| The Misty Vale Croquet Contest |
| The Playing feild: The Misty Vale. The Vehicles of Choice: Hybrid Bumper Car Golf Carts Your Weapon: Croquet Mallets The Goal: Hockey Nets Your Attire: Ski Goggles, Swimming trunks/Bikinis, and Horse Riding Jockey Caps. Your opponents: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders The Rules: We're gonna have a nice clean match. We need a team of TEN vs. the Cheerleaders so sign up now right here. You are to tell us your skill at this game and nothing else. Willie of the organization FUBAR will throw out the first croquet ball to start the match. Once ten players are found and or 2 days go by the match will begin. The Game: I don't know? Your wearing swimming gear driving golf carts with croquet mallets vs. Cheerleaders. Do You really need a reason to do this? JUSTICE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Will wandered up to the rules sheet, glanced over it, took a copy from the pile of flyers next to the Pluto Poodle-Trap, and proceeded to edit the sheet to his liking... Quote The Playing field: The Misty Vale Field of Hidden Strawberries The Vehicles of Choice: Hybrid Bumper Car Golf Carts The Vehicle in Use: Jet-Powered BerryBoard Your Weapon: Croquet Mallets Bubbles The Goal Cheerleader Depository after Berrification: Hockey Nets Your Attire: Ski Goggles, Swimming trunks/Bikinis, and Horse Riding Jockey Caps. Birthday suit Your opponents targets for Berrification: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders The Rules: We're gonna have a nice clean match. We need a team of TEN vs. the Cheerleaders so sign up now right here. You are to tell us your skill at this game and nothing else. Willie of the organization FUBAR will throw out the first croquet ball to start the match. Once ten players are found and or 2 days go by the match will begin. Will looked over the editing, nodded, and filled out the attached application, keeping his for reference. "Can... prevent... other... team... scoring... by... bubbling... people!" Glancing at it again, he momentarily ponders if they mean him by Willie, then ponders more eternal matters... "I wonder how Cheerberries taste!" Xyex -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oliver Thomas wondered in out of nowhere, literally, and nodded in approval at Will's editing. Then noticed a few mistakes and fixed it. Quote The Playing field: The Misty Vale Field of Hidden Strawberries The Vehicles of Choice: Hybrid Bumper Car Golf Carts The Vehicle in Use: Jet-Powered BerryBoard Your Weapon: Croquet Mallets Bubbles, and assorted secret agent weapons The Goal Cheerleader Depository after Berrification: Hockey Nets Your Attire: Ski Goggles, Swimming trunks/Bikinis, and Horse Riding Jockey Caps. Birthday suit, or nothing if you so choose. Your opponents targets for Berrification: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders The Rules: We're gonna have a nice clean match. We need a team of TEN vs. the Cheerleaders so sign up now right here. You are to tell us your skill at this game and nothing else. Willie of the organization FUBAR will throw out the first croquet ball to start the match. Once ten players are found and or 2 days go by the match will begin. Much better, now let's see, where do I sign? Ah, there we go. Now this might be fun...... wonder if my nemisis is on the other team? Guess I'll just have to search them....... DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote The Playing field: The Misty Vale Field of Hidden Strawberries The Vehicles of Choice: Hybrid Bumper Car Golf Carts The Vehicle in Use: Jet-Powered BerryBoard Secret Ninja Magic/Crouching Stagehand, Hidden Wires. Your Weapon: Croquet Mallets Bubbles, and assorted secret agent weapons Katana, and assorted Ninja Weapons The Goal Cheerleader Depository after Berrification: Hockey Nets...and to Cut People's Heads off while screaming unpronouncable phrases in japanese/Fanboy. Your Attire: Ski Goggles, Swimming trunks/Bikinis, and Horse Riding Jockey Caps. Birthday suit, or nothing,Ninja Outfit if you so choose. Your opponents targets for Berrification Dishonorable, Vile, Cur-like Foes: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders The Rules: We're gonna have a nice clean match. We need a team of TEN vs. the Cheerleaders so sign up now right here. You are to tell us your skill at this game and nothing else. Willie of the organization FUBAR will throw out the first croquet ball to start the