Part 1 of 5

AUTHORS: Rae and DScully141

DATE: Began in July 2000, finished September 9th 2000.

RATING: R for language

CATEGORY: MSR, Angst, Mythology

DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere! As long as you keep Rae and I attached to this anywhere that pleases you. Of course it would be nice if you told us so we could come and raid your websites :)

FEEDBACK: Yes Please! We beg of you. There is no shame in begging...
All Feedback send to Rae at ultimatexffan@hotmail.com and to DScully, at DScully141@aol.com.

SPOILERS: This takes place during the 5th season kiddies but don't let that turn you away. This is a good one. Spoilers are Pilot through Redux.

SUMMARY: We will not give too much of the plot away. The best part of this story are the twists and turns that it takes. Is it worth it to sell your soul to save another? Or is the price too high? And when all is said and done...it all comes down to A Matter of Trust.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: I would first of all like to thank my partner in ongoing crime, Rae. I have never clicked with another writer the way I click with her. Thanks Rae for helping me breathe life into our story, and for coming up with the most kick-ass plot twists. No one writes Scully like we do babe! And thanks for loving my title!!! Took me 2 months to think of that one, lmao.

And lastly I want to thank everyone out there that reads fan-fiction. You are what keeps these stories alive. Keep reading and writing, because we have another 2 months till the premier and I'm dying here!!!! Love to you all, DScully.

ANOTHER AUTHOR’S NOTES: What can I say? I'm still so new to the fan-fic community, that to say I was honored by DScully's request to have me co-author a story with her is an understatement.

This has been so much fun and I look forward to doing it again...Enjoy the story everyone, we put a lot of work into this and would love to hear what you think.

DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are the sole property of Chris Carter and 1013 productions. In fact all things X belong to them. We are merely borrowing these lovely characters for this story. Trust me, we aren't making shi-caca for doing this...so no grounds for a lawsuit there!

THANKS: go to Nikki for keeping all the commas in POV’s straight!

A MATTER OF TRUST

::Sigh::

I can finally breathe easily for the first time in what feels like forever. Scully's cancer has gone into some kind of miraculous remission. She isn't talking about it, but I'm pretty sure it's because she's still in shock of all the events that have taken place recently. I know I am.

Maybe that's the reason she's been so distant lately. Since she's been home from the hospital, she's been very cold and remote. I've been unable to reach her psyche. I know that I shouldn't worry, but I do. It's not something that I can control any longer. There was once a time long ago that I wasn't too concerned about this little redhead, but things changed pretty quickly. The exact moment you ask? It must have been shortly after she disrobed in my hotel room that fateful night in Oregon. It was our first case together and she was trying to act all prim and proper like a good little G-Woman should. I guess when I realized that she was really baring herself to me, and that it wasn't something that Dana Scully did too often, yep, that was my undoing.

Since then, I've made her safety my number one priority, so you can imagine how it killed me to learn that she had developed cancer. No, wait. Developed is the wrong word. She was given cancer. I know, you can't give someone cancer, but she was given cancer. All in the name of Let's Keep Fox Mulder From Discovering The Truth. Yes, I know how insane this is starting to sound. No, I don't believe that the world revolves around me. This is just one of many lies we've uncovered in the great search for my sister. Yes, it confuses me at times too. But I don't really concern myself with the details anymore. I'm just happy that Scully is going to live.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I don't know who he thinks he's kidding. I didn't jump right out of my deathbed to start racking up more frequent flyer miles in this endless search of his. Agent Mulder is going to be in for one rude awakening when I inform him that things are going to be changing around here. I’ve had a lot of time to just sit and think recently, and I’ve come to a few decisions that I can almost bet my life on that he won't agree with. Okay, so maybe that was a bad choice of words, but you get the picture.

In choosing life over death, I was forced to rethink all of my beliefs, and I realized that there are only a few important things you have to accomplish while in this world. I have yet to accomplish any of them. I was preparing myself for one of the most difficult things I would ever have to do, but it had to be done. I know that there is no way he's going to understand, but maybe one day he'll come to see why I've decided to take the path set before me. I know he'll think I'm abandoning him, but I can only pray that he'll see the truth in the end.

And the time has come for me to break the strongest man I have ever known. I take a deep breath as I open the door to allow Mulder entrance into my apartment.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Scully. You're looking better each day. Are you ready to come back to searching the world for the strange and exotic? The basement has been really lonely."

"Mulder, let me ask you something."

"Sure thing."

"Do you really expect to find Samantha?"

"I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from Scully."

"I'm just asking if you really expect to find her one day."

"I expect that if I don't find her, I will discover what happened to her, where's she's been. Why?"

"I was just wondering where flukemen and werewolves fit into the scheme of things."

"They're part of the X-Files. The part of the Bureau we work in. The cases no one else wants - we try to solve them, remember?"

"Yes, but what do they have to do with your sister?"

"They will hopefully lead us to the truth about, well, everything. I thought you understood this."

"I don't know. Why was it that you came over here?"

"I just came to see how you're doing. How are you feeling, Scully?"

"I'm okay Mulder. A little tired. I'd like to get some sleep."

"I can take a hint. I'll have my cell phone on if you need anything."

"Goodnight Mulder."

Less than two minutes later, there is another knock on my door. I open it and step aside to let him enter. The mere presence of him sends an involuntary shudder up my spine. I still haven't gotten used to the idea of working for a man that I have come to loathe, but how does that saying go? "Sometimes you just gotta do what ya gotta do."

"You didn't do as we discussed."

"I couldn't do it all in one shot like that. It would kill him to know. I've got to let him down easy. You just said to kill his spirit. If I'm not careful, he'll go home and just blow his brains out – and that is not what we discussed. You just want him to slow down."

"I trust you enough to know what's best, just don't make me regret my decision. What I've afforded you can be taken back."

"I understand." I lower my head.

As he walks out into the cold night, he lights a cigarette and inhales the poisonous gas deeply, the thick smoke curling ominously around his shadowy form. I shut the door and walk into my bedroom wondering once again if I made the right choice. I stare at myself in the mirror for a long time. Had I done the right thing by selling my soul to the devil? Whatever I did, I am alive. Isn't that human nature...to do whatever it takes to ensure survival? A month ago I was dying in a hospital bed, my family at a loss for what to do. Mulder...at a loss. My eyes well with unshed tears as I think of him. No, I tell myself. I am doing this for him,to protect him, to protect myself. I must now take on the hardest assignment of my life. I must lie to my partner, the man whom I trust dearly, the man who is closest to my heart. Life carries a high price these days, and a debt must be paid.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I never thought that Scully would lie to me. Of course I am not exactly sure if she is lying to me, but she has become very secretive. In the past, I have been able to call her at all hours of the night and she would answer the phone in that groggy beautiful voice, asking me what the hell I was doing calling her at such an hour, asking me if something was wrong. Now I find that the hours I call her, she does not answer. I have driven by her apartment several times, worried to death that something has happened to her - that the cancer has maybe started it's painful attack on her body yet again. But each time, her car is not there, and I feel fear grip my heart. It's a fear that can only come from not knowing. Did she drive herself to the hospital? Is she hiding the fact that she is still sick from me? I make myself go home with all my questions unanswered. She comes into work the next day looking afraid and exhausted. I long to touch her, to ask her what is going on, if she is in trouble, but I hold back. It is like she has put the wall we’ve worked so hard to bring down back up between us; like she doesn't want me to get too close. She is warning me to stay away with her soft blue eyes. Something has happened...she is afraid. What I can't figure out is if she is afraid for herself, or for me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mulder has become even more suspicious as of late, and I am starting to wonder if what I am doing is truly right. I carefully take the stack of files out of the filing cabinet and slip them into my bag. After securing the information, I sit at his desk and gaze around the room. Memories of us cover the walls, memories of our cases together. There are posters as well as articles. I look down at his desk and feel a smile spread across my face. There, sitting on the left corner near his pencil sharpener, is a framed picture of the two of us. Mulder has his hand on my shoulder and is whispering something into my ear. I am looking off in the distance, but smiling at whatever he is telling me. I also notice that his other hand is holding onto my arm and that we are standing so close that our bodies are touching. No wonder mom took this picture, I think to myself grinning. She had snapped that shot last year when we were at her house for dinner. She had taken to Mulder right away, and of all the times she invited him over, he would occasionally show up for a few of them. I smile at the memory. Mom had developed the picture, had it framed, and then mailed it to Mulder with a little note that read, "Love Maggie". I shake my head, willing myself to focus on the task at hand. This is much harder than I could have ever imagined.

"Mulder I'm so sorry..." I whisper into the air, as if saying it...even though he cannot hear me, might somehow rectify what I am doing. I think to myself that surely death would have been far less painful.

"Scully? It's two am. What are you doing in the office at this time of night? And what is it you're sorry about?"

I jerk around in the chair, knowing the surprise of being caught is evident all over my face.

