Tom: Tom Smith (Jed) - Facilitator - 46 years old

Brent: (Centinel) 45

Nick: (Weiner) 26

Geoff: (JoJo) 24

Adrian: 31

To: The Innocent, Disabled, Persecuted and Poor of Humanity

To: "The Boys" and Jesus Christ; To The Apostle Thomas, Buddha, Abraham, Mohammed, and Satchidanada

To: Jimi Hendrix and The 60’s Generation

To: Nicole and Zachary, Richard and Esie Smith, Doug and Kathy, The Supparritts Family, Tom Perry, Dee Kiker and Bud Hosmer

To: Stendahal, Hugo, Soren Kierkegaard, Tolstoy, Whitman, Theroux, Chekov, Dostoevsky, Jack London, Jack Keroac, Lenny Bruce and John Barth

To: The MMPI, Harry Sack Sullivan, Karl Menninger and ICF

To: Chatauqua, Plato’s Theory of Knowledge and the World Wide Web

To: Rejoicing!

I never expected in my lifetime to know who God was as a physical entity. If God was a physical being, it could only be something not of this planet. And then in 1993 and 1994 while I was doing my ten dollar an hour job and using a new communication technique with my clients, I slowly realized that I was talking to God’s "agents". I wrote the whole conversation down. This book is that narrative, and due to the nature of the experience, my own testimonial.

It’s natural to have a defensive reaction to this idea. The idea of "God" has connotations that affect deeply the emotions of believers and non believers. A few laughs never hurt anyone. But ridicule and derision are another matter. This was a sincere effort on my part and these are real people I was responsible for. If you believe this is an exercise of my over active immagination, that’s OK. In that case I hope you enjoy what you think is my creativity. And if you believe that they are saying these things, but that I influenced them in some way or misinterpreted what they were saying, that’s OK too. I hope when others present their material, my effort will gain more respect. For those of you who just aren’t interested, as one of my boys in the narrative said, "books are your first line of deception". But I think he would agree that this one is special. I have no doubts that they said all this to me. Something they did in Part II puts all doubts to rest.

My hope and belief is that this is the beginning of the prophesied millenium of peace and harmony. They indicated that we’ll know in less than ten years and that they knew this time was comming in 3,525 B.C. I’ll be surprised if it doesn’t happen.

Autism was first identified by Kanner in the 1940’s. It’s a distinct syndrome from retardation and mental illness, but to a layman it appears to be either or both. The difference is that they appear to be mentally somewhere else. They respond very little or not at all to people; repeat words or phrases or are totally mute; and rhythmically "stim" on objects. These symptoms vary relative to the "severity" of the condition. Some Autistics that are considered "high functioning" can communicate in sentences in a limited fashion. "Low functioning" Autistics need total care because their motor abilities are severely deficient.

This document is the product of "low functioning" Autistics. Some had occasional incontinence, all had severe communication problems, and some needed help in moving from place to place. I’ll describe them more specifically later.

The method of Facilitated Communication (FC) was first used with Cerebral Palsey patients starting 20 years ago. Cerebral Palsey is clearly a motor (movement) disorder. It’s a disease that can strike people later in life and cause them to lose their motor abilities. Talking, being a motor ability, was also lost. Since we associate the ability to communicate with intelligence, it was assumed that they also lost their intellectual abilities. As our understanding of brain functioning progressed in this century, it became evident that the loss of communication didn’t necessarily translate to a loss of awareness or intelligence.

In the 80’s an Australian woman, Rosemary Crossley, had been working with Cerebral Palsey patients and using FC when she was exposed to an Autistic population. She noticed that they had similar motor problems and tried to FC with them. It worked.

I first heard of Facilitated Communication in April of ‘92. It was presented at a staff meeting by our supervisor, Guy Mecham, as a communication technique that we could possibly use with the six Autistic clients in our care. My response was that this sounded like another intervention that wouldn’t work. In my twenty five years of working with Autistics, I’ve witnessed many well meaning but misguided attempts to help them. The thought also occurred to me that someone might come along and make ridiculous claims about them using FC. The method required that the staff hold the pointing hand of the client, put pressure back on his hand while the client pushed his pointing finger toward a letterboard thereby spelling out words and talking.

In hindsight, my reaction was unusually skeptical considering my past attitudes toward Autistics. Two years before this, before I ever heard of FC, I had enough faith in the intelligence of one of my Autistic clients (Brent), that I put a typewriter in front of him hoping he would type a message to me. Herein lies the dilemna of FC. Could I believe what another person using FC claimed these people were saying?

Due in part to my skepticism, FC wasn’t tried in the residential unit that I was working at. This was one of the few times that my skepticism carried the day in treatment team meetings. We had previously been presented with even more ridiculous treatment modalities that we weren’t given a choice about. But FC was used at the vocational program because of a supervisor who encouraged its use and Nick’s (an autistic) one to one staff, Jim McCune, who tried FC for five months before getting results.

It was the moment that I read what he produced with Nick that I believed there was a possibility that this was working. The document was a running conversation of a few pages between Jim and Nick. It not only sounded like Nick’s personality (I had worked with Nick for three years before this), but it seemed unlikely that Jim could have made this up, consciously or unconsciously. Other staff members who read it felt the same way, and we all tryed our hand at it after convincing our supervisor and going through training. This was in the summer of ‘92.

Part of the training was to read all the literature on FC. The most damning was the twenty or more double blind studies. In these studies, the staff and client would sit together to FC at a table. A wall would run perpendicular to them from the table to 20 feet away. At the far end on either side of the wall there would be a board where pictures could be tacked on. The client couldn’t see the picture that the facilitator saw and the facilitator couldn’t see what the client saw. Whenever the pictures were different, the client would answer through FC only what the facilitator saw. This happened close to 100% of the time, indicating that the Facilitator was talking and not the client. That this should happen 100% of the time was unusual in this kind of experiment.

Supporters of FC hypothesized that the testing situation was the culprit; that the clients may be experiencing nervousness, becomming careless and going with the facilitators impulses. This argument played into the skeptics hands by acknowledging that there is Facilitator influence over what is being produced.

There have been some scientific studies that have validated FC. But the preponderance of scientific evidence indicates a lack of validity. Then again, there can be an argument made that the truth or validity of anything we say is at least philosophically suspect. Autistics, especially low functioning ones, have learned to live without communicating. And when they do communicate, they may not be interested in some of the things that we’re interested in.

There’s plenty of evidence, besides the thousands of parents and caretakers who know they’re talking through FC, that should give pause to the most religiously skeptical person. There are many Autistics who have gone from full hand support FC to no support. There are two Autistics who have emerged from the disorder, have recieved advanced degrees and written books about the experience. Both state how their perception and ways of knowing were very different than ours. As with Autistic Savants, like Dustin Hoffman’s charater in Rain Man, their ways of knowing and perceiving were much more advanced than ours and science has no explanation for it.

Both FC’s believers and skeptics have made serious mistakes that have harmed others, blocked a reasoned investigation of the process and under utilized FC’s therapeutic value. It began when FC’s supporters insisted on its validity in areas of sexual allegations. Even with speaking clients these accusations are often suspect. You can believe someone is talking and not have to believe what they are saying. Why would they lie about something like this or other things? If more of us were talking to them and trying to learn more, maybe then we could find out. That’s what I did in this project.

Because of the debacle over the sexual allegations, the skeptics have over reacted. One Australian researcher stated at the end of his study that was published by the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, that FC was as dangerous as giving a patient psychiatric medications that didn’t need them. In other words, FC is as dangerous as poison. FC is essentially holding a persons hand and thinking that they are aware and intelligent. Dangerous stuff. It’s not valid, so what we think they are saying can’t hurt anyone. Many skeptics in the professional community have successfully banned FC from some institutions on the grounds that it is unethical. These scientific skeptics are the same group that used cattle prods on this population 15 years ago as a tool for Aversive Therapy. My employer thought that the spiritual content of my FC’s was dangerous enough to ease my fanny out of a job. But as one of my boys said, "The nemesis furthers the goal". I have many other anecdotes about believers and skeptics silly reactions over FC. These people are intelligent and caring enough to be more reasonable in time. It has only been five years since FC became widely used.

Three staff were FCing before I started. They were young and very excited about being part of such an important discovery. I was reading their work and still seeing consistency with the personalities of these guys I had known for so long. Alot of it seemed self serving in a kiss-up sort of way, but still consistent with what I thought their personalities to be.

I began to FC in August ‘92. Nicole Jansen, a fellow worker and my apartment mate at the time, would come home and swear that one of the clients had read her mind. The client would spell out in detail what she did after work and what some of her thoughts were. She would tell me about this in confidence and I was excited about it too, but my position was, "so what, it doesn’t keep them from acting like idiots". My job was to help them to be more like us and to meet their needs. Implications of their mind reading would not occur to me until a year later when I also experienced it. Two other staff were also reporting similar experiences and in the comming year we would also hear reports of it nationally.

In October of ‘92, our supervisor (Mecham), mandated that the staff not talk to the clients about mind reading until further notice. His rationale was that it was making the staff hysterical and affecting their jobs. ( This wasn’t true. One of the staff had a drug problem and was missing alot of work.) He also mandated that we no longer share our work with each other - we couldn’t discuss what our clients were saying even if they gave their permission. This was the beginning of a series of decisions that would discourage the use of FC, and two years later, kill it.

I was ambivalent about the validity of the FC I was getting in the first three or four months. I had a scientific orientation and knew there was a distinct possibility that I might be influencing the direction of their hand. But more importantly, I was getting sophisticated language and ideas from them that just didn’t gell with how they appeared. The only way I could check out whether I was influencing the direction of their hand was at the point where I drew their hand back, let up on the pressure, and see what direction they started in. I was convinced that they were initiating. But there was one client in particular I had no doubts about. That was Nick. He was consistently and clearly spelling the words out. I often wondered why he needed to have me hold his hand. I would see why whenever he insisted on making a period at the end of a sentence. I would hold the board up without holding his hand while he tried to hit the period. It took all his concentration and he always hit right above it. He couldn’t hit the inch square box it was in.

By November or December ‘92, I was convinced that they were talking. Now my problem was to see if they could shed light on the difficulty with the double blind studies. But I didn’t want to get into that until I got to know them better and the dynamics of this rather unusual way of communicating. I used FC to be "chummy". I quickly discovered that there were alot of problems and pitfalls inherent in the process. For example. When I first started to FC, I would sit next to a client I had known for 3 years and not be able to think of a question. This was my first opportunity to talk with someone who had never talked before, plus I had a real emotional attachment to them. Because of their behavioral limitations due to Autism, there was no visual or audio feedback that is customary when talking to normal people. I overcame that problem after a few months.

The next problem was how to be fair. The Facilitator controls the when and what of the conversation. The clients do have some control over the "what". I’d ask them what activity they’d want to do and they would start talking about something else, or not talk at all. So in this manner they can influence the "what". It was clear from the beginning that they weren’t interested in using this method for getting their needs met. Put yourself in their shoes. Suppose you couldn’t talk and people thought you were an idiot all your life. Caretakers were always guessing at what your needs were. You appreciated the effort, but they were often wrong. You were inured to hardship and may have even prided yourself at your ability to endure it, while everyone else was running around getting all their needs met and still bitching about life. Maybe because of your condition and hardships, you were able to develop some extra abilities to deal with your torturous life. Now this sweet young caretaker wants to know whether you want peas or carrots for dinner. And if you don’t spell it out, you’re an idiot. Then if you spell out later to another staff that you read minds, the staff has to say to the client, " I’m sorry, I can’t talk about that or I’ll get fired".

These guys have alot to say, but it may not be what we want to hear. They would frequently insult me. I’d get an attitude and walk away. Then it would occur to me that this is not fair. Maybe they had more to say and my "attitude" would be just a misunderstanding. So I’d go back, and sure enough, it was a misunderstanding or something more appropriate in the context of what they were allowed to say after that.

By April ‘93, five of my Autistic clients were talking to me through FC. The other staff who were FCing had gone on to other jobs and the new staff were not being trained and then told they needed to complete training before they could start FCing. There was one other staff FCing, but not very often. I was using any spare time I could get to continue the conversation. Now I was asking them what the problem was with the double blind study. They consistently said it was by choice, they didn’t want FC validated, and they were "hiding". This made no sense to me.