match. Once ten players are found and or 2 days go by the match will begin. Sensei Ninjitsu Master Rob nodded as he handed Willie his application. "(Dubbed) What Need Be Said More?" KiZeR -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- KiZeR tended to his fallen creation, the Pastor of Muppets. The poor blue muppet looked like he had been put in a blender set to Frape. Ca...carrots...out of danger? "Rest, my friend. You did all you could. Carrot sales in Khazan have decreased." But I have failed. Lord...why hath you forsaken me? KiZeR....you must know...there is another sky...walk....errr-ahhh. Perhaps those words held some meaning, or perhaps Gonzo was just delurious with pain. Either way, KiZeR did not understand Gonzo's last words, but knew he'd remember them the rest of his life. Throughout the building KiZeR's cries could be heard. They were followed by breaking glass and the sounds of many dreams colapsing upon themselves, crushed by a harsh reality. KiZeR then carried his chalkboard, on which he brought all his creations to life since the very beginning, to the incinerator. It was then KiZeR noticed the bulletine board, and on the board, a lone piece of paper. Quote The Playing feild: The Misty Vale. The Vehicles of Choice: Hybrid Bumper Car Golf Carts Your Weapon: Croquet Mallets The Goal: Hockey Nets Your Attire: Ski Goggles, Swimming trunks/Bikinis, and Horse Riding Jockey Caps. Your opponents: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders The Rules: We're gonna have a nice clean match. We need a team of TEN vs. the Cheerleaders so sign up now right here. You are to tell us your skill at this game and nothing else. Willie of the organization FUBAR will throw out the first croquet ball to start the match. Once ten players are found and or 2 days go by the match will begin. The Game: I don't know? Your wearing swimming gear driving golf carts with croquet mallets vs. Cheerleaders. Do You really need a reason to do this? This was exactly what he needed right now. Now that he no longer was busy creating, there could be no better way to pass the time. And what better place to relieve his frustration then on the beautiful and the semi-talented? Reasons why KiZeR would be good at this game: My body is nigh-indestructable. My head, floating high above in the clouds allows me to view the entire playing field. Combine that with an abundance of free time and an intense need to KILL MAIM DESTROY, and more importantly, to prove that I'm good at something! Anything! That I'm not a failure!! There MUST be something I can do to contribute! Oh God, WHY? WHY WHY WHY? OH NO!!!!!! NO! Wahahhahah....<sniff> <sniffle> Namic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two of Khazan's more infamous, yet unemployeed citizens found the flyer and made thier own changes. Quote The Playing field: The Misty Vale Field of Hidden Strawberries The Vehicles of Choice: Hybrid Bumper Car Golf Carts The Vehicle in Use: Jet-Powered BerryBoard Secret Ninja Magic/Crouching Stagehand, Hidden Wires. A Bullet Ridden POS[/s] Your Weapon: Croquet Mallets Bubbles, and assorted secret agent weapons Katana, and assorted Ninja Weapons Cheep booze, twin hood mounted machine guns, an old copy of "AoC for Dummies," and random trash from the back seat. The Goal Cheerleader Depository after Berrification: Hockey Nets...and to Cut People's Heads off while screaming unpronouncable phrases in japanese/Fanboy. Wealth, fame, and a reason to be close to the cheerleaders without violating any restraining orders. Your Attire: Ski Goggles, Swimming trunks/Bikinis, and Horse Riding Jockey Caps. Birthday suit, or nothing,Ninja Outfit clown outfit if you so choose. Your opponents targets for Berrification Dishonorable, Vile, Cur-like Foes: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders The Rules: We're gonna have a nice clean match. We need a team of TEN vs. the Cheerleaders so sign up now right here. You are to tell us your skill at this game and nothing else. Willie of the organization FUBAR will throw out the first croquet ball to start the match. Once ten players are found and or 2 days go by the match will begin. "Uh, Sourface what doesn this have to do with getting our jobs back as sports broadcasters? Besides none of us know anything about croquet" "Who cares about that Bruce, just look at that! A chance to be close to the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders without being taken to court again." The