| The Hunt for NIMBALL |
| A pensive ThiGMOO looks out of his office window, surveying the Misty Vale of Khazan. He's awfully bored. In the room next door, he can hear Dr Caraway screaming into the telephone as he battles to order supplies for his evil empire. As per usual, he's not having much success, and ThiGMOO hears the phone slam into the wall, before the sound of tinkling glass diverts his attention to the window. Surrounded by a sparkling cloud of glass fragments, Dr Caraway's desk can be seen hurtling through the air, rapidly dwindling in size before crashing into the ground, sending splinters sything through the air. Some of said splinters hit a group of Docnfoids ducks, making them explode in showers of confetti. ThiGMOO sighs. He's seen all this before. "What to do. Ho-hum. Grabbing a lemon lollypop from his desk, ThiGMOO ambles out into the corridor, hoping to find something to do. As he turns the corner, he can hear a pair of voices arguing loudly: "Gimme that! It's mine!" "No ith not!" "Is!" "Ithn't" "Is!" "Ithn't" "Ith! Now look what you've done. I thound like you! Thtoopid bear!" *SMACK!" "Ow!" From the end of the corridor, ThiGMOO, can see Docnfoid and Wuzzy rolling around on the floor, knocking sven shades of smoothie out of each other. Perched on a ledge, a groupd of Docnfoids ducks sit barking encouragement. Grinning hugely, ThiGMOO walks up and drags the struggling FUBARians apart "What are you two fightin about this time?" "This" "Ooohhhh!!! Pretty! Sparkly! Me want one" In Docnfoids hand is a shimmering silver sphere, about the same size as a tennis ball. Semi transparent, the outside of the sphere is perfectly smooth, with no breaks that ThiGMOO can see. Inside, a perfact scale replica of Khazan can be seen, complete with clouds, birds, and as ThiGMOO peers closer, even little scale models of the people who live there. ThiGMOO can understand why Docnfoid and Wuzzy were fighting. Everybody would want this for themselves. An idea begins to hatch in ThiGMOO's lollypop riddled brain.... "Come on you two, I've just thought of a really good, FUBAR way to settle who gets to keep this....Nimball thingamajig. Follow me" Docnfoid and Wuzzy look at each other in puzzlement, then shrug and follow the deranged Propaganda minister down stairs to the teleport room. Arms waving in all directions at once, a completely hyper ThiGMOO shoves both FUBARians into the teleport and jumps after them, hammering the 'teleport' button as he does so. The air shimmers around them, and the three FUBARians inside the Khazan national stadium. A cheering crowd greets them, and ThiGMOO starts waving maniacly to all and sundry, before producing a megaphone and gesturing for silence. "I see you all listen to the radio then. Welcome to the very first, most lollytastic, FPL Nimball championships, open to all members of the FPL! For those won't have never seen Nimball before, here are the rules. The NIMBALL™, carried by my good friend Wuzzy *cheers for wuzzy, who looks very confused*, is the centre of the game. All members of the FPL can do anything in their power to gain possession of its wonderous wonderousness. At the end of the match, whoever is in possession of the NIMBALL™ not only gets to keep it, but also gets a special mention on the FUBAR website, even if they're not a FUBAR member! Not only that, but JUSTICE has assured me that a free smoothie will be given to every competitor! How's that for a deal!" Over the sound of cheering, ThiGMOO can hear Wuzzy and Docnfoid muttering to each other. "Come on you guys", he whispers. "It'll be absolute mayhem, especially with all of the fpl involved. And this way we won't wreck the HQ either". The Two FUBARians look at each other, then a big grin breaks out across their faces. ThiGMOO can see that both of them are imagining the damage they be able to cause this time round, especially if Banquo doesn't mind "Coooool!" Wuzzy and Docnfoid rush to either end of the stadium as ThiGMOO walks to the centre circle. "Everybody ready?" *SCREAMS AND CHEERS* "Right then" ThiGMOO hurles the NIMBALL™ into the air "NIMBALL!!" Wuzzy and Docnfoid charge as ThiGMOO levitates out of harms way, and the game begins.... -------------------------- OK ladles and jellyspoons, here are the rules of Nimball. Anyone can play. The object of the game is to poseess the Nimball, by any means necessary. Magic, big swords, exploding ducks, bribery, anything. All posts are to be made from the perspective of either an FPL character, or an FPL alter ego (such as Docnfoid, Banquo, ThiGMOO, etc) All posts are to be left slightly open ended. No killing another character. Just pinch the