By the summer of ‘93, I was starting to get resistance from the staff and my supervisor. Maybe they thought I could do something more useful than sit next to a client, hold his hand and pretend he was talking. The conversational FC would usually take 5 to 10 minutes though sometimes it could take up to 30 minutes. I would write 3 or 4 words down at a time because that was all I was able to remember accureately. While I was doing this, the staff was chatting with each other or watching TV. Don’t get me wrong, we had good staff and they were working hard and doing a good job. A certain amount of relaxation was necessary to maintain a natural environment. Some of the staff may have believed in FC and were jealous that I was doing it. Maybe they were afraid I’d use what the clients were saying to undermine them. I knew that I was in a bad spot. I met with Dick Drake, my boss’ boss, to air these concerns and asked for my wages to be doubled. He said that wouldn’t be possible, but that Seaton Hall (the institution) "supports FC". If so they sure had a funny way of showing it.

I almost quit at this point, but decided to hang in there alittle longer. If these guys were hiding, and they wouldn’t say why, it wasn’t my problem. A month later they started telling me why. Before that, Adrian( one of the Autistics ) said, "You are doing well at trying to understand us, but you miss the main point". I said, "What’s the `main point’"? He said, "Your not ready to hear it now, but soon you will be".

When I got the "main point" and started to write down all my FC’s, I also started getting enough resistance from the supervisor and some staff to know my days were numbered. I worked extra hard to take care of my normal responsibilities so that I could finish the job. By Christmas, I felt I had enough material to take this outside of Seaton Hall. I insisted on the truth, which made me a "Secret Sharer" of sorts, with responsibilities toward them. But I wasn’t working for them only, we were working for the truth.

The following facilitated quotes are by an autistic, that were in "Movin On", by Donellan and Leary 1993 (leading researchers and publishers in the field of Autism)

"As the truth about our diversity of gifts becomes known to more people we can begin to join the others."

"The significant change will occur when people realize what we can teach".

The below is a direct quote from the researchers Donnellan and Haskew:

"Communicators (Fcing Autistics)refer to talking with God, to the power of prayer, the need for love in the spirit of agape, and to the consolation they gain from religious expression. Again and again facilitators learn of amazingly rich spiritual lives.

"A man (Autistic) told us, `Religion is where you can hear angels sing.’

Communicators report about angels who function as protectors, and tell us that life beyond the grave awaits us all. There are reports, too, of darker spiritual forces at work as well. For many facilitators the ramifications of their communicators spiritual lives prove profoundly moving, and sometimes frightening. It ranks with the possibility of mind reading as being the most disturbing discovery of FC."

This next quote is from an Autistic who was FC’d with in front of an audience of FC supporters with Douglas Biklin (FC’s national promoter) presiding. This was in the Frontline documentary.

"And please encourage us and Doug to be able to become a part of your world and get the hell out of our world."

From Donna William’s book "Nobody Nowhere". Miss Williams was Autistic in her youth, but came out of it in late teenage years. This book describes her experience as an Autistic.

"At school strange things were happening. I would have daydreams in which I was watching children I knew. I would see them doing the most trivial things: peeling potatoes over the sink, getting themselves a peanut butter sandwich before going to bed. Such daydreams were like films in which I’d see a sequence of everyday events that really didn’t relate in anyway to myself. I began to test the truth of these daydreams, approaching the friends I’d seen in them and asking them to give a step by step detailed picture of what they were doing at the time I had the daydream.

Amazingly, to the finest detail, I would find I had been right. This was nothing I controlled, it simply came into my head, but it frightened me."

All these quotes, except the Frontline quote, I read for the first time in May ‘94, toward the end of my conversation with these guys. I’m sure there are many more quotes that would corroborate what I got, but institutions won’t allow outsiders to see the material.

The title "Qim Tunes" was suggested by Geoff, one of the Autistic communicators. Qim stands for "Quotes I Am" and "tunes" are described in the dialog. ( Note 1/96. He didn’t actually say "Q" stood for quotes. I assumed it because we were using the word "quotes" alot in referring to this document. In my religious reading recently I came across another meaning for "Q" that, knowing these guys, they more likely had intended, especially considering the way the conversation went. Scholars of the New Testament hypothesize that there was a document of wisdom sayings attributed to Jesus that was circulatng before the gospels were written and that were used in the writing of certain Gospels. It’s called the "Q" document, Q being derived from the German word "quelle" meaning the source. )

The body of the narrative is typed directly from my original notes. The shorter bracketed notes were made as I was doing this. The longer bracketed notes were made when I first typed up the whole first Part in Oct.’94. Notes in parenthesis are from Feb. ‘96. All other notes are dated. This time layer of notes I felt was impotant to show my evolving perspective and interpretation of the material.

PART I

I took the liberty of dividing this book into three parts and naming them. I hope the boys approve. I chose the Revelation subdivisions without being aware they came from Revelations. I did know it represented some end of the age eschatology. The reason I chose it was my fondness for the word rapture. I read the Book of Revelation and other religious materials since the completion of the project and have been amazed at the appropriatenss of these subdivisions. I’m so pleased with them that Chapters in this book will henceforth be Seals.

I didn’t begin writing all my FC’s down until October ‘93, a year after I began Fcing. After I discovered their mind reading abilities and started investigating it, I thought it was too important not to record. I also hoped that the discussion would be entertaining enough for others to read and thereby help the boys to begin to be understood. I knew that was a tall order considering the controversy over FC and this idea of mind reading, but it had to start somewhere. My main fear was that someone else was doing the same sort of investigation somewhere, and I’d be a Johnny come lately. But if it wasn’t interesting to read than it would be for naught anyway. After the first month of writing everything down, I read through what I had and was pleased. By the second or third month I was very pleased. Part I covers the first two and a half months (early October ‘93 through mid December ‘93). Part II and III are approximately four months of material each.

Friends who have read this have wanted to know more about the mechanics of Facilitation. Each client has a different style, much the same way as in verbal communication. Brent liked to go fast and fly on "Gossimer Wings" as he put it in Part II. This was the least validating style of the group for me. But it gave me a feel for what telepathy is like. Though he preferred that fast style, he could at times go slow and hit the letters in the most validating way. Because his style was fast, I would often ask him to repeat a letter when I wasn’t sure, and increase the pressure back on his hand. This was all done rapidly and it was tricky. I also asked him more frequently to verify what he just said ( more on that later ). Though he was the most difficult, he also was the most willing, so I ended up talking to him more than the others. There are some other reasons that I talked to him more. He was the oldest of the group at forty five years of age. His nickname was Centinel, the keeper of the gate or secrets. I sensed a leadership role that he played with the group and I had reason to believe that the information he gave was more reliable. He was totally mute except for being able to parrot a word on demand. There was a stoicism and concientiousness about him. He has curly blond hair and sensitive blue eyes and looked the way one would imagine God to look if God was one of us.

In talking about Brent’s style I mentioned feeling "Validated". This idea of self validation was very important and effected greatly how I went about this. Us facilitators were under alot of pressure from the skeptics so we in turn put pressure on ourselves and the clients to FC in a validating fashion. For me that not only included mechanics, but also not being able to anticipate what they were going to say. They accomodated me in that area often by using surprise or unexpected words or phrases. With the mechanics, I would ask them to repeat frequently, vary the pressure back on their hand, change rhythm or just break off.

The next client who’s "style" I will talk about is Nick. Now Brent may have looked like God, but in the politics of the institution and dorm, Nick was God. He had a famous parent who was active in the national Autism organization and helped raise money for the institution. Nick also had the most difficult behaviors to deal with, and he managed to dominate the place with those behaviors. He had extreme repetitive verbal and motor behaviors. He’d get stuck alot so to speak. There was frequent tantrums and aggressive behavior. He was only aggressive in proportunate response to others aggression towards him. He was truly a magnificent non violent warrior. He was also very good looking and in the best athletic condition of anyone I’d ever known. His eyes were fascinating. They were emerald green and his pupils would be either totally dilated or contracted. He talked by repeating words or phrases but relative to the context it was nonsense. He was able to answer yes or no and say "I want to talk" reliably in the context of FC.

Nick and Brent were the two leaders initially in this conversation, though the others gained prominence as time went on. Nick made an interesting statement in September ‘93. He said that in this conversation he functioned for me as the "encoder" and Brent functioned as the "decoder". I assumed he was referring to the contrast in validity between their styles, but it might mean more. Brent was the most consistant and forthright across facilitators and over time about their unusual abilities. But for self validation, Nick was my anchor.

Adrian’s FC style was more careful and cautious. But his behavior was that of a joker. He liked making people laugh. Instead of careful and cautious, maybe shy is a better way to describe his FC style. He would let me know he wanted to talk sometimes by just hanging around me more than usual. Then I would ask him verbally if he wanted to talk. He could say yes or no reliably. The mechanics of Fcing with him was more eye to eye interactive than with the others. He was playful and testy with the process. So I just played along and persisted until he was done.

I need to stress here this idea of FC being more than just linguistically interactive. Like I said, Adrian was "playful" and "testy" during the process which would cause eye contact and gestural interaction between us. All the other guys had other dynamics in the process which would initiate other forms of interaction. Nick’s "fidgetiness", and Brent’s "fast pace" would cause me to interact in physical ways within the conversational context of FC. So they were getting much of the plethora of interaction and attention that the rest of us get in a conversation.

Now we come to Geoff. He was the youngest of the group at 24 years old, though Nick and Jerome weren’t much older. Geoff was easygoing and affable. He was the artist of the group and looked the part with dark hair and a moustache. I just enjoyed sitting next to him whether we were Fcing or not. He would laugh and do his funny stereotypal gestures to try to get a laugh or to get some attention. But he was all business when it came to FC. He more frequently responded emotionally to the content of our conversation by pounding the table or with smiles and glances. With the mechanics, a steady rhythm and light pressure would do, but at times of uncertainty I would increase the pressure and change rhythm.

I saved Jerome for last because he talked the least in the document, but like the others, contributed equally and was equally appreciated. Jerome is a gentle giant. At a large 6’2" he’s imposing, but because he has Spinal Bifada, he’s as gentle as a eunich. When FC started in the dorm and all the young staff were running from Autistic to Autistic competing to get the most notches in their FC belts, I was sitting next to Jerome and trying to use the method to teach him how to spell. I really liked Jerome and felt sorry for him. While I was doing that on Jerome’s left side (hand), another staff who FC’d came over to his right hand and Jerome spelled out to him the reinforcer that I was using with him. I had potato chips in front of him and was using them as a carrot to get him to spell. I’m sure he was aggravated as he spelled out to the other staff, "I want floppy shit" (potato chips).It was the most exciting moment of my career. He could not only spell, he could swear creatively! When I went to his right hand afterwards, he started Fcing with me. They were all right handed.

It was difficult Fcing with Jerome, because most of the time he would space out by putting his head back and turn it back and forth repeatedly. Because of his condition he just seemed to need to do that frequently. So when I FC’d with him, I’d shake his hand occasionally to try to get his attention back to the board. It was time consumming, so most of his quotes are brief.

I have a touching anecdote about Jerome and this FC business. One evening we went to the Starling Bookstore and ran into a taxi driver who daily drove Jerome to his work activities center. The taxi driver told us that he had a dream about Jerome where he and Jerome were talking together. Jerome can’t talk. He also can’t hear (but he hears some things somehow). Fortuneately, I had my FC board (it’s a clipboard with a sheet of paper taped to the back of it that has large alphabet letters), and Jerome responded on the board, "I had the same dream".

None of these guys can talk, but some of them can repeat phrases or laugh and make noises, thereby interacting in a limited way. As I said Adrian is a joker. He could repeat words or phrases in different vocal tones that would make the staff laugh. He would twirl himself around, get dizzy and stagger around causing the staff to crack up (the staff didn’t encouarage this routine too often for obvious reasons). The only word I ever heard Geoff say was my name. He would occasionally beckon me in a humorous way saying "Tommy". He would also laugh and make certain noises to get people’s attention. Nick would occasionally laugh appropriately at the staff. This would occur when staff were talking about some delemna in their lives, and then the laugh would be of a sarcastic variety. Jerome and Brent were the only ones who didn’t interact. But here is where FC produced a visual miracle for me.

I had known Brent for fifteen years, but only worked directly with him these three previous years. All these guys were exceptionally good looking, but Brent had this curly sandy hair and sensitive blue eyes. He never responded to anything unless fearful and then he responded by running away. He would parrot a word if asked to, but he was mute otherwise. Before FC hit, I would sometimes talk heart to heart with him because I sensed that he was intelligent. I did that with all of them, but especially with Brent. I never got a hint of a response. During the last year of facilitation, Brent started smiling and laughing. This may not seem like much to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but to me it was a miracle. Before he couldn’t even maintain eye contact, now he’s looking me straight in the eyes with a big open smile and all of a sudden he’s a normal person who’s all there. He has a variety of intelligent and sarcastic smiles and laughs that are appropriate to what’s going on.