"Mulder. You startled me. I just couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come and see if I could catch up on a few things."

"Uh huh. So, now do you want to tell me what's really going on, or should I put my skills as a profiler to the test and try to figure it out myself? That degree on my wall should be good for something."

"I don't know what you're talking about Mulder."

"Bullshit Scully. You're keeping something from me. Something is going on that for some reason, you have deemed me unworthy of knowing. I'm sick of playing these damn guessing games. I want to know what it is."

He's backed me into a corner. I didn't want it to happen this way, all in anger and hurt. But then again, how do you gently kill a person? I drop my chin to my chest.

"I'm not hiding anything from you Mulder. I've just been trying to think of a way to tell you."

"Tell me what? What's wrong? Is it the cancer? Is the tumor growing again?"

Oh Lord, give me strength! I hadn't planned on seeing love and concern burning bright in those beautiful green eyes. This is surely the most difficult thing I've ever done. From somewhere deep, a place I never knew existed, I find my resolve. I lift my head and look straight into the eyes of the man I love. I owe him that much. If I'm going to murder him, my penance will be to watch the life drain from him.

"Please just let me get all of this out before you answer me okay?” I plead. He nods his head, eyeing me warily, the concern evident in every fiber of his being.

"While struggling with the demons of my cancer, I've thought long and hard about my life. About the choices I've made along the way, and about this path I've traveled with you. And I've realized that I was wrong. This is not my fight. It can't be. I'm lying to myself and to you standing by your side each day. You asked me once if I really believed that Samantha had been abducted by aliens, and even though my silence gave you an answer, it didn't tell you everything. What I've come to understand in the past few weeks is that this road has come to an end for me. I can no longer take this journey with you. I've questioned my own beliefs and tested my own reasons and have gained nothing but heartache in the process. You should have someone beside you that holds the same beliefs you do, someone that can substantiate your feelings. I feel that I must be true to myself in a way that I haven't been in quite a while now."

The room has become eerily silent as I watch his face for a reaction. There is nothing there. No anger, no hurt, no fight. I stand before him waiting for absolution. I know that I will wait forever, for how can you forgive the one person you trusted most? He only stares at me, his face expressionless. But I can see the fire in his eyes has ignited. I close my eyes and silently pray that someday he will understand why I have done what I have done. I pray for forgiveness, for I have just killed a man. He lowers his head and pushes past me, walking out of the office.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I run. My breath catches in my chest as I gasp in another lungful of crisp evening air. The sweat runs down the back of my neck, the chill reminding me that I am still alive. It was all a lie. All this time, she had been lying to me. Leading me into thinking that she was here because she was interested, that she was by my side because that is where she had wanted to be. And now...to be betrayed like this....she has taken something away from me....she has taken the only thing I had left to give. My trust.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I let the scalding water pound my neck and back, scorching my skin into submission. As I turn off the water and step out of the tub, I shiver from the sudden blast of cold. What had I done? I wipe away a tear and slip into my bathrobe, heading into the living room. I stand still for a moment before picking up the phone. I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear his voice.

"Who are you working for?"

The tone is even, but filled with hatred. I turn around to face him. "I don't understand what you mean." I simply reply, backing up slightly. He stands and walks towards me, his eyes burning with anger.

"Who the fuck are you working for Scully...and tell me the goddamn truth this time."

I shake my head violently, willing myself not to surrender my secret. "I told you Mulder....I don't know what you're talking about." I nearly scream as he grabs my briefcase from the couch, dumping the contents onto the floor. The files and pictures scatter across the carpet and he bends to pick one up.

"These are my files...you are stealing my files?" He stands and is coming towards me now. I back up into the wall, panic overtaking me.

"Mulder..."

"What the fuck is this!" He shoves the picture in my face and grabs my arm.

"Mulder...please...let go." The more I plead, the tighter he grips my skin.

"It's been a lie all along hasn't it Scully?" His voice has started to rise in pitch as his anger grows. He has me pinned against the wall, his fingers snaked around my arm. There is nowhere to run. I can't escape.

"How much was it worth? What's the bottom line Scully? I never would have figured you for a sell out. Those are some mighty high standards you've set for your morals."

I can see the venom in his eyes as I drop my head in defeat knowing that he is right. I have always prided myself with the knowledge that I always travel the highroad, and now to be cast aside into the ditches by my own actions is too much of a disappointment – even for me.

"For weeks now I've had this fear of losing you to a demon that I can't fight. I can't wield my gun against a cancerous mass invading that beautiful mind of yours. But now I'm beginning to think that it's better this way because I can honestly say that no matter how much it frightens and kills me to think about seeing your lifeless body lying in a casket - your eyes closed forever against the harsh reality of this world, it would be better than to see the truth of my deepest fear looking back at me now."

All at once he lets me go, and I can barely hold myself up as he retreats from my apartment. Once the door slams shut behind him, I loose my resolve and crumble to the floor, crying as I have never cried before.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am nearly back home when I realize that in my hasty departure, I had left the files at her apartment. Oh to hell with the files. The hell with all of it - especially Dana Scully. I'm so damn tired of playing the martyr. I swing my car around and start heading towards the Hoover Building hoping I can catch Skinner before he leaves for the day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I don't know what to say Agent Mulder." He looks surprised, if not slightly hurt.

"I'm sorry I can't give you the required two weeks notice, but then again, nothing ever works the way it's supposed to." I stare at him for a moment, reading his features.

Skinner looks at me, wondering what to say. "May I ask why you're leaving? I had thought that with Agent Scully back on her feet, the two of you would be in a rush trying to make up for lost time, doubling up on your assignments and such."

I can tell that he is truly puzzled. "Let me just say that I'd rather quit now and walk away from it all...than continue to be blinded by what I thought was truth, when it was actually a lie from the beginning."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Here's my gun, my badge, and my office keys." I turn and walk out of the office, out of the building and into a new hell.

end 1/5

A MATTER OF TRUST

Part 2 of 5

SUMMARY: A continuation to part 1. Mulder is gone, Scully is alone. What will it take to bridge the gap? When all is said and done, it comes down to a matter of trust.

Please see part one for disclaimer and notes.

ONE YEAR LATER...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"SURPRISE!!!!"

I nearly fall down the steps that I have just come to the top of as the weight of that one word hits me all at once.

"Oh mom, this is really really unnecessary. Really."

My mother stands in the doorway beaming. "Come now Dana, it's your birthday and you seem in need of a party – a festive occasion to lift you from the slump you've been in.” She pulls me into the house.

As I walk through the doorway, Bill steps up and enfolds me into a tight embrace. "It's so good to see you alive and well and all in one piece for a change."

I try hard to smile, I really do, but his words of caution are not lost on me. I know that he never really liked Mulder, in fact, he downright despised the man and blamed him for all the bad things that had befallen the Scully family. "Hi Bill. It's good to see you too." I put an arm around his shoulder in a weak attempt to reassure my brother.

I turn towards my mother and pull her aside. "Listen mom, I know you must have gone through a lot of trouble, but I'm really not in a party mood right now."

"You're right. I did go to a lot of trouble, so you're going to enjoy yourself and the company of all these guests that came here to see you." With that said, Margaret Scully leaves my side to attend to the party.

Six hours later, I sit slumped in a chair in my mother's living room, the exhaustion overcoming me. The guests have left and the house has been cleaned, leaving no trace of the bright and cheery atmosphere that was so apparent just a few short hours ago. I watch as my mother sinks into the cushions next to me.

I can tell that Mom is worried about me. She has commented on the lines that have grown around my eyes on numerous occasions. She never fails to mention that I look tired – and that a woman my age should not look so defeated by the world. I know that she is upset that I’ve given up my fight against the cancer, but I no longer have the fight in me. I guess I depended on Mulder’s strength more than I thought, and without it, without him, I would rather just give in to the demons that are attacking my body at an ever increasing rate. I can see the pity in my mother’s eyes. She is convinced that if Mulder would only return to me, to our quest, all will be right with the world once again; but if she only knew the truth…

"Mom? Are you okay?" I ask, watching the emotions flicker across her eyes. "You look like you're a thousand miles away."

She smiles and looks up at me. "I'm okay, honey. Why don't you go on home? You look exhausted." I realize that she's right as I pick myself up out of the chair.

I know she wants to ask me about what happened, but I just can't bring myself to tell her how I betrayed him. There are just some things that a mother shouldn't know about her children. It would kill her to know what a coward I am. I kiss her on the cheek and make my way to my car wondering where Mulder is, what he is doing. I haven't seen or heard from him since he confronted me a year ago. By the time my meeting with Skinner had ended the next day, Mulder had disconnected his phone and packed up everything he felt important enough to take with him as he fled from me and my dirty secret. My only consolation is the fact that I did do the right thing. I knew the chance I was taking when I made my deal with the devil. Even if it doesn't look like we won, Mulder and I are both safe. Life is a very expensive commodity, and I had paid the highest price of all.

