nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage
and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon
he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it
and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees
smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks on the
door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The
old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?" The man says "I've
been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep
since that time. I would be most gracious if I could
have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot
mess around with my grandaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't
cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning."
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you
the three worst chinese torture tests ever known to man." "Ok, Ok" the man
said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind
of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life? Well, that night,
when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the
grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been
lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without companionship.
And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and
well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the
meal. That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite
a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his
room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would
be
worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He
opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was
a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest". "What
a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked
over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the
backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture
test: Rock tied to right testicle".
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps
out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying
"3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost". Tortures