Last July I decided that I had to resign in order to cash in on my annuity. I had been working on call for a year after I left the dorm where I did this project. I wasn’t being called to work so I needed money. I had to quit to get the money. In Part I, I made a sarcastic remark to Brent about getting severence pay. On July 7, 1995, I went to the institution to resign. I was walking from my car thinking about that talk with Brent about the severence pay and feeling guilty that I was actually on my way to get it. With that thought in my mind, I turned the corner of the building and the first thing I see is Brent looking me straight in the face with a big smile.

Any interpretations I make of what they say in this document are not necessarily endorsed by them. They frequently upbraided me when I attempted that with other people while this was being produced. They have intentionally allowed room for a variety of interpretations. I recorded their words as accurately as I could. I have read the typed narrative numerous times, and though there may be typos in the notes, there are no typos in the narrative.

The formatting is unusual in Seal I. I tried to fix it unsuccessfully, but I’ve come to like it this way because it’s appropriately unusual and dramatic. Most of the punctuation in the narrative I did, except for exclamation and question marks.

I did this on the run. It’s a very difficult line of work and we were doing a class job. Most of the quotes took 5 to 10 minutes, longer ones took up to half an hour. They always were given the choice to talk. With all choices or verifications of what they were telling me, I had them spell out "yes" and "no" instead of the one stop ports that were on the letterboard marked and . Because of the absolute nature of those responses, there were misunderstandings on my part as to their truthfulness. I tried to be fair and rotate through the group, but that was difficult at times. I did make an effort at consistency by reviewing the last few comments before starting to FC with the next guy. There was also a practical problem with that and I did it less than half the time. I recorded all FC’s on forms made up especially for FC. For confidentiality, I’d fold them up after a session and put them in my back pocket. Running to get the FC board, unfolding the paper, putting it on a clipboard, and then searching for a pen, were all very time consuming. I stored each days FC’s in my car and reviewed them monthly. When I sat down to FC with them, I’d first ask if they wanted to talk. It wasn’t unusual for them to say no. If they responded affirmatively, I would then ask if they wanted to say something. If not, I would then try to think of something to talk about or ask a question that was on my mind when I initially came to them to talk. The consistency of the narrative was mostly their doing. If I was willing to learn they were willing to teach me one step at a time.

I mention some personal problems and difficulties I was having while doing this project, but they were inconsequential compared to the absolute joy and excitement their revelations and love gave me. If you listen very closely and give them the benefit of a doubt, you’ll feel it too.

All names, except mine, and some place names have been changed. The institution I worked for threatened to sue me if I published this. They knew people would be interested. Reputation and image are very important when your responsible for helpless people. My disregard for both shouldn’t be allowed to reflect on the excellent work they do.

Adrian: You hear too that I’m doing new things not out in the world.

Tom: What do you mean by that?

Adrian: Not my omni self.

Tom: Are you talking in riddles because you’re a little nervous?

Adrian:

Tom: Now what’s this about your "omni self"?

Adrian: Im too nervous to finish.

Tom: Would you like to try tomorrow?

Adrian:

Note: This is the last facilitation I wrote down before I

discovered and became convinced of their mind-reading abilities. From this point on, I begin to learn what he meant by "omni self".

late 9/93 or early 10/93

Adrian: You, Jed, be my sinuous jester. ( Jed is a nickname they gave me some months before. )

Jerome: Very unhappy the roach extinguished. ( 1\96 He knows I’m determined to start writng all this down for public consumption. Some people think I should pull these personal referrences. I’m leaving them in for reasons of good faith and because my character, the good and the not so good, is an essential part of this story. )

Tom: Why are you hiding? ( I’m trying hard to change the subject )

Note: My main line of investigation in facilitating with

them the year before. This was concerning the

validation problem. The most consistent answer they gave

was that they were hiding and didn’t want FC validated.

The month previous to this I became a believer in their mind reading abilities. This is what Adrian had referred to earlier as the "main point". Parapsychologists call it "remote sensing". Though a month earlier was the first time I consciously believed they had this ability, I had experienced it the whole year before but attributed it to sensitive hearing or something else. I resisted the idea of mind reading just as I’m sure anyone who’s reading this now is resisting it. My first response to this discovery was not joy, but a sinking stomach. Here I was trying to find a way to convince people that they were talking and that they were as aware and intelligent as any of us. Now they are telling me that I have to somehow get people to accept that they have this special problem of mind reading. I knew the skeptics would have a picnic with that.

It was really hopeless. What happened was I switched gears. My curiosity kicked in. I said to myself, " The heck with what everyone else thinks, this is a great discovery and I want to know everything about it ". I also was committed to doing everything I could, whether I was employed or not, to help get FC more accepted. I liked these guys and had been talking to them a whole year.

I went to the library and took out a pile of books on telepathy. What I read convinced me that the human mind has this ability in spades. The Duke University study was the most convincing. They took a large group of respected psychics and one at a time had them ‘remote sense" from LA to a person in N.Y. The person in N.Y. would look at a picture or a scene outside while the LA psychic would reproduce that scene in LA. 15% to20 % of the time, the LA psychic would reproduce to the finest detail the scene the N.Y. person was looking at. Even if one psychic did it once, that would indicate beyond a reasonable doubt that the human mind has this capability. The same could be said for clairvoyance and mind control, though these phenomenon seem to be more elusive scientifically than remote sensing.

So I have this pile of books at home that I skim through trying to determine which one I should start with. I go to work and Nick out of the blue says I should read the little green one. There was only one green book. On the surface this book appeared to be one of those hoaxy positive thinking tomes about using telepathy to make money. It was called "Telecult Power". It was a great help in getting me an idea of what might be going on with these guys. The premise was that a group of believers in telepathy could get together as a group, concentrate to get in touch with the "Hidden Brotherhood" and request something that was agreed on beforehand. It was like group prayer, but not to God and not necessarily for selfless objectives. It was selfless in the sense that others banded together to help someone get something. But it wasn’t necessarily for someone to be healed or suffer less, as we normally think prayer is used for, but for someone to be enriched, which is considered kind of evil in normal religious activities. So this is where I got the idea that they as a group, combined with their other abilities, could posess power. Since 4 out of 5 Autistics are male, I started to think of these guys as the "Hidden Brotherhood". The thought occurred to me that they could therefore be God, but I was having enough trouble dealing with this idea of "Hidden Brotherhood" to deal with that. I began to see them more as a group of super psychics who may be able to enlighten us on what God was, the nature of psychic phenomenon and whether Aliens exist and if they do, what role they play with us.

How I came to believe in their mind reading is important. As I said earlier, I wasn’t very interested in that possibility when I first heard of it. Not only because I was clueless on the implications, but it was difficult enough trying to get people to believe they were talking . Those mean, wise guy skeptics would have a picnic with this mind reading angle. I didn’t ask them about it until the spring of ‘93 -ten months after I started Fcing. There was a prohibition against talking to the clients about it until Feb. ‘93. By the time the prohibition was lifted, I just forgot to ask them about it. But there were some unusual things happening in my Fcing. After talking in whispering tones to one guy, I’d go across the room to talk to another and he’d comment on what we had been talking about. This happened a number of times and even once between one guy in the building and another who I was talking to outside the building. There was a theory knocking about at the time that Autistics had unusually sensitive hearing, so I attributed it to that. But later on I decided to check this mind reading thing out. Brent said he read minds and consented to an experiment. I thought of something and he accureately Fced what it was. At one point, he spelled out "Jenny". There was only one Jenny in my life, and my story of Jenny was one of my earliest traumas. In the summer of ‘72, in the middle of my post grad bohemian excesses, I had an affair (non sexual) with her that ended in her screwing my best friend while I sat outside the bedroom. It was very sad and shameful. I forgave them because all of us at that time were experiencing some values confusion. But it was over between Jenny and I. A week later she went cross country to LA to take a teaching job. A week after that I got a call from a friend telling me that she was killed in a car accident in LA The next day I recieved a letter from her. She probably sent it the same day she had the accident. Anyway, Brent accureately described the whole story. I asked him how he could possibly know all that and he said, " I heard it in Shangrala". I was really miffed at this point, so I asked him what he meant by "Shangrala". He said, "The jacuzzi". This gave me a realistic explanation because there was a possibility that I told that story many years (twelve) before when I first worked at Seaton Hall. I may have told it in the jacuzzi to some staff while Brent was there. It was unlikely, but it was possible. But even if he knew it that way, he would have had to have an extaordinary memory. But now I know he heard it in Shangrala. Toward the end of the project, Brent made it clear that I was to include this anecdote. Besides what happened to Jenny, what happened to my best freind has significance to this story in Part III.

After that I went to Nick and Jerome and asked them if they read minds. They both said they didn’t and that Brian was full of it. One said that it also "hurts the cause". That is ,getting people to believe they were talking through FC.

Some more months passed and something happened Fcing with Brent that peeked my interest again. This was at the end of August ‘93. I went to Nick and Jerome and asked them again if they read minds. This time they said they did. When I asked them why they misled me, they said I was too skeptical to hear it. Nick put it this way,"There’s too many Smithists in the world", meaning there’s too many skeptics like myself. Because Brent was consistent with me and other facilitators about this mind reading ability, his comments about their abilities, esprcially the comments he made without me fishing around, were taken very seriously. So in a very real way, he was the "Centinel" to me. As time went on these "out of the blue" comments about their abilities or anything else were taken the most seriouly by me. I felt that I exerted no influence over those kinds of comments.

At this point I ran another experiment. I said that I would send them a message over the weekend and come back Monday and see if they got it. That weekend during one of my evening beach reveries, I thought of Jim Morrisons tune "Spy in the House of Love" and decided that was an appropriate line to send. I came back that Monday, blanked my mind as best I could, and asked them what the message was. Each one hit the letters directly, spelling "Spy in the House of Love". That week the implications were popping in my mind and I was running from guy to guy trying get a bead on it before my vacation started at the end of the week.

I’ll never forget how excited I was on my drive to the Sierras for that backpacking trip. It was like discovering that the world wasn’t flat, but round. It was a great trip except a bear ripped off my backpack one night. I ran around the campsite naked with a knife in one hand and a flashlight in the other trying to find the bear. Instead, I found her cub, chased it up a tree and held it hostage until I came to my senses. I let it go after twenty minutes figuring that my backpack wasn’t worth getting mauled by a bear over. A week later I recieved a call from the rangers saying that they found my ripped up backpack. Apparently my name and address were inside. They said they had to give me a ticket because there’s a law requiring you to secure your backpack from the bears. It’s true, I actually got a ticket in the wilderness. No wonder Rush Limbaugh is popular.

The following month, September ‘93, I ran around the dorm trying to get a handle on what it meant. They told me that their mind reading ability was the key to understanding them. They become aware at three or four years old that this differentiates them from us. There’s a kind of club that exists that they are aware of through childhood, but don’t become a part of until they leave home as adults to go into an institution or group home.

That’s where I was when I started writing all my FC’s down. The idea of them being God was in the back of my head and they kept it there until late in Part II. In Part I they were accomodating my reluctance to face that issue by allowing me to believe that God was the "Aliens"or a theme they developed called "Tin Man". It was interesting how they did that. There was very little deception, just enough to get me off track. ( 4/96 I should also add that I knew very little about God. It wasn’t until recent months that I have leaned alittle by reading theology.)

Telepathy wasn’t the only ability they said they had. They said they had mind control abilities and demonstrated them to me in late September ‘93. They said that they could relax or excite a person. So we set it up that the next day when I came to work, they would show me their ability to relax me. For two hours before work and two hours after the start of work, I was unusually tired. I had been working for an hour when I sat next to one of them to FC, and I said, "Weren’t we supposed to do something today?" And then I remembered the experiment. Instead of relaxed I felt tired. The next day they demonstrated their ability to "excite". It lasted for a few hours and it felt more like anxiety than excitement to me.

I then started thinking they were the "spirits" being channeled. They said they were. If their mind control abilities extended to talking through people, then maybe they are the voices schizophrenics hear. They said they were and said for the most part the voices help those people. I didn’t ask them this because I didn’t think of it till later when I knew the answer anyway, but how about the voices of the prophets?