clown said as he showed the flyer to his partner. "Uh, I don't know if that's a good idea. Remember when we had them on the show?" Sourface thought about it for several minutes. "Of course you don't! That's becuase they beat you senseless. Aside from the lewd comments, the grabbing, and the hidden dressing room camera you tried to get them to give you the phone number for the Cowboy's drug dealers. We even named it the most bloodiest fight of the week, and that was then the AoC had a gang of blood thursty radioactive kill programed cyborg shark men eating men on live television" "That may be so my friend, but destiny awaits us. Besides we kinda need the money." "WHat happened from all the money from that damn Deathrace you forced us into?" "Well, aside from repairs and chicken removal surgury I wasted most of it on booze and girls." Bruce slapped his head. "Fine. Just don't do anything stupid." Bruce said knowing that his advice would be ignored. Banquo -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The Players are set... Though after a few modest modifications to their vehicles and stats deterred them from actually going into any sort of IC pre game talk as we had hoped... Hopefully they will begin to look past their need for differences and attempt to figure out what the hell they are actually playing here... We take you live to the Misty Vale Playing Feild where we find Willie playing with his...um... Balls... Croquet balls that is!!!" *While juggling the balls he goes over the rules* The Object of of this game is to grab the balls in any way you wish... tug them if you like... smack them around with your weapons of obvious choice, since you couldn't play by the F***ed up standards already given... *glowers at Mr. JUSTICE* Remember boys no excessive groping unless someone cheats from the Cheerleaders... and remember, the object of the game is not to score goals, the object is not to SCORE!!!, the object is to be yourselfs in a F***ed up nature... *With that he threw up the 2 balls and vanished from the playing feild* (Commentary from any party is welcome but must be in the form of a commentator viewing the match... I don't want to see first person points of view of this match... Third person only!!! JUSTICE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well, Fred, this looks to be an amazing match! On the one side, we have the Dallas Cheerleaders! On that side, The FUBAR... uh... guys. Lesse... a lizard...? Some sort of secret agent... a couple of Japanese ninja-ish guys... and that KiZeR guy. Great. Him again. His stupid noodle-nose messed up the last competition. But now is now! The game is on! The FUBAR team has broken the rules already, leading off in... various... strange vehicles. The Cheerleaders have followed suit and... come in... on... trampolines... ~drool~..." "GEORGE! Wake up, George! Oh, well... anyway, it seems the Cheerleaders have the ball first, as KiZeR preferred to sob uncontrollably for a moment as one of those ninja's chucked the ball on a shuriken at him. She's gonna score... gonna... WAIT! Will has interfered! He's... turned the Cheerleader AND ball into two strawberries? This has GOT to be illegal? George?" DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hello George, Fred, this is Johnson on the field! What a match!" "Indeed, indeed!" "What happened to George?" "Just tell me what's going on down there!" "Well, you can barely see the wires holding up that ninja fellow, or the stagehands toting him around at almost 50 miles an hour! Um...yeah...people are moving around...the ball is flying...yeah...things are moving..." "Johnson, do you have any idea what your job is?" "No sir, I'm here to see the cheerleaders!" "Damn...well WAIT! A cheerleader has shoved her pom-pom down the Weregecko's THROAT! Now that HAS GOT to be interference!" "DEAR GOD MAN!" "What is it George! You're finally awake!" "yes! BUT LOOK! CLOWNS! IN A HEAVILY ARMORED CAR! CLOWNS!" "While George is having an episode over his childhood fear of the clowns, lets see what else is going on on the field!" DeDestroyah -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fred: "Look George! What is that? It appears to be a guy in a trenchcoat driving on to the field in a ATV! When will this insanity end?" George: "Cloooooooowwwnsssss..." Fred: "Oh no! Now he appears to be attacking the cheerleaders! Wait, what's this? He's shouting something, sounds like 'I'ma gonna have some fun before the