Chapter Two
~*~
Author’s Note:
There’s a ton of stuff to be worked out
in these next couple of chapters, as you’ll see. Parts of them are extremely
sketchy, and included here are a lot of things, plot points that I was at one
time considering, and haven’t yet worked out whether or not to work into the
story. Since I use a lot of foreshadowing when I write, it’s necessary to
include these little notes to myself throughout, so that I remember that I have
decisions to make before the final version of that particular chapter can be
released.
Please
keep in mind when
reading this draft version that there’s a lot of this that I haven’t even
LOOKED at for more than a year. I might not even remember what all the notes
mean!! (Hmmm, now, where the hell was I
going with that???) J And I imagine there are several things
included that were first written before the massive overhaul of Awakenings, and
thus, make no sense whatsoever. (Another J
)
Also, one little thing about how I
write. I find myself roughing out a draft, then
refining it over and over. It isn’t until I’m about halfway through my dozen or
so revisions (seriously, it’s really pitiful the number of times I can rewrite
a single sentence) that I really start
concentrating on how I think Giles or Spike or Dawn, etc. would phrase things. Even if I know what they
have to say in the scene, and some of the words and phrases they’ll use, I
will, as the chapter starts to take shape, spend a lot of time rewriting
dialogue until I think it actually sounds like the person speaking (or at least
until it does in my head). I think you’ll really notice that as you read over
some of the scenes.
I hope there’s enough in these two
chapters that makes sense to make them worth your time!
Mary
((((Lots of stuff to be worked out here
with the timeline – when does everyone find out everything they need to know in
these next couple of chapters?, etc.
Giles would talk to Buffy about the
blood thing if he was doing the tests on her, so the talk with Dawn will have
to be moved up to before the test. Or Giles could decide not to talk to Buffy
about the blood until he knows more. Taking Spike’s words to
heart about it upsetting her.
“It’s
like a Norton Anti-Virus to detect demonic forces.”
“I
beg your pardon?” She might just as well have been speaking Greek. Well,
perhaps Sanskrit was a better analogy. He actually knew a fair amount of Greek.
“It’s
for c-computers. It scans files to make sure none of them are infected with
various t-types of viruses.”
“A virus being something that corrupts files.”
“Yes.”
Giles
smiled, trying to reassure her.
“And
even if Spike’s chip didn’t fire when he hit her, I don’t think she’s a demon. At all. E-even, um, a little.”
“I
don’t think you do feel like that,
As
it often did,
“It
won’t hurt Buffy or anything. All she has to do is touch it. That way, we can
use it without even telling her, if, um, if you feel it would be better. I
wouldn’t want her to think that we think she’s under some demon influence.”
Once
again, Giles smiled.
“Because of how
But
Fear
clutched at Giles, and he felt himself go cold.
“These
location spells would have opened very tiny portals into different dimensions
and told us whether or not Buffy was there. Or, at least they would have told
us whether or not someone from our dimension had passed into that one recently.
You know, so we should check it out more, um, thoroughly. But those spells are
time consuming and kind of boring. Very repetitive.
And there are so many dimensions to test, that it really does take a lot of
time – months probably. I guess she decided they were too much work, and that
we didn’t have that time, for some reason. But they’re incredibly important.
Because when you pull a human being out of some dimensions, you can do terrible
things to them if you haven’t performed specific protection spells unique to
that dimension. We could have gotten Buffy back without her mind, or without
her soul. Or even turned inside out or something like that.
“And
“And
she certainly didn’t tell any of us. When she came to us for help, she told us
about the research she’d already done, the conclusions she’d reached. And we –
we trusted her. We never thought she
might be lying, or hiding im-important information.
I’m not sure if I can ever forget that. Or f-forgive it.”
“Quite,”
Giles murmured. He really couldn’t think of anything else to say. He didn’t
know if he could forgive
He
thought it rather a good thing that
“So,
you’re thinking that perhaps Buffy…”
“I
don’t think so, not really. I don’t think she’s under some demony
influence. From, you know, being brought back without the proper safeguards and
protections. B-but, um, I thought maybe we should check,” her voice faded. “J-just in case.”
~*~
Talk with Giles could be here, or could
be right about the time
Do the test results show something in Buffy’s
blood? The doctor doesn’t think it’s anything serious,
she’s also a little anemic, underweight, etc. Heart rate is a little too high,
she’s very strong, her blood pressure is fine. All in
all – she’s in her normal good health.
This would also be a good time for Giles
and Buffy to talk about
Buffy could still be worried about this,
even tho she knows Rack wasn’t involved. There were
other power dealers in town, and maybe
Does Buffy, however, show some remorse
to Giles? Talk a little about Xander’s fears, and how
they had raised her own. Asks him a few questions about Spike – has noticed
their friendship, wants Giles impressions of Spike. Explains how she blew up,
her reasoning, etc. I mean, what if I was wrong again, like Xander said? I have
responsibilities. I can’t afford to make mistakes.
Does she talk about ‘does Giles think
she was wrong?’ does she explain to him how it was always so easy with Spike,
so relaxed, so comfortable. Is that weird? Is it wrong?
Wonders about how
being with Spike always felt so right, and that she rarely even gave a thought
to the whole vampire thing.
Keep the Spike parts impersonal: Just Spike
as a part of the group… He’s changed. She’d trusted him, Dawn… asks him about
his own relationship with Spike. Feels reassured that Giles shared her opinion.
This realization helps to confirm these
thoughts:
She also knows that before Spike knew
whether the chip was functioning, he hadn’t tried to test it out – on Dawn, who
had come to him (and wouldn’t killing her sister be the ultimate punishment for
her if he was angry with her?), and that he hadn’t tested it on anyone else –
hadn’t tried to kill. Instead, he had
taken himself away from everyone she cared about and called Giles for help.
Were those the actions of a monster that was just biding his time until he
could tear everyone she cared about to shreds, glorying in the violence with the
added bonus of causing pain to her?
Running away, or taking a step to protect her friends? Maybe
a little of both? Xander’s ranting about Spike
attacking the minute the chip was non-functional hadn’t panned out, had it?
~*~
Buffy
will start the job at the beginning of the new semester – later in January.
Buffy
PRIVATE THOUGHTS:
Also
– Buffy’s inability or reluctance to feel anger, etc. this could be part of the
slayer essence that she felt was missing when she first returned. And it could
help her realize that that “dark” part of her was something she needed in order
to do her job – she was less effective without it. The slaying skills had come
back, but the passion was lacking, along with the internal fire – not hatred,
or even anger – but a kind of heat, a determination, the
harder edges needed to be a leader, to make decisions, to BE the slayer.
