PYRA: Flip a coin? :p
PT: Sure. Head or Tails? :p
PYRA: Tails. Gatomon is also called Tailmon! *This has been another Random Bulby fanfic quote, brought to you by the letters A and P
and the number 7! :p*
PT: Oops, I threw it behind the dresser. :p It was heads anyway, grr. :p Okay then. Hello FFF Visitors, and welcome to our very first conspiracy! :D
PYRA: Thank ya, thank ya. It's all for the fans, really. :p
PT: Whaa? :p
PYRA: Err, nevermind, on with today's conspiracy! *drumroll* Why Is Luigi So Fruity?
PT: Because he is, duh. :p
PYRA: Well, other than that, silly PT. He was just sorta there at first, and he's been getting steadily fruitier in every game he's been in. Shall we review the evidence?
PT: Sure, why not. HAH, I stole your quote again. :p Well, first we have this lovely picture, found in an old Nintendo Power comic! :D
PYRA: Oh yes, I wish I looked that good in a dress. ^_^
PT: And look at Peachie, she's so jealous! :D
PYRA: Okay, so this is the first known indecent of Luigi being femmy and frightening. Once, we can forgive. Twice, we'll poke a little fun.
Anything beyond that, we write a conspiracy! >:D
PT: Of course! Fun fun silly willy! :D Oops, stole another Pyra quote. :p
PYRA: Grr! Okay, so on to Exhibit B, Luigi in Paper Mario. I can't remember chronological order, so sue me. :p Luigi had a diary in Paper Mario. A flipping DIARY.
PT: Well, so does BOWSER... I can forgive Luigi having a diary, but it's what he wrote in it that's so funny. :D
PYRA: Well yeah, but that's just Nintendo's fault for not calling it a journal. And like I said, once I can forgive. 'Specially for Bowser, he rocks. ^_^
PT: Of course, we're only named after him or his followers. :p So anyways, onto what things Luigi wrote! :D On the day that Bootler comes into Toad Town to get Mario for Bow, Luigi wrote some shifty stuffs! :D
PYRA: *lecherous chuckling*
PT: Lecherous? Ooh, big word. :p Anyway, Luigi basically mentioned how much Ghosts terrify him, and how much he wished Mario was near. Which could be an entirely seperate issue on its own, but let's forget that. :p
PYRA: That's a little nasty, even for a perv like me.
PT: Luigi also said something like how he thought a ghost was right behind him. Paranoia, hehe. He then said something waddish. :p
PYRA: Neither of us have a photographic memory and neither of us actually own Paper Mario. :p
PT: Yeah. :p Luigi said something like that if he didn't look back, nothing would happen. He then described him jumping into bed, without looking backwards or turning around at all. Um, kay. :p
PYRA: The fact that he built a special ROOM for his diary worries me. Can't he hide it under the bed like other sane people?
PT: He was quite proud of his interior decorating skills, and how Mario would never have a clue about his diary, like Martha Stewart or another freakishly insane homemaker. :p
PYRA: You know something? Luigi reminds me of those little cheese crackers you put out at parties. Wholesome, and yet so utterly sissy. :D
PT: What does that have anything to do with Paper Mario? :p
PYRA: What a silly question! Of course it has nothing to do with anything! So to recap, Luigi spends basically all of his PM cameo being a paranoid, effeminate loser. On to Luigi's Mansion!
PT: No, no, no, not yet! We haven't covered everything yet! :p
PYRA: FINE then, what else do you remember?
PT: Well, he enjoyed whistling and singing in the breeze so much that after Mario had repeatedly destroyed his sitting bricks, he somehow got a indestructable brick in the air just to sit and sing. That's a little fruity? :D
PYRA: That's not fruity, that's just plain pothead. :p "La la la...purdy clouds....wheeeee..."
PT: FINE then, what about why he was home in the first place? His exact quote was that "Someone needs to watch the house" :p
PYRA: Because he was baked off his ass! Watching the house, psh, come on! He was tripping out, I tell you. But, that's another conspiracy for another time. :p
PT: Exactly, this one's about Luigi wanting to shag other guys. :p
PYRA: Not necessarily, just about him being a wuss.
PT: He also gets excited when the Goombas give him a Goomnut "They gave me a Goomnut and I ate it and my FP grew and Mario doesn't suspect a thing and me so fruity! :D Well, maybe not the last part. :p
PYRA: If I did nothing but watch a house and get high all day, I'd probably be pretty happy to get a Goomnut too. ^_^ But still, yeah, kind of a pansy thing to be all happy about.