Student Tourney kills me...'" DD-- Banquo -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Banquo and Willie take their places at the top of the press box. B: Hmmm... not exactly a sell out crowd here today... W: Maybe you can do something to pad the audience?... Banquo grinned and raised his cardboard claymore to the sky. In a brilliant white flash thousands of undead royalty families took their places in make-shift stands on either side of the playing feild. W: They're not very active are they? B: Hey, what can I say, their a dead audience! Ba Dum Ching W: Back to the action now...or lack thereof... B: You're right, there seems to be a Card game going on between a cheerleader and Oliver Thomas. hmmm, a classic game of strip poker. All the other vehicles have lined up and started rubbernecking. W: heheh... you said... B: Shuddap... Oh too bad Oliver, unfortunately already having no clothes on when beginning the game makes him the automatic loser and... what's this... as punishment he has to do the Macarena on top of his Berry board! W: What a Show What A SHOW!!! B: All the other contestants move away from him...except for...Will the Weregecko!!! W: What is he staring at! B: I don't know but it has disturbed Oliver so much he has stopped dancing and game play has resumed! W: What's this! The Cheerleaders have assembled their trampolines like multi level diving springboards! B: The only thing FUBAR can do is watch in anticipation. W: and who is it that appears at the top of the multi level diving trampolines? It's none other than: B & W: Rodney Dangerfeild? W: Who the hell invited him? B: I don't know but the crowd doesn't like it! *Cries of English slander are heard from the crowd* Rodney: Heh, I get no respect around here, no respect! B: Rodney sets himself up as if he were diving? W: He checks the wind speed, Makes a couple classic armpit farting noises and he's in the air! B: This must be the Triple LENDING!!! W: The What? B: The Triple Lending... Don't you watch comedies from the 80's? W: Ohhhh, what's this? a Ball boy from the British Open is running out onto the feild! B: There's a croquet ball right where Rodney's gonna Land! W: WAAATCH OOOOOUTTTTTT!!! SPLAT! B: ooooooo, Man we're gonna be scraping that kid off the feild with a putty knife! W: and the Ball is loose again and were back to the game... B: By any chance did we figure out the object to this game yet? W: uhhhh, no. B: Good! Cause I'm having fun trying to figure it out. W: Oh look! Is that one of your Headless relatives out there with the ball? B: Naw, too young... It must be... W: The scourge of panties!!! B: The headbanger of nothingness!!!!! W: The Pirate of my Pants!!!!!!! B: The doppleganger of other peoples bottoms!!!!!!!!! W: IIIIiiiiiiiTTTTTttttt'sssssss...... B & W: KiZeRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B: KiZeR is riding down the feild full speed. W: The Cheerleaders miss with their world famous trampoline flying clothesline!!! How does he do it??? B: Well duh... W: He passes the ball over to... to... the air? B: sssshhhh it must be to one of those ninja we're not supposed to talk about behind closed doors... W: I was wondering where all my stagehands went while they were on their union break! B: The ball is kicked up into the air and lands inbetween two of Khazans most infamous duos! W: Do you mean "in"famous or in"famous"? B: I don't really care cause their trying to hit on some cheerleaders at the moment. And those cheerleaders want none of it!!! W: Let's go down to one of our feild side consultants who might have a better look see at what's going on... KiZeR -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Standing on the sidelines is Dr. Know, accompanied by the Dallas Cowboy's cheerleader KiZeR abducted. "The secret to any victory is knowing your enemy, and to that end I have studied and experimented on Miss Sunshine Philips here to find out what makes these cheerleaders tick. Isn't that right, Sunshine?" Ruff....arf arf arf arf Yes, we did accomplish a lot last night, didn't we. I have discovered that these cheerleaders are extremely energetic, funny loving creatures. What they don't have in intelligence, they more then make up for with teamwork, hard work and beautiful physical features. With this in mind, I have come to the conclusion that they are not all that different from a labrador retriever. So, I merely brought her tendancies to their natural conclusions. Of course, convincing her that she is a puppy was the easy part, making her a Giants fan, now that was hard. *Sunshine starts barking merily.