Buffy will be having Spike thoughts
after her birthday party too – so dole out what will go here and what will go
there.
while Spike is in
Also, trusting her instincts – its hard, but they were
often what got her thru (maybe when they have to make the decision about how to
go after Doc.
She cared about Spike.
And it wasn’t only the sex. Okay, if she was being brutally honest girl, she’d
admit that the sex was good. More than good. Unbloodybelievable. But if she didn’t care about Spike, it wouldn’t be, no matter how acrobatic or whatever it got. That just
wasn’t her style. She wasn’t some kind of skanky ho
who could indulge in endless hours of sex with someone unless she genuinely cared
about him.
And she did.
Care about him.
A
lot.
Spike was also a
good fighter. He was one of the strongest opponents she’d ever faced and one of
the strongest allies that had ever stood by her side. It was logical for her to accept his help.
Smart. Slaying was a physically taxing and emotionally draining job. Spike's
role as a partner eased both of those things for her, taking some of the weight
off her shoulders.
He did that. Not
just by being a good warrior, but in lots of little ways.
He was funny.
And clever, and smart-mouthed and sexy and strong and comforting, and he had
those arms, and the most beautiful back, and that mouth…
Did Giles share with Buffy Spike’s
saying that he would be coming back (for Dawn)? Buffy could then be thinking of
this time apart as a break. Or would Giles telling Buffy anything at all about
Spike mess with too much in the next few chapters? So have to work out exactly
what Giles will tell Buffy about Spike.
Buffy thinks that maybe the break will
be good, will give her some time to sort of calm down. Since she’d come back,
everything had been kind of a blur, and not just because of the whole fuzzy
thing. There had been a lot to adjust to. The changes she felt inside herself,
the things she had forgotten, some of which she was still relearning. She’d
only been back two months when Spike had left – so that whole relationship had
changed really fast, had escalated… Much as she just wanted to ‘go with’ things
sometimes, she was well aware that that had led to trouble in the past. She was
the Slayer, and she had responsibilities. She couldn’t afford to take reckless
chances. Now she had to decide if a relationship with Spike constituted a
reckless chance or not. Thinking with her heart – did it with Angel – disaster.
Thinking with her head – did it with Riley – disaster. She somehow had to
figure out how to balance everything. She cared about Spike. Maybe
more. She didn’t know. She wanted him to be a part of her life, and not
just as a liaison with the demon community or someone that she beat up for
information, roles he’d taken in her previous life. She pushed away the little
frisson of nausea. (Explain about feeling KINDER since heaven?) She knew she preferred patrolling with him.
It was so much easier, not having to fight the demons, AND keep a constant eye
on her friends. Not that she wasn’t aware of Spike and whether he needed her
help, but most often he didn’t, and so it was much easier to concentrate on the
task at hand, confident that he could hold up his end of things. Not that she didn’t appreciate all the help the others had been
over the years, but there was still a certain amount of relief that they
weren’t doing much in the way of patrolling anymore.
When she’d said to Giles that she was
the one who always went to Spike, it was the first time she’d really realized
it. Why was that? But she couldn’t deny that almost since the moment she’d come
back, her every instinct had taken her to his side. He was the one she’d
confided in, he was the one she was comfortable with, with whom she felt
peaceful, relaxed, drawn to, connected to. She felt safe with him, and for some
reason – her mind was still trying to work around this one – she sometimes felt
that her being with Spike was safer for the others too. Why would that be? It seemed
to make no sense. Was it because it WAS safer for her to fight with Spike? He
was a warrior, like her. The others were not. Having him at her side DID
protect the others – they didn’t need to patrol with her, didn’t need to
endanger themselves. THAT made some sense. Was that an explanation?
Spike had a real gift for making her
feel loved. He made her feel so loved.
Desired, needed. Understood. Angel had done that. Made her feel amazing, like she was truly special. But
sometimes, and a little guiltily, she really didn’t feel that Angel had
understood her as well as Spike did. Feeling like that almost felt like a
betrayal of the feelings she’d had for Angel, and she had to tell herself quite
sternly that it wasn’t a betrayal at all. It was just an observation. Her
feelings for Angel had changed, but nothing could take away from what they had
been to each other – before. Spike had something of a gift for seeing people,
really seeing them, and he’d always seemed to have a particularly good insight
into her. It had annoyed her to no end in the past.
(((Check this part with thoughts in
earlier chapter when she’s walking with Dawn to check out Emily. What exactly
did she think then? Don’t repeat thoughts.))) With Riley, it hadn’t been that
way. Riley had insisted that he’d wanted the whole package, that he’d ‘gotten
it’, but she’d never felt that way. She’d always felt that he didn’t get it –
didn’t get it at all. He may have said the right things, but he’d always made
her feel like deep down he wanted her to change, to be different, to be
God, that word. How many hours had she spent thinking
about a normal life, longing for one, bemoaning the fact that she didn’t have
one, and probably never would.
She rarely even thought of it anymore.
Maybe there just comes a point in your life, after, say, you come back from the
dead a second time or something, when you finally just admit you’re not real
high on the normal girl scale.
And that maybe you’re okay, anyway. And
that maybe you’re okay with that – that
reality.
That maybe you’re not meant to be normal – that maybe destiny
has taken you in a different direction, and was taking you even further away
from an average life.
Does Buffy think now about the kind of
lover Spike is?
Mention that she’s had some coffin
nightmares?
The nightmares of the coffin, that had
been falling off in frequency and intensity seemed to be making a comeback.
She’d had several since he left, and two just last
night. She thought perhaps tonight she would find a good book to read, and
maybe give the whole sleeping thing a miss. Dawn was always recommending those
Harry Porter books, the ones with the wizards and the muggers. She said they
weren’t just for kids, and that she thought Buffy would like them. Of course
Dawn wasn’t really in the mood to lend them to her right now, but maybe she
could slip into her room while Dawn was at school, and um, nick them. Things
had been so tense in the house since Spike had left town that Buffy was glad
high school students didn’t have as long a winter break as college students. It
was healthy for both of them that they weren’t together more than they were.
While Spike is in LA, Buffy thinks on
feeling so drawn to him and on the connection she feels – feeling inside each
other, the warmth, the mind reading. If they’re not
meant to be together – what did all that mean? She chats with Giles about it???
She seriously considers if she could have misunderstood everything that had
happened since she came back – was some force trying to bring them together?
Good? Evil? Were her ‘feelings’ not completely defined
– being manipulated?
Buffy now knows chip is still working
AND that she is okay.
She also knows that before Spike knew
whether the chip was functioning, he hadn’t tried to test it out – on Dawn, who
had come to him (and wouldn’t killing her sister be the ultimate punishment for
her if he was angry with her?), and that he hadn’t tested it on anyone else –
hadn’t tried to kill. Instead, he had
taken himself away from everyone she cared about and called Giles for help.