Nimball of them in a painful manner. The Nimball is not to be taken outside the stadium, or above a height of 200 metres. that spoils the fun. After a few weeks, when ever I get to a computer while I'm away, the match will end. Whoever is in possession of the Nimball will win cake, 2 smoothies, and a place on the FUBAR website (if Banquo says it's OK). Now get posting! I want to see major Nimball action when I come back, or I shall be most upset! -------------- DeDestroyah -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In an amazing display of speed and audacity, Nai leaps onto the playing field. Run right up to the Nimball and grabs it. He then pauses a moment to consider it, this being his eventual downfall. Well, not really 'cause Nai could tell when Docnfoid was getting close. So of course Nai spun about with his heavy rocket launcher. Nai fired the things creating a large crater in the playing field. "That should slow them down", or so he thought. Problem with rocket launchers is... ...they ain't rapid fire. And it's verry, verry hard to kill stupidity. DD-- -------------- DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah hi. I'm Wiseass Dave, Paladin of the Silver Tongue, Head of the Missile Command and Arcade Defense Center. Today had started out pretty bad. Radar showed no threats, we had already shot at some spacecraft who had gotten too close to our airspace...they had finally gotten wary. Nothing to shoot at. Nothing for my Melodramatic Government Workers to yell about. Downright boring. Then THiGMOO's announcement played over the Threat Board. I smiled...I wanted it too. I really did. I have no idea what a Nimball is, but I still want one. Putting on my Warcraft III style armor, I got my giant oversized hammer, and let the guys know what was happening. The Three Stooges of the Apocalypse have Entered the stadium. ------------------- Dan here. What Dave forgot to mention besides the fact that a bonebag of his caliber should NOT be able to tote a hammer larger than him, is that we've brought the Holy Arsenal, the MC&ADC (Missile Command and Arcade Defense Center) is giving us missile support, and we hijacked a golf cart for some speedy ass kicking! I'm large, I'm in Charge, I'm Dan/The Devouring One. And its time we BOMB THEM! (Note: Will would take FAR too long to make his statement, and you guys don't have all day, so we're skipping to our arrival.) ------------ "Behold! I AM DAVE, THE FOOD BRINGER! PALADIN OF THE SILVER TONGUE!" "AND BEHOLD, I AM DAN/THE DEVOURING ONE! AND I HAVE NO PANTS!" "BEEEEEHOLD! I.'m. Will! THE. JOKE. ASS...ASS...IN! I. USED. THE. HOLY. PANTS. GUN. TO. SAVE. THE. WORLD. FROM. DAN'S. LACK..." "Shut up." I said simply. We stared at the other figures in the stadium. "BRING IT ON!!!" Myself and Dan said in unison. "...IT. ON!" Will finished a moment later. We charged toward Nai with the intent to do nasty stuff and just plain ahnilliate. -------------- DeDestroyah -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nai stood staring at the challenge laid before him. Stop the group, and the guy with no pants rushing towards him, or lose the Nimball. Nai would have done something, but at that moment an insistent voice echoed in Nai's head. "Reload! Reload!" DD-- -------------- WereGecko -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wuzzy stands befuddled for a moment, then gets angry. "Hey... that'th MY Nimball!! Give it back, guyth!" Wuzzy then proceeds to spray a wash of disncorporating stuff over the whiny contestants, melting all their clothes and weapons, leaving them buck naked, much to the joy/horror of the crowd. He then, while they stand stunned, lumber past, snatching the Nimball from Nai's hands. He backs himself into a corner and levels the gun at the four foul ones. "Watch out, bro! Bear coming through!!" Just then, Fuzzy smacks down an entire side of the arena, the pieces landing conviniently upon the foursome of trouble. He joins his 'brother' and grins. "So, Wuz, wuzzup? Hehe... ooooooh. Shiny... if we win whatever this dumb game is, we keep, right?" "Yeth, ya dumb goon. Now go thmath thothe guyth!" Fuzzy whoops and charges with the Buzzy Battle Cry... "SMOOOOOOOOTHY OF DOOOOOOOOOM!