Time

The old woman sat on her porch and dreamed of days gone by,

Dreamed of all the years, which had rolled around and seem now to fly.

Of loving children, long gone and friends no longer seen

In this life of much toil and pain—only now in her dreams.

Where had all the time gone that once had hung so slow

When ahead was life that seemed to stretch out endlessly with future’s glow?

Life, anticipated so, seemed to drag one slow day at a time

While waiting for love and looking forward to that “man of mine.”

Ten creeping, eleven dragging, forever twelve, they crawled by so slowly

For one who only played and dreamed in sand and softly watched melting snow-ly.

Twelve and thirteen were years slowly spent in reading

Of a life far away, unseen, in places only found in her dreaming.

Cleaning the house and making the beds were only the duty of her hands

Love and Beauty, far away things, Houses and Furnishings were her plans.

No one to talk to and share her dreams and hopes

No one to ask for advise, good or for bad, which knew the ropes.

Time crept by on feet short and slow with no thought in mind

Of the one who waited and longed for life—just to find.

Drifting, day after day, suspended in time—she seemed always to be

Waiting, waiting, holding her breath, longing for something she could not see.

Fourteen and fifteen were years spent in learning the things to know

To keep her home happy and making a garden and family grow.

Still no smiling and laughing friends to lighten her silent and heavy load

And make life happy and fun as she walked that long and lonely road!

Daddy would always seem to discourage her wishful hope

Of finding just one loving friend—this only made her mope.

Suspended, suspended—life put on everlasting, slow-creeping hold

Not really to plan, dream, or fret—for she really wasn’t bold.

Dreaming alone, sitting on her high hill, she would watch the cars swiftly go

Racing along with happy, smiling faces, hearing their laughter and she supposed

That some day, along those ribbons of far stretching road would glide

She, too, who only walked or rode a bus, would one “someday” ride

And see all the things her daddy said was down those long and dusty trails

He had viewed and pasted on to her—the wonder lust of this great land and dales.

Sweet sixteen and expectant seventeen moved a little faster now.

She now had two “some ones” to share and smooth her furrowed brow.

A friend, tried and true to teach her to laugh and, in life, to have fun;

To teach her to find pleasure in small things, teach her to leap and even to run.

To be able to laugh and even giggle without even a baleful look or frown

To make your heart sad and quickly turn that hesitant smile upside down!

Her brother—ever at her side, when giggles came, upon his “high horse” would ride,

Retreating to the back of the bus; or if full, going to the other side hoping to hide.

Laughter and play, especially noise, was not allowed in Daddy’s home,

Only quietness and softness and sitting alone, brushing her hair with a comb.

But “He” had pursued, pestered and tried to charm her in the halls

Staking his claim, being from out of town and not knowing the “balls”

Needed to capture the maiden, with father dark and fierce, who carried a gun

With bullets, which he claimed, had “names” marked for any foolish who would run

Off with his prized daughter. Many had wanted to climb up that long hill

But courage not found, when the story from grade-school days would fill

Their minds of tales told, of a father so wild, on warpath, after one had happ-ed

To hurt that soft and helpless one, who fought like a tiger when trapped.

So many would look from a distance, making her heart despise all cowards

Afraid of daddy and not even daring to bring just one tiny, much less many flowers!

So choice was made for him who would brave to bring her a rose and go with her

To church, even though in her kitten’s heart there was no purr.

But the die was cast and life, at last, was starting to bring the suspended into the now.

Life she would live even if she wasn’t prepared or really didn’t know how.

The days sped into years; one, two, three spent serving her Lord with all her heart,

Four, five and six – no children to grace her table, seven and then it was time to part!

Hurrying home from work with her loving brother at her side, she found him one night

“Asleep” with half-closed eyes, staring at something she could not see, it wasn’t the light!

Now she could not hide from the pain and the awful loneliness that engulfed her mind

Now sleep failed her eyes even as it did his—and she wandered, hoping to find

Him in every face she saw. The funeral was nice, flowers many; but she couldn’t cry,

Dead she was, as much as he, no tears come to her unseeing, lonely and confused eyes.

