"Hehe, I'm so blonde!" she chirped.
She continued brushing her hair until her husband, Mario Mario, snuck by the doorway.
"Marioooo...?" She sung.
"Yes, Peach?" he replied meekly.
"Am I looking exceptionally blonde today?" she chirped.
"Not anymore than usual..." Mario stated. Peach glared, and threw a bottle of perfume at Mario. He choked and sputtered.
"I was just kidding! You're very blonde today! Can you open the window?" he asked, with an occasinal cough or two. Peach stood up, but to admire her dear wallpaper. She loved the birds. Mario gave Peach's obsession with the wallpaper an odd glance, and ran to open the window.
"Yay, let the bird in!" She cheered, parading around like a maniac. Mario winced.
"Sheesh, get a grip." He sputtered, "Come on, let's go outside.
"ARE THERE BIRDS OUT THERE?" she shrieked.
"Yes, many birds. Lots." He replied. That's all Peach needed, and she darted to the staircase and ran downstairs. He mumbled sarcastically, "Waiting to peck her feeble brains out..."
About an hour later, the couple were still outside. Mario had fallen asleep in his lawn chair, watching Peach running around trying to fly with her birdies. A loud crash to the upstairs bedroom woke him up abruptly.
"Wha..?!" he shrieked. "Ngh. Peach, what happened?" Peach was still chasing birds, and she tripped and whined.
"Oh, I don't know, something did something. It was pretty anyways! All those lovely birdie-like colors!" she explained. Mario dragged Peach inside.
They wandered into the third floor bedroom to find two people, they looked a great deal like Mario and Peach. The male looked like a taller, skinner version of Mario, and he was wearing green compared to Mario's red. The female was wearing a dress like Peach, but it was yellow compared to Peach's pink. She was also a brunette, and it could be told she was fond of flowers, as she had flower earings and ornaments.
"Ooh, it's me!" Peach cried, at the sight of the female. "Well, sorta! She's not blonde! Freak. Everyone should be blonde, the world would be blonder!" Mario shook his head in disagreement to Peach's lack of... intelligence...
"What are you doing here...?" Mario questioned.
"Greetings! We are Luigi and Daisy!" the female said.
"We've hidden in your house to avoid whitecoats who have wrongly accused us of stealing raisins off of bagels!" Luigi droned.
"We had, to we were commanded by the mole people!" Daisy added.
"Ooooh, Moooles!" Peach grinned. Mario sweatdropped, realizing he was surrounded by lunatics. Daisy looked around the room and shrieked.
"EEK! BIRDS! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!"
"What are you babbling about...?" Mario asked.
"BIRDS! FLYING! RAISINS! WINGS! AAAH!" she shrieked, whipping out a tennis racket.
"Ooo, I like tennis! Can I play?" Peach chirped. Daisy yelled again and began beating that evil flock of birds near the wall. She kept smashing the wall until plaster fell off the ceiling.
"Ack! They're attacking with breadcrumbs! Bail out!" Luigi shouted, grabbing Daisy and diving out of the bedroom door. They ran downstairs, shouting, "Monkies rock, get a pineapple!"
Mario blinked, and then noted, "THAT... was disturbing."
Peach looked around, and pouted. "So when are we playing tennis...?" Peach asked with a grin. A chunk of plaster fell from the ceiling and smacked her on the head, which caused to her faint.
*****
Peach woke up to find Marip pacing around the bedroom. She cried.
"Mario!" she whined, "I dreamt a pair of psychos stole raisins and killed birdies for no reason! Waah, it was awful!"
"Um, Peach... those psychopaths are downstairs, attempting to burn our carpets... with a bag of ice cubes."
"Nooo!" She screamed. "Not my bird-color shaped carpets!" she cried, and wept into her hands.
"Cut the drama...!" Mario deadpanned.
"Well, this all started when somebody left the window open..." Peach scolded.
"We need to draw them back here..." Mario explained. Peach smiled.
"Okay, I'll go get my crayons!" she cheered.
"Ngh... what authors can do to respectable characters." Mario mumbled. "We need to get them back upstairs!"
"Ohh!!" Peach gasped. "Why? And why should I help? I'm too pretty! And ditzy, don't forget ditzy." she announced.
They heard a bang in the hallway, and Peach looked through the doorway to see Luigi and Daisy painting everything in sight a lovely shade of bright purple.
"PURPLE?! Hideous! They MUST be stopped! Anyone who paints a house purple must be psychotic!" she shrieked in horror.
