| Act 2 The Reception |
| Act 2 Audience enters new set up on stage, circular tables are set out for the audience. Dance floor. DJ: What up! The name's DJ Jiggy Jenny Jams. Remember it cause I'm gonna be famous. Just like Jennifer Lopez, that hip shaking Goddess. She's my idol. And let's get something straight, I did NOT steal her bra. I simply borrowed it. (music stops) And besides, that was back when I was known as Mary Jo Jennifer Jones. See, that's my real name. And I talk "ghetto" to try and cover my accent. I'm really from Okolona, Mississippi not from Brooklyn, New York. I mean who would take a hill billy seriously as a DJ? I didn't actually want to be a DJ. I wanted to be a singer. I attended the University of Central Florida until that incident with J LO. I think I was named after her... Anyhow, Ma and Pa wanted me to do something, mostly to send them and the kids money. (music starts) So I borrowed my mother's uncle's cousin twice removed turn tables and poof! I land a Lays commercial and a star is born. So let's kick this party into gear! Oh and if you tell anyone about who I really am...I'll kill ya! Reception starts as the parents start walking in as the DJ announces them and comments on each pair. Finally ending with the Bride and Groom. DJ starts the music for the couples first song and everyone sits down. A quick song, very cute, possibly having the Groom step on her feet or something to that effect. Noah: Gee, Our first dance as a married couple... Lor: Mmm, let's hope it doesn't end up like our first meeting. Noah: I really didn't mean to break your leg, let's hope those Ballroom dance lessons helped... Lor: Uh, Hon, that's when it happened... Noah: (pause) Oh yeah, the church retreat thing where we met. Lor: The Dance Lessons... Noah: The floor where I ... Lor: Spun me too fast, swung me into another couple and then stepped on my foot, tripping both of us, then landed on and shattered my Femur. Noah: Hey, I though we left that behind us... Lor: Well, the hospital is where we got to know each other... Noah: Yeah, I loved those little jello fruit cups... Lor: (giggles) It'll make a great story for the kids...Which reminds me, you haven't told anyone about...(indicates down to her belly) Noah: Nope, it'll stay our secret... Lor: I love you Noah. (A few minutes into the song, the Best Man comes out from underneath the head table cloth and adjusts himself, zips up his fly and starts to mingle. A moment later the priestess crawls out and turns her robe back the way it’s supposed to be. Priestess takes a seat somewhere and stays there for the duration of the play until the epilogue. (Leo makes his way over to the Father of the bride and Noah) Ray: Hey, so, uh, what were you and (insert some slur for the priestess) doing? Ehh (elbows him)? Leo: She was helping me study for my, uh, human physiology exam. (Elbows him back-they laugh) Noah pipes in interested but clueless. Noah: I don't get it. Leo: Never mind. Leo walks over to Estella and Ray starts a father son type conversation Ray: So what kinda sports you play there Noah. Noah shrugs Ray starts listing sports which Noah shakes his head for each one “no”. Leo: Mimi? Hey, hows business? The Aunt in cognito, secretly has a conversation with him. Aunt: Hey Trix, it's been slow since you left us... Leo: Heh, well, as you know my trix aren't for kids. (both laugh, Evie eavesdrops) Leo: Yeah, how long has it been anyway? 2 or 3 weeks? Aunt: About that. Leo: Gotten any new merchandise? Aunt: A few, and they've been asking for you. When are you coming back? Leo: I don't know, this whole marriage thing is starting to give me a new perspective on things. Aunt: Well, remember, that your always welcome to come back to us. Leo: Thanks (pecks her on the cheek and leaves) Evie: What was that about? Aunt: Umm...he's part of my knitting circle! Evie: Oh Aunt: Have you told Noah about our surprise yet? (both giggle) Ray continues to name off sports Viv: What’s Wrong dear? Kiki: (extremely sarcastic) Nothing Mom, this is my sisters wedding day, nothing could possibly be wrong with me. Viv: Are you sure, something seems wrong. Kiki: This is the first time in 20 years you have asked me if I’m OK. What’s suddenly different now that she’s on her own? Suddenly, you realize that you have a second child? Viv: What are you talking about? I, we, your father and I, have always given you all the love and support you ever needed. Not to mention paying for the best schools, clothes, and after school activities. What more could you ask for? Ray names off three more sports… Kiki: First of all, you sent me to boarding school, which, by the way, I HATED! So You and dad could have time to yourselves, not that you actually use that time regardless. Viv: What?