Disclaimer: Uhhh…umm…lalala.

Warnings: Tasuki language, shounen ai, and the lamest chapter title in the history of the world. --;;

Notes: Hiiii!!! Ahhhh, finals are coming, finals are coming…I have to finish my thesis, write a take-home final, study for a French exam, and finish coloring a giant picture of Nuriko. O.o;; I kid you not; that’s my final art project. Ehehe. The instructor decided to encourage personalized projects, so she wanted me to do a giant anime character…ahhh!! He’s too big!! Coloring him is crippling my hand and demolishing my supply of colored pencils! My white Prismacolor is now roughly the same size as a peanut—out of the shell!!! But anywayyyyyy…sorry I’ve been so long with this, but school is school, no daaaa. ^_~ Hope you guys like this; sorry it’s a little on the short side. ^_^()

They were waiting for us when we came downstairs, sitting around the coffee table in the den and talking in low voices. I saw the top of Houjun’s head over the back of one of the armchairs, and suppressed a wince; there was still one person who hadn’t gone through all the movements of a post-traumatic experience. Are you all right, Ryuuen? Are you sure? Are you sure? I didn’t mind that they cared. I was actually kind of glad. It just made me embarrassed to have everyone keep worrying.

Sai squeezed my hand as we approached, and Houjun peered around the side of the chair before rising to greet us. Or…me. I knew it was because of me.

"Hi, Ryuuen," he said in a soft voice, reaching out to touch my arm as we passed. I gave him a shy smile, still clinging to Sai as Houjun hugged me briefly. He didn’t ask me if I was all right, for which I was a little grateful. Then again, out of all my friends, Chichiri would probably be the best to understand this type of situation, the need not to dwell on things.

"All right, so it’s decided," Doukun said, barely giving me and Sai a chance to get settled in the corner of the couch. "We separate, so as to better facilitate our search for…"

"Hey, hey, wait up just a fuckin sec," Genrou interrupted, swinging in from the kitchen with a tray of food. "Can we have a goddamn break?? All this fuckin plotting is makin my brain hurt like hell."

"Gen-chan!" squealed Miaka, perking up immediately.

"You just keep where you are, Vulture Girl," he warned, plopping his findings in front of me with a thunk that made me jump. "Ryuuen the Holocaust Survivor gets first dibs on the fuckin smorgasbord, okay? Hey, Ryuu-chan…better get some caffeine, ya still look wiped out."

"Excuse me, Genrou, but I really think we have more serious things to consider," said Doukun in a cool, almost dangerous voice. "We have to locate the remaining Seiryuu Seishi as soon as poss…"

Gen-chan’s change in demeanor was almost instantaneous. "Excuse me, fuckin drill sergeant, but do you even remember what fuckin happened??" he snapped. "Goddammit! We can wait a few goddamn minutes while Ryuuen has a fuckin cracker!"

"I remember…what happened," Doukun replied, turning glaring green eyes at our friend. "I am perfectly aware of our situation. And I still maintain that acting quickly is the most important thing to do right now. If we hesitate any longer, everything we would fight for could be lost."

Don’t fight, I thought frantically, don’t fight…

"You two," said Houjun firmly, "stop. Just stop."

Gen-chan bit his tongue, fierce eyes lingering on Doukun, and I reached out shakily to grab a can of Pepsi One from the tray. "It’s okay, Gen-chan…really," I assured him, my voice subdued, but thankfully unwavering. "He’s right…I’ve already been enough of a delay."

"Ryuuen, that’s not what I meant," Doukun was quick to assert, sounding contrite.

"I know," I replied, nodding over at him with a smile. "It’s okay." Beside me, Genrou sighed in defeat, though I knew he still didn’t like moving so quickly after the attack. If there had been a tangible enemy, he would have been the first one to leap into the fray…but there wasn’t. To him, the most immediate thing to deal with was me, and my well-being. And I was touched. But I knew that Doukun was right.