Were those the actions of a monster that was just biding his time until he
could tear everyone she cared about to shreds, glorying in the violence with the
added bonus of causing pain to her?
Running away, or taking a step to protect her friends? Maybe
a little of both? Xander’s ranting about Spike
attacking the minute the chip was non-functional hadn’t panned out, had it?
Buffy realizes that for some bizarre
reason, since she came back, the only time she’d really ever considered the
fact that Spike was a vampire was when he’d hit her and the chip hadn’t fired.
She hadn’t thought of him as evil, hadn’t thought of him as a killer, or a
threat. He had just been there – a part of the gang, in a way, but separate, as
well, a little apart. Spike.
Sorta – one of a kind. Unique.
Yeah, that’s it.
He still annoyed her a lot, but in kind
of a different way. Like she didn’t find his annoying manner
quite so – annoying. That she even kind of enjoyed it. What was up with
that? All his sarcastic little comments interjected into their conversations.
She liked them… ((Has some of this stuff already been said in an earlier
chapter?))
Use this as exposition time to catch us
up on Buffy’s feelings and state of mind on a lot of things.
In crypt:
How could it seem so empty, so devoid of
life? She wondered. Spike wasn’t even alive, so logically, his absence
shouldn’t make the crypt seem so – dead.
But it did. No telly
flickering with scenes from that stupid soap, Passions, that he and her mom had
been so obsessed with, or from “I Love Lucy’ reruns, or, best case scenario,
old movies. No candles wafting their wonderful scents around the room, and
keeping the corners from being too thick with shadow.
No sound except for the hum of the
refrigerator.
He’d been gone less than two weeks. She
was sure of the amount of time because Giles had mentioned it in passing this
morning.
It felt like a year to Buffy, and she
wondered if that was because she was having so much trouble determining the
passage of time, or for – other reasons.
(((Dawn has not yet told Buffy about the
coat in any conversation they’ve had, because, at this point, they haven’t HAD
any conversations. )))
She climbed down the ladder to the lower
level, finding his coat crumpled at its base. She picked it up, smoothing the
well worn leather under her hand. Dawn had said he’d told her to take it, but
that she’d left it there. Buffy had been sure Spike wouldn’t have left it
behind, and finding it there caused a moment of sharp pain in her chest. She
moved further into the room, and laid the coat on the neatly made bed.
Spike could be such a slob sometimes
that it had always surprised her to find the bed neatly made. She closed her
eyes against visions of how thoroughly they always managed to mess it up.
The refrigerator couldn’t be heard down
here, and the complete silence unnerved her.
No music playing, no soft murmurings, no
rapid breathing. No words of love and lust, desire and
need, being whispered roughly against her ear.
“You’re so hot, Buffy, so tight, always
so tight. When I first slide inside you, I could swear I won’t last a minute, a
second. Always feel like I’m gonna explode as soon as
you sheath me. Love being with you like this, being
inside you, touching you, tasting you.
You’re so bloody beautiful, so… Your skin –soft, smooth, gold. Your hair, yeah, lean back like that; let it brush against my
thighs. Oh, yeah, more. Arch your back more. Ah, fuck, gonna
come. Buffy. Buffy.”
Hips arching off the bed as he thrust
wildly up into her as he came, deeper than she’d ever known a man could be. Inside her. Part of her. Hers…
Hers…
Damn him!
How dare he leave her!
How could he leave her?
Of course, he’d left her.
Everyone
did, didn’t they?
She struggled
to push away the thoughts of her threat to kill him.
His face twisted up in anguish. “You
can’t know what it was like. If you…”
She doesn’t
believe he’s gone. Her reaction? Fear?
Anger? Resignation – another guy left her. Does she
start to fear that she’s really hurt Spike? Does she feel regret? Does she
realize that she needs him? Does she curl up on his bed with the coat and cry?
She missed
him.
There; she’d
admitted it. Well, maybe she’d admitted it to herself before.
“I miss him.”
There; she’d
admitted it out loud. It wasn’t like
a tree falling in the forest. Even if no one was here to hear her, it still
counted. She’d still said it. She’d
heard it. Meant it.
Buffy climbed
onto the mattress and lay down, curled onto her side on her side of the bed, her eyes focused on his
side. His
empty side. She could picture him there perfectly, his eyes soft in the
candlelight, as he gazed into her face.
“I love you, Buffy.”
Buffy
swallowed, letting her eyes fall closed. They’d only been lovers a few weeks.
It shouldn’t all feel so familiar, so comfortable to her. It shouldn’t feel so
– meant to be.
And it had. From day one. Literally.
From the moment she’d seen him, standing there at the base of the
stairs looking up at her, she’d known. She was going to be with him. She hadn’t
known why or how, or for how long, but she’d known it with everything in her
fuzzy, fearful heart.
He belonged to her.
She missed
him.
Was she going
to be honest with herself?
Buffy curses
her ability to drive away the men in her life.
Because of you.
Because you are such
a bloody bitch. Can’t you ever just be nice to people? Ever? I thought maybe you’d changed. I mean – you were in
heaven! I would think something like that might change you, knowing heaven
exists and you get to go there again someday… I thought it might make you a
better person or something. And for a while I thought it had, but I was wrong,
wasn’t I? You’re back to your old self – the biggest bitch on the planet! And
you’re gonna do what you’ve always done – make sure
no one around you enjoys their life too much either, aren’t you?
If she was
going to be honest with herself, she’d have to admit that since she came back,
and aside from Dawn, Spike was the only one she wanted to spend any time with.
And she’d been the one to seek him out – every time, really. He hadn’t seduced her.
Well, he sorta had, but she’s been pretty
instrumental in initiating their physical relationship too. And she didn’t
regret it. She loved having sex with him. It was amazing. She wanted to spend
time with him. She enjoyed his company. She continued to feel comfortable with
him in a way she didn’t feel with anyone else. Even Dawn, she thought with some
guilt, although the two of them had been closer in the last few months that she
could remember them being in years. She’d probably messed that up now. She’d
even started to have a couple of chats with Giles.
Since she’d
come back, everything with Spike had just clicked, almost like… she didn’t
know.
She was
feeling more involved, more a part of things, more connected to the world and
the people around her.
Being buried under her responsibilities. And strangely
Spike seemed to take some of that off her shoulders. Was it just that she knew
he was the only one as strong as she was? And was he stronger than he’d been
before she dies? He sure seemed to fight better a lot of the time. He’d been
good before, but he’d seemed to have grown a little less so the longer she’d
known him. Was that because he was unable to drink human blood? Had it been
affecting his power? But he seemed faster now, stronger and tougher. Spike had
sometimes seemed to be – lacking fire. His fire was back.