… You loved boarding school. You got the best education, and then wasted it at the University of Wisconsin. Kiki: I’m just going to stop talking because it’s just no worth wasting my voice on someone who didn’t understand and never will. Viv: Now, I’m sorry that we had to pull you away from your school and friends, but please be happy for your sister. This is her day. Kiki: (more sarcasm) Wow, this is a happy, happy day, Just like the day Grandma Died! Ray: Badminton? Noah: Um yes. Ray: (relieved that he actually found a sport) Really, Badminton. Noah: actually no, I played it once in Gym class but got hit in the eye with the birdie and was sent home. (Leo walks over) Ray: So, uh, are you into sports? Leo: Well, I'm into hunting. And only for trophies. Ray: Really? What's your season? Leo: Mostly nights, normally Fridays and Saturdays! (They laugh) Noah: I don't get it. Ray: (ignoring him) Are you into any sports? Like Badminton? Leo: Well, when it comes to rackets my shuttlecock is in full service… (Ray and Leo laugh) Noah: I don't get it. Leo: I’ll tell you when your older. Ray: You boys into gambling? How 'bout cards? Poker? Blackjack? Old maid? Leo: I'll play your old maid! (They laugh) Noah: I don't get it. Leo: You don't get a lot of things, do you. Noah: I get puzzles! (Awkward pause) Noah: (attempting to break the ice his own way) So, uh, I just got married. Ray: Naaawww! I hope you know what you got yourself into. Noah Shakes his head Ray: You see, I think of marriage this way: you have a nice, beautiful ceremony with all your friends and family there - a nice priest, good looking Church -all paid for by the woman's old man. Then, you go on a honeymoon - paid for by the guests at your reception. Nice deal, huh? That's what I thought. Then, it hit me. You get to your new home and it's off to work. day in and day out, you go and put in an honest day's work, bust your butt to make enough money for the wife to be happy and what does she do? Complains when you get home because you don't talk enough, you didn't clean the house, you don't wash the dishes, you don't cook. Even though all day long you were working to put that food on the darn table! Then, the weekend comes and what you really want to do is sit back, grab a cold one and watch the game - oh, or in your case, do a puzzle (snicker) – but what does she want? She wants to go to a play. She wants to take her friends. So, you open up your wallet again and do something you don't even like to do. You think it all pays off in the end? Well, let me tell you buddy. It doesn't. For all the plays I've seen, do you think she'll even watch the Super Bowl with me? Not unless you let her go andmake those dainty little finger sandwiches and invite all her girlfriends. Then all they do is talk. It's like they think they are John Madden or somethin'! Ah, but you're young yet. You'll know what I'm talking about soon enough. Enjoy the night my friend, 'cause it may be your last opportunity. Leo: Know what I think of marriage? Marriage is just a good way to get the goods, without getting her folks angry. Ray: (laughing) I like you. How come you aren't marrying Lorraine? Noah: Hello, I'm still here. Leo: We know. (Some woman walks by) Excuse me gentlemen, Hunting season has opened up again. Viv: These flowers are ugly, much like your attire. WP: Now clam down Kennedy, These flowers were the only thing available at the last minute. They actually are an elegant arrangement of (insert flower names here) with a hint of babies breath. Quite Romantic. Viv: And this cake, where did it come from: Stop & Shop? WP: Actually Kennedy, It was made by Shalak, the cake baker. The best man, that is. He brought it in this morning. Viv: Listen Wedding Planner, don’t know what your problem is, but your making my daughters