Houjun turned to Doukun, his deep brown eyes at once firm and gentle. "I think we all understand the need to act quickly. But it’s easy to be rash if we approach the problem on a personal level."

Our super-intelligent friend lowered his head and nodded slowly. "I know. I’m trying to avoid that, but Miboshi…it’s…not so simple, it seems." Miaka reached for his hand, and he looked up again gratefully.

"Mitsukake…Myojuan…is still upstairs?" Saihitei inquired as I sipped my beverage and tried to swallow a burp. He gave me a strange look, and I hiccuped.

"Yeah, we just switched…" said Taka, at the same time that Genrou pseudo-whined, "Ryuuen’s drunk agaaaaiiinnnnn!"

I ignored him.

Houjun nodded, also pretending not to have heard the red-headed spazz. "Doukun’s plan is to split into two groups so we can find the other Seiryuu Seishi as quickly as possible. One group will go with Chuin, with the hope that he will be drawn to those we don’t know about; we’re going to have to trust him, but in all honesty, I don’t think he’s a threat without Miboshi’s influence."

"That may be, but I don’t want him anywhere near us," Sai said, adamant. By "us," he meant him and me…and we all knew that, I think. The sense of love and connection that burned its welcome way into my heart from that one small word almost made me giggle into my soda, but I figured it wouldn’t be very polite, considering the serious matter at hand.

"And like I said, the fuckin psycho comes anywhere within half a mile of me, and I’ll fuckin rip his head off, Miboshi or no Miboshi," Genrou growled.

"And like we said, we’ve already taken that into consideration." Houjun nodded again in our direction. "I’ll go with Chuin; I can keep him under control, now that I know what he’s capable of if we should hit any rough areas, no da. Doukun, Taka, and Miaka will come with me, leaving you three and Myojuan to go for Kaen, no da."

We blinked collectively at him in the pause that followed.

"What the hell are ya fuckin sayin???!!" Genrou exploded.

"Chichiri-san!" said Doukun gleefully. "You’ve partially recovered your idiosyncratic vocal mannerisms!"

Genrou turned toward him. "What the hell are YOU fuckin sayin????!?!!"

"Never mind, no da…" Houjun rolled his eyes.

"HAAAA!!" Miaka and I exclaimed, pointing at him. He gave us a pained look, and we giggled.

"What about classes?" Sai said suddenly. "We don’t know how long this will take; what will we tell the school?"

Universal groan.

"That’s right," Doukun muttered, "damn. How could I forget?"

"Fuckin school…just gets in the way, all the fuckin time…"

"Why can’t Miboshi have been like Houjun, and spazzed out conveniently over the holidays?"

"Thanks a lot," said Houjun, fixing Taka with a bland look.

"No daaaaa," Miaka and I added.

He shook his head. "I think we all agree that this is more important than school…but we don’t have to think about it right now, we don’t have time. The four of us have to talk to Chuin about any hints as to where the other Seiryuu seishi might be, and you guys should get over to Kaen as soon as possible…"

"Wait…" I said quietly, the wheels in my head turning efficiently. They all paused to give me their attention, which I thought was pretty nice of them. I took another gulp of soda and set my can down on the coffee table, folding my arms tightly. "Can’t we…can’t we say that we were all involved in a sexual assault? Cuz it’s true, you know…and that might buy us some time."

They stared at me with sadness in their eyes, and I wished they’d stop, because I hadn’t been trying to gather more sympathy. I really thought we could use what had happened to our advantage…I really did. It wasn’t supposed to be a ploy for attention, or whatever. I hoped they knew me better than that, and was fairly sure they did, but still…

Houjun smiled at me gently. "If that doesn’t work for all of us, Ryuuen, I think it should take care of at least you and Saihitei…" he cut himself off, but I could almost hear "and Chuin," too. "And the rest of us, well…I’m sure we’ll come up with something. We do have a certain amount of magic on our side, after all."

