Disclaimer: Though I now own lots of illegal Gravitation fansubs, I still do not own Fushigi Yuugi.

Warnings: Language, sappiness, semi-angst, another little restaurant scene.

Notes: Thanks to everyone who’s reeeeading! ^_^ Hope you guys like this chapter. Thanks to Kaze-chan and Ryuen-sama for their eeexxxxcellent help. Sorry it took so long!!! ~.~() school stinks.

In case the tension was too great to bear, I did get my clothes back. The very next day, in fact. Which was a huge relief, really, since the hooded sweatshirt I’d left at Saihitei’s place was a staple of life for me. It was like my jacket; I very, very, very rarely left the house without wearing it. It’s not like it gets dirty or smelly, or anything, since I always wear a different T-shirt underneath it. But those mornings when it’s stuck in the wash, or—as circumstance would have it—spending the night without me at my boyfriend’s house, I found it terribly difficult to decide what to wear. I guess I’m like one of those super hero dudes with the funky costumes who aren’t really themselves unless they’re wearing those particular funky costumes.

Anyway, point made that I’m what could kindly be called an "interesting" person.

So…things went back to normal for about three weeks. Well…as normal as things could get, now that I and all my friends were reincarnated seishi. Oh, and with the second exception of the fact that I, who had sworn off any semblance of a love life for an indefinite period of time, now had a boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, mind you. The Emperor of freaking Konan.

Cinderella story? ….Well, if Cinderella were a guy, ummmm…Cinderello? Maybe Cinderella was a cross-dresser. Wouldn’t that be an interesting Disney remake.

Sorry. Train of thought, like broken pencil, has no point.

I guess things went well with Doukun; whatever Myojuan had told him must’ve made an effect. I wasn’t there, naturally, when it actually happened. All I know is, one day, about a week after our last fateful visit to the Sakura Sushi Palace, Doukun caught up with me on the way to Stupid Pointless Eight O’Clock Thesis Section, dropped his books on the ground, and hugged me.

Add one more name to the list.

"Duhhhh…." I said, arms askew.

He pulled away quickly, but still gripped my shoulders. "Oh, Ryuuen!!! Isn’t it marvelous??!! I’m remembering all these phenomenal events and sensations which…"

"He told you?" I grinned.

"Yes…last night, we went out and…I never knew so much about ancient Chinese history before!" Doukun’s green eyes were glowing like a streetlight. "Although…it’s still fairly uncertain to me as to whether we actually inhabited the China of yesteryear, a small gathering of kingdoms that followed the religion of the Four Gods, or if it was a different world altogether…which would be fascinating!!! I could write an entire book on the daily life and politics of…goodness!!! I must research this!!"

"How much do you remember?!" I demanded in excitement. I myself had been collecting random memories by the day, it seemed.

"Not much," he admitted, "but Myojuan said his have come back, so I’m sure mine will manifest again someday soon. I remember things about the environment, about things I used to study…and…well…"

He looked uncomfortable, so I nudged him on. "And what?"

With an apologetic smile, he said, "I remember you dying."

"Ryuuen? You alright?"

"Uh…sure," I said. "I haven’t gotten that memory back yet. Not really. Just little flashes of stuff. But it seems that everyone else remembers it pretty clearly."

Doukun sighed, his grin fading the slightest bit. "Probably because it was…it was so awful, Ryuuen…you were there all alone; none of us were there to help you when you most needed it…I think it must have been the most tragic moment in all of our lives."

"For heaven’s sake," I said, "I’m the one who died!!! That makes it pretty darn tragic for me, too!!"

"B-but, anyway…" I switched topics, "how’s your paper coming?"

That was when time kinda froze for a sec, leaving us both staring at each other. Doukun looked pretty incredulous; I probably looked a great deal like Jim Carrey. After a while of staring and gaping at me, he shook his head and voiced his thoughts.

"You can’t be serious."

I blinked, and flashed a small smile. "That bad?"

"Ryuuen," he said slowly, as if speaking to someone who was mildly retarded, "we used to be celestial warriors…you were killed by a werewolf while trying to assist in saving the world, and you’re asking me about a paper?"

"I’m not an idiot," I frowned. "You don’t have to treat me like one. But, Doukun…it’s my death we’re talking about here. I can change the subject if I want to."

He regarded me thoughtfully, lips pursed together a little. "Don’t you want to remember what happened?"