* Ro rig rue! Ro rig rue! *In cutesy wootsy voice* Yes, you love your Giants, don't you? Don't you, Sunshine? Have a biscuit. Ahem....moving on. Now, knowing our enemies are like puppies, how does one distract and defeat puppies? Why, with red meat and mailmen. Also, playing "fetch the stick" works quite well. Knowing these facts, I am confident of FUBAR's ability to win this game. Xyex -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "This is sports caster Timmy standing on the FUBAR sidelines ready to bring you the lastest in action in this strange game! Very much has happened since it's start, except for Thomas Oliver." covers mic and looks at man beside who whispers in his ear. "Excuse me that's Oliver Thomas." *mumbles something about first names and last names* "But Oliver is finally doing something!" On the field standing atop his Hybrid bumper car golf cart thing. At the moment he's diging through the pockets of a small pouch he's wearing. "He seems to have found, no wait, he's tossing aside the six foot lamp he just pulled out of his wallet sized pouch. Now he has, wait is that? Yes it is! He's got an elephant! He's set it loose and it's chasing after one of the cheerleaders, the one from the peanut comercial. "He's digging again, and he's got something. It looks like, a stick? Yes it is, it's a stick, but it's not a normal stick. It was a word on it and it's red. I don't know what it is but he just lit it and now he's throwing it on to the field. The cheerleaders are chasing after it! I guess Dr. Know was right. Well, what's your take on all of this...." DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "...Smiter of Horror Movies?" "Well Timmy, I've seen a lot of cliches, and smited a lot of varying senseless monsters...but someone needs to take down Rodney Dangerfield..." "Really?" "Yes Timmy, and did I forget to mention the fact that I know that you are actually one of those f--king pod people that should not exist in any way shape or form that I have been ordered to deal with?" "...YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED!!!" (Sounds of gunfire, screams that sound like Timmy's, and a "Technical Difficulties sign later) "Fred here, we seem to have lost contact with the sports center...despite my current condition, surrounded on all sides by lethal weaponry and explosions, dealing with a co-anchor who is dealing with a combination Hormonal Rush/Childhood Fear induced Panic, I will attempt to stay on the air as long as possible!" "THE BUNS! THE BUNS! THE BUNS!...AAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!" "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! TEAM FUBAR LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT SCORE WHEN...IT APPEARS THE BOY WHO SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING FUN BEFORE THE TOURNY KILLS ME HAS TAKEN THE TNT STICK AND IS ATTEMPTING TO THROW...A DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADER HAS THROWN HERSELF ON HIM, FORCING HIM TO FLING THE STICK BACKWARD INTO THE FUBAR RANKS!!! AMAZING PLAY, I CAN SEE HER..." *BOOOOOM!* "The TNT hit something I can't see...hold on, lets get Audio active..." "...I SWEAR BY THE 1001st I-O-U THAT VENGEANCE SHALL BE HAD! DISHONORABLE, VILE CUR!" "OH MY GOD, THE HORROR! The guy I can't see is flying toward the kid buried by a cheerleader with a BIG-ASS SWORD! AAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH...OOOOOOOOOH......." "Yes George, that IS interesting...christ..." Channel 6 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ***WE INTERRUPT THIS TV BROADCAST TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL LIVE BULLETIN*** Reporter: This just in, there has been a large explosion in the Misty Vale Region. It seems a Terrorist group by the name Fuqar have been organized in the Grasslands just south of the Mossy Knoll and has just made a tactical hit on a stadium full of onlookers obviously watching a Brazlian futball game. We take you Live to Chopper 6 for a closer look. Chopper 6: ARE WE ON!!! Oh, yes... um... it's utter chaos down here! As you can see the explosion happened right on the feild which has sent debris towards the audience. The death toll of the innocent seems catostrophic. It was shear anarchy! We saw it all from up here. This one guy, obviously the leader of the group was seen sprawling onto the