wedding a disaster. WP: Kennedy, I am doing everything in my power to make this the most amazing, unforgettable night of you and your daughter’s life. Viv: Well, you, you just better. WP looks down at the cake, which she didn’t notice before, that’s it’s kinda ugly. Noah and Ray chuckle as Leo gets slapped. Leo: Well, the movie line didn't work. Who in their right mind could say no to Jim Carrey? (They stare at him blankly,) Leo: Forget it. (He walks towards the WP as another woman walks by) How you doin'? WP: (considers for a second, then un-phased) What happened to my beautiful, 5 tiered, fondant-covered cake with lambith and Australian-string work, with a full cascade of pastel and iridescent gum paste orchids? WP: What happened to my...orchids?? Leo as Raoul: Well, you see, my, uh, bakery burnt down, and that was the best I could get for this morning? WP: Nice try, I know who you are, Leo. I saw you standing next to (some slur for Noah) during the wedding, and I thought to myself: Now how does Shalak know this guy, when they are from complete different walks of life? I mean, Savarki is this innocent little twerp, and Shalak bakes, huh, well you know what kind of cakes you bake. But see, I’m smart. I’ve been watching you, and I've discovered, hey! You're a sleezeball! You'll hit on anything, in any character you think will work! R: Alright, ya caught me. I'm sorry, but when I ran into you at the party store, I was so overcome by your beauty that I had to make a move. You were something special. Raoul just came out, but it was only because I knew I needed you. And I rarely use accents, only on the special ones. I mean (refers to random woman), I would never use a character on someone like that! Random Woman: Mikael Kayanova! Why, I haven't seen you in ages! L: Uh, listen lady, I don’t know who you are (he obviously does). I'm involved in an important conversation. (to her, in Russian accent) I'll see you later. (to WP) Anyway, you were so absolutely stunning that I knew I needed you. WP: (starts making girlish flirty, oh-my-god-he-thinks-I'm-pretty motions, stutters, then with conviction): (to self) Be strong, he’s only a guy. (to Leo) No. I will not be affected by that. That is no excuse, and now I have a crappy cake for one of my weddings! Now what will I do? (insert Tango) Kiki: Mom! Why did the Wedding have to be in this place?!? This is a crap hole! Why couldn't we have just postponed the wedding till the church is repaired? Viv: Don't use that language in from of me, where'd you pick that up, your fathers bar. Kiki: No Viv: You being far too immature Kiki: Well you would too if you had a dress that was too tight, shoes that don't fit and are killing me and a thong that's riding so far up my butt I can taste it! Ray: Breath Mint? CK: For those of you who don't know me, I'm Candy Kanes. Kanes with a K. I'm always having to tell producers that. They always think it's Kanes with a C, like those Christmas things. But it's not. Anyways, I'm available for light acting, nothing, you know, Shakespear-ie. I prefer parts where I can look attractive. I don't play old or ugly people well. It just isn't realistic. (annoying laugh) I don't do window displays either. You think that it'd be easy to be a mannequin, but it's so not. All that standing still and looking straight gets really hard. So, any scouts out there looking for a fresh face, I'm available. My cell phone # is- Viv: Candy, wasn't this is supposed to be a toast for your friend Lorraine. CK: Right. Lorraine, honey, best of luck with this wedding thing. You've seen me through all my engagements- 1 for each finger. Remember what I told you, you can break it off any time and still keep the ring! (addresses audience) And remember, I'm Candy Kanes and I'm available for any light acting. Thanks! (show-like bow) Leo: As I stand here today, My mind is shrouded in questions. How could my best bud Noah be getting married? I mean, it seems like just yesterday he was calling girls "booger-face" and "poopy-head." Wait a second. That was yesterday (big laugh from Ray, Viv elbows him in the gut). Now, One question that might be floating around in your minds; How can I possibly be the best friend of this shy, sweet, gentle...dork? See, Our story goes back a long ways. Back