She trusted Spike.
She’d begun to trust him before she died, and when she came back the building
trust just seemed to have escalated, or even jelled.
But when the
dreams had begun, when she’d begun to have doubts, fears, begun to question herself. She couldn’t blame Xander for that. He may have
voiced a few things, but they were things already buried somewhere in her
subconscious, things she’d been ignoring with a totality that was almost shocking.
Is this the
place she lets some of her anger toward Xander fall away? That would make
sense.
She barely even though of Spike as a vampire. He’d just
been – Spike.
And hers.
When she got
back to the upper level, she realized she’d carried his coat up with her. She
draped the duster over the back of the leather sofa that had replaced the ratty
old chair as his preferred place to sit while watching television, glanced
around the room one last time, and left, closing the crypt door quietly and firmly
behind her.
The
refrigerator kept humming.
A minute
later, the door crashed open. Buffy strode back in angrily, grabbed the duster,
and left again, taking it with her. The door slammed in her wake.
~*~
Spike
thinks here on needing a break as well. Needing to decide how he can go back.
He’d already given his word that he would – thru the Watcher to Dawn. Had he
done that because giving his word would eventually force the action? Had he
been afraid that if he didn’t he wouldn’t
go back? Ever?
He just needed to learn to close off that part of himself, the part that
belonged to her – to the Slayer.
Close it off, ignore it, hide it away. It would be
hard, but he knew he could do it. After all, he’d spent most of the time since Dru had turned him closing off different parts of himself.
Become a bleedin’ expert at it while he was livin’ with Angelus and Darla. After years alone with Dru, he’d been able to open up a bit again. Let her in, let
himself out.
But
he knew how to guard. How to force his mind to change, to
shut down. Might be harder this time, with her, because he was afraid that this time all of him
belonged to her, and not just parts, but he could still do it if he was
determined. He just needed – time. Just
some time. A few more days, a few weeks, maybe.
Just a little time more time. Build some walls,
let the mortar dry.
The trust thing. It had long been a problem for him. But
he knew it was important to the Slayer, and he knew that not having hers was
the kiss of death to anything between them.
Of course, he’d always known…
He’d never cared much about trust
before. He hadn’t felt it for anyone, and hadn’t given a rat’s arse if anyone trusted him. In fact, he’d’ve
probably taken it as an insult.
Until Dawn. That was mutual, and it just – was.
But this lack of trust – it hurt in a
way he’d never imagined, and had never experienced. That she thought he could
harm Dawn, harm one hair on his girl’s beautiful head… that had twisted
something inside him, made him furious, made him hurt, made him despair.
He’d tried to tell himself over and
over. Never gonna last. She was the sodding slayer, wasn’t she? Not gonna
look at him as anything. She’d just needed someone she felt connected to. And
there was no denying they’d felt connected. But he’d known it wouldn’t last.
And the sex had been great, unbelievable. He’d thought maybe she thought so,
too. Hard to tell sometimes. Her body reacted to him
but she never said much, not during sex and not about sex at other times.
(((He may think she loves him, but he
figures it won’t make any difference…wouldn’t last anyway??)))
He loved her. Maybe it had just been
amazing to him because of that. Maybe she’d never quite felt the same… And
they’d only been shagging for a couple of weeks, a month or so, no more… Maybe
it would have worn off. Yeah, wanker, try to tell
yourself that. He’d been torn between thinking she might be starting to love
him, that maybe she did, and knowing that it would never happen, never last. It
had all felt so right to him… so… But he’d never seemed to get beyond the fact
that he was beneath her.
Buffy’s lack of trust in Spike – he can
take some of that – even understands it. But her jumping in front of Dawn –
thinking that he could hurt DAWN. He loved Dawn. THAT is completely devastating
to him. Spike feels he’s worked hard to keep his promise, almost recreated
himself in this regard at least. NOTHING could have devastated him like that –
her belief that he could hurt DAWN. She could have doubted him when it came to
Harris – to anyone – even the Watcher & it wouldn’t have hit him like that
((Spike’s depression may be a contributing factor to his giving up here – but
it’s only part of it. EVERYTHING. He’d give everything
for Dawn.)) Also, her lack of trust here, pushes him
over the edge into suicidal depression. Spike is already depressed – has never
really gotten over her death – and he has no idea how to deal with caring about
humans. He just chained Dru up to keep her safe. He
worries about B&D all the time – feels a strong responsibility to keep them
safe.
It
was nearly sunset. He threw down his pen in disgust,
looking at the pile of papers on the desk. Two weeks and the stack had grown to
be quite substantial. At least he had something to show for the hours he hadn’t
been sleeping. He hoped the Watcher appreciated it.
He
didn’t really see how writing down stories of his exploits over the years was gonna be of much benefit to the Watcher or the Council, but
he’d told Giles he would have a go at it.
Stories of his time with Dru and Darla
and Angelus, the four of them together. Stories of the hunger and the hunt. Angelus’
curse, his departure, and his brief return. Killing
his first slayer. The break with Darla some time
later. His travels with Dru;
Writing
it all down brought a lot of things to the surface that he usually preferred
not to stir up. ‘Course most of them had been pretty stirred up already just by
residing in the same building as Angelus. They hadn’t crossed paths again since
that first night, but he was always extremely aware of the other vampire’s
presence. This close to him, the call of his grandsire’s blood was almost
constant.
Aurelius.
He
threw himself down on the bed, trying to persuade his mind to blank out, relax.
Sleep.
Just sleep.
Don’t
think about her.
Don’t
think about her smile, the pleasure of hearing her laugh.
Don’t
remember her taste, the intoxicating scent of her skin, the heat of her body
surrounding you, the way her body grips yours, holds you deep inside her. Don’t
think about the way her breath catches in her throat when you’re moving in her,
stroking, stroking, the tiny little
moans, the way she gasps or the way her gorgeous body goes completely taut just
before she comes.
Don’t
think about the odd floods of warmth that ran between you, making you feel so
close to each other, and god, never, never, never, think
about that night on her sofa, of being inside her; all of her, body, mind – soul, maybe – with just your mouth on
her throat, and your hands twisted into her hair. Don’t think about her eyes begging you, ‘Take
me back – where we were. Take me there again…’
Don’t
even dwell on the sight of those same eyes feral with fury, her words tearing
your heart out. Were you trying to turn
me? Stay away. Don’t you ever touch her again, or I will kill you. Do you
understand me? They’d hardly even argued since she’d been brought
back, and to have her turn on him so violently, so thoroughly…
Don’t
think about her.
At all.
Just
sleep.
Sleep.
Please.