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MightyMeatyMan -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sloth did what he does second best, losing only to kicking in doors...he went into the game, and farted. -------------- ThiGMOO -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Penalty for making no effort to play the ball! -------------- Alicia -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alicia walks around the corner, hands in pockets, whisteling a little tune to herself... "doot...doot doot do do doot d..huh?", she mutters, catching sight of the arena. "What...on...pluto...??" she then states. she quietly walks in. "what is everyone doin- holy shiznit..." people seemed to be crawling out of some scattered reckadge- saddly, it looked as if they forgot something when they got up in the morning. Alicia spun around, her face going slightly red. "i am soooo glad i wasnt here earlier..." she mutters. her eyes blinking open, she spots a giant panda lookin thing in the corner of the arena (do arena's even have corners...??) and instant grin came over her face. "GIANT TEDDY BEAR!!!" instantly running over, she hugged the thing tightly. "Teddy teddy teddy!!!" she said, fortunatly, or not, clinging and squeezing tighter. Due to stuffing being pushed in an unmerciful hug in and upwards direction, its head popped off. Alicia blinked. "T-teddy...??" she said quietly letting go. it stayed standing, but immobal. Her head cocked off to the side. "Teddy...?" Suddenly, something thunked onto her head. "ouch..." she muttered, turning to pick it up. she looked at it, blinked, and stuck it in her pocket. "oh well..." she whispered, turning to grab the teddy bears head, and attempting to sew it back on... (might as well...) -------------- Docnfoid -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DIE! ALL OF YOU DAMNED CHEESEMONGERS! *drives across the field in his bus, launching Demolition Duck Squad ducks all aroudn him* GWAHAHHAAHAAAHAHH!!! *runs out of the bus and sits on DeDestroyah, and takes the Nimball and jumps on one of the ducks, which detonates and propels him into the bleachers* ------------------------- DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Battle continued. Dan had gotten Pants, and there was much rejoicing. I personally was busy... The combined Technical prowess of the Three Stooges of the Apocalypse had created... THE HEAVY ASSAULT MULTI-PURPOSE ATTACK CART! Taking our standard Golf Cart, modifying it with several varieties of weaponry, armoring it, walling off the sides and adding doors (All good metal I assure you). The back portion where a Caddy could stand on, along with a pair of golf bags was modified with a Sprite Surface To Air Missile Launcher on the right bag port, and on the left a "Smite-'is-ass Surface to Surface Seeker Rocket Shooter". Finally, instead of a caddie back there, we have Will, the Joke Assassin, manning the Machine Gun attached to the Golf Cart Roof. We added several dozen Phone Books to make that sort of thing work, but Dammit if it didn't. Our plan is simple: We will destroy the competition, and grab the nimball!!! ALL SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF WISEASS DAVE, AND THE THREE STOOGES OF THE APOCALYPSE! I kicked the cart into high gear, sending us flying toward the opposition at blinding speeds of 30 Mph, guns ablaze! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Docnfoid -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *sees the golf cart* OH NO! THIS CANT BE GOOD! *throws another duck at the ground, which blows up and propels him through the sunroof on his bus, which then takes off and circles the field* -------------- Namic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As the battle raged on a loud explosion could be heard from the direction of the Misty Vial. If anyone had looked in the direction they would have noticed a large object flying through the air with the grace of a one winged pigeon with its stomach filled with expanding rice. As it came closer to the Khazan National Stadium its shape could be distinguished as a Bullet Ridden POS car. The car continued on its path, and bounced off a large teddy bear before landing upside down near the center of the stadium. The passengers of the ill-fated vehicle crawled out of the windows. "Uh, are we dead this time?" Said the man wearing the blue shirt and khaki pants. "Well, I don't see clouds, many beautiful women, and a river of booze so we're not in heaven. I also don't see any fire, brimstone, and Satan isn't raping my ass with his red hot pitchfork so we're not in hell." The man in the clown makeup said as he left the car. "So where did we land?" Bruce said as he dusted himself off and checked for any injuries. Sourface looked around before answering. "I think it’s the Khazan National Stadium." Suddenly the clown's face brightended. "Hey, this is where that Nimball thing is going on!" "What, you mean the thing we heard on the radio between us screaming for our lives?" Bruce asked as he slumped onto the car. "Yeah! This is going to be great, a