when we were in diapers. No, not last week. (Another laugh from Ray) Noah and I met in daycare. We hit it off, mainly because we were the only 2 people there. Well, that other kid just ate sand, so I don't really count him. But, as the years went by, and we grew up, we grew closer. Going to an all boys school through 12th grade'll do that to ya.. Together, we survived Noah's first kiss at that interscholastic dance. That's right Mrs. Savarki, your son got his first kiss in 10th grade. (She screams) I'm sure it was a magical moment, but I only caught a glimpse of it through Cindy Powell's hair. (He laughs). Anyway, we went our separate ways after high school. He went off to some college, and I went off to, some college. We kept in touch, and he told me he had met this great girl named Lorraine. I was honestly happy for him. He had found someone special enough to spend the rest of his life with, and thank God someone wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. (takes a moment to make sure that last sentence made sense) All in all Noah, I may tease you...a lot, but I love ya man, and only wish you the best with your special woman. Mazeltov! (insert Polka) (insert Mother of Groom and new daughter chat.) Evie: Okay, Before you pass judgment on me for being critical of Lorraine, you should really understand my side of the story. My husband died when Noah was at the tender age of 4. Noah was all I had after that fateful day. Sure, I had my sister, but it just wasn’t the same. I’m fiercely protective of him; I don’t trust Lorraine or any other woman with him. Besides, Estella & myself of course. I just want him to be safe & if that includes me “lording” over him for the rest of my days, so be it. (The dance gets over and Ray huffs over to the bar with Viv.) (DJ walks over to the Father and Mother of the Bride) DJ: Is your butt the secret ingredient to Jello? (viv walks off obviously annoyed) Ray: What are you doing? DJ: What? I'm doing my job... Ray: By calling my wife a secret ingredient? She ain't no secret. DJ: Heh, well you married her. Was just trying to be funny. Ray: Heh, funny looking. DJ: Uh ho ho!, well at least my face doesn't look like a train wreck! Ray: Ah, but her caboose is intact. DJ: Hey, good one. And that nose! Ray: Yeah I know whad'ya mean, it's the Streisand special. DJ: I could open up a ski slope on it! (laugh together) Viv: (comes back over) What are you two chatting about? DJ & Ray: nothing DJ: Just your love for trains! (laugh and DJ leaves) Viv: But I don't like trains? Ray: I'll tell you later. Brides maid comes over to best man and starts crying. Leo: Hey Baby, Is it true about what they say about Brides Maids after a wedding? Kiki: You Pig! (starts crying more) Leo: (attempting to console her) Alright, alright, What’s up? Kiki: I need to confess something. Leo: Go for it Kiki: You remember how the church “accidentally burnt down” Well it wasn’t.. Leo: (cuts her off) …an accident, was it? Kiki: Technically…no. See I liked Noah. Ever since I met him on that one night that Lorraine brought him home from the hospital I needed him. But nooooo. So I needed a way to postpone the wedding, so I could tell him how I felt. Then the opportunity came along during rehearsal yesterday. The candle at the edge of the table “accidentally” fell off. I didn’t know it was going to fall on the priest. It was a bit drafty and the robes were kinda loose, and well…Now I’m not wondering how I’m going to talk to Noah, but wondering if I’m going to hell for what I’ve done. So… Leo: Hmmm, I see. (pause) So your not at all attracted to me? Kiki: No. FREEZE Leo: Hmmm, Now that intrigues me. No woman has ever said no. But this one is different. I should be able to shrug this one off…but I can’t…Maybe there’s more to life than living from woman to woman… to woman… and so on and so forth. Hmmm, seeing my best bud get married to a great girl has kinda opened my eyes. He now has someone special enough to spend the rest of his natural life with. And what am I doing with my life. A Bachelors degree in Photography and a little black book…Maybe now is a good time to change my destiny. Stop living from day to day and live for today. Maybe become a philosopher… UNFREEZE Dollar Dance Lorraine pulls Kiki away from the