“Why? Oh Why?” was all she would say to no one in particular—just to an empty sky!

So this is life! Alone once more. No rhyme or reason. Suspended, the days can’t fly!

Day after day and night after night—no sleep came to close the eyes that only could see

Those half-open eyes which no longer could see the blue sky, sunshine, flowers or bees.

Time slowly, mind-numbingly drifting, once more all alone, in loneliness and pain

Suspended—now tears came, suspended—crying and weeping, suspended—in time once again.

Day after day and month after month—suspended in time—no sleep, sunshine or rain

Only the sight of half-closed eyes—heart still dead, with all that terrible pain.

Over and over the scene is played day after day and night after night in eye of mind,

No other sight her eyes can see to brighten her heart or bring peace can she find.

Thanksgiving is ruined for how can she, give thanks for such a sight that she sees.

Christmas no longer shines with balls and lights twinkling and bright—her eyes can’t see

Angels or Santas or elves so festive—she sits alone in her car—sightless to all scenes

Of happiness and glee—eyes filled with pain and tears for long dead, broken dreams.

Life, children, now—none to show for all those dreams locked in a heart of stone.

Dead, as the one, who had helped her to free herself from the prison of being alone.

Three months then four as time is suspended, no work or church, pain fills her head.

She can’t help those in need as she always did—life is now filled with loneliness and dread.

She sits by the side of the lonely road for how can she drive with eyes that flows

With tears from the pain pressing down on her soul—she waits till they subside and then she goes

Once more on her way to nowhere—suspended—suspended—in life that’s no life.

Locked away from the world as well as he, in his house of stone—at least there’s no strife!

Six months and more and finally she sleeps—one minute then two—then maybe an hour

Before once again her mind takes over with its scenes of horror and gives her heart no power

To smile or see or even to hope for any days with sunshine much less rain

For her skies are all filled with mist and groom because of all her broken-hearted pain.

Eight months and nine then finally a year with sleep snatched an hour or two at a time

But only by day as night’s filled with pain and visions of sightless eyes fills her mind.

And sleep, when found, is filled with scenes that cause her to awaken with bone-chilling screams.

Once more to relive over and over again that moment—suspended in time—which haunts her dreams.

Daddy tries to bring her to life—he knows the pain that will kill the mind

And take away the will to live if hope is not found somewhere in time.

He is now sixty-five and sick and frail—not really well

But none can stop him and for his girl, he would go to hell

And fight the very devil, himself, if necessary to bring relief

And once more see light and reason come back to her, as restored belief

In Goodness and Grace and a life that can be lived with Peace and Love

By the ministry of Daddy and the One up above

Who gives us the power to overcome all toil and pain

And allows us, once more, to see the sunshine and rain

Falling so softly and sweetly to moisten the brow that lies cold and still

In death-like chill.To bring alive that which has died—ask and He will

If ever so slowly—surely he will and give you back that suspended life

And once more make you “some one’s” wife.

A year and a half filled with pain and people who prey on those helpless ones.

Moments of sanity and little pain—days of lost time—alone with the sons

Of mothers who never would have approved of how they treated this girl

Lost and lonely, who couldn’t see the priceless pearl!

Finally the ministry of her Daddy and angels and her loving God

Slowly brought life back into this broken ill-used clod.

Made fresh and anew for the old one had died.

Resurrected now to a new life in which she could take pride.

Knowing at last that all she could do was done with the power of His Son

One Son who could see the prize of that broken vessel, lift her up and let her run

A new race now lived for him and not waiting and waiting for life to start

But one that was full and free and she could live with all her heart!

Once more “a man” to build a home

And this time two children to call her own!

Her life is now spent in toys and bottles as she struggled

To help his four and her darling who snuggled

Upon the breast that had died and been born again

On the two horns of loneliness and pain.

Years rush by as they grow. Two, three and now once again

His four is gone and she is alone with her little one and the pain

Of him giving up those in her care for he no longer wished to bear

The burden of those he longed for years to possess and hear

Them call him dad—but “granddad” was what their mother had taught

Them to say and they just wouldn’t change—like they ought.