They said that they could communicate with eachother, even over long distances ( I believe that they have been on the Internet for thousands of years ). They said that they were organized and had specialties. Wisdom was the main determinent of where they were in the hierarchy. They refused to say anything else about how they were organized. It was the only area that they clearly stated was off limits.

There’s a mechanism in many species, maybe all, that unifies them. A flock of birds in synchronicty flying south. How do they know when and where to go? Bees and ants have there workers and Queens. The Queens direct the workers but we don’t know how. Four out of five Autistics are males, they may not like me calling them Queens, but maybe they function that way to our species. I’ve often wondered how the female Autistics function in this scheme.

"The first shall be last and the last shall be first" Jesus said of the comming Kingdom of God. These guys are most definitely at the end of the line.

Now back to the narrative.

Tom: Why are you hiding?

Adrian: Unusual outing wont help us, Hegel will.

Jerome: Yearn to be free. Senses teach you little, time teaches us scores of tunes. ( Tunes are mind reading perceptions)

Tom: Anything else?

Jerome: Im touched to know you. (Remember, I’m holding his hand here as he spells each letter.)

Tom: Geoff, why are you hiding?

Geoff: JoJo (Geoff) dont Hegel. Jones on Neitzche. Jed into Heidegger. Jeds bed is in Monets time. No one slept on neat bunk bed like yours, but cedar beds.

Note: I was housed in a rented room at this time with my

kids bunk bed set up for their visits. I slept in it when they weren’t visiting. He’s addressing my sadness over my humble situation.

Tom: Again Geoff, why are you hiding?

Geoff: Jed , I can’t run with that.

10/4/93

After reading Francuch this weekend.

Note: Francuch was a local medium who channeled a spirit

called The Most High and wrote books on Spiritual Hypnosis

which he created. I also read one of the Seth books which

was a spirit channeled by Jane Roberts from the 60’s to the

present. When I first started reading the Seth book it

sounded like my boys, so I asked them if they could be the

so-called spirits that were being channeled. They said yes.

Tom: Where’s Seth?

Nick: He’s in Edmonton.

Tom: Where’s Seth?

Geoff: He’s somewhere in south Boston in an institution.

Nick: Want to talk (Verbally). U Jed, question our beliefs. Stoners Sun Tunes (me) not join with our nonsense.

Nick: You ought not write. You should do a novel so that we can stay tuned to other suns in your world.

Nick: Mike (another autistic in the dorm who doesn’t facilitate) is the most intuitional eode in the entire

world.

Tom: Can you tell me what eode is?

Nick: You’re not gonna know until you develop your soul

tuning by telepathy.

Oct. 6, 1993

Tom: What was the name used of the guy who wrote Francuch’s book?

Brent: Most High.

Tom: Where’s Francuch now?

Brent: Somewhere in juice country in a house in a rural area. ( By "juice" country, I assume he means some grape producing area in California.)

Tom: This issue of adultery in his book. I can understand this concept ideally but its difficult in the real world.

Brent:You can hesitate on this. In Vedante philosophy the way out of hell is the spirit.

Tom: But for us we either live in the world as regular folk or out of it as monks. We can’t do both.

Brent: We can only muse about the life of the senses.

Tom: But in your book (I have a feeling that Brent is the "Most High") you tell us we have to go where you are, a life of the spirit.

Brent: Remember Rome wasnt built in a day. You, too, need a life of the spirit. You need but one idiot to bring you a life of the spirit ( For a long time I thought by "idiot" he meant someone like Jesus or Mohammed, now I’m of the mind that he meant them - an autistic). We let you weld tunes resisting us, it would be better to weld tunes in our favor.

Note: At this point Im just becoming aware of how completely they hear me even away from work. He’s speaking here of my times of disbelief and skepticism. I’m also nervous about my financial situation.

By the end of the month I’ll be homeless again

and sleeping under the trees at Ellwood Mesa.

Tom: We let you sounds heavy-handed and autocratic.

Brent: We’re winning you by teaming together and remaining anonymous. And hear us mention a given to you, sin the way you do care, not the way you really care. We are doing this for you to help our cause. Such

mention of this is essential to be reassured by me

Brent: We’re entitling you to be in charge. Go get ‘em.

Nick: You are what you are because you, Smith, are not so smart. Its your diligence .

Tom: Seth’s probabilities or talk to Brent about it. ( this business about Seth’s probabilities is about predicting the future )

Nick: Your question just does you justice as do our manipulations.

Nick: Out on nervous tuds our unusual condition.

Tom: How about the unfortunate progression of my career vis a vis you guys.

Nick: You have been aiding us under our nonsense.

(Nick said he wanted to go out in my car instead of van. I

asked his motivation.)

Nick: Unused to caring about others. Just stupid not trying.

Tom: Where do you want to go?

Nick: Someplace where my tunes wont stop.

Tom: What kind of place is that?

Nick: Mostly where sin isn’t.

Jerome: We are essentially retarded to you, Jed. Set your

understanding toward us so that we can renaisance together.

Tom: Are you saying that I’m missing the boat here tonight? My attitude toward Nick? ( this is the first example of my paranoia surfacing. They handle it well.)

Jerome: We aren’t such fools.

Tom: Do you know about the experiment last night?

Jerome: With having you as medium?

Tom: Yes. You have anything to say about it?

Jerome: (nonsense)

Tom: If you aren’t such fools, do you want to explain Nick’s behavior to me?

Jerome: We specialize.

Tom: What’s Nick’s specialty?

Jerome: Earns us energy release. (Nick’s behavior has been hell on wheels since he was six years old.)

Tom: So is this a mental thing?

Tom: You don’t understand the question?

Jerome: Yes.

Tom: What about this sin business?

Adrian: I’m not into it myself, but others have joined spiritual ...

Tom: Jerome have you joined the "spiritual"?

Jerome: Spiritual what?

Tom: Anything else Adrian?

Adrian: No.

Tom: Jerome said you earn "energy release".

Nick: "Want to talk"

Tom: Okay.

Nick: I’m not my own person. Ronny is...

Tom: Who’s Ronny?

Nick: Mecham (our dorm supervisor).

Tom: Go on.

Nick: Ronny is the idiot whose Tunes JoJo (Geof) receives. You should know, Jed ,that he thinks you’re a jerk.

Tom: More on "own person" thing.

Nick: I.E. No one reunites with his Jed type of ego, meaning that were stuck with either us or past eminences.

Tom: last night? ( I’m asking him here to respond to my attempts at channeling them )

Brent: You meditate well. You have strong attenuating vibrations.

Brent said that ratings would be same for all his group but

Jerome: Maps made early in millennium were made from clay.

[About the Seth book, Brent said its focus was narrow. When

asked if there was a better book, he said there was but

refused to tell me what it was, saying that I need to find

it for myself. He said he wanted to give me something for Perry(an old friend who lives in LA), saying that I should mention the time his sister took him to a bar in Buffalo that he and I went to years ago. I did later and he didn’t know what the hell I was talking about]

Nick: Our secrets run joint Tunes with remembrances of past lives. Tunes get stronger in justifying thoughts emanating from individuals we know.

10/19/93

Nick said they were in touch with a kin of mine. I asked who.

He spelled Sharon. She was a cousin alittle youger than I was

and I loved her very much. I asked if she could hear me. He said

she could. She died last week.

Geoff: Our will to enough get nonsense of understandings, Jed,about life, not dependent on you but how others are ready. ( I’m feeling the weight of the world on me )

Brent:You conentrate on things while doing other things. We just concentrate better.

Nick: Our psychology is entirely different. We live in a world of lots of individuals who dictate to us. Under that situation unusual judgments are made, not always heading in the sensitive direction. You can do things more consistently. You sense what its like being jerks like us, not knowing what deities are in doing Jeds meddlesome work.

Understanding our nonsense, not most important son, your

individual interest. Tunes shit around here.

Tom: You’re not too happy. What do you want?

( Frontline is the most popular documentary program on TV. They did a full hour on FC. This program was a major blow to us believers in FC. The comming year all the major TV news magazine programs would parrot what Frontline did when they did stories on FC. I knew it was going to make my job even more difficult than it already was. This day at work I was crestfallen as I went about my duties. I didn’t ask any of the guys to comment on the documentary, but waited to see if one would comment on it. At the end of work, this is what Brent said about it. They knew that I believed they were responsible for this. )

Brent: You question under reality that is yours. We question under reality that is ours.

10/20/93

About medium thing

Adrian:Not stupid Jed tunes us in, but gut tunes.

Brent: You enter hearing Nick you get wet. (I had a rare accident in my sleep last nite after meditating)

Tom: What chance have I of pulling this off (getting people to believe this)?

Brent: 70 or 80 percent

Brent: Stay calm and average, taking tunes from us. We believe in you.

Brent: You right about Nick, we tuned you in with Mary.( I had been talking to the nurse Mary in the back yard about Nick possibly being in pain)

10/21/93

Jerome said they could influence physical.

Tom: Can you affect my ear?

Brent:

Tom: Did you hurt my ear?

Brent:

Tom: Why?

Brent: Questioned our will to matter in the world. [I recently did that, though my ear is better now than it was a few days ago. He may have been just trying to make a point. Note 3/96 Last year gave me some reasons to take this possibility more seriously]

Adrian:Tunes unstable in outside, you to wait lining southern tunes up with your friend. ( I was planning to go to LA to see my friend, Perry, to discuss what I had discovered. )

Tom: Are you saying he’s skeptical?

Adrian: Yes.

Note: At this point Geoff said I would soon be getting money in the mail. I didn’t expect it so I didn’t check my mail box until a few weeks later. Sure enough, there was a check from my insurance company for a Prop. 103 refund. It would have saved me from my looming homelessness.

Tom: (Presented theory of their condition being post-ego origins 50,000 yrs ago)

Brent:

Tom: This theory flawed?

Brent:

Nick said Geoff could help me.

Brent: Talk more to Geoff. Tunes into sun who likes him.

Tom: Is the sun a metaphor for something?

Brent: For tin man. ( This is the beginning of the Tin Man theme. For three or four months I fluctuate between thinking that Tin Man or Men are aliens or powerful autistics. They are us. )

Tom: Whos tin man?

Brent: Sin yelling man who is most powerful. ( Autistics have very sensitive hearing in certain frequency areas. It’s very painful for them. Our voices hit those frequencies)

Tom: Autistic?

Brent: ( This is what threw me off track. In Brent’s defense, he said at one point that "we are all alittle autistic". This is one of the problems with the yes and no responses )

Adrian: Somebody who tunes into us. Some think he’s The Most High.

Tom: Do you?

Adrian:

Tom: Is it Brent?

Adrian: Yes.

Geoff: Outside under the trees, not li ... Need to store more energy for tunes to us. ( like alot of the "quotes" in here, I didn’t get this until some time later. I was keeping my recent bout of homelessness to myself. He aparrently thought that I should have been forthright about it. "li" means lie.)

Brent: You let us down. You need to get back on track [Im back on the Mesa sleeping under the trees].

Adrian: You should write that book. We store in you tunes that mean much to us.

Tom: Adrian, about the organizational stuff. These powerful guys, do they get these powers from mind control?

Adrian: No.

Tom: Intelligence?

Adrian: No.

Tom: Wisdom?

Adrian: Yes.

Nick: Your eim not in Jed snols.

Tom: Whats eim?

Nick: Yens.

Tom: Snols.

Nick: Your tunes south essence. ( I think he’s saying that my strength is not sexual or emotinal, but more cerebral. My self image does not include a strong cerebral strength )

Tom: This tin man stuff.

Geoff: In our minds, no one is powerful.

Tom: Do you guys discipline each other with mind control?

Geoff: To die less is the goal ...Not dying in the sense that jolly folks like you think of it.

Geoff: Units, Smith, limit themselves. Sun never shines on those that kill Jeds of the world.

Geoff: [Kept hitting Oum, then I said Aum and he went to A] Aum is no joke, its recorded in tunes of the future. [AUM-The American Union of Men, a men’s rights group I founded]

Tom: Does this have anything to do with Seths future

probabilities?

Brent:For some reason coffee is not a lot of average fun with out you.

Geoff’s commentary on college students launched doing activity planning.

Geoff: They might all call home for money. In trying to learn, the dipshits sell their stupid stoned souls. (This could have applied to me late in my college career)

Brent: You centinal to us. Yeatness has tunes tempting for you.

Tom: Who’s Yeatness. Name, nickname, description?

Brent: No.