I climb into my car, pulling the door shut behind me as my mind drifts back, and I recall a secret conversation. The conversation Mulder will never know of.

When he had first approached me, I had laughed right in his face.

"You've got to be kidding me. There is nothing you have that I want. You're wasting my time." I had tried to walk past him, but he had stopped me with his next words.

"Are you sure Agent Scully? Think long and hard. This is important."

I had turned and faced him then, willing him to cower away under my intense stare. He held his ground and lifted his brow in question.

"Nothing." I answer.

"I hear that you're feeling under the weather. I know that as a medical doctor, you are up to speed on all the latest research surrounding the search for the cure for cancer. What I have for you cannot be found in any medical journal, but I assure you that a cure does exist, but only for you."

"Like I said, nothing. I cannot be bought by your dirty money and bribes."

I see you are the honorable woman everyone claims you to be. If I cannot entice you with the safety of your life, perhaps a bigger price is to be discussed."

"What do you want from me? I have nothing to give you."

"That all depends. I'm tiring of Agent Mulder and his so called quest. His determination is beginning to worry my associates and they feel that he is learning too much."

"We know nothing. We uncover lies hidden behind walls of doubt, only to find more lies beneath. We constantly find ourselves going in circles uncovering answers that only contradict what we had once believed to be fact. Tell your cohorts there is nothing to worry about."

He scoffs at my suggestion.

"These are men of action; they do not sit well waiting to see if everything they have worked their lives to keep secret could fall down around them because of one man and his red headed partner. So this is how it will work Agent Scully. Listen well. You will make Mulder doubt your allegiance, your truth. You will force him to see that you are lying to him, betraying him. You will have him believe that you are working against him, trying to keep the truth from him."

"Sucking on all of those cigarettes has really started to impact the flow of oxygen to your brain. There is nothing you could say that would make me do what you are suggesting. I would rather let the cancer slowly eat away at my brain than to kill Mulder's spirit."

"The cure for your cancer is no longer being offered to you. You could not be persuaded with your own life, but what about for the life of your partner Agent Scully?"

I did not flinch as the impact of his words came upon me full force. I refused to let him see that he had hit a nerve in me.

"If you don't do exactly as I have outlined for you, Mulder dies. It's that simple."

I feel my body begin to tremble once again just as it had on that awful night not so long ago. I drop my weary head into my hands when the tears begin coursing down my cheeks, remembering the words lashed out at me form the mouth of the devil himself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I watch her kiss her mother goodnight and get into her car. I squint through the darkness and watch her drop her head into her hands. I feel like a voyeur, and when I see the unmistakable shaking of her shoulders, I know that this is a private moment I should not be witnessing. I know she doesn't know that I'm still around. I keep my distance. I had tried in the beginning, when the pain was still raw to stay away, but I find myself following her around nonetheless. I'm not sure of the exact moment in which the realization hit me, but once I figured it out, I felt like an ass. Scully would never betray me. I know this in the deepest part of my heart. I know now that she must have been approached. The bastard must have threatened her with something, and she must have felt backed into a corner. There is no other explanation. I trusted, no, I trust her like I trust no other. I must not know the whole story. There is something she is keeping from me, but it's not the fact that she is working against me. That was just a cover. I'm not sure of all of the facts just yet, but I will soon. In the meantime, I've taken to following her, hoping that I can glean some answers this way before confronting her. So I keep a little distance, but I must make sure that she's safe. It's just part of who I am. I wish I could make a clean break, it sure would save me a lot of grief, but I shake the thought from my head as I watch her unlock her front door and slip inside. I'm just about to drive away when I notice the all too familiar form of my old nemesis walk into the lobby of her building. I feel the rage building once again. Maybe I should confront him and demand the secrets to this sinister game he insists on playing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I turn as I hear the knock at my door. There is no question who it is, only why he is here again. I shed my coat and unlock the door, stepping aside for the demon to enter.

"I have done what you asked." I stare at him evenly, my blood pressure beginning to rise.

He nods, reaching into his coat pocket for a light.

"I said I have done what you asked, now what the hell are you doing here?"

He smiles at me as he sucks on his newly lit cigarette. I stare at him, the anger building until I can no longer control it. I smack it out of his mouth and shove him against the wall.

"I have done everything that you asked....everything! Why are you here?" I am afraid, afraid that what I did was not enough for him. I am afraid that I have sold my soul and will never get it back. He must know this is affecting me, he smiles again as the tears start to roll from my eyes. I cannot stop them, I cannot stop anything anymore.

"Tsk Tsk Agent Scully. I had never said that our dealings were finished." He lights up another cigarette and holds it dangerously close to my curtains. "After all, you are a part of Mulder...and as such are to be trusted no more than he."

"You Son of a Bitch...I will kill you!" I lunge at him, only to be yanked backwards by an enormous man. He has his hand around my neck, his other hand around my waist. I struggle against him, only to be choked back. He whispers suggestively in my ear as he runs one hand along my body. For the first time in a long time...I am truly afraid.

"This is what I want from you Agent Scully." Cancerman speaks in harsh tones.

I listen as my worst fears are confirmed in his words.

"It will look like an accident, a match, dropped on the floor.." He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a package of matches. "....setting the carpets aflame. You are in your bed sleeping. By the time you know what is happening it will be too late for you to escape."

"No...Damn you!!! I did what you asked...I did what you asked you Son of a Bitch!" I struggle hard against the man holding me, but he covers my mouth.

I shake my head violently, moaning...pleading for my life. I fall to my knees in front of the man who would kill me to keep secrets. I look up at him, the tears slowly streaming out of my eyes, and rolling onto my hands. "But I did what you asked...."

He looks at me a moment, and I see something else in his eyes. Guilt, perhaps remorse. In an instant it is gone, and he strikes the match. The large man drags me back to my bed. I fight with all that is in me. I cry out hoping that someone will hear. I cry out hoping that HE will hear, wherever he is. He pulls a syringe out of his coat and struggles to hold me down. My eyes grow wild as I leap from the bed. I make it halfway down the hallway before I am tripped and tackled to the floor. I can already smell the smoke as the man shoves the needle into my arm. His name escapes from my lips as a mere whisper.

"...mulder..."

I feel the sharp sting....and my world fades to black.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I watch them leave her building in a hurry and their smiles sicken me as they get into their car.

I turn on the ignition and wait for them to pull away. I am about to pull onto the road to follow them when I catch something out of the corner of my eye. I slowly turn my head and I freeze in terror. There are flames coming from Scully's apartment window. The two men screech off and I jump from my car, racing to her door. I frantically search for the key and once I have found it, I shove it into her keyhole...turning it madly. The lock doesn't catch, and the door stays shut.

"Damnit!" I scream. She must have changed her locks. I back up and slam my foot into her door, over and over. Finally on the 6th try, I knock it off the jamb and duck into the apartment. The giant flames lick up the walls, and rumble across the ceiling. I crawl across the floor, choking on the smoke. I try to scream her name.

"Scully!!!" There is no answer. To my left, I see her couch aflame, her coat laying on top of it...crumbling to pieces from the heat. I crawl down her hallway, towards her bedroom. I can hear the sirens in the distance, and the sound of voices from the other apartments. Everyone is getting out. But where is Scully? I finally make it to her bedroom and freeze. There she is lying unconscious on the bed. I make my way to her and feel for a pulse.

"Thank you....thankyouthankyou!" I yell to the ceiling. I drag her off of the bed and back down the hallway towards the open apartment door. Once outside, I lay with her on the lawn as the fire department pulls up and rush hoses into the building. One of the EMT's sees us and comes running.

"Sir, are you all right?" He yells into my face.

I manage to nod my head but motion towards Scully. He yells something to one of the other EMT's and an oxygen tank is rushed over. I strap it onto her face and hold her head in my lap. I rock her slowly in my arms, the tears welling in my eyes. Had I not been there, had I not been right there she would have died in a fiery hell. I stroke her face and bend to kiss her forehead. Twelve months had passed. What had I done?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It is a beautiful day. I can hear the birds chirping in the trees that have blossomed early this year as the bees work feverishly to draw the nectar from the flowers upon their branches. I giggle like the little girl in pigtails forever-captured in innocence in the photographs on my mother's mantle as the butterflies flutter around my face, gently tickling my nose and cheeks. The sky is a shade of blue found only in children's picture books, with big fluffy white clouds floating by as if pulled by a toddler holding a string. I glance up to see him walking beside me, and he returns my gaze with a smile. We are both so happy, that it is evident in the joy dancing around our eyes. I calmly turn my face to catch the gentle breeze as it slips by almost unnoticed.

I hear my mother call out my name, and I turn toward the sound of her voice. I start to spin around in circles, seeking out the source, yet she is no where to be seen. I open my mouth to call out to her and as I draw in a deep breath, I recoil in pain. It feels as if thousands of fingernails are clawing their way through my lungs. I fight to open my eyes and at last I am rewarded with the sight of my mothers face hovering in my field of vision.

