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“Um . . .it’s only been like, four hours. Aren’t you resorting to canabalism a little early?”
- South Park
“Why the fucking coat?”
“. . . I’m cold.”
-The Pianist
“She’s quite concerned. And quite lovely. I feel a certain weight lifts when she is here.”
“(sigh) Alfred . . . why don’t you marry her?”
-Alfred and Bruce Wayne, Batman
“Seriously dude, you better stop being poor or I’m going to start hucking rocks at you.”
-Cartman, South Park
“I gotta warn you Lejzak, I studied karate with a Chinese grand master.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I hope he showed you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass!”
-Just Married
“You’re insane!”
“I thought I was a Pisces! Let’s make up!”
-Vicki Vale and Joker, Batman
"I never lie. At least not to those I don't love."
-Lestat, The Vampire Lestat
"Don't you see? It's a new age. It requires a new evil. And I am that new evil."
-Lestat, The Vampire Lestat
"Keep it in your room."
"My room? Why my room?"
"Because you have a door that closes."
(Pause)
"Dude, we all have doors that close. What the hell are you talking about?"
-Kate and Kelly
"Do you swear?"
"Every damn day."
-The Mummy
"Hey, O'Connell! Looks to me like I have all the horses!"
"Hey Benny! Looks to me like you're on the WRONG SIDE OF THE RIVER!"
-The Mummy
"They call him Sand Spider."
"Why do they call him that?"
"Probably because it sounds scary."
-True Lies
"What's this?"
"An eyelash curler. You use it to curl your eyelashes."
"Oh. . . and why do you want to do that?"
"Because . . .well . . . I don't know."
-Parker and Kelly
"Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the worlds deadliest assassins. And yet each of you has failed to kill Austin powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset...people DIE!!!"
-Dr. Evil, Austin Powers
"How 'bout NO, you crazy Dutch bastard!"
-Dr. Evil, Austin Powers 3
"There are only two things I can't stand: People who are intolerent of other people's cultures, and the Dutch."
-Austin Powers 3
"Hey baby! Wanna take a ride in my love ma-cheen?"
-Dick Grayson as he cruises around in the batmobile, Batman Forever
"Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads--they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
-Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"How do you leave the past behind, when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart? It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out 'till you're torn apart! Rent! How can you connect in an age where strangers, landlords, lovers, your own blood cells betray?"
-Rent
(Elena, in a confessional) "I dishonored my father."
(Alejandro, posing as a priest) "That is not so bad. Maybe your father deserved it."
-Mask of Zorro
"To love another person is to see the face of God."
-Les Miserables
"Kill your brother. You'll feel better."
-The Lost Boys
"Homoerotic . . . yummy."
-Kate, freaking out Katrina
"One day, you'll hear what you sound like, saying things like that."
"And I'll find myself sassy and delighful."
-Pru and Piper, Charmed
"I'll kill you! I'll kill you twice!"
"Fill me up with your heat, with your noise, with your dirt, over-do me! Let me dance to your beat! Make it loud make it hurt, run it through me!"
-"Buenos Aries" from Evita
"Hate you guys . . . I hate you guys . . ."
"What'd you say, Cartman?"
"Hate you guys . . .hate you guys . . .hate. . ."
"I think he said he wants to try again."
-South Park
"Phase one: Collect underwear! Phase two . . . Phase three: Profit!"
-Underwear Gnome, South Park
"Like the sunflower, I yearn to turn my face to the dawn, I am waiting for the day/"
-"Memory"
"We're looking for our son, Tyler. He's about this tall, blond hair, blue eyes, starts fires."
-Katrina
Todd: Donna, your hair is all tangled.
Kelly: I have a pick.
Todd: I have a comb.
Kate: I have a brush.
John: I have a rake.
"There's something good waiting down this road. I'm picking up whatever's mine."
-Tom Petty, 'Running Down a Dream'
"Oh look at this e-mail! I wonder what on earth I'll do DELETED!!!!!
-Stephanie
"Did you meet your Aunt Linda?"
"Yeah. She's really really old."
-Caleigh
"You know what she thinks is weird? She thinks it's weird that I mix tuna with my eggs!"
Long pause
"Dude, that is weird."
-John and Kate
Voice of God:." . . So I will smite Egypt with all My wonders!"
Kelsey: "Most of which happen to be bugs."
-Partly from The Prince of Egypt
"Ah! I'm a dork! AHHHH! I'm double dorked!"
-Kelly
"Someone's a maniacal little bastard."
"It's me!"
-Kate and Kelly
"I hope you like Satan's colon, 'cause that's where you'll be living!"
-Fry, Futurama
"We're going out to play. My rodent needs exercise."
-Katrina
"We're so great you guys! We should get stickers and cookies!"
-Tara
"By the way, Batman thinks you're hot, Kate."
-Tara
"Out on the road today, I saw a deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. A little voice inside my head said 'Don't look back, you can never look back.'"
-Boys of Summer
"You can't take it off."
"Beause you rounded it out!"
"No, it was like that, you can't do anything with it."
"Because you rounded it out!"
"No I didn't put that down, you can't turn it!"
"BECAUSE YOU ROUNDED IT OUT!!!!"
-Heidi and Tom
"Each day we die a little more."
-Strong Sad
"Wouldn't it be chilly with no skin on?"
-Srong Sad
"Treat others the way they treated you first."
-Homestarrunner.com
"Look at this, I've never seen anything like it. 'Dual federalism layer cake', and 'Cooperative federalism marble cake'."
-Katrina and her college level American Government textbook
"Today's forecast is total crap!"