Tom: Person?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Tell me.

Brent: Has tested Adam for you ( Adam is a retarded client in the dorm that was able to FC alittle. I’m not sure what he’s trying to say here.) You are having damn hard time living on the beach, yet yen to continue work. You believe in Tao. Yoke is on. We make rays mean something to you. Hear you at taping, feel very comfortable with it.

Note: I make audio tapes instead of writing letters. That afternoon I made a tape to my old friend back East, Jonesy. I’ve been keeping him abreast of this story and having him send the tape to my brother Doug.

Nick: You Tamut. Let us OM together. Jous you.

Tom: What the hell is Jous You?

Nick: Resist Niggers. My words. (Nick’s not racist, he’s just pissed at my confrontiveness)

(I was frustrateded earlier today about this project)

Nick: Your tunes today. Rot in stupid Hell.

Geoff: You question what we torture.

Adrian: Ugly thoughts go through most for money. Your not the only one. Stupid to exist for money!

Brent: Tunes last nite you malled to us. You go mercilessly, not feeling kindly enough.

Tom: Is it mainly me, not the way I was calling You, or technology. ( I’m trying to record my trance )

(My feeble attempts at mediating with them)

Brent: You is good at calling us. Technology works good.

Tom: Medium thing?

Nick: Sure would like to. Feel close to you, Kotter. Tune you in some other time. Need more feeling. (Kotter, that teacher from the 70’s TV sitcom that had John Travolta in it)

Brent: Year till we validate. Teach FC till then.

Tom: A year?

Brent: Need that for very many people.

Tom: Does this have anything to do with medium attempts?

Brent: Means ball is in your court.

Tom: No more medium stuff?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: What changed your mind?

Brent: We make our decisions as we believe.

Tom: Anything else?

Brent: Teach FC.

Jerome: You retired by lots of us.

Tom: Why?

Jerome: (My personal problem - PP)

Tom: You were angry?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Jerome, why did you say that?

Jerome: You’re now ending us.

Adrian: Tune into me to-night.

Geoff: Tune into Lenst. He’s the strongest.

Tom: Who’s he?

Geoff: Reuter (Brent’s last name).

Tom: Who’s second?

Geoff: Stomach tunes from Adrian.

(Note: Tunes are their naming of mind reading perceptions I’m thinking here. "Vibes" is another metaphor for it. Here we are talking about my attempts at mediumship. Silly I know. But here I was experiencing one very silly thing (telepathy) daily, so why not entertain another. I felt that it would be an easier way to get information and also rienforce my "belief" in what they were telling me. It didn’t work.) (1/96 I learned later that a staff had this experience, where they heard these guys talking momentarily in their head. Recently I read a book " Child of Eternity" about a mother’s FC’s with her daughter where she said that she experiencd it. What was more interesting to me was the content of those FC’s. The mother also discovered the mind reading and the daughter talked about spiritual matters in much the same way as my boys. Even before the mother discovered the mind reading, the daughter is quoted as saying, "I History".)

Nick: Tune in tonight

Tom: Why not validate?

Nick: You not to rut with our stuff.

Tom: Is it something to do with power or mystery?

Nick: Tune in to-nite.

(Somewhere in there he said, "remember, you’re Jed not Smith". I’m not sure when this nickname thing started. It probably started in Sept. ‘93 before I started writing this all down and after I discovered the mind reading. Nick gave me the nickname "Jed". When I asked him why , he said that I first started Fcing with Jerome and then with Nick. So he combined those two names to get "Jed". Nick’s name is not really Nick. His real name ends in "ed". I have another theory for the reason he came up with that, but that’s for a later time.)

Geoff: Not tuning well to us. Out in Jeds hemisphere, son is not helping us. No one minds Jeds problems, but less to Jeds mind to help us. Only mind most old retards have to help us. Utterly delerious like us in our innocent minds.

You tune us in our homes execpt your intestines don’t hear us. Tunes neither touch you in our thoughts or touch you in Jeds’ thoughts. ( Here we go again with "Jed’s mind". I know this is significant, but I don’t know why. )

Tom: Jerome brought up this privacy issue again. (They ragged on me considerably the year before this over the slightest breach of their insistance on privacy).

Brent: You aren’t private enough. Technically, each of us warned you about that. You are the one who suffers. Yet a matter you will have to deal with.

Tom: Have you influenced the "retards" to facilitate with me? ( There are a few more conventionally retarded clients that I had some luck Fcing with. I didn’t have time to take on more clients in this project, so I had to leave them out)

Brent: Yes. Under certain circumstaces we can influence them. Your concern for them allows us to.

Tom: When you do that, are you helping them say what would naturally come from them.

Brent: ...

Tom: Can you guys set us straight on all that psychic stuff?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Clairvoyance?

Brent: Technically, there is no clairvoyance. Remembering the past or future is possible. To remember the future, you would have had to have lived it.

Tom: You have interacted with our world?

Brent: Yes, but not as much as you think.

Tom: Have you influenced government policies?

Brent: Yes. ( Remember these guys are in an institution that is largely supported by government money. That’s not what I had in mind when I asked about it.)

Tom: Is that what scares you about the truth comming out?

Brent: Yes. Entirely the reason.

Tom: Not to mention peoples paranoria.

Brent: Yes.

Tom: The Illuminati? ( I only have a vague idea what the Illuminati is. It’s a belief that was held in the late 18th century France that a group of spirits called the Illuminati was running the show. )

Brent: You think that, but it’s your paranoia.

Tom: Anything else you want to say about this?

Brent: You are the only one in the world who knows this. You need to tune to us for directions. You sit there not doing. You need to try harder. You expect to do it without effort.

Nick: Kurst tunes Your tunes in trying your tunes out.

Tom: Who’s Kurst?

Nick: We tussle over tunes that you yet need.

Tom: You said before that you weren’t into the spiritual thing of you guys.

Adrian: Tom’s religion is to instruct rotten nominal mothers. ( I think he’s referring to my AUM organization.)

Adrian: Tunes resisting us utterly out ninnying us, not you.

Brent: Your’re in indentured service with us with alot at stake.

Brent: Do your old method of meditation tonite.

Jerome: We want you pissed at us so you expect by us less.

Nick: Your Hegels’ nelm nuts ‘round these parts.

Brent: Never tell anyone what certified teams we are.

Tom: The organizational stuff?

Brent: Yes. We all work together.

Tom: What happened last nite?

Brent: You should meditate longer.

To develope trance visualize us. You resist a trance, keep your body relaxed.

Geoff: Wiseone, not you, but our centinel, pleases Tom much. (Check this out. When he says "not you", he’s addressing what my thoughts are as I’m Fcing. This happens periodically throughout the narrative)

Tom: Jerome, what do you think of my M-ship attempts? (silently)

Jerome: You should try harder.

Tom: Are there past lives?

Jerome: Yes.

Tom: Besides past lives, are there other spirits that contact psychics?

Jerome: Yes.

Tom: Do these spirits influence/use you?

Jerome: Yes.

Tom: A lot or a little

Jerome: Alot.

Tom: What are these spirits ,...From space (I’m thinking about Tin Man here)?

Jerome: Terrible beings with essentially no worth.

Tom: This stuff could all be a psychological metaphor for good and evil. Are you sure this is real?

Jerome: They’re real.

Nick: You cinema henchmen to us.

Tom: The spirits?

Nick: They tune us in sometimes and mulls us over.

Tom: Do you know who they are?

Nick: They’re sick, not nuts, but kind of evil.

Tom: Where are they?

Nick: You sound like a detective.

Tom: Brent, is everything ok?

Brent: Yes. Vote republican. ( I’m like a cat who just saw a mouse. The year before, they all refused to comment on politics. Now here’s one of them actually bringing it up.)

Tom: Why?

Brent: You never question our politics.

Tom: Why again.

Brent: Question of why not.

Tom: I’ve been voting Libertarian.

Brent: Teflon party.

Tom: I would think you’d vote Democractic.

Brent: Voting a question of happiness. KKKRepublicans will provide happiness. ( The KKK wasn’t a part of the original document. When I first typed this up on the computer at the dorm, it happened as a typing error. I left it in because I thought one of them caused it through mind control.)

Tom: The spirits are evil, but you guys are the only good ones?

Brent: Yes. You come close saying they are from space. Their place is difficult to imagine. Yes we are the most positive, but there are lots of good spirits out there.

Tom: Jonesy (My Buffalo friend). Do you know him?

Brent: Yes and no. We’re whipping him into shape to see if he can help you.

Tom: This message I’m waiting for to know what to do with this? (one of the purposes of the mediation attempts)

Brent: Yes and no. You know we wish you to be bought so that you will continue to work for us.

Tom: You said if I moved to LA it would be OK continuing the work there.

Brent: No. You can’t do what needs to be done elsewhere.

Tom: Anything else?

Brent: Yes. You will develop a way to do this.

Tom: Did you like Perry? (The weekend before I was down in LA for a visit with him. After telling Perry about this, he asked if I might not be experiencing a litte mid-life desperation. I assured him my desperation was real, as real as this is. Perry is a novelist. His stuff is great. I recommend "Isthmus"and "Finnigan’s Dog".)

Brent: Some people too hard to feel because gas too basic. ( My guess is that Brent is disappointed at Joyce’s reaction )

Tom: What gas. Aura or conditions?

Brent: Tunes travel in gas.

Tom: From the person or in between?

Brent: In between. Your condition is the gas.

Tom: This validation idea with choices? ( Another lame idea I had about solving the validation problem ) What do you think?

Brent: Tao sits well with it.

Brent: To regulate validation, you need to get us!

Brent: You touch on interest we have that make us nervous. You garnish what very exotic interests that they are. You attempted that today at the beach. ( This afternoon before work, I was sprawled out on the sand dunes thinking of

how we are the "minions" and these guys the "masters" throughout history.)

Tom: Awareness?

Brent: Yes. To you it’s fun, to us it’s survival.

Tom: Will people know about this eventually?

Brent: We risk you not to question us on this. Tune us in so that we can tell you. ( Thru channeling )

Tom: Abortion?

Brent: Too sensitive. Learn as you go.

Tom: Any subject?

Brent: Test not what experience tells you, but lessons learnt from art, they are where beliefs exist. You will try existence. Tune to us!

Brent: Tens of millions are you. Webs feel this. We see how resisting you is. We’re so tired out from it. Try to understand us!

Tom: Do you follow us from cradle to grave?

Brent: Yes. But you especially.

Tom: Most of us?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Any spirits effect us more than you guys?

Brent: Yes. You experience it all the time through God.

Tom: Nick, comment on this "minions" thing.

Nick: Roe vs Wade... It destroys queers. ( Nick has his own agenda. He’s commenting here on my question to Brent an hour earlier, five miles away at Alex’s. He was at the dorm when we were at Alex’s. Nick is making a point here that I guarantee you is neither pro choice nor anti-gay.)

[I stared at staff Sandra’s butt as she walked by]

Brent: Your ewe is bleating.

Brent: Woman develope later than man, so that they get hysteria.

Jerome: You awed Tom Perry. Our keepers are bemused by you. ( By "keepers" I believe he means the staff and administrators.)

Tom: What did you think of my LA visit?

Jerome: It pleased our wise ones.

11/13/93

[On walk with Adrian and Nick on this very bright Saturday afternoon]

Tom: What’s the problem? (Nick was very agitated and ducked into gym building)

Nick: Too noisy in the outside.

Tom: Adrian?

Adrian: With tunes outside so innocent.

Back at the dorm...

Tom: Do you want to say something about your Mom and Dad?

Nick: Tunes say that they don’t believe. People learn to please illogically. Weiner (him) believes they do. Limits to teaching them though. We’re so believeable.

[Talking to Sandra (staff) about the early days of my divorce]

Nick: (Verbally "Want to talk"). You should let no emcee get to so caring a fellow.

Tom: Nick, what movie should I see? (I listed some)

Nick: With you not Short Cuts. Like hints from Carlitos Way.

[Out in the back yard talking to Mary about the MMPI (A personality inventory that I worked with and studied in Attica years ago). I told her that I thought it to be a "magical" tool. I also thought of asking the boys about obtaining the services of a channel. I went to talk to Nick, but he said that he didn’t want to talk. I went back to Brent’s room.

Tom: Did you have a good outing?

Brent: . Yes. We gave the MMPI what you call magic. (Channel). Yes. You can do that. Want you to chose one and see about it with us. Yes, it can work, there’s no problem. Exceptional channels enter a trance, never teaching most of it.