A
few minutes later, he rolled to his feet, grabbed his cigarettes off the
nightstand and went out.
~*~
Chapter Three
~*~
(((Decide how this scene would work with
what Giles did or didn’t tell Buffy, and make certain he doesn’t tell her
anything that will screw up Buffy’s trip to L.A. too much.)
“Angel
Investigations.”
“Angel?”
“Yeah?” Oh, god. “Buffy?”
“Yeah. How are you?”
“Good. I’m good.” How
about you?”
“I’m good too. Well, okay, anyway. Living.”
“Yeah, I heard that.” But not from you. He didn’t say
it, but the words hung there; hovering somewhere in the wires and electronics
that made up the miracle of telephone communication.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” she began.
“You know you’re never a bother.”
“Yeah, well, you might change your mind
when you hear why I’m calling.”
And, with that, he knew. He knew what
she was going to ask him. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to go looking for Spike
so she could talk to him.
“It’s... Actually, it’s Spike. I was
wondering if you’d seen him.”
She
doesn’t know he’s here.
She’s just in the process of looking for him. Why was she looking for him? Why
the hell was she looking for him?
And why hadn’t Giles told her that he was here? “Any particular reason you’re
looking for Spike, Buffy?” His voiced was laced with a mixture of anger and
hurt and maybe a few other things. He was certainly feeling a lot of different
things. Could she hear any of that?
“I don’t know how much you know about
what’s been going on here. Spike – he’s been helping out quite a bit. Even, you
know, before...”
“
“Well, he has been.”
God, she sounded so impersonal, he
thought. And so – remote.
“And, um, well, he took off a couple of
weeks ago. He told Dawn he was going to
“I haven’t seen him, Buffy.”
He disliked lying to her, but Angel felt
he had little choice. Spike had claimed Sanctuary. Along with the expectation
of protection, or at least freedom from being killed, Sanctuary, in his mind,
implied a desire for secrecy, or at least for privacy. Besides, Giles knew
perfectly well where Spike was. Why was the Watcher keeping that information to
himself? Unless Spike had, for some reason, told Giles he wouldn’t be staying
at the Hyperion. Still…
“I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your
eyes open for him. He can’t – with the chip in his head,
he can’t defend himself against humans. And you know how he tends to attract
trouble.”
Her voice conveyed a mixture of concern
and something approaching – god – a fond amusement. Angel swallowed. Fury and
hurt battled to headline his list of emotions. What the hell was going on?
“I’ll do that,” he said, managing to
keep his voice even. “Goodbye, Buffy.”
“Bye, Angel.”
Damn him.
Spike. Reviled spawn.
Blood.
Your blood.
Your own.
No. Not mine. Never
mine. Dru made him. He’s…
Sanctuary.
Why the hell had Spike claimed
Sanctuary?
He’d taken pride in the steps he’d taken
to get past his vampire roots, but that pride has always been mingled with
shame. He was a vampire. It’s what he was. Was there no way to incorporate that
with not being completely evil? Angel was well aware that he was anathema to
other demons, his very existence a thorn in their collective sides. But Sanctuary… He’d been shocked to hear the words fall from
Spike’s lips. And furious. Which, he suspected, was
the very reason Spike had used them. His boy had always known how to push his
buttons. ‘Course he’d always been pretty good at pushing Spike’s as well. Sanctuary
went to the deepest part of him, his blood. Their blood.
Aurelius. He could deny his nature from now through
eternity, but some things went too deep to overcome. Aurelius.
Pride. Power. No matter that
he constantly struggled not to act on his vampiric
nature. He still was. Vampire. Other. And he was
Aurelius. That was him, his blood, his heritage. He never spoke of it, but it
was in him, running thickly in his veins. Aurelian blood. Try to explain this a
little better. Spike and Angel didn’t have much to do with their Aurelian heritage. But it was in their blood. Even on the
rare occasion they openly denied that their heritage meant anything to them,
they could look into each other’s eyes and know they were both lying. Their
mutual hatred for The Master had made it easier to deny it though.
He and Spike had only ever really
related on a few very basic levels. Abuse. Domination.
~*~
It had been
brewing. There was really no question about that. Buffy walked down the hall of
the school in the direction of the Principal’s office. She was cringing inside,
remembering how often her mother had had to make this walk in order to meet
with one of her principals. Had she
felt this terrible mixture of fear, anger and embarrassment?
Fighting,
cutting classes, burning down the gym. The list of her infractions had been
long and varied. Not to mention the number of times per week it had been
updated. God, her ‘permanent record’ folder must be a foot thick. She probably
had her own file drawer. The Buffy Summers ‘Take A Look at This Loser’ File
Drawer. Had it been transferred from the old school? Oooh
– maybe it had blown up during that whole Mayor Wilkins apocalypse thingy. She
would live in hope.
Buffy had
never tried smoking, so she was pretty sure her record didn’t include that, and
she couldn’t really remember if she’d ever been accused of stealing. Perhaps
Dawn just wanted to create her own unique record of
delinquency. Establish her own identity, so to speak.
Aside from getting suspended for swearing at a teacher just after she’d
discovered she was the key, Dawn’s record had been relatively clean. To this point.
Her sister
was already there, seated across from Principal Davis. Her expression was
mutinous, and her arms were crossed, but Buffy saw the color rush into her face
when she came into the room, and Dawn refused to meet her eyes.
Dawn had
barely spoken to her since Spike had left town.
The few times she had deigned to speak, her words had been biting and
sarcastic, her tone laced with anger. Even, Buffy was afraid, hatred. She’d
refused to do anything around the house, and she barely came out of her room.
She’d even been mean to
Principal
Davis’, call me Steven, um, no thank you, words washed over her. Stole
the cigarettes and a few other things, from a local convenience store, skipped
class a dozen times since school had resumed after winter break, hanging out
with some of the less desirable elements, mouthed off to three of her teachers,
using very interesting and creative language, smoking in the hall, in open
view, police had read her her rights...Court date.
Three day suspension…
Buffy turned
her head and eyed her sister. Boy, she was making up for lost time.
“We had a
crisis over the holidays,” Buffy finally injected, interrupting the
ever-lengthening list of her sister’s failures as a human being. “A – close friend disappeared. Dawn’s been pretty upset about it.
Some of this might be due to that.”
Principal
Davis raised his brows.
“I know it’s
not an excuse. But, um, it might explain some of it. She’s had a lot to deal
with this last year – with our mom, and, well, some other things.” It was hard
to explain the whole key/hell god/end of the world situation to most people.
Even in Sunnydale.
“You do
realize I’ll have to inform Social Services of this incident?”
Fear squeezed
her.