PT: And he was also whining about why he never got to go on adventures with MARIO. OoOOOooOOoh! *cough* :p
PYRA: Oh, quit twisting that! Mario's his brother and always does cool stuff, it's just sibling rivalry! I swear Para, you're sicker than ME! :p
PT: Well, the main idea of this page is to make Luigi seem gay... :p Okay, at the end of the game, he goes off to do "something important," twist that as you may, and then he ends up in the sad outfit leading the PM cast. That counts. :p
PYRA: Definately. It's a small, quiet cry for help.
PT: Yeah, he seems to get all excited over leading parades for some reason. :p Okay, we may continue. :D
PYRA: Right, on to Luigi's Mansion! Now, from what I've been hearing, Luigi hits on Toad in LM. Is this true? *holds up an imaginary microphone to Para*
PT: Of course! Luigi specifically says, "You know, I never noticed what lovely red spots he has!" when you use the Game Boy Horror to examine Toad. :D Speaking of which, the idea of examining stuff can be twisted. :D Nooo, The GBH let's Luigi see the people and ghosts from far away, while they think he's just playing a GB! Sneaky and fruity at that! :p
PYRA: ...That's a little sad, even for us. :p I'd argue the point that on the cover of his first game (please, for all our sakes, let's not count Mario Is Missing), Luigi is screaming like a schoolgirl.
PT: Yep, Luigi's fond of screaming. The first ghost he see's make him freak out. Of course, shock value. But even then, he fights Bogmire, which if halfway though and is completely freaked. Bogmire forms and Luigi is like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" :p
PYRA: I mean, throughout the whole game he's bitching and whining and messing himself. Mario faces down big scary things like Bowser without blinking.
PT: Yep, Luigi actually has the feature to call out for Mario in six or seven fruity tones. "MaaaAAaAaArio?!" "M-m...mario?" "MAAAAAAARIO!"
PYRA: LMAO Sounds as funny as it sounds twistable! I really gotta rent LM...
PT: And let's not forget Luigi's main courses of action against the ghosts; sucking or blowing. :D
PYRA: Twisty twisty. :D Well, to Luigi's credit, he doesn't get a lot of adventuring in. He hasn't faced near as many scary things as Mario has. Who knows, maybe Mario spent his first adventure screaming like a little girl?
PT: Nope, he bravely fought DK through barrels, explosives, and fire. Anyway, also in his defense, if you use the Game Boy Horror on anything with flowers, hearts, or the color pink, Luigi says "Now that's just not my style..."
PYRA: Alright, so he's not sterotypically fruity, at least.
PT: Then again, Luigi has also fought Bowser before, and he also freaks like a little girl when Bowser appears before him.
PYRA: When's this?
PT: When King Boo transports Luigi into a painting. Bowser appears. Luigi's like "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" :p
PYRA: Oh yeah. ^_^
PT: Speaking of which, just before the final battle, King Boo spends like ten minutes just talking to Mario's Painting, when Luigi could have just sucked him up.
PYRA: You have to let video game villains chitchat. It's the law. :p
PT: And when King Boo turns around, he laughs, and Luigi yet again messes himself. Just from King Boo laughing! What kind of wimp screams at a laugh?! :p
PYRA: Was it an ebil laugh?
PT: It was a "heh heh heh" type of thing.
PYRA: Wow, Luigi's paranoid or something. He should get some medication. Or lay off the drugs. :p
PT: Actually, going back to Toad, Toad always screws up in someway and Luigi has to help him or agree to forgive him, and Toad's like "Mah hero!"
PYRA: Toad as a Damsel In Distress? That's wrong, that's so very wrong...
PT: Oh, and there's the Madame Clairvoya quest.. Luigi needs to find objects Mario has dropped. Well, the things Mario dropped are his letter, his shoe, his glove, his hat, and his star. He actually SMELLS the shoe, glove and hat. Is that just WRONG? :p
PYRA: 0_o?! Um, ew!
PT: Exactly! And he also make a comment on how shiny Mario's star is, but that's forgivable. :p
PYRA: It's barely even twistable. So, can we move on to Super Smash Brothers now?
