| Michelle | |
| OOK, Mike-chan, how dare you insult my man Matt! *IF* he gets all the chicks...Psh!...belive me he gets em...I think YOUR jealous cuz you cant be a pimp like Matthew....I LOVE YOU MATTHEW LESKO!!! Well, I just thought you should know that, Mike-chan. (Jeff K.----he doesnt compare to Matthew!) |
| Doc Hattori | |
 | Gooood morning, I am Doctor Hattori... |
| Fukui-san | |
 | And my name is Kenji Fukui! Today we'll be having a deathmatch between two seemingly unlike contestants...let's check out the stats. |
| Bio: Matthew Lesko | |
 | Name: Matthew Lesko Actual Martian Name: O'cl'bon Mjotnik Special Powers: Power of persuasion, able to write large, boring books in a short time. Manager: Michelle |
| Bio: Jeff K. | |
 | Name: Jeff K. Actual Name: Jeffry Bennings Special Powers: 1337 |-|4><0R, pretends to be Ness every once in a while due to public demand. Manager: Mike-chan |
| Doc Hattori | |
| Now! Down to the nitty-gritty! Round one! |
| Big Buisiness | |
 | Howdy, here's your subpoena. Using the "Jeff K." character and the name "Matthew Lesko" without permission. |
| Fukui-san | |
| *sigh* Another failed deathmatch. Till next time. loyal viewers. |
| Static | |
 | kkkkkkkzzzzzzz |