"Of course I do! I don’t hide like that anymore," I said hotly, but as soon as I’d said it, I began doubting the truth in it. "I just…well…" Can’t stand everyone feeling sad because of ME. "I guess…now’s not the right time for me to talk about it. I’d start thinking about it too hard, and…bye bye, class!" I waved my hand weakly. It would be so much easier if I just remembered everything, I thought for the millionth time. But now I’m gonna have to ask someone about this eventually, if the memories don’t come. And I’m getting sick of waiting for them to come.

"I…" said Doukun. "I’m sorry…you’re right. I didn’t mean to imply that you were trying to deny…"

"I know," I assured him.

~*~

"Saihitei," I said firmly, "how’d I die?"

He choked on his French Silk pie.

"That’s ahhh…..a random question," he said thickly. "What brought this on all of a sudden?"

Shaking my head, I played with the remains of my own dessert. "It’s not random. Not really. I’ve been thinking about it off and on all day."

"Well…" he cleared his throat. "The fact is, Ryuuen, that…remember…I wasn’t there when it happened. I only have it second-hand, since you told me about it when we were spirits together."

"I know, but you’re the only one I…"

"Eheheheheheh…" I said with a plastic smile. "Did you just say… ‘when we were spirits together’?"

"Um…yyyyes."

"Perhaps we’d better skip that part for now," he said carefully.

"I don’t think I could ask anyone but you to tell me what happened," I continued, shoving the new fears of the supernatural off into a dusty corner somewhere. "And I don’t need big details, anyway…I’m hoping that maybe, once I know the basic facts, all the rest will fill itself in."

"How much do you remember of that…particular day?"

"Ummm…" I sighed. "Not a whole lot. There’s this eye, and snow, and…" Can’t let him hurt my friends…better me than them…better me than… "A-and…Houjun said it was on top of a mountain somewhere."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaa!!!!! I mean, I mean, I remember seeing Houjun on top of a mountain somewhere!!!"

I expected an outburst. Any second, I expected Saihitei to leap out of his seat, clutch the table with both hands, and cry, "Whaaaaaaat???" in his slightly Kermit-the-Froggy voice. If he did, I thought, I would feign a fainting spell and pass out into my pie. No, better yet: an epileptic seizure! Or I could accidentally stab myself in the hand with my fork. But that would have been painful, so I quickly decided on the seizure and waited for the cute guy across from me to explode.

But he just…sat there. And smiled.

"I saw Houjun on top of…a mountain," I reaffirmed squeakily, crossing my mental fingers.

"I know Chichiri remembers," he said.

My heart sank down into my shoes and settled in my big toe. What kind of friend was I???!!! I couldn’t even keep one secret!! And an important secret, at that!! I wanted to die. Or, at least, to disappear.

"Let me guess," Saihitei continued gently. "You think that’s your fault, as well. Don’t beat yourself up, Ryuuen; I’ve known since the night the diner burned down. You didn’t give it away."

I looked up at him bashfully, fiddling with my fork. "Really?"

He nodded. "He called Genrou Tasuki. I take it you noticed, as well?"

"Yeah. I realized it in the car on the way to the police station." I told him about the "discussion" (calling it a "bitch fight" probably wouldn’t have been wise) that Houjun and I had had, how he had remembered all his life just like Taka and Saihitei himself, and had tried to push Chichiri’s memories away because of what he’d done to his best friend. Now that I was sure I wasn’t completely betraying Houjun by talking about it, it was a major relief to share it with someone. As I explained, Saihitei’s eyes grew tired…his whole body seemed to grow tired, and I almost felt bad for telling him, for some reason.

And then…I slapped myself in the face. Figuratively, of course. Because hello…like I’d just mentioned not ten minutes before, Saihitei had had to live with his own memories, and while he’d never really killed his best friend (as far as I knew, anyway), it must’ve been hard for him. I pictured Little Saihitei, sitting in his little room and looking very, very sad, trying to reconcile his new life with his old one. And…ya know that feeling you get when you go into the Humane Society and you see the cutest, saddest, nicest little orphaned puppy, and you just wanna hug him and give him little puppy snacks and stuff? Well…not that I would’ve given Little Saihitei puppy snacks, but the feeling is close enough.

"And…the subject of your death came up?"

I nodded, not volunteering any elaboration, and hoping he wouldn’t ask for it.

He smiled and shook his head. "You always inquire after the long explanations in the middle of a restaurant."

"Food makes people think better."

"If it’s all the same, I think we’d better go somewhere else for this one." Taking out his wallet, he pulled out a ten-dollar bill. He had long since insisted, quite stubbornly and logically, that since I was poor and he was…well…not, I should stop trying to protest when he paid for my food. And I had stopped protesting, but still couldn’t help turning a bit pink. Pink’s a truckload better than red, though. So I was learning.