PT: Not quite yet. :p
PYRA: Awwww! *whine*
PT: Well, there's also the basic things... Luigi gets really scared and chatters his teeth when he see's Mario in the painting, then Mario goes "Hey Luigi, what's the hold up?!" Hehe. :D Oh yeah, I'll just list off the pathetic things Luigi does very quickly: chatter teeth, take small steps, breath heavily, shriek, pant, make other pathetic noises. :p
PYRA: Basically hyperventilate and nearly pass out at his own shadow?
PT: Of course. One last thing. Okay, and now for the ending: Luigi gets E. Gadd to turn Mario back into human, and when he sees Mario as a human again, Luigi starts laughing, and then he pants some more, and starts to cry. Um, what?
PYRA: *has a humorous little mental sequence of the Luigi's Mansion ending playing out like most Mario game endings....* :D Anyways, incest is bad. On to SSB!
PT: SSB has more incestous stuff though. Nyah ha. :p
PYRA: Only if you sick them on each other like a pervert. :p
PT: First of all, Luigi's move are basically similar to Mario's, with about two exceptions.
PYRA: The sissy punching thing, the sissy poke Smash attack...How about the taunt? Well, the taunt's actually kinda bashful and cute more than fruity.
PT: Actually, it's adorable against Daisy, but against a guy, it's quite fruity. :p
PYRA: While we're bashing fruity guys, Kirby's pink and squeaky-voiced! ^_^ Okay, that's enough, I like Kirby. :p
PT: And really, what's with the stabbing Smash attack? He leans forward and jabs them with his hand. What kind of smash attack is that?! Peach clobbers them with a frying pan, for crying in the sand!
PYRA: And in his pose in the little "___ VS ___" scene before each Classic mode battle, he's doing this weird-looking little pointing thing.
PT: "*point* I want your booty!" :p
PYRA: LOL YES, exactly!
PT: And is the punching thing that attack where he runs at the guy and pummels them with the circling punches? Yeah, that's sad. :p
PYRA: And he's closing his eyes like, "Eeeee, don't hurt meeee!"
PT: "I can't look! :o"
PYRA: "Why can't we all just get along?" :p
PT: Oh, and here's another twistie, if you're playing a male character anyway... when Luigi jumps on Mario's head just to get into the fight in Adventure. He wants to see the pretty boy. :p
PYRA: Well, that's a bit of a stretch, but okay. ^_^ I find it funny how the whole stomping-on-Mario's-head thing is in slow motion. :p
PT: Saying he just wanted to fight would be acceptable if he didn't mess himself at the thought of getting into a fight. :p hehe, Mario screams like a little girl in the head-stomping clip. Speaking of which, what's with Luigi's voice? It's so damn high! Giant Luigi's voice is as deep as regular Mario's voice, wtf? o_o;
PYRA: :D He is the younger brother. But aren't they twins? He's younger by, what, 10 minutes? :p
PT: But still, why would his voice be THAT much higher, unless he WANTED it that way? :p
PYRA: Maybe he's a late bloomer? Maybe somebody nailed him in the crown jewels just before the filmings of all the games he speaks in? :p
PT: Crack kills. :p Okay, what about his victory poses? That's pretty sad, especially those ones where he falls downs, and the one where he gasps for air. :p I mean, in the falling down one, he falls, is suddenly upright again, and falls in another direction? Whaaat? :p
PYRA: Yeah. I was all "WTF?" when I first saw that one.
PT: And he's all "Let'sa go!" in his squeaky voice, hehe. :p
PYRA: Better than Peachie. "Ohhhh, did I wiiiiiin?" *cue Pyra destroying her TV* :p
PT: it's a good taunt to laugh at the loser. :D Okay, what about his trophies? His smash trophys have him looking... um, strange. :p And his Vacuum Luigi trophy makes him look like he can't control the vacuum... because he's that weak compared to it? :p
PYRA: Well, the All-Star trophies always look weird.
PT: Speaking of All-Star trophies, Luigi's sports his lovely pink and dark reddish/nearly purple outfit!
PYRA: Yeah, another good point. He claims pink things aren't his style, then goes and makes one of his alternate outfits pink!