I feel her hands caressing my face, reminding me of butterflies, and as I drift back into unconsciousness, the steady beep and drone of the hospital equipment shrouding my bedside reminds me of birds, bees and leaves full of blossoms swaying gently in a warm spring breeze...

36 hours later...

I slowly come awake as I hear muted whispers around me. As I open my eyes, I make out two people standing at the foot of my bed, one holding a clipboard. I blink the bleariness from my eyes and recognize one of the forms as my mother, and the identity of the other is given away by the white lab coat adorning his body. The person I'm searching for is nowhere to be seen. I let out a quiet sigh and gather the strength needed to call for him.

"Mulder?"

My voice is nothing more than a faint rasp, but it is enough to draw the attention of my mother and the doctor still conversing quietly.

"Dana dear, you're awake! You shouldn't try to speak honey, you inhaled a lot of smoke so you're throat is probably raw. Here, try to dink some of this."

She hands me a cup of water and I take a small sip through the straw.

"Mom, I need to see Mulder. I have to talk to him."

"Honey, we haven't spoken to him in so long, I'm not sure of where to reach him. Do you have a number for him?"

"He was there. He pulled me out of my house. He held me and then rode with me in the ambulance."

"It was a very confusing time Dana. You had been drugged. I think you must have imagined him there."

I shake my head in refusal. Why doesn't she understand? I saw him there. I felt him stoke my hair back from my face. I couldn't have imagined it could I? It felt so real. All of a sudden, visions of a beautiful spring day spent laughing with Mulder, comes to the forefront of my mind. This too had seemed so real, yet it couldn't have been. It had never taken place. Was Mulder rescuing me just as much a dream as the butterflies and birds?

"Yeah. I must have just imagined it."

"Get some rest honey. You've been through a lot."

"Mom wait! My apartment?"

"There was a considerable amount of damage done by the fire. The police are waiting to take a statement from you as to how the fire was started."

"I don't remember anything. It doesn't really matter anyway." I lost all that was important in my life a year ago. A destructive fire just tied it all up in a neat little bow. There's nothing left. My life is just an empty shell, a carcass of what it once was.

"I'm gonna get some rest Mom."

"That's a good idea honey. Rest up. You need your strength."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I don't know why I disappeared back into the shadows. Once we arrived at the ER, I relinquished the hold I had maintained on Scully's hand since the EMT's had loaded her lifeless body into the ambulance.

I hung back in the corridors of the hospital, staying out of the way, but hovering close enough to gain any information that I could. I found out from one of the nurses that she finally awoke and was having a conversation with her mother this afternoon. Now that I know she is out of any immediate danger, I leave the hospital, walking away from the silent, unnoticed vigil I had maintained for the last day and a half.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I lay awake in my bed, thinking of him. I know that he pulled me from that fire. But I hadn't the strength to argue with my mother. I hadn't the strength for much of anything in the past several months and it felt as though my emotions were spiraling downhill. "Depression," the Psychologist at Quantico had called it. Your average run of the mill, garden variety depression. I snuggle into my pillow and wrap my arms around my blankets. A part of me secretly wishes that it is Mulder I am holding so desperately onto. I close my eyes as a single tear slips past my lashes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"The Fire thing was brilliant wasn't it? I mean the drug was untraceable and the timing, well...the timing was just impeccable! " The man comes out of the shadows, lighting up a cigarette.

I stand in front of him and smile. "If you had been off by even a fraction of a second, she would be dead. I hardly call that impeccable timing."

The older man shrugs and turns toward the sky. "Beautiful aren't they? The stars."

I stare at him incredulously. "What the fuck are you talking about? Where is it?"

"Where is what?" The smoking man asks innocently.

"You fucking bastard you KNOW what!!! Where is it? The chip? I have done what you asked....I have stayed away from her, I have nearly gotten her killed in a damn fire...now where is what was promised me?"

The smoking man shakes his head. "Ah ah ah...all in good time Fox....all in good time." With that, he turns and walks back into the shadows, leaving me alone in the starlight.

But there wasn't any time, hadn't that been the point all along? She didn't have anymore time and so I had made a deal with the devil. I had tossed aside the most precious thing to me, in order to save it. I knew that black lunged son of a bitch could kill her with just one touch, and that he would, if I didn't follow along. If I didn't leave The X-Files, if I didn't leave DC. The apartment fire was a warning for me to stay away. I had been ordered out of DC, and I had not complied. So, they had staged the elaborate act of killing Dana Scully in a fireball of fury, simply to frighten me into paying closer attention.

I'm paying attention.

end 2/5

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A MATTER OF TRUST

Part 3 of 5

SUMMARY: "I'm paying Attention" Can you really call up the devil and then expect him to behave? Mulder makes a decision that will change the course of Scully's life as well as his own. And when all is said and done, it comes down to a matter of trust...

Please see part one for disclaimer and notes.

I hate hospitals. I don't mind working in them, but I definitely hate being a patient. I didn't think I'd still be here two weeks after being pulled from a burning building, but then again, nothing ever happens quite like you expect it.

My tumor has metastasized. There's nothing to be done. I don't even care anymore. There's nothing left to live for. Mulder is gone. The quest is over. I have failed.

I draw the crisp sheets up to my chin to ward off the deepening chill that has taken up a permanent residence in my failing body. I know the end is coming as I lay staring listlessly through the scene beyond my window. There was once a time when I felt the need to fight against the injustices in this world. And even though it was not that long ago, the fight feels light years beyond my reach now.

If I could see him just one more time, if I could be afforded just a few scant hours with him...If onlys never get you anywhere. I feel the wet, hot tears fall from my eyes as I wonder why he left only, to come back, only to leave again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I've made up my mind. I've decided that the only way out of this hell that I sold myself into is to put an end to the bastard's life. I've had it with his snide remarks and his glib attitude. He's so sure of himself, thinking he's come out on top, that he finally won. And then I remember for the millionth time why I can't squeeze his neck until I feel the life drain from him. He's has what she needs. And for that one simple reason, he will live.

I want nothing more than to go to her. I know that she is scared, that she is weak. And that these feelings are unfamiliar to her. She is so used to being in control. I catch myself as I begin to walk out my front door, to drive to the hospital. I will only be putting her in more danger. The black lunged bastard made that perfectly clear. I am to stay away as per the original agreement. Well, I just can't sit around waiting any longer. I must do something. I pull the business card from my wallet and dial the number I had vowed never to call.

"Yes." A simple statement. I cannot determine the identity by the simple word spoken.

"I need to speak with him. I need to arrange a meeting." My request is simple. I need to see him. The time has come for him to fulfill his end of the bargain made more than a year ago.

"Stay where you are. He will be there within an hour." The line goes dead, and I wait.

As I wait to confront the epitome of evil, I think back to the day that the devil asked me to dance. It had been an especially difficult time. While I scrambled to unlock as many secrets as I could surrounding the secrets of the X-Files, Scully's cancer had decided to aggressively attack her body. While she and her doctors began radiation treatment to try to reduce the size of the tumor, I was offered a deal to save her life.

It wasn't a difficult decision to make. A cure, and in return, I was to walk away. Walk away from The X-Files, and walk away from Scully. She would be alive and well, but we were to have absolutely no contact with each other. If he, or his minions were to learn that contact had been made, her death would be swift. It's not that I didn't believe the threat, I just couldn't stop myself. Someone had alerted him of my resence and the fire had been started.

25 MINUTES LATER

I rise from the couch as I hear the front door open slowly. He glides in and stands before me dragging in a deep puff from his lit cigarette.

"I thought I had made myself clear Mr. Mulder."

"She's suffering. She's in pain. You promised a cure and all that she has received has been nothing but pain!"

"It will all come to an end soon enough. I have to be sure that you can be trusted. You’ve betrayed me already. You were instructed to stay away and you failed." He inhales deeply from his cigarette, making the end glow a deep red. The color reminds me of hell, we are all in hell.

"Damn you! The X-Files have been closed for a year now. I have been silenced, yet she has not been cured. You've had her in limbo for 12 long months, living on the edge of healthiness. But the threat has always been there, and now she is sick again, lying in another hospital bed, each day growing weaker."

I fight to control my anger, to stop myself from reaching out and striking him down. To kill him now would kill Scully. I am at his mercy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Like a little girl in a princess gown, I cling to the belief that he will come back for me. My knight in shining armor. As the days wear on, my body grows tired and cold. Would he even recognize me if he saw me? My hair has grown thin and my weight has dropped significantly. I feel that I am little more than skin and bone. The nurses are sweet, enticing me to eat something by sneaking in the occasional chili dog. I appreciate their efforts, but I don't see the point of the sustenance really. Why prolong the inevitable? I gaze out the window at the setting sun and imagine myself sitting out there on a cloud, watching the world go by below. How peaceful it seems, up there, way up in the clouds. How utterly peaceful.

