my pubes and it was almost anti-sponge when i tried to wash it off with water.  I had to shave it off eventually."


semi-pregnant (adjective)

meaning :
the state of being halfway to impregnation.

usage :
"I had sex with this pig the other day and she swore that I came inside her and said she was semi-pregnant, so I stuck a vacuum hose up her twat and made sure none of whatever wasnt in there was gone"


post-garbage (adjective)

meaning :
proximate to unwanted items

usage :
"I went to my son's 3rd grade art exhibition and when the teacher explained that my son's depiction of 2 dogs mating wasnt appropriate for the exhibition's display, I told her she was post-garbage and she couldnt recognise art when she saw it"


in-fuckinvisible (adjective)

meaning :
retaining the appearance of being not logged on yahoo messenger (or any other IM client server)

usage :
"This chick I was chatting with suddenly stopped coming online after a few days of my generous offer to show her my cock... then a friend who knew her online said he was chatting with her the whole time... I was enraged and messaged her saying 'I know you're in-fuckinvisible!!! Fine!!! You will never get to see my cock!!'



Lesson 2

Relocate from the following countries :

India, Pakistan, Turkey, Egypt, Iran, you get the picture... somehow being male and a citizen of countries automatically bestows an undesirable reputation.  It might just be the camel semen body odor seeping through the computer screen... I dunno.



Lesson 3

Remove excessive facial hair covering orifices.

If you need to take this literally, then you seriously have a hair growth anomaly... I meant orifices on the head.  Moving on, should you have abundant hair growth covering your upper lip, trapping morsels of your lunch, you should seriously consider its removal.  Facial evidence of your financial ability to survive is somehow distracting during conversation and may afford your conversation partner more reasons to have an interrupting appointment or phone call to save themselves.  Also, if the hair on your upper lip originates from your nostrils, you may consider seeking medical attention to retard its growth.  Though glorious in your own tradition and culture, the significance of that upper lip adornment may never be remotely understood or appreciated amongst women.

Do not disguise hair coming out of your ears as a wayward sideburn.  Seek help immediately!

Unibrows have never been in vogue.  It is important for your viewer to perceive the 2 halves of your face.

If you have a thick mat of hair forming over your cheeks, apply a shaver to it.  Showing how recent your evolution from your primate cousins does not contribute to getting laid.  Only an inflatable woman would fully appreciate your close affinity with the zoo.



Lesson 4

There is no lesson 4.  You are on your own now.  Remember, that terrible smell will start to dissipate as soon as you cease consummating your love with household pets or your unrequited passions lived out with farm livestock. 
GOOD LUCK
to the unfortunate woman who ends up with you