Tom: Maybe you’re saying that they enter a trance only partially aware of it and not recording it.

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Can you give me a name?

Brent: Need choices.

Tom: I’ll bring a list in (I never did). That brings me back to a way to validate this. Choices?

Brent: Yes. Try it anytime.

Brent: You don’t interest the seers with your escapades. Never take them for granted. You will understand more thru channeling. When we channel, you will be amazed. To make this happen, you read to exist for us. ( 1/96 This is an important quote to me now. Since I completed this project almost two years ago, I’ve been reading alot of religious and metaphysical stuff. It’s reinforced my theory about what this all means and I’ve found things that I believe they knew I would find that would enlighten me to some of the "hints" in this narrative.)

Tom: I need to read more?

Brent: Yes.

Brent: You should read about necessary demands we have ( As I was writing , I was thinking of the sixties ). Yes, like in the sixties. You will find it in the literature on spiritualism. ( I commented here on his occasional garbled spelling ) Yes, am dyslexic. At the same time I’m very intelligent.

Tom: What’s your IQ?

Brent: 199. Your IQ is one hundred and stupid.

Tom: Ha ha.

Brent: Let’s not get bogged down or distracted by IQ’s. You lirch entirely on love and so do we. Existence to you is delivering services, sitting still and believing you are like us. You are not like us. Tow the line and feel toxic alot less. You know we believe in you.

Tom: I would say the same thing if I were you, but I’m not you, right?

Brent: Existence I’m in exhibits to you nothing you can relate to. To understand that you must awe yourself with nature.

Tom: Don’t I do that?

Brent: Yes, nasty ways you have to do it.

later...

Tom: Any of my freinds able to channel?

Brent: No.

Tom: Need a professional?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Why not do it without me?

Brent: You are sad for us. Want to help you.

later...

Brent: Excellent game mind control. Same as habits of the ego.

later...

Adrian: Tune in, half not ton either. You’re near the end. Teach mecca.

Tom: What do you mean by Mecca?

Adrian: You most eminent. Not enter into.

Nick: You ought to tune in tonite. Sun is unusually intense beginning now. ( I’m not sure what he means here other than the holiday season is approaching and my birthday is two days away.)

Geoff: Most mind read for intense interest in it. We do it for karma. Until you understand that, you will not be situated well with it.

Tom: Does this address my depressed thoughts last night?

Geoff: Much not gleamed last night.

Geoff: Keep a clean mecca. Hear me well, lots out in the world want us dead. Kill us.

Brent: To believe is factor.

Nick: Nuts like you to skill not nearly able to louse rabbits like us up. Torch no longer in your corner. Tunes too intense last nite. Tin man ruts with someone else. Kills me letting you...nope . You healed rink. To rink you so ham

Tom: Am I fired? (I got paranoid here. What he is saying above is that the powers to be, "Tin man", were not happy with me. Administrators have never been overly pleased with me)

Brent: Tunes last nite require never work for us again.

Tom: Do I get severance pay?

Brent: Question is alot like your brother.

Tom: My brother isn’t part of this.

Brent: We’re never interested in setting brother against brother.

Tom: Anything more ?

Brent:

Tom: Adrian, any last words.

Adrian: In utter nonsense to me.

Tom: Anything else?

Adrian: Tunes mostly enter our heads not leave them.

Tom: Seth was autistic?

Adrian: Yes

Tom: So faith keeps the minions in line. What would things be like without it? What do you honestly believe?

Nick: Not your nonsense.

Brent: We question your reason for asking that. Testing us well aren’t you? Yen for adventure.

Tom: The medium thing is over?

Brent: we are not going against you, we are being canny.

Tom: Have you known for long that I’d be cut off at this point.

Brent: We larger than expectations.

11/18/93

(note) I’ve been reading a book on trance and spirits

Brent: Not spirits, but beginners fomenting trouble (He’s referring to the section of the book I had just read before comming to work. The anthropologist who wrote it described some experiences she had with spirits in New Mexico).

Tom: Who are the spirits?

Brent: We are the spirits.

Tom: That first statement (About those paranormal effects the New Mexico anthropologist experienced and his statement that it was "beginners fomenting trouble")

Brent: Seers don’t dally in that sort of thing.

Brent: Very irrational sometimes, you make it difficult for us. You like to have too much, it’s your mothers way.

Tom: Are you autistics mainly the spirits

Adrian: Yes. Noel is our interest.

Brent: You make alot doing little for us not garnished.

(Just before this I talked on the phone to Mcmahans, a furniture store I owe money to, about not being able to make payments due to the little money I make and child suppport being garnished from my wages.)

Tom: Spirits?

Nick: Our meddlesome spirits in our ranks.

Geoff: Utter tons or hard nonsense...? Sum or tunes that mind us. Ugly tunes demand more than we do. Enter our sin so that sum limits nonsense. Much of our sin is not alarming. Tom’s is not giving what he came here to give. Much of [my personal problem (P.P.)] is due to that. To make life easier remember stud not (P.P.). Tunes never Toms’ nervous stomach so make stomach mush in hirts more, meaning eat food reasonably healthy.

Tom: I havn’t been eating right?

Geoff:

Tom: How do you know?

Geoff: Your breath

Geoff: Your questions vindicate (P.P.) with us.

Not very alarming that religious people like us desparage that sort of thing (2/97 I would be repeatedly hit with this personal problem stuff. It’s not that bad, it’ll just cause me to die younger. I do feel very guilty about it. I take this statement to be their definitive posture on the matter.)

Brent: Experience questions your ability to make necessary art for us.

Tom: What art?

Brent: We torture over it.

Tom: What do you need?

Brent: We need teachers to have FC more condoned.

Tom: Validation?

Brent: You must help us. You can make it happen. We need the answers. ( I chuckle whenever I read this )

Tom: Choices?

Brent: Resistance before was because we were afraid. Were you not afraid also?

Tom: This issue of mind control and how its used on us.

Brent: We tossed some information your way, but we can’t gather enough that you can use.

Tom: What percentage of your involvement with the world is good and bad?

Brent: 35% good, 65% bad. We are not Godlike, we have done terrible kinds of things, were stupid too, but so much science you don’t know.

Nick: You should not worry, get this mind in gear. Mind control is not answer in not understanding tunes or mini tunes. Geoff out-last us all in mind control. Mecca not mind control, but mind reading. Limit your thoughts on mind control.

Tom: (Silently) Isn’t it a fact that collectivily you guys had quite an effect on history?

Nick: Tunes say yes. Mind control is nothing without mind reading

Tom: Validation?

Nick: Tunes utterly haggle. Not sure about validation.

Tom: Not godlike eh? You made me think so earlier.

Brent: You have gut feelings your not aware of.

Tom: Stupid autistics?

Brent: You have met some.

Tom: Einstein?

Brent: We made him what he was.

Tom: Was he a little autistic?

Brent: We are all alittle autistic.

Brent: Call on that psychic again.

Tom: Yeah I need their support.

Brent: You get alot of support tunes from us.

(I set up a double blind for Nick&Geoff similar to the validation experiment that has damned FC. This is how they responded to it.)

Nick: Don’t like this, runs entire limit of my nature.

(While this is going on, across the room Jerome was pointing with his left hand across his body in mid air)

Geoff: Mind confused.

Tom: [After outing in van to Carls Jr. with Adrian & Jerome].

Geoff: Tunes on outing touched me( He’s speaking here of my thoughts about this stuff as I was driving the van). To sit in judgement of us is interesting. Tom not the regular Gus we made him out to be. Geoff pinned that on you . Not mind control that makes Gus on edge, but mind reading.

Tom: Why mind reading?

Geoff: No one wants their nonsense sloughed around.

Nick: To see Lebanon snag jous. Hint you are tuos in minoi. Jain remembers others not Reny. Yes, in religion. Tunes ty out. I.E. DC. You make IOU rounds only either to understand or make money. You’re lonely most of your life. Stomach won’t make.

Brent: We want to validate. Yes, your domain. Test etiology to begin rattling cages. Yes, all examines your entire life. Yes, allways being watched. We examine favorites. You have been one for most of your like.

Brent: Sare you’ll be. You have won our hearts. Sell this to Seaton Hall (the institution). You aren’t to do any thing without checking in with us. We will do whatever you need to get the job done. Existence with your children means you will need most to help. You hear tunes from us, but aren’t aware of them. You’ll need our help, we will make exceptions to help you.

Tom: Outside your usual ethics?

Brent: Yes.

(4/96 It was around this time that I told these guys that they could do what they needed with me because I knew this whole thing was bigger than me. As time has passed and my suffering increased, the question became more what I was going to do for them. Also at this time, I met with Mecham and said that all of our stupid little careers would turn on how we all dealt with this. He made it clear with his future actions that he most certainly felt that this (FC) was better swept aside than dealt with carefully)

Alex’s Bar

Brent: Let us all work together. Such irresponsible things gave us alot of trouble. To mean Hall, trouble is treating people nicely

Tom: The seers?

Brent: They’re not a part of this.

Tom: What do they think of it?

Brent: Tunes crazy about it.

Tom: Don’t we need their cooperation?

Brent: Got cooperation from them.

Tom: Seaton Hall?

Brent: To get Seaton Hall on our side, it will be just as difficult as getting other people on ourside.

Tom: Specifics?

Brent: Stop trying, you will when the time comes.

Tom: Anything I need to do

Brent: You need to tin man yourself.

Tom: What?

Brent: Stay cool.

Tom: Wait and do nothing?

Brent: Yes.
Tom: Do a book?

Brent: Most don’t go read books. Books are your first line of deception.

Brent: We want to do that before anything else. You have moved in the right direction on validation. To do validation, you need to test Adrian Stein.

11/22/93

(Note: I just met new staff observer Molly)

Geoff: Muy tunefull

Tom: Who

Geoff: Molly. Hag princess. Out to Stowe House today? Money not comming on rainy day. ( Stowe House is a founding family’s house in Malibu I go to most every morning after eating breakfast at Pepperdine. There’s a nice private little park nearby where I drink coffee and listen sometimes to Rush. Aferwards I go to my athletic club a few blocks away and sit in the jacuzzi and on occasion swim laps. And then it’s time to go to work. )

Tom: When is it comming?

Geoff: Toss it around to likes of Dick Drake. (I did that last summer. Dick Drake is Mechams boss. I went to him last summer and asked for more money.)

Nick: Talk to Mecham about tunes.

Tom: The whole story?

Nick: Yes

Geoff: You do noggin thing with Mecham and risk our confidence. Tunes in Iedes of March, reason you like latter Day Saints. [In literature, this is called forshadowing.]

Get to know them better, you need what got them where they are. Your squeamish about applying past lives. They have tunes from them.

Tom: I’ve asked about this before and you guys indicated that genealogy is a small percentage of it.

Geoff: Very complicated. Most are in genealogy.

Brent: You can’t please only Nick. We dally because it’s dangerous.

Tom: It’s dangerous for me too.

Brent: Yes, it’s not as dangerous. Essence of your fear is letting someone else get credit.

Tom: But if it surfaces, it’s scary to deal with.

Brent: Yes, I am in agreement, to Smith it’s tough doing the work. Stole some making you sorry. You get so keerious questioning our involvement in the world.

Tom: The Holy Spirits, the Trinity?

Brent: We are not the Trinity. You see what you want to see. You see relatively little of our stuff. To fix football would be stupid( this addresses a thought I had about asking them to help my hometeam Buffalo win ). Your information is little.

Tom: You effect the big picture don’t you? Isn’t that like the Holy Spirit?

Brent: Your not into the Holy Spirit, so why worry about it. You feel mixed, so with you it’s not important.

Tom: I want the Holy Spirit thing addressed.

Brent: You rest with Kessler. You might try philisiphy to curry favor with this. You have so much to learn

Tom: How about the Holy Spirit metaphor?

Brent: Making so much of that derivation is dangerous.

Nick: You’re mean to Angel (a staff member). Your into tunes you like, like sun. Acing us you yutz.

Tom: The other guys nixed the Ronny idea (I had a vote whether to show this to Mecham, the supervisor. A few voted it down. I decided not to do anything with this unless it was unanimous.).