"Why don’t you two go to the dean today, and get that taken care of?" Doukun suggested. "It would seem less suspicious if we went only a few at a time, instead of a cult of eight demanding sabbatical for God knows how long. And Myojuan and Genrou can go for Kaen in the meantime. Once you have her, you should have the same honing skills as we’ll have with Chuin."

"Is the dean’s office even open on Sunday, though?" I frowned.

"Every other Sunday," Taka informed me. "Just for a few hours, since her schedule is so busy. She doesn’t like having visitors on Sundays, but I went in to talk with her once, and for something less important than this."

I felt Sai nod beside me. "Is this one of the other Sundays?" I asked.

Taka shrugged. "You’ve got a 50/50 chance."

~*~

As Sai and I made our way to the administration building on campus and Myojuan and Gen-chan drove off to find Kaen, Houjun, Doukun, Taka and Miaka stayed behind at Sai’s to have a "group discussion" with poor Chuin. Despite the bitter feeling that insisted on coming to the fore whenever I thought of Chuin, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. If what Taka said was true, he was really confused by what had happened, and would probably never have considered doing something like this before. And now, here he was, in a strange house surrounded by people who pretty much hated him…He was probably kinda scared.

Eventually, I realized that Sai was talking to me, and I forced myself to stop thinking about anything.

"Sorry, what?"

He smiled, one eye on me, one on the road. "Do you want me to do the talking? Because I will, if you want; I’ll explain everything."

Well, back to thinking again; I weighed the situation in my mind, not even having bothered to consider it before. It had been hard enough trying to explain things to Sai and Myojuan. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if I had to tell a perfect stranger: a pointy, conservative, white-haired woman with spectacles and an icy glare (as I pictured her) who would probably respond with, "But, boys cannot be assaulted!" The chances were high that she, like countless before her, would mistake me for a female anyway, but still, if she had my records at her disposal…

"I’ll explain," said Sai quietly, reading my expression. "Maybe you shouldn’t even come…"

"No, Sai…I…" I laughed a little, my hand coming up to my neck to feel my new bruises. "Just look at me. I think my presence would only make the story more believable, don’t you? As long as we keep up the pretense that I’m a girl."

He looked slightly confused. "What do you mean? Why?"

"Well…" I took a deep breath. "You know…sexual harassment, r-rape, all that stuff…it doesn’t happen to boys. That’s what a lot of people think, anyway…so what if Dean Patterson is one of those people? I just…if she can’t tell I’m a boy, I think it would be better."

"Anyone who would believe that is an idiot," he said hotly.

"Yeah, well…people who believe the Holocaust never happened are idiots, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people who do."

He shook his head, as if that firm denial could brush away the views of everyone in the entire country. But he didn’t say anything else.

There were only a few cars parked outside the administration building, but we took the fact that there were any cars there as a definite good sign. We plugged the parking meter and went inside, climbing about three flights of stairs—slowly, as I remained slightly shaky and tired—before reaching Dean Patterson’s office. The secretary, a young woman with light bluish hair tied back in a tight bun, looked up as we approached and slid her glasses down to the end of her nose.

"Hello…" began Sai as I lingered slightly in the background, but she interrupted him almost instantly.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"I’m sorry, we don’t. But it’s fairly important…"

She gave an exasperated sigh, grabbing the phone to her ear. "One minute…" she droned. I managed, to my credit, to prevent myself from a) frowning at her, b) informing her of her own rudeness, and c) punching her across the room for having the audacity to speak to my Sai like he was some sort of bother. After a moment’s conversation, consisting mostly of "Yeah…uh huh…uh huh"—my mind made a slight Beavis and Butthead connection, but only a slight one—she slammed the phone down and announced that our paths to the elusive Dean Patterson had been cleared.

Sai thanked her, and we moved to the polished wooden doors, looking up at then like Atreyu coming to the Sphinxes in The Neverending Story. Big doors. Intimidating doors. Doors which were soon opened to reveal the person who would decide our fate.