It has been nearly a month since my admittance into this hospital and I haven't died yet. Something inside of me pushes me forward, willing me to get up. I yell to the nurse who comes rushing into my room. I am already sitting up on the bed.

"Ms. Scully, you should really lie back down. You don't want to fall out of bed and break your hip, do you?" She hurries around me like a little hen, pulling blankets this way and that.

I smile in appreciation, but wave her away with my hand. "I really am alright Annie. I just need to go for a walk, I need to get some fresh air."

The young nurse smiles sweetly and takes hold of my left arm, helping me out of the bed. "Now you just sit here love, and I will get you a blanket.

I shake my head. "No, I would like to walk." I square my shoulders and stare at her intently.

She seems taken aback, but then nods her head and takes hold of my arm. She begins to take the IV rack when I shake my head. Again, she seems taken aback but eventually snaps on a pair of gloves and slips the needle from my wrist. After securing a "Snoopy" band-aid, she takes my arm again and leads me outdoors into the garden.

The cool breeze washes across my face and I stare out at the beautiful fall colors of the surrounding trees. October is a beautiful month, filled with bright vivid color. I long to have that color back in my own body. My skin has turned a ghostly white, and my hair a darkened auburn. My eyes have shifted from their normal deep blue, to a silvery gray. I instruct the nurse to leave me and several minutes later I find that I am alone in the garden. I smile into the cool air and glance down at my flapping hospital apparel.

"Well here I am, in my princess gown, now where the hell is my knight in shining armor?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I will do whatever you ask, if you will just cure her cancer." I stare angrily at my enemy, wishing with all my heart that I could just put a bullet in his head and be home in time for the Knicks game.

He puts out a half smoked cigarette only to light up a fresh one. "Whatever I ask?" He smiles.

I nod, slipping my freezing hands deep inside of my jacket pockets.

"Well then, that can be arranged." He takes another drag of the cigarette before speaking again.

" I will give you the cure for her cancer, in return for the child."

I stare at him for a moment, not quite grasping the request. "The child? What child?"

"The child that will be created, just as Emily Sim was created. I will need your participation as well as Scully's. Just as I did with Emily." He grins at me now and I feel the anger build in my body to nearly uncontrollable levels.

"Emily is dead, and her mother is now dying in a hospital bed. What possible participation could either one of them give?" I clench my fists.

"I am aware that Emily is dead. And that is the problem. The experiments were not finished and most of the work destroyed. We needed Emily to continue these experiments. This is the deal I am making to you, Agent Mulder, and if you want to save Scully's life, this is how it will be." He pauses, allowing me to take it all in before continuing. I simply nod my head.

"You will provide me with a sperm sample, and I will combine that with one of Scully's ova to create another child like Emily. While the cluster of cells divide, it will be grafted to Alien DNA to create an alien/human hybrid. With this new child, I can continue the experiments that were started on Emily. Our research can then continue, and you can take your pretty partner home from the hospital and know that she is safe and alive and well."

I stare at him, my mouth agape. "Why do you need me to participate with this? There must be hundreds of donor banks out there." I am not ready for his next response.

"Because, Agent Mulder, I need a child like Emily, to continue ahead with the same course of experiments." He drops the cigarette to the ground and stamps it out with the toe of his shoe.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A child like Emily, I shake my head as I lower myself onto the couch. A child like Emily. I feel the tears burn at the back of my eyes. Emily was my child. Mine and Scully's. I stayed away while she was in the hospital because I believed that her mother wanted to be left alone. She had told me so. I came at the end of the funeral to bring tiny white lilies because I believed that I had no place there. But that perhaps there was a place for me in the heart of this tiny child. I was there to comfort my partner as she went through the hardest time of her life and now...to know that little girl was mine just as much as it was hers....the pain crushes me. I had a daughter.

I lean over to the end of the couch and pick up the telephone. I dial the numbers carefully and hold my breath for the response.

"Have you made your decision Agent Mulder?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The doctors tell me that I have made the fastest recovery they have ever seen! I wave to the nurses as my mother drives us off, heading towards my apartment. I still cannot believe it. Four days ago I was on my death bed, and then the next morning...it's like I just woke up. The pain was gone, the nausea, the exhaustion. The doctors had performed scan after scan, test after test. There simply was no more tumor. I was grateful for my life, but I also knew that it must have been with a price. I scratch at the tiny raised area on the back of my neck and smile at my mother.

"I put fresh sheets on your bed this morning. I wasn't able to salvage anything of yours from the apartment. Whatever hadn't been destroyed by the fire had received too much damage from the smoke. So I picked up a couple of things for you - enough for you to get by on until you get enough of your strength back to do some shopping of your own."

"Everything's gone then?" I try hard to think of anything I might have wanted to salvage from my apartment, but nothing comes to mind. Just as well, this is a new life, a new beginning. Time to put everything that belongs in the past behind me and look forward to each new day.

"I'm sorry honey." She pats my hand as she pulls the car into the driveway. I let out the breath I had been holding and prepare myself for the task of moving on.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I pull the back door closed behind me and sit down on the steps, gazing up to the stars twinkling high above my head. I shiver as a crisp autumn breeze blows through the layers of clothing I have bundled around my body to ward off the chill. I can still feel the thinness of my frame through all the fabric. One week of eating my mother's home cooked meals has not been enough to put back on all the weight I had lost during my month long incubation. I jump up suddenly as I hear footfalls coming towards me.

"Don't be frightened. I just had to see you, alone. It's been pretty difficult to find you alone these days."

"Mulder?" I can't believe he's standing before me. I feel my legs go weak and I begin to falter. He's at my side instantly, supporting all of my weight in his embrace.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. I'm so sorry for everything I did, all I said, but there are things you just don't understand, things I'm not sure how to even begin to explain to you."

"Shhhh, Scully. It's okay. You don't need to explain anything. I understand more than you think I do."

"No Mulder. I need for you to understand what happened last year...the things I said to you. I know I hurt you, but you have to believe that it wasn't intentional. I mean it was, but, oh God! It killed me to do what I did. Oh fuck it! I don't care anymore. The syndication can screw themselves. Mulder, I did what I did because I was coerced by the man we both hate. He told me he would kill you if I didn't cooperate. I know that I should have just told you, but I was so scared. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, so I pushed you away."

He steps up to me and brushes the fallen tears from my face. There is such a gentleness in his caress. It is my undoing.

"You're not scared anymore?"

"I've come so close to dying, Mulder, closer than ever before. My cancer nearly destroyed me. I've only just come home from the hospital, and I've learned so much about loss and retribution. But the scariest thing of all, the one thing that makes my blood run cold still, is knowing if I were to go back in time, knowing then what I know now, I think...no, I know that I would do it all the same way again. I would do anything for your survival and safety. I know that makes me a coward because I couldn't or wouldn't stand against him, but I couldn't bear the thought of your life ending at his hands."

Mulder takes me into his warm embrace. We stand under the forgiveness of the stars and let the innocence of the moon hold us in its effervescent glow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Standing here holding the most important person in my life, I question how I could have been such a fool to play God with her feelings and emotions yet again. How am I going to explain my latest transgression against her soul? I will the words to come to me, but am rendered speechless, so I crawl back into the hole I had so briefly emerged from and hide once again. I bask in the knowledge that she is alive. Alive! I can feel her heart pulse beneath my fingers. She is my sustenance. She is holy and pure. I do not deserve the comfort of her presence, yet I cannot tear myself from the shelter of her arms. I feel her begin to pull away and nearly cry out against the pain I feel at losing her warmth.

"I have to go to the clinic tomorrow for a follow-up. I would appreciate it if you would come with me."

"I'll even hold your hand."

She tilts her head up so that I can see her soul in the depth of her eyes. She smiles so big and bright that I am nearly baptized by the magnitude of love shining brightly, but of course my soul is too tainted to receive such a cleansing ritual.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I sit upon the examining table clad in a wispy hospital gown. I have been waiting for twenty minutes to see the doctor. A nurse I have never met before steps into the sterile room and closes the door behind her.

"The doctor will be delayed a bit longer than he expected and asked me to administer a shot of a concentrated vitamins. They'll aid in the restoration of electrolytes you lost during your emaciation."

I feel the prick of the needle and look frantically to Mulder as my world begins to spin. I feel him at my side as the room goes black. As the drugs render me immobile, I hear Mulder whisper in my ear. "I'm so sorry - please forgive me. I was just as weak as you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Has she been prepped for the procedure?"

"Everything is ready Doctor."

The nurse turns to me and tells me it is time for me to step from the room.

"I don't understand. What are you doing? He eggs have already been taken. What's going on?"

"We're about to proceed with the In-Vitro."

"No! This was not part of the deal. She was to never know of this!"

