A HORROR STORY

Monica Reyes held her gun close to her cheek as she moved quickly, but silently through her house. It was dark, and she couldn’t see anything but the silhouettes of furniture, and occasionally movement, but that was just John Doggett, her partner, or was it? Monica heard breathing behind her. She spun around exactly 180 degrees. But no one was there. Maybe it was just her nerves. So agent Reyes began walking steadily through her house.

Suddenly, she felt the breathing on the back of her neck again. Monica spun around again, in fear. No one was there. Monica was really freaked out. What the hell was this? Was Doggett bugging her again? Or was it the killer just waiting to- BANG! Monica fell to the ground in a pool of her own blood. She had been shot.

As the world went blurry, Monica could hear footsteps running toward her. She tried to yell for help, but it was just a gurgle of blood coming up through her mouth. She saw a figure stand above her and hold her head. “John!” she tried to yell, but failed and passed out.

Monica awoke to the sound of the heart monitor. John held her hand as tears rolled down his cheeks. “Monica,” he whispered. John shut his eyes as more tears fell.

“John…” Monica whispered, “What… happened?” John looked her straight in the eye. Then he shook his head. John was speechless. “No, John, I’m serious, what happened?” Monica demanded.

“We were in your apartment. Investigating a murderer. A. D. Skinner was killed. Killed in your apartment. And we… we found that you were the killer…” John said quietly.

“Then how did I get here?” Monica asked.

“You were shot. I shot you,” John said, “I thought you were the killer. I’m so sorry, Monica. I’m so sorry.” Monica looked at John for a few seconds, in awe. She was trying to remember all this shit he had just told her.

Only one word could describe what she was thinking, “Damn!” Monica exclaimed, making an angry face. John shrugged his shoulders and left the room. Only a few seconds passed before three doctors and agent Scully entered the room. “Hey! What’s up, doc?” asked Reyes.

“Not much, Monica, we’re going to have to operate,” Scully said.

“Why? I feel great!” agent Reyes exclaimed.

“That’s the morphine, dumbass,” Scully said, “You’re pretty much fucked in your left arm.”

“God damn it!” Monica cried. Scully shook her head and stuck a needle into Reyes’ arm. Monica soon dozed off because of the drug.

The next morning, Ms. Reyes awoke, once again to the sound of the beeping heart monitor. She wondered if all the operation was a dream. She looked at where her left arm should’ve been and screamed. Monica Reyes had only one arm.

The three doctors and Scully ran into the room responding to Monica’s cry for help. “Agent Reyes! What’s wrong?” Scully asked.

“My arm! Why? I-I-I don’t understand!” Monica cried and began to sniffle.

“We had to cut it off. You know, for sexual- I mean scientific purposes,” Scully said. Then Monica noticed it: there was something in agent Scully’s pants. And it looked like a HAND!!!

“Oh, my god! What the fuck is that!” Monica screamed and pointed to Scully’s crotch, all the while looking like a complete lesbo.

“It’s your hand, Monica! It’s YOUR HAND!” Scully yelled as her pants split open and an arm reached out towards Monica. Monica screamed as the hand grabbed her by the throat and held her in the air, all the while choking her. Monica’s dead body lay limp, considering there was no air going into her lungs. After only a couple of minutes, Monica’s eyes started to bleed, and she was blinded. Now, the monster that had killed her (formally known as Scully) was on the rampage, killing, and killing until the world, as we know it would be a fiery hellhole. Yes. That’s right, a mother fucking hellhole.

John Doggett raced into the room where Monica lay, dead and bloody. (Scully had gone on her rampage already.) “Oh, my mother fucking ass of a bastard, cock sucking son of a bitch! What the hell is this?” Doggett screamed in terror.

“It’s Monica,” Fox Mulder replied.

“Duh, ass wipe! I meant what happened?” Doggett explained.

“Oh!” Mulder said. Then he explained to Doggett about Scully’s rampage and how she intended to make the world a fiery hellhole.

“Oh, my mother fucking cock sucking son of a bitch lesbo whore homo hobo sexy prostitute of an Eminem loving T-Shirt selling dick licking masturbation institution of white rappers on rampages being fucked by Scully!” John Doggett cried, “That’s nasty!”

“Uh-huh,” Mulder replied, looking at Doggett like he was some kind of alien fucking Scully killing murder weapon that was also a sex toy, whatever that meant.

“Let’s go get this mother fucking bitch!” Doggett yelled and the two really hot men ran out of the building, with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of their shoes.