…Okay, a bit dramatic.

Dean Patterson was in her chair, back turned to us, clicking away at the computer as we stepped timidly inside. I was trying to make myself walk as ladylike as possible, failing miserably, and really grateful that Sai couldn’t see me. Even more grateful that Gen-chan hadn’t decided to come along, because he would never have let me live it down. I felt like a complete idiot, trying to be something I wasn’t.

She didn’t say a word when we came in, nor when the door swung shut with a firm thump that seemed ominously loud. All that was visible over the back of the chair was a mound of gray hair, and other than that, we could have been in the same room with Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget, for all we knew. Of course, I had to check for a Madd Cat. There wasn’t one. Duh.

"Dean Patterson?" Sai ventured after a few uncomfortable moments of silence. I inched closer to him, peering around the large room with the portraits and trophies and mahogany bookshelves and feeling very, very small. An evil-looking, serious old man in one of the portraits began to look like he was staring at me, and I narrowed my eyes and stared back…then realized that I was having a staring contest with a painting, and therefore the odds of winning did not look very high.

The typing had not stopped, so Sai took a breath and tried again. "Dean Patterson? Do you mind if I have a word with you? If you’re busy, I apologize for the interruption, and I’d like toOAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He stumbled backward as the leather chair spun around to face him, grabbing my arm tightly as we were confronted by the wrinkled face of a short—impossibly short, really—old woman, who seemed to be hovering at least two inches above the seat.

Something in my head noted that she looked awfully familiar, but at the moment, I was too busy with an armful of trembling Sai to really search my memories, blinking stupidly at my boyfriend’s outburst.

The old woman did not look amused. "Hotohori. I see you have been taking lessons from your money-grubbing friend concerning acceptable greeting rituals of the day."

YET ANOTHER STORY AKUGI!!

Ryuuen: **narrating** He smiled, one eye on me, one on the road…

Sai: **eyes pop out of his head, one flies out the window** Wahahahahahhoooooooo!!!

Ryuuen: **recoils** EWWWWWW!!!

YET ANOTHER STORY AKUGI, take two!!! (ahhh, this one is awfulllll)

Imaginary Dean Patterson: Boys cannot be assaulted!!!

Ryuuen: They can, too!!

Chuin: **pops in the door in a suit and glasses, carrying a briefcase** Want me to demonstrate??

Ryuuen: O.O;;;

YET ANOTHER STORY AKUGI, take three!!

Saihitei: What the hell is up with the briefcase??

Chuin: I DON’T KNOWWWW, don’t look at me!! SHE made me do it!! **points accusing finger at Mouse-chan**

Mouse-chan: ^^;;;; I don’t…I…uhh…THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!!

Ryuuen: **twitch twitch**

YET ANOTHER STORY AKUGI, take four!!

Sai: **patpat** Mouse-chan…you’re reeeeally tired, aren’t you? ^^;

Mouse-chan: **grabs Sai and starts sobbing hysterically**

Sai: O.o;;

Ryuuen: **miraculously recovered** Grrrr…get off of my boyfriend.

Mouse-chan: Can’t we share???

Ryuuen: NO.

Mouse-chan: What if we were Mormons???

Ryuen: STOP!!! ENOUGH!! THERE ARE NO GAY MORMONS!!

Ryuuen: ^^;;;

Mouse-chan: C’mon, you know you want a Sai, too.

Ryuen: ^_^n **jumps on Sai**

Sai: ^_^()()()()

Ryuuen: **cries**

Kaze-chan: Ahhh, for crying out loud…What’s so great about Hotohori, anyway??? You can’t hit him!!! Hmmm…you can hit Tokaki, though…**wanders off in search of Tokaki** ^__~

Chuin: Uhh…hello? Remember me??

**Taiitsukun stops the ill-fated akugi before more harm can be done**