Their mother had taught them well to dislike their dad

And even this loving mother’s care didn’t help—it made him so sad.

In desperation he signed them away so that their mother could

Reclaim them once more, if she chose, and if she would.

After months alone, he returned and cared for her with the birth of her son.

Now, he felt, his child bearing days were all done!

As he worked at his job, they traveled across this land, far and wide.

Mile after mile, up and down—across the valleys and countryside

Where mountains and clouds meet the sky and rivers run fast to the sea

Her wondering eyes now everything longing to see.

“Don’t pass anything that there is to see, for I may never, again, pass this way

And all of this great land I have hungered to see,” she says, as the branches slowly sway.

So Mountain and Sky her eyes did see—old houses and sheep crossing the street,

Rivers and Torrents and Buffalos, too, with Deer and Antelopes she chanced to meet,

The Grand Canyon so deep and wide in the cold June air

And All the Presidents lined up in a row, white and bare,

The Light House and Ship’s Prow (which she climbed) of Palo Duro, too,

The cold and mighty Atlantic and Gulf with waters so blue,

Niagara with mighty Falls and Canada and New York, Pike’s Peak, Chicago,

The lofty Rockies and the St. Lawrence with its rushing flow,

Taos, and Vegas, Anaheim, Disneyland, and Seattle, too,

With a stop for surgery for a cancer or two,

The Blue Pacific all along the coast from Bellingham to San Diego

Whereever the road went; there their car would go.

As she crossed the imaginary line into Ohio and Detroit, beside,

Her senses could feel the change in atmosphere even before they arrived.

A different feeling was in the air and the clouds were so close she could

Almost reach out and touch them as they marched by, if she would.

The quaint little villages of Minnesota and the Dakotas, the mighty Lakes

Surrounded by town after town with hardly any breaks

Five in all windswept—awesome and wide

With hardly any where from the wind and waves to hide

The Missouri, Mississippi and the struggling Rio Grande

Ohio, Columbia, and sleepy little Sabine—hardly so grand.

The wheat fields of Colorado and Washington rolling on

Firemen, rushing on to contain the flames—under the gun!

Washington’s mighty trees with nowhere to look

Except to the trees, unless by chance you find a brook.

Snow-capped Baker, Olympia, all lined up in a row

If destruction comes from the mountain—no where to go

White Sands of New Mexico fame as well as the desert

Surrounding Yuma and Phoenix with many restraints and desserts

These sights and more her eyes have now seen

These memories and visions and many more have been

Placed in the mind that could only see pain.

Springtime most assuredly follows the rain!

Friends far and wide she had chanced to meet

Like those who came to her bedside to greet

Her in Bellingham after her surgery sent by God to

Minister his Love and Grace to her and her kids, so true.

Friends who cared for her and they as she sought

To heal from all the pain, to which, once more she had been brought.

True friends who stood with her in faith that all would be well

Even when the doctors said no more can be done—oh well!

God had his way of showing the Love

Extended by man as well as from above!

The years rolled around as she raised her kids

Living to see even grandchild—claimed by SIDS!

Tears once more this time for daughter as well

As her own hurting heart from this tiny soul who dwell

-S in Heaven above awaiting her call

For she knows where she’s going and will not fall!

Two more lovely grandsons to brighten her days

Then finally one more from her son—he now plays

Around her feet as she chances to see

All the Love God showers on her and on me.

His grace had been sufficient for all of her need

Many times Mama had needed her kids to feed.

But love and grace and peace have been found

In Him who’s cross was planted in the ground.

Loneliness and fear found place in her heart

But from her, He never did part!

Contentment and grace finally come with time

It marches on with no thought to this rhyme.

Now, once more she sits, alone and forgotten

By those who should care but haven’t gotten

Around to seeing the need of sharing their time

With one who waits patiently and is fine!

Surrounded by faith, Love, and Grace

By the One who has never left His Place!