I wonder

what goes through your mind

as you hold that pistol to your head

or the shotgun to your chest

I wonder

what your body really does

before you pull the trigger.

I wonder if they wonder

will my best friend miss me?

will my boyfriend know I'm gone?

I wonder if they realize

this isn’t a dream

they aren’t going to wake up

after the bullet is fired.

I wonder if they

want to turn back

and try to reason with themselves.

I wonder

if they really realize

one person does love them

I wonder

if they leave a note

just to say good-bye.

I wonder

if they look up

one last time

into the deep blue sky.

I wonder

if they cradle the gun

like it is some kind of baby child.

I wonder

if when the gun goes off

if they have a second

to look around

and realize

what they have done wrong.

I wonder

if they go to heaven

and look down on earth

and ask the angel

to send them back.

I wonder

if it really is a dream

and I wonder

if this bullet

is just the thing

I need