"...Riiight. As weird as that was, we still need a strategy to catch them..." Mario mentioned.
"The commander must not be captured by the index!" Luigi announced, burning raisins. Peach blinked vacantly.
"They're dumb!" she declared. Mario would have replied to that, but decided not to. Peach glanced up and gasped. "Oh, look, a wall!" she chirped, glaring at it.
"Okay, we can use the wallpaper to distract them somehow, I'm thinking..." Mario started, "Then we can catch them and take them back to the insane asulym... the birds should scare or confuse them long enough..."
"Yay birds!" Peach yelped.
"You call them in here, I'll drop out of immediate sight." Mario explained. Peach was confused by such large words as "drop" or "sight", but shrugged and put on her best helpless voice.
""HELP! THE COMMANDER HAS BEEN TAKE BY THE INDEX!" Peach shrieked. Luigi and Daisy stopped dead in their tracks and look at each other.
"Like, oh my god!" Luigi exclaimed.
"NooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOooooooO!" Daisy sobbed. She then clobbered herself with a tennis racket for no reason.
"The Commander helped us navigate the land of Hollywood, Minnesota for years and years! That's 365 minutes and 5 nanoseconds!" Luigi droned. At that second, Mario leaped out at the crazy duo, hiding behind a sheet of Peach's bird wallpaper.
"Ah! Mice!" shrieked Daisy.
"Flying racoons!" Luigi added. Luigi and Daisy grabbed their secondary weapon, a pair of trusty golf clubs.
"So now we're playing golf, yay!" Peach cheered. As she jumped around happily, she hopped into the path of Daisy's driving range. Peach was clobbered with the club, and went flying out the window of the third flood bedroom. Mario looked out the window.
"Peach...?" he called. Peach was cheering.
"Whee, I'm high-flying!" she grinned. Then she fell.
"Um... 'kay." Mario muttered, watching Peach fall, trying to play with the nearby clouds and birds. He shrugged and advanced toward Luigi and Daisy, still behind the wallpaper.
"The rats are evil, they eat the lobsters!" Daisy declared. Daisy and Luigi backed up in terror from the approaching wallpaper.
"We're trapped! Do you hear those vermin?! They want to join us!" Luigi growled. Mario held the wallpaper in place, and tried to grab a nearby fishing net to catch the two. They screamed in horror.
"The birds have transformed us! We are in good company of them, let us fly!" Daisy announced. With that, they stole the wallpaper, ignored Mario, and dove out the window, flapping their arms like wings.
Outside the house, a medical truck pulled up. Two men in white coats ran out in time to catch the falling duo in pair of lovely jackets with straps.
"Looney Luigi and Dizzy Daisy... our two top escape artists! It's a good thing we got a report of that blonde gal jumping out the window! You two going back to the asylum!"
The two men threw Luigi and Daisy in the truck and sped off. Mario watched the truck drive off from the window. He sat in confusion, trying to ingest the events that had just happened. He fell over into the nearby bed for a nap.
**********
"It's your fault! You let the commander get caught by the pengiun!" Luigi shouted in his gibberish.
"It's not my fault! The flamingo had gone undetected!" Daisy snapped.
The two continued arguing over which of them had let whatever bird (or other things) let the "Commander" get caught, until the truck rumbled and shook them.
"...?"
Sitting on the ceiling, they hadn't noticed the truck had flipped over. During the flip, the security locks on the back door were destroyed. Daisy noticed this fact, and popped open the door. The duo ran off into the night, laughing insanely.
Epilouge
Mario Mario went on to rescue another girl named Princess Peach Toadstool and her land, the Mushroom Kingdom, from a psycho turtle named Bowser. Wacky hijinks ensued.
The original Peach Toadstool died from her fall, and nobody cared. Her birdies pecked her brain out, mistaking it for a peanut.
Looney Luigi and Dizzy Daisy went to rule their "Commanders" lands, Sarasaland. They had maintained their insanity, and attacked the poor citizens who said the words "Index," "Birds," or "Raisins"
The End!
Note: The feelings expressed in this story are not how the author portrays and feels about all blondes, just this one used for comic relief. Thank you and good night!
Disturbed? Amused? Wondering how Peach's IQ dropped to -69? How Luigi and Daisy are certifiably insane? Why Mario would marry Peach? Are you even reading this?! :p Oh well, send any random feedback and general queries or comments to ptparatroopa@hotmail.com :D