“I’m sure
you’ll do what you have to. Can I take Dawn home now?” Buffy stood up, anxious
to leave. She’d hoped to never enter a principal’s office again after
graduating herself. You would’ve thought destroying the high school would have
helped make that dream come true, but there always had to be something,
some loophole, didn’t there? In this case another whole school…
switch to Dawn pov: ? right now it jumps back and forth…
The absolute
silence they treated each other to on the long walk home wasn’t broken until
they entered their house. When Dawn started up the stairs, Buffy’s words pulled
her to a stop.
“I think we
need to talk, young lady.”
“You’re not
my mom, so you can drop the act.”
“No. But if
you keep this up, you’ll have a new mom. A foster mom.
And you’ll be living with her. Is that what you want?”
Dawn was
silent, but her expression clearly revealed her horror at the thought. Then her
face hardened. “I’m sure it would make you a lot happier.”
“Why would
you think that?”
“I know you
don’t love me. I’m just a problem you have to deal with. One
of many. Just one more thing to fit into your ‘Why the
hell did my friends drag me back to life?’ life.
“That’s not
true, Dawnie.” Pain clutched at Buffy’s chest. Is
that really how Dawn felt? She’s a teenager, Buffy reminded herself. She was
displaying a typical teenage reaction, and was also striking where it hurt
most, a teenage strength.
“Don’t bloody
lie to me!”
“I know
you’re upset about Spike...”
“Wow! Observiness.”
“Can we talk
about this calmly?” Buffy asked. Her head was beginning to throb.
“I doubt it,”
Dawn sneered.
Buffy bit
back her angry retort, forcing her tone to remain calm. She could at least try
to act rationally. After all, she was supposed to be the adult. And how come
she hadn’t gotten a say in that? She didn’t think she was anywhere near ready.
“Can we try?
Please?”
Dawn sat down
on the sofa. Her back was rigid, her arms were folded again, and her face, as
mutinous as ever, was turned away from Buffy. They might just as well be back
in the principal’s office. But at least Dawn was still in the same room, and
sitting. Buffy considered it a step forward.
“Why don’t we
start with Spike? I think he’s the biggest part of our problem.”
“Ya think?” Another sneer.
“That night –
that last night before he left – when we had that fight...”
“Yeah?”
“He hit me.”
“Spike hit
you?” Dawn’s eyes went wide. “He loves you! Why would he hit you?”
“We were
arguing and, um...”
“Oh.”
Understanding dawned, and Dawn’s expression hardened again. “You hit him, and
he hit you back.”
“Well, yeah.
But...” Buffy drew a deep breath. “The chip didn’t fire, Dawnie.”
“What?!”
“I guess it’s okay,” she reassured her sister. “It’s working alright,
and he didn’t try to feed on anyone or anything. He wanted you to know that.”
“You’ve
talked to him?”
“No. Giles
went to see him in
“Yeah, Giles
told me he was in
why would Giles not tell Dawn about the chip? Spike
specifically asked him to.
Spike hadn’t
sent a message for her, she thought with a mental pout. Of course, she
hadn’t expected him to, and it was completely unreasonable for her to feel
hurt. She still did, though.
Stupid vampire.
“Yeah.”
“So, um, why
didn’t it work on you?”
“Oh, Giles
dragged me to the hospital for a complete physical – and you know how I love
hospitals – and then he and Tara topped off that lovely experience with this
whole big buncha other – experiences. Tests. They didn’t tell me why, of course, until after they
were done. Just told me they wanted to make sure I’d come through getting
resurrected alright. But they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. And they
said I’m still human. So I guess that’s good, right?”
Dawn stared
at her in mutinous silence.
Buffy
shrugged. “Well, I thought it was good.
Buffy thought
that explanation was a little non-specific, that it
didn’t feel right, but since she had no idea what had happened, it was as good
an explanation as any.
“So why’d you
have to hit Spike this time? We went to the movie, had ice cream.
Everything was going pretty good it seemed to me. I suppose you just decided –
Hey! I haven’t hit Spike since I got back! I better take care of that! That’d
be about your speed, right? After all, he’s just a thing, right?” Like me, Dawn added to herself. She remembered Buffy
telling her Spike was ‘a thing’. It wasn’t so very long after their mother had
called her ‘a thing’. Maybe she and Spike
were just destined to be ‘things’
together.
“I found out
he drank blood from my dead body,” Buffy stated baldly, tensing up at Dawn’s
continuing sarcasm.
“What?”
Dawn’s mouth fell open.
“It’s just so
– I don’t know how he could do that.”
“He didn’t!”
Dawn angrily defended her friend.
“Yes, he
did.”
“He so did
not! We were all right there. I think we would have noticed if he picked you up
and started gnawing away on your neck. Besides, your –” her voice broke. “—your
body was laying in the sunlight and Spike couldn’t…” Tears came into Dawn’s
eyes, and she angrily wiped them away. “Spike couldn’t…” The tears returned,
and started falling down her cheeks. “He was trying to get to you, and he…”
Dawn covered
her face with her hands, as she forced back sobs. She was too angry to let go
and allow herself a good cry right now, but sometimes it seemed like the horror of
that night, of those early morning hours would never leave her. Buffy’s body,
so still.
“Giles asked Spike
to go with me to the hospital,” she went on, fighting against the devastating
memories. She hadn’t had a nightmare about that night for more than a month
now. She didn’t want them to start again. They always made her feel like she
wanted to die.
Like she should have.
It was supposed to have been her. She was supposed to have jumped. Sometimes she
wondered if the whole future of the world was forever screwed up because she’d
let her sister persuade her to let her jump in her place.
“The sun was
already coming up, and Giles stayed with – with you until the ambulance came.
He met us later at the hospital.”
Buffy took
Dawn’s hand, stroking it softly. Even though Dawn was angry with her, she
accepted the offered comfort.
“I just don’t
understand why he would say he did, if he didn’t. That makes no sense.” It was
obvious Dawn was telling the truth, and Buffy was honestly confused.
“Are you sure
he said he drank from your dead body?” Dawn was far from ready to forgive her
sister. Sarcasm started to creep back into her voice as she pushed bad memories
away. She pulled her hand away from Buffy’s. “You probably just heard what you wanted
to hear. It’s always so easy for you to think the worst of him.”
“Well, not
exactly,” Buffy had to admit. “He said he tasted my blood after I –”
“Oh.” Dawn’s
face flamed red. God, how dense am I? Dawn
asked herself. I should have seen
that one coming a mile away.
Buffy stared
at her. “What – ? Dawn, what do you know about this?”
“I, um, nothing.”
The lie was
obvious. “I wanna know. Now.”
Wow! Good mom
voice, Buffy congratulated herself, even in the midst
of the serious conversation. Dawn must have thought so too, because the words
began tumbling out of her mouth so quickly that Buffy could hardly keep up.