We wound up going to his house, since it was nicer and more conductive to serious discussion than my cardboard box of a dorm room, where the left ceiling light had begun to flicker and was now akin to some baser forms of torture. Settling on the big gray sofa in the den, his arm around my shoulders as if he were afraid I’d try to get away or something, Saihitei took a deep breath and began to explain my death, as apparently dictated to him by…me.

"It was one of the enemy, one of the Seiryuu no Shichiseishi, who killed you," he said quietly. "A huge man, said to be half wolf: Ashitare."

"Bless you," I said solemnly.

He looked at me, then finally decided to ignore me. "A huge half-wolf named Ashitare," he repeated. "You had gone alone to retrieve the Shinzaho from atop a mountain in Hokkan…the Shinzaho being, in short, an artifact we needed in order to summon Suzaku, and Hokkan being the kingdom to the North. You met Ashitare"—he gave me a warning glance—"on the mountain, and fought…to the death. You killed him. But not before…not before he could deal you a fatal blow." With a shaky hand, he reached over to touch the left side of my chest, near my ribs, and murmured… "I can see it in my mind, sometimes…even though I wasn’t there, I can still see it."

Raising my own hand, I found his and squeezed it gently, trying to encourage him, remind him that that was then, this was now. I wasn’t dead. And I wasn’t about to let myself die, not any time soon.

"You…lifted the boulder blocking the cave that held the Shinzaho," he went on. "With the last of your strength, you thought only of Miaka, of your friends, your duty as a seishi. You were always so ready to sacrifice… Nuriko, I’m sorry." His voice was choked and terse, but he was keeping himself under control. "If I had come with you, if I had left the kingdom under the control of one of my advisors, then you would have had someone to fight beside you… If there had been two of us, we could have defeated that creature with barely a scratch…"

Stop feeling guilty because of me, stupid.

Leaning forward, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "It’s okay, Hotohori-sama," I promised. "It wasn’t your fault. Don’t you dare think it was your fault." He’d said the same thing to me often enough; it was time for a taste of his own medicine. With a sigh, he smiled a little and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

Well, I thought, now I know what happened, anyway, even if I don’t remember much firsthand. Where’s the rush of memories that’s supposed to follow this explanation, huh??? On a delayed schedule, or what?

But the memories didn’t come right away. I dunno if I really expected them to do so, I guess, but I was kinda hoping they would.

We were so caught up in our little Kodak moment that we almost missed Saihitei’s cell phone ringing. Detaching himself (at least partly) from me, he reached for it and answered. Eyes wandering to me, he blinked twice, then said, "Yes, one moment, please," and handed the thing to me.

I accepted it cautiously. "H-hello?"

"Ryuu-chan!" said Genrou. "Guessed you’d be with the fuckin boytoy. Whatcha kids doin? A widdle kissy kisssssy kiiiissssyyyyyyy????"

I blushed. So much for subtly pink. "You’re a freak," I informed him. "And the answer is NO."

"Uh-huh."

"Why are you calling me on Saihitei’s phone, anyway?"

"Well, I figured, if you weren’t at home, you’d be with the fuckin hand model."

"But what do you need me for?"

"Oh," he said brightly, "just to inform ya that we’re all fuckin morons."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah. With all the fuckin excitin shit that’s been goin on for the past few weeks, we seem to have forgotten one small but incredibly fuckin important little thing."

"Yeah? What?"

"MY FUCKING TESSEN, YOU IDIOT!!!! WE LOST MY GODDAMN FUCKING TESSEN!!!!!!!"

My mouth fell open, and I slumped back against the sofa.

"Shit," I said.

TBC…

Ryuuen: So, how did I die, anyway?

Saihitei: Well, once upon a time…

Mouse-chan: You DIDN’T die!!!! You didn’t die!!! You were just faking it!!!

Ryuuen: What the fuck??

Mouse-chan: **grabs Ryuuen’s shirt** Tell me you were just playing a joke.

Ryuuen: HellOOOO???? I don’t REMEMBER, genius!!!

Saihitei: ~.~() Mouse-chan…perhaps we ought to look into psychiatric assistance…

Mouse-chan: **menacing and very dangerous-looking, for a shorty** Tell me you’re…not…dead.

Ryuuen: Okay okay okay, I’m not dead!!! I never died!! It was all a practical joke, and Tasuki was in on the whole thing!!

Genrou: OI!!!!

Ryuuen: In fact, it was him that came up with the whole thing!! Him!! Him!! It’s HIS fault they made it look like I died!!!

Mouse-chan: **throttles Genrou**

Genrou: **choking** This…is why…I…HATE…GIRLS!!!!!!!