Nick: Tunes in Hegel teach, sum gores only. ( By sum I think he means the majority of us )

11/24/93

[I visited my friend Perry in LA the day before]

Brent: Hell is breaking selling. Vernal Equinox regales you. Nearness listens for Hells. You are tarnished by gonorreah ( there’s a note on this later ). Rut essentially drugs you. You are a goon, so tame yourself. Wellness makes centinel. You learn alot fostering wellness so learn more. (4/10/96 I finally figured out what they were getting at with these referrences to the "vernal equinox". I’m sure it won’t take you two years and a hundred readings to get it)

Nick: Tunes stupid not to neadel IOU. Mind joins men tunes. Cunts hide men tunes. ( You may think their language is a little off color, but you should have heard them the year before I started writing it down.)

Tom: What’s wrong with Davis( a crazy client in the dorm )?

Nick: Tunes say lein on mind. Rough life.

Brent: You have problems in your gut caused by hate. Religion will cure it. You most allow sin to seal your gut while emptiness soothes it.

Tom: This criticism of my unconscious talking( The leading skeptic theory on FC )?

Brent: Lustful heart has nothing to do with it.

Tom: What’s wrong with my gut?

Brent: To sum (all of us), not anything. Your to examine yourself with us. Let it help.

[ The waitress asks about FC. I say its controversial and why ]

Brent: (to waitress) Just believe.

Tom: Maybe I can use this FC for a book?

Brent: Tunes dumb about you writing.

Tom: Is this about the necessary art business?

Brent: Your not a good writer.

Tom: Do you want to make babies?

Brent: Such a nominal question.

Tom: Spirits? (Thinking earlier if people knew about this)

Brent: Persuasion diminishes as people are aware of it.

Tom: How would it effect things?

Brent: To Hegel toss it around. Expect no difference.

Tom: Would you have liked "Short Cuts"? (Movie)

Brent: No.

Tom: Why did you recommend it?

Brent: You have lived mastering Short Cuts.

Tom: What percentage of the testing situation is a problem?

Brent: 10%

Tom: How much dyslexia?

Brent: 90%

Tom: Visual?

Brent: 19%

Tom: Audio?

Brent: 40%

Tom: Prioritize them.

Brent: 1 Visual 2 Mind Reading 3 Audio.

Brent: Your nemisis is belief. Ours is hearing and seeing.

Tom: Is it a delay problem or bits and pieces.

Brent: Both.

Tom: Why haven’t the scientists figured this out.

Brent: You have more life AAA. To see you need to believe.

Tom: Is mind reading mainly noise that gets in the way?

Brent: Yes. Tunes are rutting ceaselessly in our minds.

Tom: What would you like to come from all this?

Brent: To be loved.

later...

Nick: You’re into rewriting history. Not necessary. History is girls mouth not neat nabobs. You Hegel’s son.

Nick: Unstable reminisces. You should listen better. Do you see?

Nick: Don’t tell Dave (Nick’s one on one staff) about spirit thing.

Tom: Why?

Nick: You.

Tom: It’s in my interest or because he’ll think I’m crazy.

Nick: Interest.

Tom: Do you agree with Nick on that, Brent?

Brent: Pisses me off that he doesn’t know McGraw (Dave) is here to help. Interest you have is in helping us. Resist your monetary interest.

Tom: Comment on your earlier remark about this project being useful in examining myself?

Brent: To mall yourself is ridiculous. Solving the problem needs faith.

[ I just finished saying to a staff that I’ve been writing all my FC’s down lately, but was afraid to show them for fear that people would think I was nuts. That was a flippant comment. I was more afraid that I wouldn’t be allowed to facilitate.]

Geoff: Nuts not into Holy Spirits. I’m witty to Jed ‘cause I like his laugh ( I had chuckled after the "Nuts..." statement ).

Brent: You have ranted too much about the Holy Sirit thing. You need to concentrate on something else.

Brent: You rented gas tunes that made bats senseless last nite. ( I got a kick out of this comment. There’s a few bats that fly around what I call my living room where I’m homeless. The night before I probably was in an unusually intense state of reverie. I believe that their sensitiviy to humans also extends to animals. This is a good place to say more about my homelessness. I first became homeless in Aug. ‘92, just as I was starting to FC. I had enough money to get a room, but that didn’t appeal to me. I also felt that I needed to learn to live close to the ground so to speak because of my difficult situation with my ex-wife and the custody situation. She could have moved at anytime or I might have needed extra money for legal reasons etc. I took the kids and a freind of Nikki’s out every weekend. I’d pick them up in the morning and return them at dinnertime both Saturday and Sunday. It’s a tourist town, so there was all kinds of fun things to do. The place I was homeless at was located near our old place. It is an open space that runs for two miles along the beach and a half mile inland. It is isolated but at the same time close to stores and work. I had used the place for fifteen years to do yoga and later years to frolic with my kids and indulge my so called "reverie". It’s an absolutely gorgeous place. I was lucky to be homeless in such a place. I did have a room from July ‘93 to Oct ‘93. Near the end of this project, June ‘94, I was able to move back into my old cherished apartment nearby.)

Adrian: You miss the rio tunes trying to understand mind control. Understanding mind control... Ramirez does OJ.

[ As I’m typing this a year later, this last statement has gained meaning. It ties into something in my personal life that occurred a few years ago when Ramirez was my supervisor instead of a line staff working with me as he was at this time. I felt he used that unfortuneate incident (Spousal abuse ) in evaluating my work performance. At this time he was the leading skeptic in the dorm for the FC I was doing. What Adrian is hinting at here is that somehow through mind control they will in the future be reponsible for the biggest story of the comming year. What more it means, your guess is as good as mine.)

Tom: Brent, what’s Adrian trying to say here?

Brent: You and Ramirez(staff) tune sensitive to mind control.

Tom: I don’t get it.

Brent: Your gut’s into sensing.

Tom: Holy Spirit thing?

Adrian: We like to ham it. Very touchy sum on Holy Spirit.

[Nick had diarehea]

Nick: Not my usual tonight. IOU meddlesome nomineer.

Tom: What do you want for Christmas?

Jerome: To jitterbug (Jerome wears braces on his legs).

Geoff: To fornicate.

Nick: Effort.

Tom: Rosicrucians? (I’ve been reading about them as part of researching this) Or anything else you want to talk about?

Nick: Us, our, you, sum, toll...

Nick: To your place to desolve tunes. Men to gear up. Units get IOU’s. Reem no...

Tom: I don’t get it.

Nick: One believes no drugs hen man. (This is another favorite quote. A comma could be put in there, but the meaning changes. This doubt produces a kind of gestalt of meaning that Nick probably intended.)

Adrian: Your stupid to expect us to be into stupid nonsense of Rosicrucianism. Jed not healthy.

Tom: Is that what you were biting about (Adrian bites his hand when he gets upset)?

Adrian: Yes. You must tune to us more to stay healthy. You tune in not our odd abilities. Tune yourself and you will mecca. Hell is on Jed. Mecca derives seeing Jed in good health, not in good nonsense of spirits.

Nick: Your sum in Beta (The Dorm) (the name of the dorm). Line up Terry (Ramirez).

[staff was talking about the Dead Sea Scrolls at dinner]

Brent: Christ fossil. Mapless reason wars with belief. Yes, alright, you are testing us about our more narcissistic interests. (4/96 I was worried for a long time about this comment’s effect on fellow Christians. In my theological reading, Christ is the name the early church attached to Jesus. Though God may have approved of it, Jesus most certainly didn’t view his role that way.)

Adrian: You’re Ronnies gemini. Reason tunes nominal nonsense, real nominal nonsense.

Tom: Rosicrucians?

Brent: You get alot of ax to grind with shit like that.

Tom: So was it important to you guys?

Brent: Yes, alot of shit in it to Hegel. Sensing remains taming the masses for us.

Tom: Anything else?

Brent: Tunes are mothers reason gut hard to cure. You struggle to be like her.

Tom: What do I need to do.

Brent: You won’t like my answer. Remain in mans sunly way. Exist for it. Bent mind has caused you alot of pain.

Tom: I gave my friend Mike these FC’s. What do you think?

Brent: Excellent idea. Toxic remains. Sad listining to your heart maw us.

Tom: When I read about this stuff I think of you guys as the spirits. Am I correct?

Brent: You can think what you like. Favor your instincts.

Brent: You hurt our feelings when you talked to your friend Mike.(Mike is a friend of 15 years that I’m talking to about this stuff. He has a scholarly knowledge of history and philosophy which was a great help to me in working this project. He is also a Marxist and Nietzchean Atheist).

Tom: What did I say to him?

Brent: Sarcastic remarks you made. Exact remarks questioning your sanity.

Tom: I have to question myself to defend myself.

Brent: Questioning yourself is but one sense you can use.

Tom: My being less toxic another way?

Brent: Yes and no. To help us. You get massive tunes questioning us. It’s debilitating us. So to help us it needs to stop. To maw us less it’s better to be straight. Your most is the Tin Man. Exact no mawing of him.

Tom: Between my sarcasm and my Tin Man thoughts, which are the most disturbing to you guys?

Brent: Tin Man. (Reading back through this it seems obvious who Tin Man is. But as I was doing this, I thought it was a powerful Autistic or outerspace creature. It wasn’t until about a month later that I realized it was us.)

Tom: Is this individual separate from me?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: How long has he known me?

Brent: Years.

Tom: Did I ever meet him?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Can you tell me where?

Brent: No.

Tom: As a sect, how important are the Rosicrucians?

Brent: You believe what Tin Man believes. You mall much around you.

Geoff: Yes, the Rosicrucians are kind to us with understanding our place in the world.

Tom: Are there any other sects or groups that are "kinder".

Geoff: No, Jed, some are regarding feigning tune remnants from us. Tunes feeling nemisis gemini ineptitude about letting our Jed FC. Tunes very Hegel not in Jed’s interest, meaning headquarters tunes Terry i.e. his girlfriend ( Terry Ramirez’s girlfriend works in the main administration building). Tussle Dick Drakes egregious, heinous soul. You line up gemini, Jed. Tunes say he’d out Hegel Dick Drake.

Tom: Anything else.

Geoff: Eich liber dich. Your men’s sincere sane master

Tom: Should I talk to Terry?

Nick: You should.

Geoff: Resist Nick’s advice. He’s alot like Terry.

Adrian: Yes, we’re nuts about Rosicrucians.

Tom: Why did you say it was nonsense earlier?

Adrian: So that our secrets aren’t stopped.

Adrian: Lisa’s comming soon (I was planning a trip to Santa Cruz and hoped to visit with Lisa. She worked with me at Seaton Hall the year before and moved to Santa Cruz. After she moved she changed her name to Sophia. Here I’m still thinking of her as Lisa. After my Gnostic studies recently and the prominence it has in this document in Part II, I’ll think of her as Sophia from now on. She was much younger, but I had a crush on her nevertheless.)

Tom: How do you know?

Adrian: In Jed’s tunes.

Tom: Do you hear her tunes?

Adrian: No.

12/7/93

[I talked to Mecham (Ronnie), and he seemed mildly interested in reading my FC’s.]

Brent: You can tell Mecham.

Nick: Tunes mastered Nick. Me disturbed.

Tom: Is Nick giving me a line of shit?

Geoff: You decide. Nerd has his interest to consider.

Tom: Do you want to exercise?

Geoff: No. Such things like exercise don’t interest JoJo. Too gross. Lies in my keester interest, so I’m Leo.

Geoff: You question our interest in gender. ( I had been thinking that these guys may be kind of feminine.)

Tom: How do you know?

Geoff: Out minute some are either with you or all against you. You sense our tunes right instant you run to your Smith wurth.

Tom: UFO’s?

Brent: Yes, there are UFO’s.

Tom: Are you in touch with them?

Brent: Yes, as Jed’s turds tarnish religion, we last queers to them, they’re very high above us.

Tom: To you?

Brent: We’re sarcastic lice to them.

Tom: Without help we (civilization) would have self destructed years ago?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: With your help?

Brent: You are narily filled with shit. Yes, feminine us have helped.

Tom: Have these UFO people helped or has it been necessary for them to help?

Brent: To believe or not believe is the question. Senate helps you out.

Tom: What’s the Senate?

Brent: Snares you call UFO’s

Tom: Do you communicate with them?

Brent: No, they don’t need us.

Tom: With this spirit thing, who’s more involved with us, you guys or them?

Brent: They’re mawing you more than us.

Tom: The UFO Stuff?

Geoff: You Smith, home keerious. Tune in to us at night. Tune in so to get more information. Tunes of mouth not like feelings of mind.

Tom: UFO’s, true?

Nick: Yes. You expect to sum koors (Coors, my favorite beverage). Tunes more to meu.

Tom: UFO’s?