lot better then that whole croquet thing we just finished. Imagine it Bruce. If we can win this Nimball thing, or whatever the hell it is we can finally get the fame and fortune we've been waiting for!" Sourface said excitedly. "Bruce, help me flip the car over!" Bruce sighed as him and his partner began to flip over the car. "Are you sure this is a good idea. I mean you said the same thing about the Croquet match and we didn't get anything out of it. And before that was the DeathRace and you already spent all the cash we won from it. I can't possibly see how all of these random, yet violent activities is going to help us get our jobs back, or the fame and fortune you keep talking about." The two managed to flip the car upright. "You're being too uptight again." Sourface said as he entered the car. "Damn right I'm being uptight. Every decision you make ends up with us in a life threatening situation. Maybe we should just forget this whole Nimball, and FUBAR thing and go someplace safe like the bar. At least there I can be able to forget all the f-uped stuff I've gone through today." Sourface rolled his eyes. "For crying out loud. If you want a drink I think there's an open container in the back seat. Besides look at the competition, large teddy bears, heavily armed golf carts, and exploding ducks. This is practically going to be a walk in the park, hey don't give me that 'that's what you say every time before something horrible happens' look." Sourface turned on the car. "Now let's show these guys what this baby can do." He yelled, slamming a button on the dash, causing a large pair of machine guns to pop from the hood. He turned the car to the closest thing moving and let loose a hail of gunfire. -------------- THiGMOO -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Wanders on to the pitch, and throws an extra Nimball into the game.* ''Collect both NIMBALLS, and not only get immortalised on the FUBAR page, also get a free kiss from ThiGMOO! '' (and probably Fuzzy and Wuzzy too, if you ask nicely) -------------- DeDestroyah ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nai, hearing ThigMoo's announcement, shudders. He then holds his hands up and says "On the basis that if I might recieve a kiss from ThigMoo I hereby relenquish all right to the Nimball to... ...umm, Docnfoid! Yeah." Nai then turns around and proceeds quickly off the field before the Nimball could be foisted off on him. "Seeya, suckers!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Docnfoid ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *sees ThigMoo* God help us! I relinquish the balls to Meaty! *shoves the balls into meaty's hat and drives his bus away* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WereGecko -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fuzzy is still standing, alone, by the arena wall, clutching the original Nimball. He sees the other one, and heedless of the warnings of his fellow FUBARians, charges to grab it back. Wuzzy quickly spots it flying to MMM, and redirects his brothers charge accordingly. The twin bears fly at MMM in a rage of teddy fury... thankfully, Alicia HAD managed to sew Fuzzy's head back on, but a bit of bloo... stuffing was flying out behind him. ((Thanks, dear!) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alicia -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (welcome =p) Alicia sits there for a moment, pondering the factores of this game... "i dont think Justice would be happy if ThiGMOO kissed me..." she continures pondering... "BUT TEDDY KISSES!!!" she shouts. "YAY!!!" she races half way down the feild before she stops. "Whats a Nimball..." she says to herself. "i really need to buy a radio..." -------------- Banquo -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Trumpets are heard blasting throughout the air! The huge Steel gates that were impeding DeDestroyah's and Docnfoid's homophobic exit slowly began to rise as they started to back up in great wonder. The Audience hushed and waited in mind numbing anticipation. A horse was the first thing they saw. Then a very large carraige wagon thingy that was being pulled by the horse manned by a really oldish looking person concealed in a brown cloak. The carraige made it's way to the middle of the Stadium. Once stopped the old guy made his way off the cart and came around to the back of the carraige, almost blocking the bumper sticker reading "We break for Boobs". The anticipation seemed to mount even heavier as the figure just stood there as if waiting for the right moment in the silence to finally act. The robes were flung off to reveal Banquo, clad in the most dazzling armor 10th century Scotland could provide. His demeanor seemed very serious which seemed unusual to everyone as he looked up into the sky very slowly. Darkness crept ever so quickly over the Arena. Was he controlling daylight or time itself? Spotlights began to flicker on and were pointed directly onto Banquo. Just for the cool effect he looked at all the contestants real slowly like and panned the entire arena. He slowly drew forth his Claymore of Cardboard and positioned the hilt right in front of his face and began to quote one of his favorite 80's cartoon catch phrases as the sword grew with each word. fubar... Fubar... FUBAR... FUBARIANS!