Disclaimer: Hey, Nuriko! Do I own you??? …………..Hmm, no answer. Which means Nuriko’s not around. **shrugs** I guess I don’t own him, then.

Warnings: Blech…okay. Cheesy. Dramatic. Overuse of "….". Hmm. It sounded better in my head. I posted it because, well…my friends say I’m overly critical of my stuff, and sometimes I post stuff that I personally think is a little lacking, and people wind up liking it. So maybe it’s not as bad as I think it is. I hope it’s not. Anyhoo, thanks for reading. ^_^

Note: Hmm… "Shounen Ai, or Not Shounen Ai: THAT is the Question." ^_^ My personal opinion is….I could go either way. (That’s really helpful, huh?) But seriously. I haven’t written any shounen ai yet, but I have nothing against it. I think Nuri-chan and Hotohori would be very kawaii together. ^_^ On the other hand, in my desperate attempt to get into Nuriko’s head, I can’t help but think that his love for Hotohori was a purely psychological thing…um…I hate to plug my own stuff, but I guess I explain this particular point of view better in ‘Safe.’ I purposely left this chapter open-ended, so you can make up your own mind. ^_^ Is Nuri so shaken by Hotohori’s death because he really is in love with him?? Or is it just because Hotohori’s his oldest friend?? Obi-Wan Kenobi: THE ANSWER LIES IN YOOOOOUUU!!!

(Minor disclaimer: I really have no idea whatsoever if Obi-Wan Kenobi ever actually uttered these words. It sounds like something he might have said, though, if given half a chance. ^_^ )

At first….at first….

…I couldn’t close my eyes…I couldn’t………

At first…there was only me…in the darkness, surrounded by the darkness…and him, lying there, his shining hair undone and spilling onto the ground…

Why are you so upset?!! I screamed at myself. She took him just like she took you and Mitsukake and Chiriko! He’s fine; you’re all fine…

But I couldn’t move. My still heart was calling out to me again, crying that something wasn’t right…that we hadn’t just been brought here, that something… something had to have happened…and it was all I could do to deafen my ears to the cries, all I could do to keep it from destroying me, from cutting the fine string that held me to sanity. Even when my narrow view was shattered by Mitsukake and Chiriko moving to help Hotohori-sama, I could do nothing but stand rigidly, staring, staring…

"Wake up! Wake up, boy!"

Taiitsu-kun…

"Nuriko!"

No…

Something poked into my back, shoving me forward. "Go to him. You’re all together now. You must show him you’re here."

Propelled by the force of the push, I stumbled forward, dazed; I felt like my head was floating, somehow…and I was suddenly tired…so tired…

Hotohori-sama was awake now, I saw…talking to the others. He smiled, a sad, reserved smile; I continued toward him, but…when he stood up slowly, aided by Mitsukake, I stopped short.

He raised his golden eyes—his beautiful, gentle, golden eyes—and saw me.

With a small tightening of his mouth, which seemed to me to be almost a gesture of regret, he began moving toward me, slowly…my whole body started trembling, and I gasped, jerked, and took a shaky step backward…

The fine eyebrows drew together in a confused frown, and he halted. "Nuriko."

I forced myself to shake my head, to clear my mind…forced myself to smile. It came out as more of a grimace. "H-hoto…" …The rest would simply not come, but for a breathless puff of air.

He was calm. I should have been able to be as calm…but…I…

"I’ve missed you," he said. "It’s been so long since you…"

My chest started heaving, and I started laughing…hysterical, mirthless, insane laughter, laughter that made Hotohori-sama go nearly white in only seconds.

"N-nuriko….?"

"You’re not dead," I wheezed. "You’re not…you’re not dead. You can’t be dead. You’re not. You’re not." If he doesn’t say anything, then it’s all right…if he doesn’t say anything, it CAN’T be true…

His eyes saddened, and he gave me a small smile, though his face was still ashen. "I’m sorry, Nuriko. It was rash of me, but Nakago…I thought I could stop him, but…"

"NO!!!" I screamed. "You’re not dead!! We’re not dead!" I looked around at Mitsukake and Chiriko, trying to get them to tell him I was right, that he wasn’t thinking clearly. But Mitsukake had his head down and his eyes closed, and Chiriko looked like he was about to cry. Turning back to Hotohori-sama, I found him solemn, resolute, his jaw clenched; my own eyes had filled to the brim, and chose that moment to spill over.

…can’t let him see me cry…

With a sob, I forced my quaking hands to my face, covering my tears, hiding me from him and him from me. Once my eyes were covered, once I couldn’t see him there, I could finally shut them…but as soon as I had, my knees gave out, and I fell silently to the ground, curled around myself like I had when there had been no one here but me.

Let me be alone, I begged, let me wake up…let me be dreaming…

But my heart screamed that it was real, and it had somehow grown stronger than either of my masks.

I didn’t hear Hotohori-sama approaching me, but I felt him…his hand on my shoulder. I tried to tell him not to look at me. I’m not sure how much of it came out coherently…but if he’d understood, he ignored me. He drew me up to my knees, took my hands away from my face—my eyes were still firmly shut, my body still shaking with sobs—and said my name.

"Nuriko."

"I can’t stop it from being real," I wept; "I can’t stop it from being real…"

Then his warm arms were around me; he held my head to his shoulder, and hugged me tightly against him.

And he said, "You don’t have to. It’s all right. You don’t have to."

You don’t have to…you don’t have to…I don’t…have to. The weight around my heart was blown to pieces by those simple, quiet words; my shield was finally gone, and I finally allowed the pain that had been building behind it to surface.

I still cried. I cried for a long time: for Hotohori-sama, for Mitsukake and Chiriko…for Miaka…for myself…but also in relief. A kind of relief that I’d never really felt before, that couldn’t have existed inside me as long as I still had the masks.

The wonderful, incredible feeling that…I didn’t have to hide anymore.

"Hotohori-sama…I’m sorry…"

"Shh."

TBC…

Blech. ~.^;; Well, I tried.