"I'm doing as I was instructed. Agent Scully will be impregnated with her own eggs. She will carry the baby to term at which time the experiments that were abruptly halted may resume once again."

"I won't leave her. I'm staying right here." I pray to a God that Scully trusts with her soul that they don't realize the truth in my eyes. I have a plan of my own that must make it to fruition. It is risky and could be the end of both our lives, but I just couldn't let the bastard win. I give one more silent plea as the doctor prepares the syringe.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Congratulations Miss Scully. The procedure was successful."

The fuzziness begins to fade and I take in my surroundings. I'm lying in another hospital bed. I try to sit up, but I feel arms restraining against my efforts.

"It's best to lay flat after an In-Vitro fertilization."

"In-Vitro? What are you talking about?"

"I know that it's sometimes confusing coming off the anesthesia, just rest and you'll feel better when you awake completely."

"No, I don't understand. What In-Vitro? I was here to receive a dose of vitamins, not to get pregnant. Where's Mulder? Where's my mother? I want to see the doctor. I want someone to explain what the hell is going on here!"

"Calm down, Miss Scully. You don't want to get upset. There's no reason to be frightened. We’ve implanted five of your eggs that were fertilized with your husbands' sperm. The procedure was successful and we'll know if you're pregnant within two weeks."

"I don't have a husband. And what do you mean my eggs? Will you please tell me exactly what is going on here?"

"Your husband, Mr. Mulder, should be back shortly. He was very anxious throughout the procedure, but he was a trooper."

I feel the tears sting behind my eyes, and I blink furiously to keep them at bay. I cannot remember ever being so frightened, alone and confused in my life. I suddenly wonder if this is all just some sick joke, or maybe I'm dreaming it all. Yes, that's a more plausible explanation. I mean, Mulder is not my husband - of that, I am sure. So I'll just close my eyes, and when I wake up, everything will be as it should.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I pace outside her hospital door, terrified to enter. She knows now what I have done, the doctors have told her of her pregnancy, they have confirmed the events of two weeks ago. I can see her through the window of her door, clenching her fists. She is probably imagining the horrible things she will say to me when she sees me. I take a deep breath and gently pull open the door.

end 3/5

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A MATTER OF TRUST

Part 4 of 5

SUMMARY: The plot thickens, in an effort to save Scully's life, Mulder has made a deal. And when all is said and done...it comes down to A Matter of Trust.

Please see part one for disclaimer and notes.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" The venom drips from her words.

I take a step back, unprepared for such an outburst. Her eyes are glowing and her fists are clenched.

"Can you not understand plain English? I said get the fuck out!"

"Scully..."

She has gotten out of the bed and is now coming towards me. I back into the wall as she slaps my face. I block her other hand by grabbing her wrist.

"You Son of a Bitch! Who the fuck do you think you are? I'm pregnant? God damnit Mulder! You should have told me the truth, you fucking coward! Instead you drug me and have me inseminated. A medical rapist is what you are...you sorry son of a bitch!"

I admit, I had NOT expected that. I lower my head unsure of what to say next. She is beyond the bounds of angry. She is borderline psychotic.

"Scully...I did what I had to do in order to save you."

"Save your own goddamn self Mulder, I have had enough of your saving. It was your saving that killed my sister and my daughter, and it was your saving that nearly killed me. And now because of your saving grace I'm carrying an alien in my womb! Take it somewhere else Mulder, I'm through."

"How do you know about the baby being alien? How did you find out?" The words quiver as they whisper past my lips.

"Your newest buddy paid me a visit. He just had to see the look on my face as his secret was revealed to me first hand. He was so smooth as he told me that the choice had been yours. Imagine my surprise when I learned just how you had betrayed me."

"So it's okay for you to betray me, and even if my reasons were just as mighty as yours, they're wrong?"

"I never traded the soul of an innocent life. I never bargained with something that didn't even exist. You crossed the line Mulder."

"You were dying."

"Get out."

I catch myself as I start to tell her my secret. But I stop before letting her know the truth. It is still too early to risk giving in to the urge to let her know. If my plan doesn't work, then I could just be giving her false hope. I have to be sure that everything went as planned. This is the most crucial act I have ever performed. So much depends upon the outcome of the script, for the last page has not yet been written.

"No, Scully please..."

"I never want to see you again. The sight of you disgusts me. What am I supposed to do with this cursed blessing? Just how did you think this would make me feel? ’Oh poor Scully will never know the feeling of being pregnant and giving birth. Let me give her the chance, only let me make it so that she can never fully enjoy the experience. Let me make a deal with a monster so that the child she carries is nothing short of a monster. Just a lab rat to be used and then tossed aside when no longer needed. Is that what I’ve become in your eyes Mulder?"

"That's not how it was at all. There are things you don't know. Things you don't understand."

"You're right. I'll never understand this, how you could have used me like this. You took my emotions and you twisted them to your own advantage regardless of my feelings. I have never felt so used. I never would have thought that you would think so little of me as to do something this evil Mulder."

"It's not like that Scully. Really. You're not seeing the whole picture. If you'll just be patient, I promise you everything will make sense in the end."

"There is nothing to be patient about. Not like I owe you the respect of telling you this, but I scheduled an appointment for an abortion next week. This pregnancy will never materialize. I won't let it. I refuse to be a part of the game you insisted upon me playing. I lay my piece down. I give up."

"You can't do that Scully." I frantically plead for her understanding. I'm not ready to turn over my trump card. If the wrong people were to find out, it could mean the end of everything. I had risked it all - and I still wasn't sure if my gamble had worked. There's no way to know until the first test.

"The hell I can't. Just watch me. Would you like to be present for that procedure too? Oh what am I saying? There's no telling what will happen to me while you're watching my back."

"Scully, just listen to me. You have to wait. You have to trust me on this. So much depends on time. You just have to give it time."

"Trust you? Why should I trust you Mulder? Because your actions have been so honorable lately?"

"Please Scully. I beg you with all that is in me. Please believe me when I tell you that I would never do what you have been led to believe. I would never agree to such a monstrous act. You must know this."

"Stop talking in riddles and tell me damnit! Tell me why I should believe you."

Oh God! This is it. Fight or flight. What's it gonna be big boy?

"You ready?" I ask her, even though I'm just stalling for time trying to prepare myself.

"I've got no where to go."

"When we found everything out last year, about your cancer and the harvesting of your eggs, I didn't tell you everything."

"In light of all that's happened recently - that doesn't surprise me."

"I had found a drawer full of vials that contained your ovum. In fact, that's most likely the supply they tapped into to perform their latest act of treachery. Anyway, I took one of the vials and had the Gunmen store it at a cryolab until such a time that you would be able to decide what you wanted done with it. I had figured that in the end, you would still have a choice as to whether or not you would want to be a mother." I look up to face her for the first time since I've started my narrative. Her anger has turned to shock and I can see the tears she's fighting to keep from falling.

"You never told me."

"I didn't know how. I just figured the opportunity would present itself and that would be the end of that. I was in no way prepared to make the decision I was forced to make. I wanted to discuss it with you Scully! You have to believe that. I never would have taken it upon myself to make such an important decision that would affect us in such a big way, but there was no time."

"What Mulder? What is it?" She asks the question, but I can see that she has already put all the pieces together and has come up with the answer to her own question. The game suddenly has the potential for a different outcome. The rules have changed. The players are in a different position, ready to score the winning goal.

"When I was told that in order to save your life from the cancer eating away at your brain, I would have to agree to aid in the creation of a child. They wanted to graft the DNA of an alien with the embryo of a child created in a petri dish with your egg and my sperm."

"I know all of this Mulder. Are you telling me this isn't what happened?" Her eyes are pleading with me to tell her that the truth she had been led to believe wasn't true.

I take a deep breath and lay all my cards on the table. "I couldn't bear the thought of seeing another Emily brought into this world. I had the guys contact the lab and tell the doctors that Mr. and Mrs. Scully were ready to fertilize the eggs we had been storing there. I went in and gave them what they needed. They fertilized five of your eggs with my sperm. The next part was the trickiest of all. The guys somehow posed as orderlies at the clinic. I have no idea how they pulled it off in such a short amount of time, but this is Frohike we're talking about. They switched the eggs we had fertilized with the batch Cancerman had concocted. So, as long as no one found out, and did a switch on us, you're actually pregnant with our child. Nothing sinister. Nothing corrupt. I know it was presumptuous of me to inseminate your eggs with my sperm, but I was at a loss as to what do under such a time crunch."

I look at Scully to see the tears falling fast and furious from her eyes. My heart drops into my stomach. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you. You trusted me implicitly and I destroyed that trust. I know that. I'll completely understand if you want to walk away from me and never see me again. I just had to make sure you understood all that has happened. You had to know all the facts, especially when you started talking about an abortion."