dollar dance which has been going on forever with her and Noah because of the amount of 1’s she threw in. Lor: Um, hun, what are you doing? Kiki: I was dancing with Noah. Lor: Honey, I know you’ve had a crush on him but please don’t make a fool of yourself. Kiki: I was not making a fool of myself. Lor: That’s not how it looked to me. Kiki: What did it “look” like then. Lor: It looked like you two were super-glued together and no one else would get a chance to share this day with Noah. Kiki: What do you want me to do then? Lor: Well, just remember all that I’ve done for you over the years and and you can repay me by doing the same. Kiki: But, you haven’t done anything for me… Lor: Exactly, don’t do anything… Lorraine leaves to Dance with someone else and Leo comes up behind Kiki who is crying again. Leo: Hey, I’m sorry about how I acted earlier. You came to me with an honest problem, and I blew you off. So I’m going to try and redeem myself. Now, what’s wrong? Kiki: (sobbing) My sister hates me, Noah rejected me, My family doesn’t care about me, I burnt a church and now I’m out 20 bucks…(sobs on his shoulder, possible wipes her nose on his jacket) Leo: Well, I’m honestly sorry, Hey bout you stop crying for a minute, go wash yourself off and come back here so I can buy you a drink. Kiki: (sobbing ceases) Really? Leo: Really… Kiki: Thanks Ray: What do you think of those savarkis? They seem a little (searching for the word) touched? Viv: I know, their very obsessed, and that Noah boy, what an insignificant little nobody. Ray: Heh, you know what we used to do with kids like that, We would hang them from their underwear on their lockers in High School. (pause) Speaking of wedgies where’d Kiki run off to? Viv: Don’t know, but she seems a little stuck on Noah too. Ray: Why do the both of them have to be “stuck” on such a mamas boy? You kept them on a short leash. Viv: Short Leash? You made them wear the belly? Ray: Well, when did you stop making their beds for them, a week ago? Viv: No, last Month. Leo: Greetings, and my compliments to the bride Lor: Aw, thanks, it's nice to see you again. Leo: Yess, well, isn't it? Mmmm, I just wanted to come over here, and besides the congratulations, inform you, (leans in) that I know your secret. Lor: Huh? Leo: Nice Retort, I know what your hiding... Lor: What? How could you know? Who told you? Leo: Well, it's somewhat common knowledge. Lor: Oh My Gaa.. (covers her mouth and looks at everyone as if there all watching her, they are) How can anyone possibly know? I thought we kept it under wraps. (light bulb goes off) Noah! I'm gonna kill him! (turns to walks to Noah, BM pulls her back) Leo: Wait, whoa, what's the big deal? Viv: So, What were you talking to the DJ about? Ray: Heh, about you. Viv: And what about me? Ray: well, you’re…complexion, and… you’re curves. Viv: What about my face and hips? Ray: You can see the sun in your face and your hips, (whistles) Viv: Don’t even pull that Bull with me. If you think I’m fat and greasy, why’d you marry me in the first place? Ray: Cause I like Kentucky Fried Chicken too… Chicken Dance All are dancing, Ray really gets into it. Only ones in wedding party not dancing are the Best Man and Bride. A pause happens in the middle of the dance DJ: Cut! Hold up, hold up. Now...can I ask? What's all the hubbub about this stupid dance? I mean is it seriously THAT much fun to flap around like a huge ugly chicken? And to polka music none the less! Oh, oh and the Macarena? Who the frog invented that? It looks like a floor full of drunk people feeling themselves up! Ah yes and who could forget the electric slide, the dumbest one yet. I swear it was made for simple people who have no rhythm. (Is standing next to Noah and Ray at that point who are in goofy positions) My point exactly. I guess it's the least complicated dance to do for all the intoxicated guests. Weddings have to be worst reason to get together. After all, weddings are a sham. A waste of money. Now I'm not just saying that because it's true (And it is) but its happened to me. Yes sweet, lovable, innocent me. That backstabbing jerk! He broke my heart when he left me at the altar for 6 hours. Showed up drunk as a skunk and told me he couldn't commit to me. Then he ran off with my cousin's niece