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! A strange fire began to well in the eyes of all FUBAR members as the sword gave off a terrific bright light blinding all that were watching. When their eyes adjusted they found that they had lost track of all space and time yet had a really cool ambiatic sense of madness. It was very enlightening. Literally. They looked back to the center of the Arena and found not only Banquo standing there but someone else. He had acquired both Nimballs in the giant flash of bright light, took center stage as he usually does in any situation and was holding the two balls in front of him right between his thighs and seemed to be waiting for some sort of comment to happen. LOOK, Willie has 2 BALLS! cue audience laugh track I love it when Fic writing just goes your way sometimes! With that he started juggling the balls in the air. One by one the other contestants began to charge. Each were subdued in the same way. They were smacked in the Tallywhacker with a rubber chicken filled with lead ball bearings (Don't ask how they got in there). The question is how was he doing this without use of his hands. The names Willie, there's a reason why Mr. Narrator. OK then, We'll just say that Willie's third appendage was doing most of the work until he came to Alicia. He stopped juggling. He gave the 2 balls to her and then gave her a special Whoopie cushion. Only use it when you absolutely must Willie bounded off back to his Carraige and began flinging his arsenal at random people while Banquo defended just to make the game a little more interesting... -------------- Alicia ---------------------------- (i dont think im ever going to be able to call my friend Will that name agian...) Alicia blinked when she was handed the two nimballs, and a whoopie cusion- obviously special. "So theeeeese are Nimballs..." she states, looking at them. "Well..thats interesting...i thought it was a name you called someone when they were being evil..." she blinks. "no...wait...no i didnt...that was the rabbit with the gold tooth..." she turns to the person who had given her the stuff. "Thank you Mr. Person Dude Sir!!" she shouts. Quietly putting the whoopie cusion in her mouth, she blew it up- probably because there was nothing better to do, and wondered why 'Mr. person dude sir' had given it to her instead of someone else. is it because im special? she thought,is it because im insane? is it because im special? is it because im a girl? is it because im special? is it... this continued until she finally finished blowing up the whoopie cusion. "Nah...its because im special..." she said, lost in her own thought. she grinned. "My mummy always said i was 'special'!!" "I jsut realized what that ment..." she snuffled. "how crewl..." -------------- DeDestroyah -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nai recovered from his blow quickly after realizing that he didn't quite remember what a Tallywhacker is. Especially after reminding himself that "What you know can hurt you, and what you don't know can hurt you more, but what you sorta know doesn't hurt all that much". So getting back to what he was doing... ...Nai stood up and immediately percieved the somewhat sobbing Alicia. He would have moved to help her except at that moment he noticed behind her the unusually well blown up whoopie cushion. At which point Nai flung his hands up in the air and ran around screaming "I disbelieve! I disbelieve!" Several Mages in the crowd exploded. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ThiGMOO -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wanders past, tending the massive hangover he's picked up in prague, before belting several members of the crowd with a large trout which he's stolen from irc. PLAY ON, DAMN YOU!