feild toward the fat actor looking guy and then BOOM! Then, out of no where a group of rogue bystanders started taking out those that would harm them. Back to you... Reporter: Again we are Live from the Misty Vale wherein carnage has run rampant and it seems nothing can deter it's evil course. We have with us our foreign affairs affiliate, Dung Eadit. Dung who do you suppose runs this Terrorist Faction? Dung: Though don't quote me on this I believe it's this person right here: That's right Willaq lovemique, a very serious contender for president in one of the "stan" countries over there past lowtown! Reporter: You've heard it first here, we now take you back to your regularly scheduled program. Namic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fred: I have to say that the FUBAR team is in dire need of a comeback. The ninjas are trying to attack the kid who let the TNT loose. But the dust still hasn't cleared yet. George: Wait, I see someone else coming out of the smoke. I think its, oh now its that CLOWN!!! Fred: Oh no, not again. Well while my partner tried to calm himself down we'll switch to the cam we put inside of the Bullet Ridden POS. Bruce: OH MY GOD!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CROQUE MATCH, NOT A SLAUGHTER MATCH!!! Sourtooth: Calm down, god, I swear if I have to hear you have another panic attack. Bruce: AND WHAT'S ALL OF THIS FUBAR STUFF LAST TIME I CHECKED WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A MEMBERSHIP WITH THEM!!! AND WHY THE HELL IS RODNEY DANGERFIELD IN OUR BACKSEAT!!! Rodney: Geeze, I thought this was my ride, until I realized the car was much nicer than mine and the person in the driver seat wore less makeup than my wife. Sourtooth: Don't worry, all we have to do is get the ball in the other net than we run like hell, just like when we won the Deathrace only without the chicken in my ass. Fred: Oh, a little too much information than we needed to know. Other members of the Fubar team are beginning to regain their senses as the Bullet Ridden POS makes its way towards the cheerleaders. George: Ya da da da dum da ta da da da dum da ya dum da dum da ya dum da dum da. CLOWN!!! Fred: Once again another fascinating insight. But it look like the POS has the ball, but wait the cheerleaders are starting to do something. But it looks like its not the nice kind cheerleaders we've seen all day. Maybe it’s the explosion, or maybe it’s the constant rude comments from the POS, or the strange flashing from the POS when ever there is a gratuitous cheerleader panty shot but they seem to have turned from sweet little puppies to ravenous little puppies. This doesn't look good for team Fubar. Geroge: I had a puppy named Yeller, but I had to shoot him after a moose bit him. Fred: That's nice. Now let's go down to who ever's still alive at the sidelines for a closer look at the action. Docnfoid -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- George: Wait...what's this? a flock of ducks landing on the field? Large hat wearing gorilla: YES! It appears that a large group of ducks has filled in every available space in the grandstands and the playing fields! George: Who are you? Large hat wearing gorilla: I'm UNBEATABLE APE! George: Who are you? UNBEATABLE APE: GWAHAHAHAH! YOU WILL FIND OUT THE HARD WAY! With this, the gorilla jumps onto a foam boogie board and flies away. George: Anyway....what's this? The cheerleaders seem to be trying to shoo the ducks away...but the ducks won't move! And they've started barking! UNBEATABLE APE: Yes! And look at that! One of the ducks just flew into the cheerleaders and exploded! George: No! Cheerleaders flying everywhere! And what's this...Kizer is asking Xyex something! Wait, didn't you just leave? UNBEATABLE APE: Oh no! You found me out! eek! With this, the gorilla jumps onto a foam boogie board and flies into the opposite wall. George: Anyway, it appears the ducks have cleared the field and moved into the stands and the building...oh no... A bunch of ducks come through the door and sit on the announcer table, barking loudly. -------------- George: "What? What's that? Folks, it appears Team FUBAR has not yet lost! Will has acquired the ball, and is rushing it via Berryboard straight at the goal! He's gonna make it! He's gonna-" ~CRASH~ Fred: "Oh, GOD, that stupid ape just ran right into him! The balls flying, spinning, falling... bears? There seems to be two llarge teddy bears, directed by a sma... THERE'S A SMALL