“It was me. I
gave it to him. He was dying, Buffy. If you could have seen him, maybe you’d
understand what it was like. They tried. They tried to get him to eat, and he
couldn’t – he couldn’t keep anything down. It was eeeww,
hurling blood, not that it was a lot because he could only take a sip or two
before spewing, but, God, Buffy. Geesh, even Xander
tried for god’s sake, bringing him human blood from Willie’s which wasn’t any
better and, Giles... Giles offered to let him drink from his own arm. But even
that didn’t work, and Spike was withering away. He looked like a skeleton, and
if you could have seen him...
“But what
would you care anyway? Of course you wouldn’t.
“But I did.
He’s my best friend. And I wasn’t gonna lose anyone
else. Cause, you know, after mom dying, then you, I’d
pretty much had enough of the whole people dying and leaving me thing. And I
wasn’t gonna lose Spike too. And there it was – your
blood, sitting in the freezer. You weren’t gonna need
it – hello, dead? And I thought maybe, ‘cause he loved
you, and you were the Slayer – big blood power for vamps, right? – and stuff, that maybe your blood would be different. That
he’d be able to drink it. That it might save him.
“And it did.
“And I’m not
sorry. I’m not, and nothing you say is gonna make me
sorry I gave him your blood to try to save his life, or that it worked. So now
you can use that as another reason to hate me, and him, too I suppose, but I
still won’t be sorry. I’ll never be sorry.”
Buffy felt as
though she couldn’t move, as shock rocked through her. When Dawn started to get
up, Buffy, being careful not to use her ‘I
save the world Slayer strength’, tugged her back down.
Dawn tried to
pull away, but Buffy’s voice soothed her. “Shhh. Just hold on a minute, okay? Please?”
Her odd tone
gave Dawn pause, and she sat still, waiting.
“Tell me what
happened to Spike, Dawn.”
“I just did.
He was dying. The others wouldn’t let me see him. Gotta
protect ‘the kid’, right?” she scoffed. “None of them cared that I cared
about him. I was just supposed to sit in my room, I guess. But I saw enough
when I found him, and… I snuck in to see him a couple of times, so I knew a lot
about what was going on. Some of it, anyway.”
“But I don’t
– what was
wrong with him?”
“Nobody
knows. Or at least nobody bothered to tell ‘the kid’. Maybe they thought it was
too scary or important for my delicate ‘kid’ ears. Anya
told me they did all kinds of research on it, trying to find out what might be
wrong with him, but that they couldn’t find anything. She just thought he was
in mourning, but when she tried to tell the others that, no one paid any
attention to her. Like usual. So she dropped it. And it’s not like she really
knew for sure, anyway.”
Buffy looked
at her sister. There were a whole truckload of issues they needed to talk
about. And they would. They had to. But…
“It’s um, kinda bugging me that he’s not out there. You know, on the
roof, every night.”
Dawn’s eyes
went wide. Then, slowly, a very small smile curved her lips. She knew her
sister. This was a huge admission. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Me,
too. When he first started doing it, I thought it was kinda weird. But I, um, kinda
liked it, too.” Dawn looked at her hands. “He really does like me, you know.
And not just because I’m your sister.”
“I know,” Buffy
assured her.
“And he sorta likes all the parts of me. You know, even the parts
that aren’t so – well, nice, I guess. You know, when I get mad at someone,
like, um, dad. He doesn’t think that makes me bad, or, er,
evil or anything.
“And he
doesn’t laugh at me when I talk about, um, stuff, with him. He just kinda listens to me. And he doesn’t make fun of me like
some of my friends do. You know, when I read a lot, or um, write a little poem
or something. He thinks that’s totally not weird or anything. I told him some
stuff one night about being an artist so I could leave something personal
behind after I die. Do you know how my friends would look at me if I said
something like that? Total freakazoid, believe me.
“Sometimes,
he’s the only person I really feel comfortable with. I suppose you think that’s
really weird.” Dawn hunched her shoulders. “Sometimes, I think it’s kinda weird too.” Dawn paused. “Have I used ‘weird’ enough
times in the last minute?”
Buffy just
smiled. Should she tell her sister that since she’d come back Spike was the
only one she felt comfortable with?
“I mean, I
know he’s a vampire. And, er, stuff. But it doesn’t
seem to matter. You know how he was with me when I found out I was the key?
When we, um, broke into the Magic Box?” Dawn glanced up at Buffy, waiting for
the angry words to start, but Buffy just nodded. “I was, you know, kinda wigged.”
“I remember,”
Buffy said.
“And he tried
to tell me, that night even, that it didn’t matter…” Dawn squeezed her hands
tightly between her knees. “But I didn’t listen to him. Just
like I didn’t listen to you and mom. Then one day I was at his crypt,
and he told me it didn’t matter where you started out…I kinda
liked that idea. I could make myself be real you know. Maybe.
A real girl, be, you know, me. A person. Maybe even kinda
– normal.” She paused. “Not just green glowy
energy.” She looked up at Buffy again. “Did you ever stop and think that maybe
I’m not exactly human? Or completely human? Maybe Spike
could have killed me all along. Even with the chip. He must have known that,
too. I mean, he thinks about stuff. It probably occurred to him. But he never
tried to hurt me. To even, sorta test it out. He
always seemed to kind of – I don’t know, like me, I guess.”
“I think he
loves you,” Buffy told her. The admission didn’t surprise her greatly. It was
quite obvious that Dawn and Spike had some real ties, odd and unexpected though
their friendship might seem.
“He does.”
Dawn was confident. She knew Spike loved her. “I can feel it all the
time. Like a little light glowing inside me. Even if…”
she paused, then went on in a rush. “Glory told me the
key was totally evil.”
“What?” Buffy
exclaimed. “When?”
“I don’t
remember, exactly. I just remember her saying it. She didn’t know I was the key
yet. But I wonder what I did. The key, you know. In the past.
How evil was I? Totally evil to someone like Glory must be pretty evil. And
those knight guys said I was created to destroy the world.” Dawn was staring at
her hands again. They were still pressed between her knees, and she was picking
at the dark purple fingernail polish on one of her thumbnails with the other
thumbnail. “You really can’t get much more evil than that. And I like – know – that Spike loves me even if I am
totally evil. ‘Cause that wouldn’t matter to him.”
“Dawnie –”
“And he told
me I wasn’t evil – Spike did. That he
knew evil and I wasn’t it.” She paused. “Even when he knows things about me… He
still tells me those things don’t make me evil.” She raised her eyes to her
sister’s. “When we, um, couldn’t find Spike, and he didn’t come to the funeral,
I was so pissed at him. I, um…”
“What?”