Louise Ann May, or maybe it was Betty Jo Joann...Anyways these two are, er, nice for each other. As for me, I just keep watching people make fools of themselves and not be one myself... Chicken Dance resumes and at the end of the dance Ray claps really loud. Leo: (after spraying his drink out. He starts stuttering making motions to the brides tummy and to Noah, laughing then suddenly gets serious again) Pregnant, are you sure? Lor: Haven't we established that already? Leo: Lorraine, babe, this is the first time I've heard of anything like that! Lor: (long, figuring out what just happened here pause) WHAT? Leo: Heh, I always knew you had a wild and dangerous side, heh, you go girl. Lor: No, no no. Let me explain. Leo: This outta be good. Lor: Alright Leo, we all know that my mother is a bit of a, how do I say this delicately, tightwad. So she kept putting off whenever the subject of a wedding came up. Well, Noah and I couldn't wait any longer, so we decided to elope. So this whole pregnancy thing, it's totally legit. Leo: (in awe) See, you do have a pretty wild side, never would have expected it. Evie: (taking Noah aside) Well, since we’re paying for the whole Honeymoon, which we absolutely don’t mind doing, We… Aunt: We think the trip would be a good idea, for us all to go! Your mom and I need a vacation too! Isn’t that wonderful! Evie: We can go shopping & swimming all together, & sleep in the same room. Aunt: Even the same big bed! We could be one big happy family! Noah: Umm…. I’m going to have to talk with my wife about that… (he slowly backs away and then turns to be facing Lorraine standing right there.) Hi Honey! Funny thing I have to tell you… WP: Miss Jones, May I please see you over here for a moment. DJ: Shh, why you gotta be all up on my real name? WP: Listen wanna be Jam, if I hear one more vulgarity out of that Mississippian mouth of yours I’m gonna… DJ: Ahhh… I told you, not to bring up the southerness. WP: I don’t care about your southerness. You won’t be getting paid if anything else goes wrong. Just stay to your LP spinners, and not another word. DJ: But… WP: not another word… Lor: WHAT!!! A very large fight ensues with many people joining in to either break it up or fight also. FREEZE Everyone freezes in a pose. Examples- Bride has groom in a choke-hold. Evie about to whack at the bride, Aunt pulling at Noah to get him away. Father picking up Bride from the back. Mother helping. CK sitting oblivious to the whole thing, Leo and Kiki are on top of a chair together holding on to each other attempting to stay out of the whole fight that’s around them. Everyone stays frozen throughout the brief epilogues. Epilogues WP and DJ take turns… ”Kiki Kennedy and Leo” The church incident remains a mystery. Leo retires from the entertainment industry and runs off with Kiki to California. It is rumored that they get married and 8 months later they have twins, 2 baby girls. Yes, 8 months, you can figure it out... Noah’s mother and his Aunt end up on the cruise boat waiting for the newly married couple. They are clad in bikinis, sandals, and those really large wicker hats. Yeah, probably the last thing you want to see on your honeymoon. The two ladies are left at one of the ports of call, on purpose. They now own that bar across from Jimi Buffets Margaritaville in Key West. Mr. And Mrs. Raymond Kennedy separate after 23 years of marriage. Yeah, like we didn’t see that coming. “Candy Kanes” finally got "that call" from Days of our Lives. She's now in her third season on air and has been engaged to another actor, the director and the producer. She's started wearing her new rings on her toes. She still hasn't done anything "Shakespearie"... As for Noah and Lorraine Savarkie, You would think that having a start to their marriage like this would foreshadow an immediate break-up or a divorce. You thought wrong. They live happily ever after. We’ll leave you with something simple. Marriage, A State of being husband & wife. Wedlock. The Legal Union of a man & woman as husband and wife. The Act of marrying or the ceremony of being married. Any close union emphasis on religion… Now, where all that fits in to what just happened here tonight? I will leave to you… Blackout Actors line up out of the freeze and bow to the audience |