Strong Bad
"Mullet, rapist . . . sexy uncle Jesse."
-Nicole
"So how many people are supposed to be in that picture?"
Pause.
"Dude, it's a pepper."
Mathew Broderick: "I'm in charge of sympathizing with Godzilla and being a geek. Let's kill it and act all sad."
-Movie in a Minute- Godzilla
"It starts out promisingly enough. A topless woman with the yin/yang symbol painted on her chest leaps around holding a purple ribbon, stopping her leaping every half-minute or so to say in a screechy voice, 'Which way noooooowwww?'"
-Mike Nelson, Mike Nelson's Mind Over Matters
" . . .for he must have known, no matter how much you love someone, it's still not possible to, say, eat a million crab cakes in under an hour or turn rapidly back and forth from a human into a turtle."
-Mike Nelson, Mike Nelson's Mind Over Matters
"I scratched your back, now mine is itchy!"
-Bigcat
"Look! It's Bubblgum Sparkle! He's the sexiest!"
-Conan O'Brien
"It's not the pharmacist's business what I do with my poison."
-Dr. B
"Dear God, is it so much to ask that we don't burst into flames for no apparent reason? I mean, come on. Amen."
-South Park
"There is nothing so motiviating as the fear of looking like an idiot in front of your colleagues."
-Dr. H
"Tails? Humans don't have tails. They have big BIG bottoms that they cover with ugly shorts and walk around going, 'H, Helen!'"
-Batty, Ferngully
"My God, Trina! You're briliant!'
(With obvious glees) "That's right!"
-Kate and Trina
"Is it an angel? A devil? A wing'ed Norwegian?"
-Dr. B
"Now that sandbox is a smoldering crater of freedom!"
-"President Bush" on Conan O'Brien
"Sir? Sir? Sir . . . Sir! Sir? Sir . . sir . . . sir! Sir! Sir . . sir? You suck."
-Insulter at Ren Festival
"Would you be offended if I called you a slut?"
"No, because I know you'd say it in kidding."
"But if Mike called you a slut? Would you kick him-"
"I'd hit him and I'd say 'Why did you call me a slut, slut?'"
-Trina
"Death is an desert island. With a hobo."
-Katrina
"You! Get me the Wallstreet Journal! You two! Fight to the death!"
-Stewie
"I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless."
-Stewie
"COOL KIDS CLAP THEIR HANDS!!!!!"
-Kate
"Why don't you carry it around your neck like a St. Bernard?"
"Why don't you shut up like . . . a mute dog of some sort."
-Katrina and Kate, in that order
"Hmm . . . I think you make things worse for MANkind, but you certianly give WOMANkind a lot to laugh about."
-Katrina, to Kate
"Good love is hard to find. Good love is hard to find. You got lucky baby. I found you."
-Tom Petty
" . . .it's like . . . self-canablism."
-Kate
"Are you a pirate?"
"Yes."
"Are you a transvestite pirate?"
"Yes."
"Oh no! You have a penis! Get out!"
-Katrina (the pirate) and Kate
"Katrina's in the middle doing her little orgasmic dance."
-Kate
"Any students abusing borrowing privleges will be executed."
-Dr. H
"And then I walked into the room, and there was all this applause, and I was like, 'Heeeeeeey!' . . .no wait. . . that was the Fonze."
-Kate
"All roads lead to, the best things in life are, all's well that ends in me!"
-Gaston, Beauty and the Beast (Broadway)
"I know Seymour's the greatest, but I'm dating a semi-sadist."
-Audrey, Little Shop of Horrors
"Does this look inanimate to you, punk? If I can walk , and I can talk, who's to say I can't do anything I want?"
-Audrey II, LIttle Shop of Horrors
"You know the Nazis had flair. They made the Jews wear them."
"What!?!"
-Office Space
"Kate, Kate! I want to run through the snow! Run through the snow with me! I'm going to run through the-" *falls over into several feet of snow*
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
-Katrina (and Kate laughing)
"It makes me want to get engaged. Wait, no it doesn't."
-Nicole
"Fine. You always ignore me when I'm right."
-Knight Quest
"Maybe there isn't more to him." Luke thought. "Maybe he's just crazy."
-Shadows of the Empire
"You've never heard of a mattress pad and you've never eaten a peach? Where the hell are you from, Jupiter? I mean, come on! It's MICHIGAN, not another planet!"
-Kelly
"It's been three days since we met and still no call. I figured you were dead or something."
-Andrea Beumont, Batman: Mask of hte Phantasm
"Self help books? You don't seem the type."
"Yeah, well, I've got issues. What with destroying the world and all."
-JLA
"Is there nothing we can do?"
"Hey! I still got this snake-headed do hickey!"
-JLA
Rebecca:"I never told you about that letter Jane Crofut got from her minister when she was sick. He wrote Jane a letter and on the envelope, the address was like this: it said: "Jane Crofut; the Crofut Farm, Grover's Corners, Sutton County, New Hampshire, United States of America-"
George: What's so funny about that?
Rebecca: But listen, it's not finished: the United States of America, Continent of North America; Western Hemisphere; the Earth, the Solar System, the Universe, the Mind of God,- that's what is said on the envelope.
George: What do you know!
Rebecca: Yep, and the postman brought it just the same.
-Our Town
"Isn't he awesome you guys?"
"What?"
"He just goes around imposing his will on people. He's my idol."
-South Park
"I'm sure the Great Leader has his reasons."
"And I'm sure the Great Leader is just a big giant ass freak."
Kids in the Hall