“When I went
to his crypt to look for him, I, um, had a stake with me.” Her voice trailed
off in a horrified whisper. “I was gonna kill him. I
wanted to kill him, ‘cause he’d let me down!”
“Oh, Dawnie…” Buffy sympathized. “It was a horrible time for
you. I’m sure Spike would have understood.”
Too many ‘Dawnies’
“He did.”
Dawn told her. “I, um, told him about it later. I felt so guilty, and I just
had to tell him…”
“And?”
“I think he
was kinda proud of me,” Dawn admitted, and as their
eyes met, neither Summers girl could prevent a quick
smile. That sounded like Spike.
“See? Spike
knows you’re not evil, and so do I. Because you’re not.”
Buffy went back to the subject. Her voice was emphatic.
“But I was
Glory’s key. I, um, must have done something. Lots of things.
She was evil, and she needed me to help her do evil things.”
Dawn was
biting at a fingernail now.
“It bugs me
sometimes. To not know what I did in the past.”
“I hadn’t
thought of that.” Had she had time? Had she been legitimately too wrapped up in
the problems of Glory and her mother’s illness? Or was she just Self Involved
Girl, blind to a lot of things going on around her? Things she should notice? Buffy
sighed. Maybe it was a mixture of both.
“I’m thinking
if you can’t remember it, you’re not responsible for it.”
Dawn looked
at her.
“That’s
totally lame, Buffy,” she told her. “Just because a person can’t remember
something they did, wouldn’t mean they didn’t do it. It’s like – it’s like
saying if Spike got amnesia, he was never really a vampire or something. Or
because you were all fuzzy when you got back, you weren’t the Slayer then.”
Put like
that, it did sound pretty lame.
“Sometimes, I
think it’s part of why me and Spike get along. We both
used to be evil. And now, maybe, not so much.”
“The monk guy
told me you were innocent, Dawn.”
The younger Summers girl looked shocked.
“He did?”
“He
absolutely did. If I’d have known you were all worried about this, I would have
told you. We just never talked about a lot of this stuff.”
“I guess
there was a lot going on,” Dawn was forced to admit.
“Maybe it was
when they reformed you, remade you with my blood. Maybe it was like a whole
Summers cleansing thing, washed all the evil away.” Buffy made a whooshing
gesture, and her tone was light. She wanted to reassure Dawn, make her feel
better. She also knew she needed to talk to Giles. It seemed they should spend
some time looking into Dawn’s history a little more deeply. Her sister
obviously had a lot of questions and fears about her past. What the Key was, or
had been.
“Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe the whole Summers
cleansing thing worked on Spike too. You know, when he was remade with your
blood.”
Buffy stared at her, stunned to hear
such a thought come from a fifteen year old girl. She had no idea how to reply
to that statement, so she said nothing.
“I’m gonna go
start my homework,” Dawn said, standing up. She hitched her schoolbag onto her
shoulder. “Um, Buffy?” Dawn waited
until her sister looked up at her.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry
about getting in all that trouble,” she mumbled.
“I know,” Buffy
assured her. “Oh, just so you know?
The smoking stops now.”
“Good. It’s
unbelievably gross. And I wasn’t inhaling anyway, because – Gack!
– so the others kids were giving me major crap.”
“Glad to hear
it, President Clinton.” Buffy paused, then went on
more seriously. “But, Dawn?”
“Yeah?”
“We need to
be really careful. I don’t want Social Services to have any more ammunition. I
don’t want them to take you away from me.”
“I don’t want
that either.”
“Because, Dawn?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Dawn’s eyes widened, and Buffy could see the pleasure her words had
given her.
“I love you,
too, Buffy.”
“You’re, um,
grounded, you know.”
“I kinda figured.”
Dawn went up
the stairs, and Buffy stared after her. She loved her sister, deeply. She’d
always felt that Dawn was more than a sister, more than…
She needed to
get to know her a lot better.
~*~
perhaps Buffy should talk to Giles here about
looking into Dawn’s past a little more. She could be/should be thinking about
making things more normal for Dawn.
Has Buffy spoken to Xander???
Perhaps that can be something that Giles
imparts through inner observations. Her continuing hostility
to everyone.
The little overhead bell jingled
happily, and Buffy was glad that Anya had removed the
Christmas decorations which had included numerous strands of jingle bells on the
door of The Magic Box. Whenever someone came in or left, they seemed to jangle
endlessly. Not feeling particularly ho-ho-ho, Buffy had found them really
annoying.
She glanced up and froze.
“Hi,”
Buffy stood up, and took a step closer
to Giles, who was standing at one of the bookshelves. He came up behind her,
book in hand.
“Hi, Will,” she responded.
“Is it, um, alright if I come in?” she
asked.
“You weren’t studying Voodoo or
anything, were you?” Anya asked bluntly.
“No,”
“Ahn…” Xander
warned.
“What?” Anya
demanded, tired of his constant defense of his old friend. “Voodoo is still big
in the
Some Willow POV here? What is her mind
set at this point? Just sort of biding her time until she’s accepted back into
the circle? Still very angry inside?
After being kicked out after the Rack
thing, she’s been furious with the lot of them, and she still felt that they
just wanted to hold her down, that they didn’t get it, that they were afraid of
her growing powers and resentful of her.
Does she actually talk to Buffy about
bringing her back and how she was so excited about it? That her growing powers
excited her? Maybe this would be better used when she’s feeling repentant…
Her parents weren’t a lot better. They’d
started to harp on her about the gang – Giles, that pervert who hung around
with kids half his age. Buffy the always in trouble Summers
girl, who had led their daughter into trouble herself, and
~*~
If I want Buffy to have a chat with Giles
about Spike and stuff, this would be a good place.
This could begin in a
This spot may be more realistic, because
in Spike’s absence, she begins to rebuild her relationship with Giles and she
may then share with him.
Perhaps he admits that he knows that she
and Spike were lovers, or something…
“Not
I. She’s your bird. You tell her.” Oh god, he’d said that right in front of her, and she hadn’t
realized the implications. She’s your
bird…
“When I was with him, it was the only
time I felt…”
“Relaxed? At ease?”
Giles suggested. That had certainly been his impression.
“Yeah. But more. Warmth. Peace. Comfort.” Her eyes
met his steadily. “And, not that it was like it exactly, but honestly? It was
the closest thing…”
“Closest thing to
what?” Giles asked, his tone inviting confidences.
“To, um, heaven,” Buffy said very
softly. “To being back in heaven. Where I was…”
Giles
went still, his eyes revealing his shock. He sat down heavily in his chair, and
removed his glasses. He stared into her sad, old eyes, and his heart filled
with pain for her.
~*~