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Namic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alicia stood, basking in the wonder of the twin Nimball. For several moments it looked like victory would be hers since no one was either brave, nor foolish enough to face the wraith of the special whoopie cushion, that was until the sounds of a screeching POS could be heard nearby. Before she could realize it the car sideswiped Alice, launching her into the air and dropping a single Nimball. Fortunately for her she collided safely into the back of a large teddy bear's head. "OH MY GOD!!!! WE HIT AN INNOCENT PEDESTRIAN!!! WE'RE GOING TO GO TO JAIL AND I’M GOING TO BE A BITCH FOR A LARGE MAN NAMED TINY!!!" Bruce screamed in panic. "Innocent my a**! She was holding the Nimballs. Quick, get out of there and pick it up before someone else does." Sourface said as he pushed his partner out of the car. Bruce quickly grabbed the single Nimball and ran back into the car. "Oh man, this is not good. Do you realize that every one of those guys is going to be after us?" Bruce said as he put the Nimball in the glove box. "Hey, if you don't stop panicing we might be able to keep that thing hidden long enough to win this. Now let's get out of here before someone realizes that chick lost a Nimball." The clown said as he put the petal to the metal and drove the Bullet Ridden POS around the field. -------------- Alicia ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alicia, sliding down onto the ground from where the teddy had saved her...sorta... blinked at the two clowny type people's conversations. "Im not a chicken..." she muttered. loosely running a hand over her figure, she then stated, "and how can this not be innocent?" Blinking at the fact that she suddenly only had one nimball, she glared in the direction of the car. "HEY!! the nice person dude gave that to me!! i dont see you with a special whoopie cusion!" She then (oddly enough...) grabbed her presants, and chased after the car... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bruce and Sourface might have gotten away clean if the world had not forgotten about one thing... The loud voice of Dan peirced the night air... "HEY YOU! CATCH!!!" He called over in his best "Scottish Human/Dwarf Mortar Team" voice! The area around the POS exploded in a flash of light as a rocket from the Missile Command Arcade Defense Center, set to "Extra Crispy" slammed into the ground. The Nimball flew from the barely damaged car during the blast. (David cursed...he needed to check the missile charges again...) ...As a Heavily Armored Golf Cart roared past... Will cried out, "CLOOOOWNS. SUUUCK!" Wiseass Dave pulled out his oversized Warhammer... "Dan! YOU DRIVE!" A steering wheel popped out of Dan's control console, and The Devouring One was finally Large and In Charge. David lowered the bullet proof front Cart Shield™. "DAN! SEND US AT WILLIE! BANQUO POINTED HIS CLAYMORE AT US! ITS TIME FOR AN OLD SCHOOL JOUSTIN!!!" Dan snorted, "F--k that, we're in a f--king Heavy Assault Multi-purpose Attack Cart." Dan flicked the "Rocket Booster" switch on his dashboard... The Heavy Assault Multi-Pupose Attack Cart (Golf Cart to be Precise) was now set to a Collision Course with Willie and Banquo's carraige, attempting a truly FUBAR joust... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lord Thayer -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose... Seeing that this post had been unused since the creator was taken offline this would be the optimal time to continue the joust and who cares about the silly Nimball! TIME FOR SUPER SLOW MOTION MATRIX-LIKE ACTION! cue jazzy theme music Willie jumps in mid air and begins firing extra crispy style chickens from his KFC Genetically Engineered Chicken Wave Cannon, which just happened to appear instantly when the theme music began. Simultaneously Banquo jumped in an opposite direction and his Claymore grew 10 times in size. White light began to pour out as all his precessors flew towards the sword in a phased state and combined 1,000 men in strength. Something was strange about the sword though. There was a large circular jewel imbedded at the base of the blade. He looked 100 feet away at the charging oversized Warhammer and grinned. Willie landed on the ground 50 feet away from Banquo. His Wave cannon emptied. He checks his tights for more ammo and remembered that his prop box is still on the cart 25 feet away. Why he jumped off the cart he did not know. Banquo raised the sword to the sky just as Willie smacked his palm to his forehead. Could it be possible? Yes, Banquo summonded the greatest Materia ever... The entire Arena dissappeared and only the bozos in the cart was seen in the audiences view. The sky turned to outer space and blackness. Banquo had Summoned KotR. Knights of the Round! Unfortunately they were on