PT: Well, I think that covers everything for SSBM, yes? Which brings us to... Mario Party 3! :D
PYRA: I don't remember much of Mario Party 3, except Bowser's funky dance after he takes all your coins. Good old Bowser. ^_^
PT: Fine, I'll explain then. :p Well, firstly, when Luigi wins a Mini-Game, he does a ballerina spin and he's all "I'm de best!" in that gay accent. :p
PYRA: Don't you be dissing accents. :p
PT: :p Hehe, and completely unrelated to being gay, in the Japanese Parties, when Luigi loses, he sports an "Oh, GOD!!!!!" :p
PYRA: Twist it. :p
PT: Oh yes, Luigi's Card Stamp. Luigi holds the Friendship or Love stamp, depending on if you Peach or not. Haha, fruity. :D
PYRA: :D Yep yep, it seems our green friend got stuck with the sissy leftovers that the gals didn't want. :p
PT: Well, Daisy got the Stamp of Beauty instead of something kick-ass like Strength. :p But I digress. So yeah, Luigi's voice really makes
him sound gay, thats about it. Except his... oh yes, he has a lisp! >:D
PYRA: Really? Neato! I like lisps and accents! :D
PT: When he gets a Star, he's all "Ye-thhh!" :p
PYRA: Doesn't Waluigi lisp too?
PT: No, Waluigi just laughs like a moron. Appropriate enough. Luigi also sounds gay in rambles about being the winner and/or superstar. :p So that's all for MP3.
PYRA: OK, anything else to nitpick?
PT: Well, I just finished Mario Advance, his voice his equally messed. He sounds like Mario on helium, moreso than usual! And he says everything Peach says, talk about worshipping... :p
PYRA: :D He must wanna borrow her dress again.
PT: Couldn't "Here I go!" be twistable? :p
PYRA: If you squint.
PT: Yeah, he says that in SMA and MK Super Circuit, equally gay sounding. Actually, I think he says something like "Let's go!" or something. Oooh, in Mario is Missing, Luigi warns Mario not to take candy from strangers. Personal experience? :D
PYRA: Didn't you say that in the comp version of MIM, Bowser comes out in a tux and bribes Mario with candy like a pedophile? :p
PT: Yep. :D And Luigi calls Mario "Big M" Hehe, what, Mario's a pimp now? :p
PYRA: LOL Yeah, I can see Mario as a pimp. Maybe that's why Luigi wears the dress. :p
PT: Hee! :D Okay, now I'm getting really nitpicky. If it's sibling rivalry, why does Luigi tag along? Wouldn't it be better to do it without Mario a different way and try to beat him? :p
PYRA: Well, because only an idiot would fight through whole worlds full of nasty monsters when your brother is perfectly willing to do it for you. Luigi may be a wimp, but he's a smart wimp. :p
PT: Luigi was willing after sometime alone in PM... hehe, that sentence sounds wrong. :D
PYRA: *snicker* Of course it does. :D
PT: Okay, okay, and now the topper of them all: Where was Luigi in Mario RPG? Well, let's put 2 and 2 together. Peach has (gay) porno on her throne that Mario finds, its obvious Luigi was the cameraman. :p
PYRA: LMAO Yeah, he was off shooting a video while is dumb brother was fighting and making friends with Bowser. Waaait a sec, that's GOOD, why are we dissing him for that? :p
PT: Hehe, and then Luigi ended filming so he could go lead the gay right's parade at the end of the game. :p And likewise, he was off filming some more porno for Peach in SM64. :p
PYRA: Right. But again, why are we dissing him? ^_^
PT: We're not, it's just more to add to his gaiety, silly. :p I mean, he tried to keep his gaiety secret by going out with Daisy, but because Mario saved Daisy in Super Mario Land, it doesn't work. :p
PYRA: Yep. They're never even SEEN together or anything! Didn't Yoshi run off after Mario finally found him in M64? Maybe Yoshi's in on it. Gawd knows enough people write bad Yoshi porn. :p
PT: Peach would be into dino-sex? Oh wait, she was only the mother of Bowser's freakish children. :p
PYRA: That's another conspiracy, for another time. ^_^
PT: Okay, well, I've discovered the answer to this whole conspiracy, why Luigi is gay.
PYRA: Please Master, enlighten me. :p
PT: It's simple, Kamek purposely kidnapped Luigi in Yoshi's Island, and put a spell on him to become gay, right before Kamek got a sex change and became Kammy. There ya go! :p
PYRA: Hmm, that could work. Or maybe Nintendo just got bored with the straightforward hero prototype and wanted someone who may or may not wear frilly panties. :p
PT: Well, it was the only Mario game with no Luigi evidence. :p Okay well, this is been FFF's Why Luigi is gay conspiracy, thank you and goodnight! :D
PYRA: *bows*
PARA: Wow, that was fun! :D
PYRA: Sure was! :D