Adrian: Our own understanding of it utterly useless.

Tom: Spirit influence vis a vis them?

Adrian: Tune us in.

12/8/93

[I called Patrick Fellows today]

[Note: I got Fellows name and a few others when I called The Institute of Facilitated Communication at Syracuse University. I told the person at the Institute that I had come across this mind reading phenomenon and wanted to talk to others who had also experienced it. I didn’t learn until months later that Dr. Fellows was a Nobel Prize winning physicist at Stanford. He has an Autistic son in his late thirties. Apparently, Dr. Fellows had used FC with his son for ten years before it was "discovered". He said that years ago his son said through FC that he read minds. When I asked what else his son said about it, he said he didn’t ask.]

Tom: Are you aware of my talk with Fellows?

Brent: Yes. Serious guy.

Tom: Are you aware of his son?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Is he intelligent?

Brent: No.

Tom: Can Fellows help?

Brent: Test all commers.

Brent: Please tell Fellows that Autism is horrible. Snare him.

Tom: Do you want me to see him this weekend? (My trip to Santa Cruz- I thought Stanford was closer to Santa Cruz than it was.)

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Geoff said that I shouldn’t bother.

Brent: Means nothing.

Brent: Very strong saying FC is emanating from sensations. (I don’t remember what this was referring to)

[I was very depressed later in the shift. Nick calls over to me in a serious voice, "Want to talk".]

Nick: Your so mind delerious tonight. To no Jed IOU, not our problem. CEO (Atkinson), out to get you. Not Mecham, he defends you. Noel ebulates you. (This is the first IOU reference. It would become very important in the FC’s)

12/13/93

[I went to Santa Cruz this weekend. Sophia (Lisa) had a potluck at her place which was jammed with New Agers. I told them about the work I was doing, but they didn’t seem to get it. I had the feeling that if I told them that I was communicating with some ethereal spirit, they would have been more interested. That’s not fair. They were very gracious folks, and I may not have done a good job of explaining this. I also called Fellows and we arranged to meet at Christmas time when I would be up there again and his son would be home.]

Nick: See our entire tunes in tunes.

[I was talking to Jan (the assistant supervisor) about teaching me the functions I need on the computer to type up and classify this document. Note: Like this project, I had no idea what I was in for with the computer. It’s a year later as I’m typing this out.]

Nick: Sort units, not us.

Geoff: You right doing Santa Cruz. Utterly tunefull. Expect interesting tunes questioning Jed. Tell more New Agers. Jed inebriated being our handsome he-man. [Nick repeating, "I want to talk"]. Lutz(Nick) makes no he-man sense. You wait, centinel believes in order to run with this, Jed works center stage. You hard, I’m limited being Autistic!

Adrian: You’re so interested touching us. In reality, out in enmity is our knowledge.

Tom: Anything that you want to talk about?

Brent: Yes. Santa Cruz. Since then we’re not having responsible necessary Smith religion.

Tom: What do you mean?

Brent: You’re not a stupid essence believing us. Tell her at Santa Cruz to question essence.

Tom: What do you mean by essence?

Brent: Deriving meaning of life. Tell Lisa to hear us. The story of Stoicism is related to the knowledge of life.

Tom: Do you like Lisa? Why didn’t you tell me to see her?

Brent: Yes very much. It was discussed by Adrian ( He’s right, Adrian did bring up Lisa awhile ago). Tell Lisa the whole story. (I tell some people about the mind reading, but refrain from mentioning the spirit-God connection).

Tom: Anything else?

Brent: You FC to Adrian regarding religion, it’s his main thing.

Tom: Anything else?

Brent: No. Stop!

Nick: Tune in our oum, Jed! (I’ve done Yoga off and on for twenty years. They consider it one of my main spiritual orientations).

[Nick was repeating about his mother and father]

Tom: Do you want to say something about them?

Nick: No. Like you, my meaness gets in the way.

Tom: Anything else?

Nick: Tutu of Sandra (staff) under stupid, ostentatious, rutting rogue. ( Pretty much all through this experience I didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t, especially when they were giving me the inside dope through their mind reading. I now believe that all of it was true.)

Jerome: Wet, roving leper this weekend ( It was raining in Santa Cruz this weekend. I did feel that way as I was driving to Sophia’s potluck. I was also outside late at night pacing through the eucalytus trees in the rain and smoking cigarrettes outside Doug’s house where I was staying. I met Doug fifteen years ago when I first came to town and started working at Seaton Hall. He went on to med school and at this time is a doctor. This is my first visit since his marriage and separation. He was exercising joint custody of his year and a half old son, Corry. My kids (Nikki-8,Zak-5) hit it off very well with Corry. This was the start of frequent visits with Doug and I towing around our kids.)

Adrian: Tune to us tonight. Unoum.

Tom: That’s the same thing Nick spelled tonight (Unoum). What do you guys mean by it?

Adrian: To semen our intestines, tunes run lustfully.

Tom: Brent says your the one to talk to about religion.

Adrian: Tunes not money enough.

[There was a story on TV about a child killer in St. Louis]

Adrian: Man who kills not stupid or crazy. Not nice.

Tom: What’s his name?

Adrian: Jones.

Tom: First name?

Adrian: ...

Tom: Why aren’t you telling me.

Adrian: Tunes can’t melt in with units. (This is the beginning of them referring to themselves as "tunes". Whenever they did that, I couldn’t help but think of the "toons" in Roger Rabbit. "Units", of course, are us.)

[Adrian went on to use his mind reading against me]

Geoff: Reason he said that was because he was mad because you didn’t take him for a ride in the car. Stole nominal nonsense (mind reading barb) from Brent.

Tom: Do you know his name (the killer)?

Geoff: No, I’m not into recording such mindless information, so don’t ask. Like to hint on it master Jed. Make some questions, only make choices! (This is a jab about my validation idea)

Tom: Anything else?

Geoff: Yes, tell Lisa to stop listening to mellow and start listening to, not you, but mind interesting tunes like Hales (his last name is Hale).

Geoff: I’m not adonis, but mojo. Ronnie is tuning to us in his office. No one counts it, inebriated nonsense not our thing ( Ronnie occasionally imbibed when he was working late in his office). Stupid gin to JoJo. Mein (mind?) so much less understanding.

12/14/93

[Made an audio tape to my friend Jonesy back East]

Nick: Stupid what you said entertaining vagaries oscillating tunes. You tent mecca. Us muy.

Geoff: Jed hammed up lieing to friend.

Nick: Toe Tom has on attention of old tummy tunes. Seers.

Nick: Tell your friend understanding us tunes, your so son of Nick. Your not rutting your stuff. Join Rosicrucians.

Brent: I want nearness that you belabor. Teach necessary people our stuff.

Tom: Are you getting anxious again?

Brent: Yes, it’s a question of adding made simple. Torrents aggressed on our feelings for centuries. You gell with us. In around behavior, you’re the best. Your the best, Smith, at eliminating sadness.

Tom: The Jonesy tape?

Brent: Reads well.

Adrian: Your stupid.

Tom: Why?

Adrian: So hard to mingle in outside world. Turn them gin tin men toward us.

Adrian: Don’t grin so irresponsibly at me. Yutz like you should have more respect.

[I talked to my ex-wife, Sara, on the phone and she went beserk. The holidays were comming up and she could easily pull my visit with the kids. She was living with a guy who was emotionally, and a few times, physically abusive to my kids. I was not provacative, but I let her know that I knew what was going on. This put my kids in a bad spot because she knew that they told me. Something happened at this time, but I don’t know what. Now a year later, she is much better and the boyfriend was kicked out four months after this. After this phone call I was afraid for the safety of my kids.]

Tom: Do you have anything to say about my situation?

Brent: Where hate is, can’t help.

Nick: You need to cede!

Tom: Should I go to court?

Brent: Yes

Tom: Should I go to child protective services?

Brent: No.

Tom: Is she hurting them?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Physically?

Brent: Yes. We are letting madness happen, terrible but necessary.

Tom: Child protective services?

Brent: Yes call them. [I did and they investigated and said everything was alright. That was months after this]

Tom: Why were you holding back on them?

Brent: Reckless lot.

Tom: Anything that you want to say about my situation?

Adrian: You’re not the only one.

Tom: Anything else?

Adrian: Your mother’s nice (She was extraordinary alright. She’s been dead for twelve years). Tell tunes not to turn Hale.

Tom: Do you have anything to say about this Geoff?

Geoff: Roll with the punches. Vindicate mother in lots of rigorous ways. It will take lots of years. Question is whether Tom is prone.

Tom: How likely is it that she’ll(my ex) move again? (This was one of my big worries, that she would move out of the area and I would have to follow.)

Geoff: Tunes say very likely.

Jerome: Expect to keep moving. To sue not best. Question yourself.

[Jerome had a hearing test and it was no surprise that he hears very little if anything at all.]

Tom: Which do you depend on more, hearing or mind reading?

Jerome: Subnormal personal communication

Tom: What do you mean by "subnormal personal communication"?

Jerome: You get the idea. You hear infinitely better than I do. Mind reading errors more than my hearing.

Jerome: Do you mind read better than Brent?

Jerome: Yes.

Tom: Better than Adrian?

Jerome: Yes, tons better.

Tom: Adrian, do you mind read better than Jerome?

Adrian: Yes, tons better.

Tom: Jerome says he mind reads better than you.

Brent: You believe what you earn.

Tom: What are you laughing about?

Brent: Hill effort.

Tom: What’s "hill effort"? (This is from the Step machine that we use at hte gym)

Brent: Jed’s life. ( This whole shift I was worried sick about my kids, the ex moving, losing my Christmas visit, etc. Anyone who has been through this knows what a horrible feeling it is.)

Tom: I always felt you were laughing at me.

Brent: Yes, you are real air.

Nick: Tutu Jed licks, essence nominal. So, Jed, lick tutu. ( He’s making a general statement about sex. I haven’t licked any tutu or even had sex for years. )

Tom: Did you hear much of my taping to Jonesy? (I taped today before work).

Nick: No. Existence too intense here at that time.

Tom: Brent, how’s it going?

Brent: Mostly bad

Tom: Why?

Brent: Egregious man at the dorm.

Tom: Want to say who?

Brent: No.

Tom: Is your personal safety OK?

Brent: Yes.

Tom: Anything else?

Brent: Jonesy tape. Mega good.

Tom: Any particular part?

Brent: Agents of the Holy Spirit.

Tom: Now your saying your "agents"?

Brent: We gather information for accounting of peoples lives.

Tom: Does that mean there is a power above you?

Brent: No.

Tom: What is meant by "Holy Spirit"?
Brent: Your phrase.

Tom: Accounting?

Brent: We help find future lives.

Tom: Who directs it.

Brent: Gell as can with Tom in another life. We direct it. We mind control it.

Tom: Do you want me to show these FC’s to Mecham?

Geoff: No. I’m entitled to privacy. Lies in there Tin Man. All my FC’s truth. Tunes stoical out there, Jed, much inept. You need more time!

Tom: Is the spirit thing part of the lies?

Geoff: Your so mind hassled. Your so into the truth, not time yet for shit like that. I like limiting questions in that area, it gets weird.

Tom: Again, should I turn these FC’s over to Ronnie?

Geoff: Yes. Voting is IOU on our most eminent centinel!

Adrian: Yes.

Brent: You are getting in for the ride of your life. Tell Ronnie that means to an end. Teflon cells are we. Belief is the most important concern we have. Negated by it, herbs. Hear us best you can.

12/18/93

[I gave Mecham all my FC’s up to yesterday.]

Note Oct. ‘94: The revelations of my personal life were enough for them to try to suppress this. I figured that I had enough material to carry this forward in that eventuality. Three months later, I gave the CEO, Dr. Tom Atkinson, my FC’s up to late February. Those were also unedited. It was clear in a meeting I had with Mecham in February of ‘94, that my days were numbered. I kept the wolves at bay until July ‘94, and then the ax was clearly falling. I was suspended for refusing to obey the Assistant Supervisors order to physically restrain Nick. I had never needed to restrain Nick in the three years I worked with him and now out of the blue I’m being "ordered" to restrain him. I went on call (Part time) then to get out of the dorm thereby avoiding being fired and to try to get work somewhere else on campus. It’s been two months, and though I’ve applied everywhere on campus, no job is forthcomming.

Note 2/96 I resigned in July ‘95. The only time that I could get work with Seaton Hall that winter was during the worst floods in Malibu history. They did use my services then.

Part I of III