I could have reviewed something awesome. Like Piper at the Gates of Dawn. Or Out of the Blue. Or Led Zeppelin IV. Or even Space Oddity. But no. I chose to do Song of Joy. Why was I stupid enough to do that? Well, I was trying to be funny, believe it or not. You see, to put it bluntly – this album stinks. It’s lame. Then again, it is Captain and Tennille. Anything they do stinks, pretty much.
Here’s the back-story on Captain and Tennille: they were a husband and wife duo who thought they could sing. Now, I bet they could have lived perfectly happy lives together, like any husband and wife ought to do. Except NOOO, they thought they could sing. They had to learn, however, that before you enter the music business – you gotta actually be GOOD. They were not good. In fact, they – never mind, I’ll let the sappiness of these songs speak for themselves.
Song of Joy: This song is DUMB! It’s too cliché, and admittedly, the melody is nothing spectacular either. And you know what’s pathetic? It’s one of the better songs on this album.
Lonely Night (Angel Face): You know what? I’m beginning to wish Captain and Tennille had never taken up singing. I mean, I’ve always wished this. Except now I wish it even more. Who writes these songs, anyway? I mean, I guess there’s some people who like this stuff. Except I’m not one of them! Furthermore – this song is about a couple who’s broken up or something, right? Then why does it sound so happy? And is that “drum solo” thing REALLY necessary?
Mind Your Love: Mind your love? What kind of a title is Mind Your Love? That’s like saying “mind your head” or something! This is stupid. Honestly. (In case you’re curious – no, I do not mind my love. And it does indeed grow pleasantly cold. Thank you.)
Smile For Me One More Time: AAAGH! NO! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
Shop Around: What exactly does that mean? Ordinarily, I would think this title had some sort of implications. Except this is Captain and Tennille. Meaning they’re painfully obvious with their songs. And – what the heck does Shop Around have to do with the rest of the title? I think Tennille just made up a title that sounded good and inserted it into Captain’s unrelated lyrics!
Going Bananas: This is the best song on the album. And do you know why? It is something of a minimalist performance. Meaning it consists of nothing but “na na na na” and “I think I’m going bananas!” At least they got something right: the less you put in a song, the less chance there is that there’s going to be tons of bad stuff. However, this probably means they should have never recorded.
Butterscotch Castle: I’m sorry, but – what? Butterscotch Castle? What kind of a name is Butterscotch Castle? We’re not four-year-olds anymore!
Muskrat Love: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
This is the worst song ever recorded. Hands down. I mean – it’s about MUSKRATS! Muskrats are 1, incapable of emotion, and 2, very hostile, making a love song about them even more improbable! This could have been a great novelty song or something. Except they’re taking it seriously. Seriously.
Thank You, Baby: Ergh. This song makes me feel a bit sick. It’s darned corny. SKIP IT!
Wedding Song (There is Love): This is no song I am going to play at my wedding. It’s darned stupid! Can’t they find at least a more interesting way of singing about a wedding? (What’s pathetic is that I bet at least some people have played this at their weddings. And I thought weddings were supposed to be happy!)
1954 Boogie Blues: Put that dying keyboard at the beginning out of its misery! Seriously! It sounds like it’s dying! Kill it! Now! Actually, I wouldn’t be sad if somebody killed all of Captain and Tennille’s recordings! Yes, this is a pathetic closer for a pathetic album!
Best tracks: Why bother?
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