GIRL ON THE FIELD?!? George: "Move, girl, MOVE! There are clowns and Rodeny Dangerfield out there! Speaking of which, Rodney is rushing the girl, she seems to have innocently picked up the ball! He's jumping... oh, I can't watch!" ~ka-ZAAAAAAAAAP~ Fred: "AND RODNEY IS OUTTA HERE! With a massive show of disrespect, the bigger bear has blown Rodney to bits with some sort of Super Soaker! The girl has handed the other bear the ball... he's picked it up... tossed it up... NO! HE HAS A BASEBALL BAT!" George: "WHO LET A TEDDY GET A BASEBALL BAT?!? MY GOD, THIS IS HORRIB-" ~Crack~ Fred: "The ball's been smashed a good one! It's up, up, up, down, down, down, right into-" ~plop~ Fred: "-George's lap?!? AAAAAGH!" DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "..." "This is The Smiter of Horror movies...at uhh...wherever that station is. Um...They seem to have lost contact with the group...and...uhh...I sorta killed their Pod-Person Sports Center guy...uhh...We'll try and get you back on as soon as possible..." "Until then, Hi, I'm Cindy, and I'll be showing you the highlights from todays Swimsuit competition in the southern regions of Khazan! Don't look to relieved Andrew Mitchel, you still need to explain to them how the competition worked. You kill the anchorman, you BE the anchorman." "S--t." Banquo -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- B: And we're back... W: It seems we've had a little TV glitch problem, but we're back and the craziness is now over... yes, beleive it or not. The score: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: 69 FUBAR: 96 B: Unfortunately, like golf the lower score always scores better in this game... awws of sarcasm are heard in the background B: Hey, I didn't write this script! W: Yeah, I did... Regardless, the wounded are now getting helped of the feild and the fans have returned to the netherworld. This is ILMW... B: and Banquo saying B & W: Good Night. ThiGMOO -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- T: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pie in the sky reporting to you live from Wimbledon common for the first ever fish eating competition. Stepping up first is Mr Cornelius Jones from Harrowgate, seeded at number- Dr C: You incompetant dullard! Khazan I said. K-H-A-Z-A-N. Does that sound remotely like wimbledon common? DOES IT!! No. If you weren't flying this infernal contraption I'd rip out your insides right now, before getting a zip sewn into your abdomen and using you as a novelty rucksack. As it is, I'm going to restrain my (justified) psychotic fury until I'm not 300 feet up in the air in a giant pie. I don't know. My first big break into commentating, and you have to ruin everything, again. Look at the time! Go on, look! It finishes in two minutes. Get this infernal contraption working, and get us to the Misty Vale of Khazan, now, or I'll throttle you with your own large intestine." T: OK, OK, I'm sorry, put down that meat axe will you? Khazan, here we come. Dr Caraway? Dr C: What? T: Will their be lollipops? OK, OK,I'll shut up.... *ZAP!* The 80 foot giant pie disappears from Wimbledon Common, to reappear over the Misty Vale. Dr C:We're too late! Look, they've finished! There aren't even enough living people to get another game going! T: What about those ones over there? Dr C: ThiGMOO, surely even you can tell the difference between 'living person' and 'three foot high pile of intestines topped off with a skull with a shuriken embedded between the eyes'. There's hardly a single living cheerleader left. I'll never be able to commentate now! You've ruined my sponsorship deal! Ruined! I, err... I mean we, could have made a fortune! And it's all gone! T: Hang on, I've got a couple of packets of dehydrated cheerleaders in my back pocket. Let me see........shake cheerleaders onto ground, add water, wait ten seconds, start game of Misty Vale Croquet. Will that do. Dr C: For once in your miserable misbegotten life, you might have actually had a decent idea. Quick, scatter the packet, then pour some water on them. T: OK. *short pause* T: Done it. I could find any water though, so I used a can of lager instead. Dr C: You what?! From the ground beneath the pie, a hord of burly, drunk, unshaven, hairy jock in cheerleader costumes burst forth. They immediately start slapping each others buttocks in a revolting macho way, before charging down the pitch at the surviving FUBARians. Dr C: What have you done............. |