"Well, to say that I'm a bit shocked would be an understatement. My life has been one big upheaval for a very long time now. And I must admit that this is not the way I would have wanted to go about getting pregnant. Are there any of my eggs left inthat vial you stole from the cryolab?"

"There's five more. I refused to use them all. I had to leave you with a little something."

"So how do we keep Cancerman from finding out about the switch? I'm sure he has all sorts of tests lined up for the duration of the pregnancy and then beyond. How do we keep our baby safe, Mulder?"

"You want to keep it then?" I feel my heart begin to soar with the promise of being given the privilege to be the father of Scully's baby.

"Well, it'll be hard to explain all the dynamics to my mother, but I guess this is the way it was meant to happen. I would have appreciated some flowers and maybe a dinner date or two before you went and got me knocked up."

"Scully, I..."

"I'm not going to lie to you Mulder. I've always hoped that something would eventually develop between the two of us, so even though I am surprised to find out I'm going to be a mother, I'm much happier knowing you are the father and it's not some cruel experiment set in motion to try to save the world from domination of an alien race. And don't think you're free and clear yet. I'm still pissed and hurt and disappointed and a few other adjectives at you for agreeing to such a crazy scheme to begin with."

"Let's go back and talk about the part you had always hoped something would develop between the two of us." He grins at me in that suggestive way of his.

"There are other, more pressing issues we need to discuss."

"Leave it to the scientist to bring everything back to earth. Cancerman, eh? Let's just run away and pretend he doesn't exist."

"Running away won't solve anything. He'd find us before we'd be able to leave the city."

"Well Scully, do you have any suggestions?"

"We could always kill him."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And that is how it began, the scheme of having the black lunged son of a bitch exterminated. I had kept regular meetings with him, telling him of Scully's progress, of the child's health. Frohike was able to synthesize DNA from the alien zygote so that I could bring in blood work to prove the child she carried was indeed a hybrid. It was quite simple, a dash of her blood, a dash of the alien blood, it mixed well and showed up as the child's. That son of a bitch truly believed she was carrying the hybrid. The weeks flew by and turned into months. Summer came with steaming force. The temperatures in DC soared well into the 90's. Scully was just a week away from her due date and I was very nervous. The last meeting I had with the smoking man had been a chilling one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"We will take the child upon its birth. She will be drugged...you will tell her the baby was stillborn, the death certificate will read as such. She will mourn for the child and move on. In the meantime, the infant will be transported to an installation where the experiments can continue. After this, Agent Mulder, you will never have to hear of me again. Stay away from the FBI, convince her to leave as well. Buy ourselves a house in the country, and forget your quest for the truth. If you follow these stipulations, I will stay away from your lives. You can have more children..."

I had looked at him as though he were from Mars, until he placed something in my hand. "This..." He began, puffing away at another cigarette, "Is the last remaining vial. They are good and fertile. Give it several months before trying to conceive to allow her body to heal from delivery. It should ease the pain of losing this one."

He put out his cigarette and was gone, as swiftly as he came...back into the shadows.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I shake my head at the memory and knock on Scully's apartment door. She answers it with a grin, her hair pulled back into a short pony tail...her face looking girlish and natural. She has on a pair of green drawstring pants along with a v-necked white t-shirt...her belly protruding from underneath the fabric. I place my hand on her swollen belly and lean in to kiss her. She smells of lilac and violets, and her skin brushes ever so smoothly across my own. I feel a sudden rush to my head as the realization hits me full force. I love this woman. She is my life's blood, my air. She fills my heart, making me whole. Without her, I am just a man. I feel my child kick under her hard stomach. Life pulses through her every pore. I cannot remember ever being this happy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I awake in the middle of the night as a sharp pain spreads through my back. I breathe through it, counting the seconds and blinking my alarm clock into view. When it comes again a few minutes later I stand and make my way into the bathroom. I sit down to pee and when I stand up again, I catch a glimpse of glistening pink lacing my panties. My cervix has thinned...I am in labor. I waddle back towards the bed to wake Mulder when I feel the sudden burst. Liquid streams down my legs, pooling into a warm puddle.

"Shit." I switch on the bedside lamp and Mulder bursts out of the bed.

"I'mreadyScullyI'mready...you ok?" He blinks rapidly and rubs at his eyes.

"I'm fine Mulder, but my water just broke so we had better hurry." I look at his eyes and he nods. Several minutes later he is on the phone with Byers while I get onto my hands and knees on the floor. The pains tear through me and I find it hard to keep control. I feel Mulder's hand on my back and I raise myself up. It is time to save this baby.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I drive like a maniac to the hospital, praying to God that Byers will make it on time. As I pull into the parking lot, I hear Scully moan from the seat next to me. She is in heavy labor.

"Shit Scully, I thought we would have more time than this."

She shakes her head at me, rolling her eyes. "No time Mulder, this baby is not gonna wait."

Byers meets us on the labor and delivery floor, shaking his head. I glance up and down the hallways...but the smoking man is nowhere to be found.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Push, Dana push...Good now count with me 1...2.....3....push!"

I can hear the doctor chant the same word over and over. She counts numbers that are incomprehensible to me for the time being. But Mulder is here, holding my hand, rubbing cool cloths across my forehead. I sit up and grab my knees as the doctor chants again.

"Push, Dana…Good girl good girl...keep pushing....baby is crowning..."

I cry out, the pain tearing through my fragile body. Tears stream down my face. I grip onto Mulder's hand and breathe in and out, forcing myself to stay conscious. He whispers lovingly in my ear. After another several failed attempts at pushing, he crawls up onto the bed behind me, laying me back against him. He holds onto my knees with me and kisses my ear as the doctor orders me again.

"All right Dana, now push...push hard....hard...bear down...."

I can hear his voice ringing through my ears. "Come on Scully, you can do it...I know you can. "

The fear builds within me as I realize I am about to bring a child into the world. It isn't the sort of normal fear a mother experiences before becoming a new parent, but rather a carnal fear. I fear for the life of my baby. He is here somewhere, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the chance to spring forth and devour my young. I feel Mulder's hand on my shoulder once more and I concentrate on breathing and using every last ounce of energy left to push my child into the world.

"5....6.....7.....8....harder Dana harder....9...10.....all right don't push...don't push just lie back a moment..."

I can feel the doctor roll the baby’s head to the side as she guides it out. I know she is suctioning out the baby's airways so that it can breathe once birthed. I lay back against Mulder, the sweat beading on my brow and sending a shiver down my spine.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I stare in complete and utter awe of the scene before me. I watch amazed, as my tiny child opens its eyes and blinks. It is still mostly inside Scully, but those eyes are open and ready. She grips my hand, moaning and I support her weight against my own. I whisper gently to her and watch as she takes a deep breath and bears down, the doctor easing the baby out with her gloved hands. Several moments later, a lusty cry fills the room and tears come to my eyes as the doctor speaks.

"It's a boy....a beautiful healthy baby boy." She grins emphatically as she hands me my son. I cradle him carefully in my arms and gaze into his newborn face. He is perfection. A marvelous blend of Scully and myself. The realization hits me again. I am a father, not only of a precious baby, but of Scully's baby. I let the tears glide down my cheeks as I hand him to one of the nurses to be cleaned and checked.

I am a father.

end 4/5

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A MATTER OF TRUST

Part 5 of 5

SUMMARY: A beautiful baby boy has suddenly become a target, and Scully faces a difficult decision. Can she let this man get away with all he has done to her? Mulder finds true meaning in his relationship with both Scully and his newborn son. And after all this time, it comes down to A Matter of Trust. It always has.

Please see part one for disclaimer and notes.

I can't stop grinning at him. I just can't! He is definitely his father's son. I stroke his baby cheek as he suckles at my breast. It seems as if he has been at the breast all day. Yes, definitely Mulder's child. I smile in spite of myself. My little Sebastian. I cannot remember ever feeling so happy and complete. I gently slide my pinky finger into my newborn's mouth to break the vacuum suction from my nipple before burping him and lying him beside me in the hospital bed. I am about to drift off to sleep when an incredible feeling of fear comes over me. Someone is in my room.

Fear grips my heart as the terrible realization dawns on me. He has come for my son. I lift my tiny child, cradling him to my chest in a feral attempt to protect him. The dark man approaches, the smoke filling my senses.

"He is quite beautiful isn't he? I must congratulate you Dana...you have a beautiful son. But all good things must inevitably come to an end." He grins at me and runs a hand over my child's forehead.

The thought runs through my brain over and over. He has come for my child, my precious baby. My eyes dart around the room, desperately searching for Mulder. The smoking man smiles at me, almost as if he knows I am hoping my partner will come charging to the rescue once again. He revels in this thought. I know him too well.

I scramble for the nurse's button and open my mouth to scream when another hand comes out of nowhere, effectively covering my mouth. I cry out as the man stabs my arm with the syringe and tears roll down my face as I feel my child ripped from my arms. My heart breaks as I hear his tiny cry before succumbing to the darkness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Where are you going with my son?" I raise my gun to the bastard holding my day old newborn.