a lunch break and all that the spell did was bring the Janitor that cleans up after the fabled Arthur and his Knights. The Arena turned to normal again and the slow motion was turned off and Banquo replaced his sword with a magical Mop that was left after the spell. He spouted some Scottish Swear and started his own charge while Willie started dancing with Alicia to David Bowies "Golden Years". The 2 charging forces both caught what was going on in the corners of their eyes and began to slow down. They looked back at each other and then double taked and stopped about 10 feet in front of each other. They all shrugged and joined in dancing with the rest of the Fubarians. Soon, as partners switched every minute, Banquo again met up with Willie, who commented; "You enjoyed a Knight's Tale far too much...". Willie just smiled and kept on dancin'. None of them knowing what the true use for the Nimball actually was. Unfortunately they all lost track of the two Balls and a dark cloud began to envelop the Arena... (Time for someone elses character to make an appearance! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ThiGMOO ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *puts on cheerleader outfit, then starts spelling FUBAR while doing high kicks* Just as a reminder, the winner is whoever has the Nimball when I get home and get round to logging in. You have less than two weeks remaining. I want to see some seriously gory Nimball action. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ThiGMOO --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 days to go. GET NIMBALLING!!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Namic ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Damn, damn, damn. Where the hell if that Nimball!" Sourface yelled at his partner as he searched the glove box. "I can't believe some guy in a golf cart took the Nimball from us." "Good, let the other loonies kill each other off for that damn thing." Bruce commented as he closed the glove box. "What, you mean we should quit? Never! Did Custard quit when he fought against Crazy Horse, NO! Did Davey Crockett quit while he defended the Alamo, NO! Did Tom Hanks quit when he went to save that Private Ryan Guy, NO!" Sourface proclaimed as he tried to motivate his scared partner. "Yeah, but all of them were killed." Bruce retorted "That's besides the point. Now let's think about this, everybody's dancing, and we have no clue where the Nimballs are. Hey does that book say what they are?" Sourface asked as a group of Fubarians danced past the POS. Bruce reached into the back seat and pulled out a copy of FPL/AoC for Dummies. "Well let's see. The book says that the only thing that surpasses its almighty ultimate power is its unknown and unsolvable mysteries as to what it does." The two simply looked dumfounded after the hearing the books explanation. "Right. So all that leaves is to find both Nimballs and claim a glorious victory and wealth and fame." Sourface said triumphantly. "And how are we going to do that?" Bruce said. Almost ironicly two small sphereical shades slowly rolled. The two looked at the shades and thuer eyes widened at their unbelievable luck. "Holy sh*t. I don't believe it. Those are the Nimballs." Scourface ylled as he pulled both balls into the car. "Wait, how the hell did they roll here? I though that girl and the guy in the gold cart had them. How did they lose the balls? I mean just how do we explain a plot hole like this?" A skeptical Bruce asked. "Who cares, maybe they lost them when the janitor showed up, or when they all decided to start dancing with each other. Besides plot holes are what make this country great. Now we have to put these someplace secure." "Well I doubt the glove box will work again." Bruce said. "I have an idea. I saw this movie about a bunch of mobsters who try to kill a boxer. The boxer had a watch and his dad knew of a great way to hide it." Sourface said. "Wait, are you talking about Pulp Fiction?" Sourface nodded. "That's right. I can't do it since I'm driving. SO I guess you'll have to take one for the team." "NO F-ING WAY I'M SHOVING THESE NIMBALLS UP THERE!!!" Bruce screamed at his partner. "Fine, then either sit on them, hold them or put them in the glove box. Just don't let anyone else get their hands on them." