| Captain Gibberish |
| Designation: Hero Played By: Soberguy Kit: Mentalist Wins: 5 Fatalaties: 1 Losses: 3 Solo Operator Physical Attributes Strength: Weak (10) BELOW normal human strength - can bench press 50 pounds (maybe). Strength Attack Damage: Weak Agility: Standard (25) normal human agility Body: Standard (25) normal human endurance Knocked Out by: 1 unprotected Standard level hit or several lesser attacks adding to same. Mind: Superior (50) Highly educated and ingenious. Background: Deep in the bowels of the Marauder Mansion, two seedy underlings roughly shoved their prisoner into a chair. "So this is the guy huh? Doesn't seem so tough to me" said Rocco. "Don't be fooled," said Brick, "nobody has been able to crack him yet – that's why they brought him to us". Their prisoner, clad in blue spandex, offered no resistance as his interrogators bound his hands with duct tape. "So what did the boss say"? "He was pretty vague, really. All we know is this guy's name is Captain Gibberish and they think he's a member of FUBAR". Rocco looked perplexed, "FUBAR? Why would the boss be interested in those nutjobs". Brick shrugged his ample shoulders "They might be just plain crazy, or crazy like a fox. Best to find out once and for all if they're a real threat or just some collection of freaks. The boss doesn't take chances". Rocco moved closer to the Captain and focused the overhead lamp so that the beam shone directly in his face. Gibberish squinted and looked away, beads of sweat trickling from beneath his spandex mask and down his face. "All right Cap, let's get started okay?" asked Brick, cracking his knuckles menacingly. "You pants are like fruit, I am ready to green the choo-choo", was the Captain's response. The two interrogators looked at each other in silence for a moment before turning back to their captive and saying, in unison, "What"? "The choo-choo. I am ready to green the choo-choo" re-emphasized the Captain. "That don't make no sense, man" Rocco observed "cut the crazy talk and tell us who you work for". The Captain let out a heavy sigh and admitted, "okay, okay… I snuggle with lucid fabric bears". Again, the ruffians sat in dazed confusion. "Look pal, you better start giving us some straight answers," threatened Brick "we have ways of making you talk". Gibberish looked frightened and said, frantically, "No, potato! Don't giggle my waffle iron! I'll teacup nine for seventy-six"! "WHAT?" Character Personality "This guy is crazy," concluded Rocco "I don't understand a damned thing he's sayin'"! Brick stood up and loomed over the Captain, "Alright freak, who are you? What's your story"? Gibberish, his already weak willpower drained, told them his long, tragic tale. "It was sick yams afoot that I was bowled. My moo-moo gardened the snail wax and my fraggle snoopied the doorbell. After four hundred udders, I finally zipped the paintbrush and jumped through the spitting lookout. It was then that flipper glued the cashew to my sole, which was munching mahogany, let me tell you. In time, the loggers reviewed and the smurfs walked backwards into the butter, but by then I had already snaked the shingle and it was time to garbonzo…" "Are you on crack?" interceded Rocco. "Hey man, I jungle yes to dragons", was the response. Powers and Abilities Immunity: Detective Power: Immunity Level: Standard "Dude, we have gotta find something out about this guy or the boss is gonna be pissed"! "Relax Rocco, he can't keep this act up forever". Brick began looking the Captain over, trying to read him – get a feel for what he was all about. He could see the sweat pouring off of the Captain as he shifted nervously in his chair. "You seem awful jumpy for a superhero there Cap… you must be new to the game, huh"? "Yellow," replied Gibberish "I've snookered the halo for ugly eight thousand wings". Brick ran his fingers through his brushcut hair, trying to calm himself. "Look we know you are a member of FUBAR, why don't you tell us what your powers are, alright"? Gibberish thought for a moment and then began his explanation, "Forty leaves ago, I milked a goat of diamond jujubes. They constricted my bowel into purple possums and I have winked at cows ever since". Rocco threw his coffee to the floor, "Man! This guy is really startin' to burn me… we're never gonna learn anything like this"! "Patience, Rocco… he'll tell us what we need to know". Brick continued to study his prisoner. Soon he noticed what looked like paint residue on his left ear. "What is that, Cap, paint? You an artist? Housepainter"? "I freckle small kettles, but on Scepterdays I skin the gristle yokes". "Oh man, just let me beat on him for a while Brick, he's drivin' me nuts", exclaimed Rocco. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Immunity: Tactician Power: Immunity Level: Standard Brick pulled Rocco aside. "Look, let's try a different angle – good cop / bad cop". Rocco's eyes lit up, "Oh yeah – that's a classic. You go first". Brick approached the Captain and sat down beside him with a pleasant smile, "Hey look, I wanna apologize for my friend over there. He's got a temper. You want a drink or something? You look thirsty". Gibberish smacked his dry lips and answered, "Think blue, I could smite a pony". Brick gritted his teeth but kept on smiling, "See here's our problem, Cap. We want to let you go, really we do, but our boss says we need to get some information from you first…" Gibberish nodded in understanding as he listened intently to his captor. "…Trouble is though, we don't understand a word you're saying. If you could drop the act for a bit, give us the answers we need, we'll have you back home in no time, okay"? The Captain nodded defeatedly as Brick continued, "Now, who is the leader of FUBAR"? Gibberish took a deep breath, then broke down and admitted tearfully, "Wiggles. The lemur of hookah is Wiggles. He's a poop chronic". Brick threw his arms in the air and tossed the chair across the room in frustration. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Immunity: Force of Will Power: Immunity Level: Standard Rocco rushed over and grabbed Gibberish by the neck, "All right, no more Mr. Good Cop". He whacked the Captain across the face, knocking him to the floor. "You are gonna tell me who the leader of FUBAR is freak, or you're in for a world of hurt"! Sobbing, Gibberish exclaimed "I aardvark tweak you! Wiggles is the lemur of hookah! The poop chronic! He rang all those plows"! Rocco grabbed him again and tossed him up against the wall, getting nose-to-nose with his captive. "If you won't tell me who he is, maybe you can tell me WHERE he is…. Where is the FUBAR base"? Gibberish, in utter terror cried, "It's a toner! A toner made of fleas! It's two tens witch of a harem"! Rocco shouted and threw him back into the chair. "I'm telling you Brick, this guy is asking to be dumped in the river with a rock tied to his neck"! "Easy Rocco, we need to get that information from him first. Time for some more extreme tactics…" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Immunity: Telepathy Power: Immunity Level: Standard "Rocco, go get The Evil Lobe", instructed Brick. "But Brick, it's seven o'clock, he'll be watching 'Friends'…". "Just get him"! After some time, a costumed man entered the room with Rocco. His head was unnaturally large, with blue veins bulging outward from his huge skull. "Captain," said Brick "Allow me to introduce you to The Evil Lobe, our resident psychic. Lobe, do your stuff". With that, the Lobe approached the terrified Captain, gazing into his eyes as the veins on his head pulsated with activity. "I'm reading his thoughts now… trying to ascertain the whereabouts of the FUBAR base… it's… it's… windy down my shirt… ducks quack in the seventh igloo". Brick and Rocco looked on concernedly, "Lobe, snap out of it man – speak English"! The Lobe continued his probing, unaware of their request, lost in the quagmire of Captain Gibberish's mind. "Eels peeing in my milkshake! Eighty marching hamlets stabbing the dingo's daughter!…" The Lobe was growing ever more agitated. "Dogs! Dogs can hear your car alarms! Dogs can hear your car alarms!" he screamed before falling backwards, the telepathic link finally broken. Staggering to his feet with Rocco's assistance he stammered, "His mind… it's… it's an unfathomable mess! I can't read it! We can't force the information out… we must make him give it up"! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Immunity: Emotion Control Power: Immunity Level: Standard The Lobe shook off the effects of the telepathic link and once again approached Captain Gibberish. He once more looked into his eyes and once more his skull throbbed with psychic power. "I am the most terrifying man in the world," he said "you are afraid of me… deathly afraid! Now, tell me who the leader of FUBAR is…" "Happy jump button," replied the Captain, "sparkly Wiggles is a chronic"! Rocco whispered to Brick, "Does that mean he's afraid? I don't get it"? All Brick could do was shrug in ignorance. The Lobe too, was confused by the result. "Let's try a different approach. Captain Gibberish… you are my friend. You are very very happy here. You are calm and at peace... you feel great! Now, why don't you tell your friend The Lobe how many people are in FUBAR". Gibberish responded with a simple, "Penguin. Penguin zombies". The Lobe hung his massive head, "Oh boy, this isn't working. Does he seem happy to you? Can anyone tell"? Brick and Rocco simply shook their heads. The frustration in the room grew noticeably. The Lobe rolled up his sleeves, "Alright, that does it – time for the big guns"! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Immunity: Mind Control Power: Immunity Level: Standard The Lobe sat down in front of Captain Gibberish and placed both palms over the prisoner's temples. He close his eyes and started breathing very deeply, working himself into a trance. His brain expanded and contracted with great furor as his head tried desperately to contain it. The Captain's eyes began to glaze over as The Evil Lobe began to speak, "You will tell me all that you know about FUBAR". Speaking in a zombie-like monotonous voice, the Captain said "I will tinkle wank I knock abrasive hookah". The Lobe strained his brain even further, "NO! You will tell me what you know and you will speak so that we will understand"! The Captain repeated, but this time in a slow, halted and much louder voice, "I… will… tinkle… wank… I… knock…" The Lobe's skull spasmed violently as he shouted, "NO! I HEARD you just fine, you will speak in plain English! What do you know about FUBAR"? The Captain struggled for a moment and then said, "F-F-FUBAR"? The Lobe smiled, "Yes! Yes, Captain... FUBAR… what do you know about FUBAR"? Gibberish reeled under the psychic assault but The Evil Lobe was relentless, increasing his powers to their limit. Blood began to trickle from the villain's ear. "I – I – I…", said the mind-zapped hero "I crunch their singularity gourd is nickel Sluggo". "AAARRRRRGGGHHH!" screamed The Evil Lobe as he fell backwards out of his chair and to the floor. As Rocco and Brick rushed to pick him up, he collapsed in a heap – twitching and unconscious. "Damn! I have to get him to the infirmary!" said Brick "Watch that freak until I get back!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Resistances: Arcane Lore Power: Resistances Level: Standard Rocco paced back and forth in the small room as the Captain quickly recovered from the ordeal. "I'm sick of this FUBAR nutball… time to take it to the next level… Zip! ZIIIPPP"! In response to his call, a small super villain bolted into the room at staggering speed, "Yeah Rocco"? "Zip, go get the Jade Box". Zip looked stunned, "T-t-the Jade Box? Roc, I don't think the boss would like that". Rocco snarled at Zip, "Just do as you're told Zip… the boss will thank me once I crack this nut"! With that Zip dashed off in a cloud of dust, only to return seconds later holding a small Jade Box, which he passed to Rocco before beating a hasty retreat. Rocco opened the box and removed a small scroll – obviously ancient and humming with magical power. "All I gotta do is read this spell pal, and every bit of information in that little pea brain of yours is mine! Now, let's see the instructions here. Point left thumb and forefinger at target and say 'thoughts revealed and twice set free, once to the Void and once to me!'… alright, sounds simple enough". Rocco readied himself and pointed his fingers in the requisite manner, then began his incantation, "trunks refused and mice at sea, ouch haemorrhoid and itchy key"! Rocco shook his head in confusion and tried again, "dots appeal and nice hot tea, one Pink Floyd and bumble bee"! Rocco hurled the scroll and box across the room, "Now he's got ME doing it! This scroll is useless"! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shut Up! Power: Iron Will Level: Supreme Kit Power Link: Mentalist The Captain, sensing Rocco's frustration, tried to calm him down. "Rosco, kiln dune! You will shrek yoursmelt! It's Gilligan be e-trade"! "Shut the hell up, freak", shouted Rocco. "But Rosco, you dunk bleed to schmooze piss. You pan octopus for a listing! You flood kindling in the morning of the thirteenth"! "Stop it"! But Gibberish was not to be stopped. He had something important to say and he was intent on saying it! "Given krunk and Di Capriotic vessels, we need to bale hay for a snigglebush. Too many Frisbees have colon my pencil – too many pancakes creped my Slinky. We nape to excrete our goulash, or we will nestle in democratic equatory…"! Rocco paced angrily and he listened to the Captain's nonsensical rant, "Stop it! What can't you shut up! Stop talking"! But the Captain continued and continued and continued… "Gravy is as gravy smells. You rake the wool you sleep for, and now bakeries die as moons fly east for breakfast…." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SHUT UP!!! Power: Mind Blast Level: Supreme Kit Power Link: Mentalist Advantage: Auto-Hit This mental attack hits the target automatically, but may or may not effect them. Rocco gripped his temples as the Captain's speech reached it's main argument. "Pickles have always been pious, but now we flip the oval at the walrus' ring and count gerbils before they are trained. Helpful is the wood that never greets handymen, that's what I airways say"! Rocco collapsed to the floor, his brain throbbed in pain as it tried in vain to make sense of Gibberish's syntax. "Please, stop! Please just shut up"! "Slug puppies! I wink NOT slug puppies! You have ipso-facto gorillafied me to lollypop junction, and now you wink me to slug puppies! Light bulbs! I am a midget of hookah! My eggs will be here to barbeque the football at Colorado! Ninety-four, baby… ninety-four!" Rocco now screamed as the sanity quickly ripped itself from the rest of his psyche, fracturing his once whole mind into a million confused pieces. Lights flashed before his eyes and the pain in his head increased exponentially. "Codfish with a lemon twist, Rosco. Two yuppies don't milk a ferret"! Rocco collapsed to the floor and his eyes rolled back into his head as drool started oozing out of his mouth, which whispered the words "Slug the puppies, slug the puppies" over and over again. Soon, his rant finished, Captain Gibberish realized that his lone guard was now incapacitated on the floor. Getting up, he smiled and said to himself, "Well, abacus that!" as he quietly slipped out the door and back to the FUBAR base. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Immunity: Pheromones Power: Immunity Level: Standard Having escaped his interrogators, Captain Gibberish stealthily worked his way through the labyrinth of corridors which made up the lower levels of Marauder Mansion. Alarms and sirens were sounding as his escape was soon discovered, and Marauders scoured the complex looking for their captive. Spying an external door through which he might make his escape, Gibberish bolted through the opening and out onto the lawn. Waiting for him was a young woman dressed in a seductive, skin tight ensemble which only barely covered the more personal aspects of her phisiology. She tossed her curly blonde hair to one side and with full, pouty lips she breathed, "Well hello there handsome. You must be that escaped hero everyone is looking for. I can see why, tiger." Gibberish stared longingly at the beautiful woman, her hands behind her back and her ample chest pushed forward in a rather blatant manner. With the Captain stunned by her superhuman attractiveness, the woman continued, "My name is Knockout Punch and I live here at the mansion. You don't really want to leave do you? We could have a lot of fun..." Gibberish, wiping the drool from his bottom lip drew a little closer, "Yellow, I thing I'd smite yams." Knockout looked a little confused, "What was that, sugar?" "I'd smite to spade here wick blue. Blue are a berry tractor pull wombat." The Marauder wasn't sure how to respond. Clenching her giant metallic fist hidden behind her and ready for the sucker punch, she attempted to draw him in closer. "You are such a sweet talker, honeypie. I've never been called a ... a wombat before - that's ...er... that's nice." The smitten FUBARian walked towards the stunning criminal beauty in a love-induced trance. "Oh Cap'n Crunch - blue are purchase! I sink I'm in lime with blue!" "Umm, sure sexy... is you say so." "Rung some clay with meat! Dung and peep Wiggles, the lemur of hookah. He can pet your joints! Blue can seeth the cauliflowers four feather!" As Gibberish drew to within striking range, Knockout hesitated. Were her pheremonic powers working? Was he onto her? Did "pet her joints" meant what she thought it did? By the time she finally decided to swing her giant metallic fist at Gibberish, he had already spotted it and had just enough time to duck out of the way. Running across the lawn, he looked back sadly and cried, "I wink mall haze be timber blue, my lime!", before scaling the outer wall and bolting down the street to freedom. |
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