He looks at me incredulously. "We had a deal, Agent Mulder, or have you forgotten that?" He turns to walk down the hallway, one of his loyal subjects by his side.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me the first time?" I click off the safety and watch him slowly turn.

"What are you doing, Agent Mulder?" He lights up another cigarette as he holds my squalling son.

My stomach knots as I watch my defenseless child cry for his mother. "I am doing what I should have done a long time ago you son of a bitch."

"Choose your actions carefully, Agent. Weigh all of your options. You wouldn't want anything to happen to Jr. here, would you?" He laughs before turning on one heel and continuing down the sterile hallway.

"Give me my son you scum sucking bastard."

"You knew this would be the outcome. We had an agreement. You must comply with the rules." His voice is uncompromising, as he yells over his shoulder.

"The rules have changed."

He turns again to face me, venom dripping from his every word. "I believe you are mistaken. I'm taking this child to complete the tests that were abruptly aborted. You will not stop me. You and Miss Scully will leave this area. You will go someplace where no one knows you, start a new life. I will find you and send you her remaining eggs with which the two of you will be able to start a family of your own."

"This is my family. I will not let you take him." I can hear the fear in my voice as it shakes and I curse myself for letting him see my weakness.

"You don't have a choice." And with a nod of his head, someone grabs me from behind and keeps me from lunging after the monster as he walks out of the hospital carrying my newborn son in his arms.

I yell after him, as I yelled for another who was taken from me so many years ago.

"Sebastian! Sebastian!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I have not stopped crying for a week. It has been seven days since my world came to an end. How stupid of me to think that for once, everything in my life was going to work out, that I might actually get a piece of the idyllic life. Yeah, the car slowed down, but then I was unceremoniously kicked out. Mulder walks into the room and I try to hide my red, swollen eyes from his watchful gaze. I hate for him to see me so unguarded, but I can't help it. When I see the pain in his eyes, the tears spill over once again.

"What are they doing to him Mulder? Is he cold right now? Is he hungry? He doesn't have his blanket, or his pacifier. Mulder, what If when we get him back, he doesn't remember me? "

" Impossible Scully. Did you know that a baby never forgets their mother's voice? She can be gone for years of his life, but he will never forget her voice."

He wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my neck.

I nuzzle in closer to him. "I just need my baby back."

"We'll get Sebastian back, Scully. I have the guys working around the clock trying to find him, and you know Frohike. He won't stop until he's found him. He was so touched that we had chosen him to be Sebastian's Godfather, that even though he hasn't taken the vows yet, he's taken his role to heart. We will find him. I won't rest until we do."

"We have to find him Mulder. There is no other option." I stare out the window for a moment, watching the last rays of sunlight fade from the evening sky.

Mulder takes me into his arms, and holds me tightly against him as the sobs wrack my body. I don't usually let myself be comforted like this, but I need to feel the closeness. All of the feelings between Mulder and myself are still so new. Yes, we are parents, but we have yet to be lovers. The pregnancy had been hard on my body, and we had wanted to take things slowly - enjoy the newness of all the feelings. I love this man. I guess I always have.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Your suspicions have been confirmed. The child is not what you had been led to believe."

The doctor stands before a table that has been backlit with a fluorescent light. I don't know how he did it, but Fox Mulder has played me for a fool. He had me believing that it was my plan being executed, but he had pulled the wool over my eyes from the beginning. I suck in the rest of the cigarette before nervously pulling another from my jacket pocket. With this news, I was ready to chain smoke my way to hell.

"How would you like to proceed?"

I stare at him incredulously "Proceed? There is nothing to proceed with you imbecile! The child is useless to us."

The younger man shrugs his square shoulders. "We could use him as a bargaining tool."

"Yes, but to bargain for what you fool? It's over. All of our plans have been destroyed." Colonization will begin, there is nothing to stop it now.

"So then what would you like me to do with the child?"

I don't answer him as I walk from the room. I don't have any answers. For the first time I am afraid of the future. There is nothing left to negotiate with. We will be at the mercy of the colonists when they make their move. Mulder and Scully may have gained a child, but they have lost their future.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I have never seen Scully so determined. Frohike called twenty minutes ago with an address, and I had to stop her from running out of the apartment half dressed. She looks exhausted, and I want to tell her to stay home while I go to pick our son up. I know the argument will be useless. There is no way I can keep her from going with me.

"Are you ready?" The question is pointless. She has been waiting for me to finish packing the diaper bag with all the essentials I think Sebastian may need before we make it home again.

"Let's go get our baby, Mulder." She smiles that beautiful smile of hers, and for the first time in 7 days, my heart swells with the promise of hope.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I look straight ahead of me. It has been seven long days since I've held my child against my breast. All I can think is that if the bastard harmed one hair on his head - I will kill him. I'm tired of the monster fucking with all of my loved ones. It ends now.

I feel the car slow down and I swing my door open before it comes to a complete stop. I hurry up to the door not wasting the time to wait for Mulder. His legs are longer...he can catch up.

It doesn't take him long. He's at my side before I reach the first step that leads to the front door. The door is the only object that stands between my baby and myself. I look up to Mulder and he nods his head in understanding. I stand back as he kicks the door in. I run into the house and try to discern where the startled cry of my son is coming from. I begin walking towards the back of the house, feeling Mulder's presence along my back. We step into the living room and notice the lone figure sitting on the couch, sucking on another one of his disgusting cigarettes. He looks almost tired.

"I expected you sooner." He says between drags from the stick of tobacco.

"Where is my son, you sick son of a bitch?" I demand through clenched teeth. I take deep breaths to steady the erratic beating of my heart. I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch.

"He's safe, Dana. No need to worry. The child wanted for nothing while here." He motions me towards the closed door to his right.

I hurry past him, throw open the door and frantically scan the room. There in a cradle near the window, lays a tiny bundle. My heart skips a beat as I slowly walk to the edge and peer in. My newborn son is sleeping peacefully, his baby hand resting against his smooth cheek. I weep for joy as I gaze at him. My sweet, perfect baby. I sweep him up in my arms, breathing in the scent that only babies carry. My heart swells as I clutch him close to my body. Mulder walks into the room and gathers us both into a tight embrace. We are a family once again. Finally, I feel whole. Mulder places a tender kiss upon my head as I reluctantly hand his son to him so that he too may enjoy the fact that our child is alive and well.

I take this moment to slip from the room. I step through the doorway and walk over to stand before the son of a bitch who took my life from me. I address the one man that has constantly and consistently made my life hell on earth.

"You bastard."

"I was only doing what was right, Agent Scully." He puts out his cigarette only to light up another. Just the look on his face angers me to the brink of insanity.

"...What was right? What do you know about right? You killed my sister, you kidnapped me and stole my children, you abducted my son, you sick fuck! Don't you dare sit there and presume to tell me what is right!" I pull the gun from my waistband and take direct aim on the devil himself.

He laughs. "You won't do it, Agent Scully. Mulder has pointed a gun in my face more times than I can count, and even he failed to have the courage."

I grin at him, stifling a laugh. " Courage or not, it won't save your sorry ass." I look evil in the eye for the last time before pulling the trigger.

"Burn in hell." My voice sounds dead even to my own ears.

Mulder comes running from the bedroom with his gun drawn and ready to fire. When he sees me standing in front of a dead man, he drops his hands to his side.

"It's over, Mulder. Go get Sebastian and let's go home." He stands there silently for a moment, then turns to retrieve the precious life we came for. I know there will be questions to be answered, but I don't care. After we're done with our reports, everyone will see that I had no choice but to protect the world from the insanity of a monstrous kidnapper.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

ONE YEAR LATER

"Happy Birthday, dear Sebatian, Happy Birthday to you!" I laugh as my toddling son puts his hand through the middle of his first birthday cake. Mulder catches him up in his arms and puts the offending hand in his mouth to clean it of the chocolate cake before I end up with brown handprints along the walls.

"Momma!" I look over to see the two men I love more than life itself looking at me. Sebastian has decided to serve me a piece of the cake by grabbing a handful and shoving it in my face. Mulder lets out a loud appreciative laugh. I try to throw them a stern look, but I am just too happy. I have everything I could have ever wanted staring at me with huge chocolate covered grins. I walk closer and wrap them both in my arms.

"Love you."

He smiles at me and snakes an arm around my waist. He leans closer to my ear before whispering, "Do you trust me Scully?"

I turn to stare at him, I can see the mischievous thoughts that are running through his beautiful mind.

"Of course I trust you."

He is grinning at me from ear to ear now. "Are you ready to see if maybe we can get a girl out of those other eggs?"

I pull him to me, resting my head on his chest. The three of us stand there, holding each other in silent prayer. For the first time in a long time, life is good.

END

all of my fanfic can be found at:
http://www.oocities.org/rachellee7/fanfic.html

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