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And as Bruce and Sourface continued this conversation, it ended...they would never remember what would happen on this day. A silence suddenly filled the arena. It wasn't planned, nothing really tried to make it happen...it just did. As though the forces of nature had created a strangely Artificial Synchronicity, a situation in which seemingly random events all combined to form a specific outcome that would, on consideration, be strange and somehow necessary...the speakers on Willie's Carraige suddenly died. The dancing warriors and ladies suddenly stopped in shock, attempting to figure out what was happening...and they all realized something. Weren't they competing for the Nimballs? Why the hell were they DANCING? That didn't make ANY sense. As this became a crisis of faith for some, and a weird feeling for others...a new entity approached. A seemingly average dark limosine slowly made its way through the playing field. Stopping in the very center, a lone man in an expensive suit stepped out, followed by a pair of heavyset men. If you had good enough eyes to tell, all of them were obviously carrying firearms. The lone man spoke in a loud, average voice, that boomed throughout the stadium: "Hello. I am Nim. I wish to know who is holding my balls." -------------- THIGMOO ---------------- Before anybody can answer, ThiGMOO teleports back into the middle of the arena, waving a large golden eggtimer, filled with strawberry jam. "Ladies and gentlemen...." ahem ".....And teddy bears, and golf carts, and weird other worldy beings whose true purpose mere mortal such as myself cannot hope to fathom. According to this eggtimer, the Nimball tournament has now ended! And, in accordance with the rules, I hereby award DMOD the title of Master of Nim's Balls! errr.....I mean Nimball! Lets all give a big hand for DMOD! Yay!" ThiGMOO teleports back to his castle to prepare an official announcement for FUBAR radio. Behind him, a fight is breaking out. Again. As you may have gathered, I'm back from my merry travels. And so Nimball is now over. Sob. When I next get bored, I'll hold another Nimball tournament, just to see how much damage FUBARians can do to each other in the name of Nim's Balls. Could Banquo (or whoever does the website these days) add "Master of Nim's Balls" or something similar to DMOD's description? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- DMOD -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- POINTLESS EPILOGUE: Nim simply shook his head. "I still wish to have my balls in the proper hands. Now...give them to me." A Heavily Armored Golf Cart parked in front of the one known as Nim. Dan/The Devouring One called over, "So...you have returned to bring forth the sanies in the final battle of irrationalism versus sanity, have you? Nim, you idiot, YOU...ARE...FUBAR. Say it with me now. YOU...ARE...FUBAR. you can't say anything else, can you? Look at all the sh-t that occurred IMMEDIATELY before you got here!...you ARE FUBAR." Everyone looked at Dan...that was by far the wisest thing he had said outside of a computer game. Nim laughed, "Oh my dear boy, not a chance. Each and every incident can be explained. The speakers were due to faulty wiring, the sudden realization of your stupidity was simply your inner senses. My arrival at the very end of the Nimball Tourney was simply due to the fact that there was heavy traffic on I-95. It was all simply a moment of wondrous Synchronicity..." Wiseass Dave laughed as he interrupted, "Artificial Synchronicity. Oh how I could go on about THAT subject..." Nim called out, "QUIET YOU! Do any of you think that you can match my power of synchronicity? Give me my balls and I'll let your foolishness survive longer... "Welllll. You. Suck!" Cried Will as he pulled out his Holland and Holland double rifle...known better as, the Elephant Gun. Dan/TDO and Dave both looked at each other... "Go Will..." Simeltaneously, the trio all pulled out wide-brimmed Cowboy Style Hats. Placing them on their heads, the trio quickly readied their guns. Dave was armed with a double-Barrel western-style shotgun in his left hand, and a classic "Six Shooter" Single Action Army Revolver in his right hand. Dan had a Double-Barrel Shotgun in each hand. On cue, Dan tossed the shotguns in the air, and pulled out his most terrifying weapon...the Nwowowwow! The Look, combined with ancient movie double-hand-finger-twitch in front of the head-action and Gibberish voice-action, created a force of nature that made even the most terrifying foe cringe at the sight of it... Dan let loose a loud, "NWOwowwowwowwowwow..." Nim's henchmen both cringed in horror...Nim simply smiled. "Hehhehheh...I see you've all learned from the LAST time we met. I do hope you're better at actual combat than you are at f--king around." Dan caught the flying shotguns as a tense silence filled the arena, which was suddenly broken when... |
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